A few days back, a friend and I were chatting on why some people chose to hide their status and still go fooling around, as we for sure would never do that. If we love someone, we love the person whole-heartedly and remain faithful to just him and him alone. Nevertheless, this got me thinking : if someone hides the true status and have a girl / boyfriend outside, who is at fault? The person who hid the status, or the innocent third party? Is this then what is considered as "forbidden love"?
So what is forbidden love? Essentially, it means loving someone you are not supposed to love. Just like Romeo and Juliet, they fell in love despite their families’ feud, culminating in disaster. But Shakespeare, like any other authors of love stories which I am so crazy about, had to make the story disastrous in order to draw an audience appeal. In real life, especially the modern practical society, is there still such a thing as forbidden love?
There are so many cases where people who are already in a relationship or married, yet still fool around outside. Nowadays many have no qualms doing something like that. What kind of forbidden love is that if people are so liberal nowadays? In the olden days, these kind of adultery were criminal acts and the couple would be stoned to death. Now, it all warrants a divorce, but if the couple choose not to divorce, these people can just get away living their lives like that.
With society being the way it is now, it is no surprise there are some who divorced and find someone else. Nothing wrong with that. No one ever said a divorcee can never have a new life, even with kids. But morally and ethically speaking, the responsible and right way is to ensure the divorce is thoroughly over and there is no more baggage before embarking on a new relationship. Being stuck in a halfway situation is not being fair to the other party as well as yourself, and all other parties involved. Or worse, pretending to be divorced when in fact the marriage is still in tact and all one wants is a fling or some satisfaction outside.
Some may argue that if they are trapped in a loveless marriage, why can they not find satisfaction outside? The thing is, there are so many couples around. Are you saying you are the only one in a loveless marriage? And what does one mean by a loveless marriage anyway? Because the couple cannot see eye to eye? Then why did you marry each other in the first place? Perhaps you married each other when both were in love and all were good, but after marriage, does it mean one should then take for granted and not keep the love alive?
Which couple do not have problems? Even the most loving couple will have their difficult moments. A relationship is not maintained by being self-centred and having one’s way all the time, but lots of compromise, accommodation and tolerance, not to mention consideration and respect to the partner. So does it mean to say just because you think your partner no longer loves you, it gives you every right to fool around and find new love outside?
If one really craves for love and cannot stand being with the partner anymore, then why not divorce and start anew, instead of holding on? The thing is if one chose the easy way out by divorcing, that is all fine and dandy. But if they chose not to divorce, then as husband and wife, is it not their responsibility to make things work out again despite the difficulties along the way?
Everything need work, relationship, marriage, all need work. It needs two hands to clap. I know it too well, if one party is the one doing so much and the other party is so indifferent, everything will crumble sooner or later. But it does not give anyone the right to go with someone else while still in the marriage just because one wants to find love outside, by hiding one’s status or lying the way through.
Some may argue that one does not need to declare one's status to anyone and everyone, as long as one knows it and related parties know it. True, one does not need to declare one’s status to the whole world. There are some people who prefer to lie low. Nothing wrong with that. But if one is no longer single and available, then for goodness sake do not mislead others by giving all the wrong signals. Worse thing is when the person starts liking you, and you make it seem like you are so eager to be with the person, yet all the while not letting on about your true status.
This is being so irresponsible, not to mention disrespectful to the partner and the innocent third party. Imagine how the innocent third party will feel when he / she finds out, and how the partner will feel. And if the innocent third party chooses to leave, it does not mean he / she does not love the person enough; rather it just means he / she wants to take the responsible way out by not being in a sticky situation or breaking up the family.
I am not saying that once a person is attached or married, he / she cannot have friends of the opposite gender. Even being attached or married, it is nothing wrong meeting up with friends or making new friends of both genders, or even going out with friends. Granted, couples can have separate friends too. They do not need to do everything together or stick to each other all the time.
But the line has to be drawn between just mere hanging out with each other and actually behaving so chummy with each other. Like when the attached girl knows her male friend is interested in her and making advances on her, should she respond the same way? Same goes for the attached guy. The line has to be drawn between just casually meeting a female friend for a drink or meal, and going all out to woo her and get her interested. It is already wrong if an attached person starts dating someone else behind the partner’s back, let alone a married person having an affair outside.
In situations like these, it is understandable why some people are so possessive. For instance, when I was younger, I would have friends telling me they could not stand their boyfriends always checking on their whereabouts, demanding to know who they were going out with, what they were doing. My ex was somewhat like that too, and I used to get really irritated. But when he joined the airline, I became somewhat like that too. It is normal, as if you really treasure the person, some form of jealousy will suffice.
Nobody ever said a relationship is always smooth-sailing. Much as one does not like the partner to check on you all the time, I guess one must also communicate and set the partner’s mind at ease, instead of being so defensive. Being defensive only serves to tell others you have something to hide, even if you do not. Afterall, if you really have nothing to hide, why get so worked up? Although trust and respect are some fundamental aspects to any relationship, the trust and respect should also be earned and continued being nurtured instead of being taken for granted. Is it so hard to just communicate or talk things through if one can set the partner’s mind at ease?
But the discipline has to come from oneself. If one is to hide a relationship and gives the impression that one is single, then there is some cause for worry. Afterall, if you are in a relationship or married, why not declare? It is no secret I am single, but then if I am with someone, I will declare. Once I made my choice, I will stop dating other people, because how can I still be looking around if I am already in a relationship?
I guess it all boils down to the moral and ethical values of people. If the person is of good integrity, he / she will know once attached or married, this is the person he / she is going to be with, no one else stands a chance, and the commitment has to be there to see things through. If one is a jerk, then he / she will have no qualms having affairs after affairs. Although this situation is not uncommon nowadays, still, I prefer the traditional way. That is still the safest. I do not wish to court any trouble by indulging in complicated affairs. Life and maintaining one relationship is difficult and complicating enough already.
