It is with a great sadness that we report the loss of a once-beloved friend who was an inspiration to many of us. Our dearly departed once provided us with the incentive to work hard, and helped to lift us from mediocrity to excellence. We grieve, of course, for the investment-banking bonus.
During his relatively brief life, the deceased touched the lives of hundreds of thousands in a remarkable fashion. Born into a world where 'leverage' was King, he helped concentrate the mind, and provided focus to those of us who sorely needed it. When he spoke, people listened. And his admirers craved his friendship, and wanted to align themselves with him to form long-standing bonds.
Those close to him would not hesitate to testify how enriching his friendship once was, and how he elevated their lives to levels they could never have reached without his acquaintance.
His life, however, was not without controversy. Often his friendship was flighty. Those who relied too much on his allegiance found themselves in a state of despair, often discovering that his favours had changed, and that he had moved on to link arms with other partners.
Since people were aware of his volatile nature, however, they sometimes demanded written assurances of his loyalty - a practice which gained him a certain notoriety, and gave rise to jealousy from those not blessed by his favours.
In the later stages of his life, many of his friends were found to be involved in a global network of fraud, unethical dealings and various other misdemeanours. Unfortunately, when the extent of these activities came to light, our fair-weather friend was singled out for his negative influence on the many individuals at the heart of these aberrations.
Finding himself under intense scrutiny from politicians and the media, he finally succumbed to the pressure and quietly left the scene, leading the last few years of his life in relative obscurity and somewhat disgrace.
The likes of our friend Bonus will never be seen again. He is survived by his more modest long-term partner, Base Salary.
During his relatively brief life, the deceased touched the lives of hundreds of thousands in a remarkable fashion. Born into a world where 'leverage' was King, he helped concentrate the mind, and provided focus to those of us who sorely needed it. When he spoke, people listened. And his admirers craved his friendship, and wanted to align themselves with him to form long-standing bonds.
Those close to him would not hesitate to testify how enriching his friendship once was, and how he elevated their lives to levels they could never have reached without his acquaintance.
His life, however, was not without controversy. Often his friendship was flighty. Those who relied too much on his allegiance found themselves in a state of despair, often discovering that his favours had changed, and that he had moved on to link arms with other partners.
Since people were aware of his volatile nature, however, they sometimes demanded written assurances of his loyalty - a practice which gained him a certain notoriety, and gave rise to jealousy from those not blessed by his favours.
In the later stages of his life, many of his friends were found to be involved in a global network of fraud, unethical dealings and various other misdemeanours. Unfortunately, when the extent of these activities came to light, our fair-weather friend was singled out for his negative influence on the many individuals at the heart of these aberrations.
Finding himself under intense scrutiny from politicians and the media, he finally succumbed to the pressure and quietly left the scene, leading the last few years of his life in relative obscurity and somewhat disgrace.
The likes of our friend Bonus will never be seen again. He is survived by his more modest long-term partner, Base Salary.
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