So what is forbidden love? Essentially, it means loving someone you are not supposed to love. Just like Romeo and Juliet, they fell in love despite their families’ feud, culminating in disaster. But Shakespeare, like any other authors of love stories which I am so crazy about, had to make the story disastrous in order to draw an audience appeal. In real life, especially the modern practical society, is there still such a thing as forbidden love?
There are so many cases where people who are already in a relationship or married, yet still fool around outside. Nowadays many have no qualms doing something like that. What kind of forbidden love is that if people are so liberal nowadays? In the olden days, these kind of adultery were criminal acts and the couple would be stoned to death. Now, it all warrants a divorce, but if the couple choose not to divorce, these people can just get away living their lives like that.
With society being the way it is now, it is no surprise there are some who divorced and find someone else. Nothing wrong with that. No one ever said a divorcee can never have a new life, even with kids. But morally and ethically speaking, the responsible and right way is to ensure the divorce is thoroughly over and there is no more baggage before embarking on a new relationship. Being stuck in a halfway situation is not being fair to the other party as well as yourself, and all other parties involved. Or worse, pretending to be divorced when in fact the marriage is still in tact and all one wants is a fling or some satisfaction outside.
Some may argue that if they are trapped in a loveless marriage, why can they not find satisfaction outside? The thing is, there are so many couples around. Are you saying you are the only one in a loveless marriage? And what does one mean by a loveless marriage anyway? Because the couple cannot see eye to eye? Then why did you marry each other in the first place? Perhaps you married each other when both were in love and all were good, but after marriage, does it mean one should then take for granted and not keep the love alive?
Which couple do not have problems? Even the most loving couple will have their difficult moments. A relationship is not maintained by being self-centred and having one’s way all the time, but lots of compromise, accommodation and tolerance, not to mention consideration and respect to the partner. So does it mean to say just because you think your partner no longer loves you, it gives you every right to fool around and find new love outside?
If one really craves for love and cannot stand being with the partner anymore, then why not divorce and start anew, instead of holding on? The thing is if one chose the easy way out by divorcing, that is all fine and dandy. But if they chose not to divorce, then as husband and wife, is it not their responsibility to make things work out again despite the difficulties along the way?
Everything need work, relationship, marriage, all need work. It needs two hands to clap. I know it too well, if one party is the one doing so much and the other party is so indifferent, everything will crumble sooner or later. But it does not give anyone the right to go with someone else while still in the marriage just because one wants to find love outside, by hiding one’s status or lying the way through.
Some may argue that one does not need to declare one's status to anyone and everyone, as long as one knows it and related parties know it. True, one does not need to declare one’s status to the whole world. There are some people who prefer to lie low. Nothing wrong with that. But if one is no longer single and available, then for goodness sake do not mislead others by giving all the wrong signals. Worse thing is when the person starts liking you, and you make it seem like you are so eager to be with the person, yet all the while not letting on about your true status.
This is being so irresponsible, not to mention disrespectful to the partner and the innocent third party. Imagine how the innocent third party will feel when he / she finds out, and how the partner will feel. And if the innocent third party chooses to leave, it does not mean he / she does not love the person enough; rather it just means he / she wants to take the responsible way out by not being in a sticky situation or breaking up the family.
I am not saying that once a person is attached or married, he / she cannot have friends of the opposite gender. Even being attached or married, it is nothing wrong meeting up with friends or making new friends of both genders, or even going out with friends. Granted, couples can have separate friends too. They do not need to do everything together or stick to each other all the time.
But the line has to be drawn between just mere hanging out with each other and actually behaving so chummy with each other. Like when the attached girl knows her male friend is interested in her and making advances on her, should she respond the same way? Same goes for the attached guy. The line has to be drawn between just casually meeting a female friend for a drink or meal, and going all out to woo her and get her interested. It is already wrong if an attached person starts dating someone else behind the partner’s back, let alone a married person having an affair outside.
In situations like these, it is understandable why some people are so possessive. For instance, when I was younger, I would have friends telling me they could not stand their boyfriends always checking on their whereabouts, demanding to know who they were going out with, what they were doing. My ex was somewhat like that too, and I used to get really irritated. But when he joined the airline, I became somewhat like that too. It is normal, as if you really treasure the person, some form of jealousy will suffice.
Nobody ever said a relationship is always smooth-sailing. Much as one does not like the partner to check on you all the time, I guess one must also communicate and set the partner’s mind at ease, instead of being so defensive. Being defensive only serves to tell others you have something to hide, even if you do not. Afterall, if you really have nothing to hide, why get so worked up? Although trust and respect are some fundamental aspects to any relationship, the trust and respect should also be earned and continued being nurtured instead of being taken for granted. Is it so hard to just communicate or talk things through if one can set the partner’s mind at ease?
But the discipline has to come from oneself. If one is to hide a relationship and gives the impression that one is single, then there is some cause for worry. Afterall, if you are in a relationship or married, why not declare? It is no secret I am single, but then if I am with someone, I will declare. Once I made my choice, I will stop dating other people, because how can I still be looking around if I am already in a relationship?
I guess it all boils down to the moral and ethical values of people. If the person is of good integrity, he / she will know once attached or married, this is the person he / she is going to be with, no one else stands a chance, and the commitment has to be there to see things through. If one is a jerk, then he / she will have no qualms having affairs after affairs. Although this situation is not uncommon nowadays, still, I prefer the traditional way. That is still the safest. I do not wish to court any trouble by indulging in complicated affairs. Life and maintaining one relationship is difficult and complicating enough already.
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