I thought my life is pretty happy until the recent down time, which I had no idea why I was even down. It is as if I have some constriction and discomfort in my chest, as if something is missing in my life, something that cannot be explained. After going out with my friend and her fiance last night, I finally realise what it is that is missing from my life, and why I was feeling down.
I need a partner. A life partner. Someone who will love me and accept me for who and what I am. Someone who can be committed and not play with my feelings or leave me hanging. Okay, I have said this for a long time, but I was rather happy being single and carefree. I was just casually making friends, meeting up with people of both genders, not having to worry about commitment or progression.
Yet it was only last night that I discovered I really need a partner. I can no longer kid myself that I am happy being single, which I have been for the past more than a year or so. But now I really want to settle down, really want to have a family. I want to lend a listening ear, a shoulder to cry on, a pillar of support to someone. I want to be there to share his burdens, to be his best friend and confidante, to grow together spiritually.
That is why I am feeling down. Each time when I am committed, the other party turns out otherwise. I used to not worry, thinking someone better will come along. Each time someone better comes along, it is the same thing - either no feelings of that kind or not committed. Do I want to open my heart only to be hurt again?
I am running out of time. I want to have at least two kids by the time I am thirty-six. And I want to have at least two years after marriage to be with my partner on our own before the kids come. Which means I need to be married by the deadline I set, which is pretty soon! And for that to happen, I need to be in a relationship latest by end of this year. Which means I have to start looking now!
The thing is, I am tired of looking. I have been looking for so long, wonderful guys have come into my life, but yet nothing happens. Besides I have not been meeting new people lately. Yes, I know I am picky, but the thing is if I start to like someone, especially at this point in time, I will be committed even if there may be "better" choices. Because I think with my kind of criteria, the kind of person I can actually like will sure be of a certain calibre. So once that happens, I will stop looking. Truth be told, I have already stopped looking.
Which is why I have been praying so fervently nowadays, hoping for a miracle. I do not wish to leave anything to chance, as chances are things may not work if I leave it to chance again. I can only hope and pray that something will happen, that the time will come pretty soon, that God will yield His hand and give me the partner I have been praying for.
I need a partner. A life partner. Someone who will love me and accept me for who and what I am. Someone who can be committed and not play with my feelings or leave me hanging. Okay, I have said this for a long time, but I was rather happy being single and carefree. I was just casually making friends, meeting up with people of both genders, not having to worry about commitment or progression.
Yet it was only last night that I discovered I really need a partner. I can no longer kid myself that I am happy being single, which I have been for the past more than a year or so. But now I really want to settle down, really want to have a family. I want to lend a listening ear, a shoulder to cry on, a pillar of support to someone. I want to be there to share his burdens, to be his best friend and confidante, to grow together spiritually.
That is why I am feeling down. Each time when I am committed, the other party turns out otherwise. I used to not worry, thinking someone better will come along. Each time someone better comes along, it is the same thing - either no feelings of that kind or not committed. Do I want to open my heart only to be hurt again?
I am running out of time. I want to have at least two kids by the time I am thirty-six. And I want to have at least two years after marriage to be with my partner on our own before the kids come. Which means I need to be married by the deadline I set, which is pretty soon! And for that to happen, I need to be in a relationship latest by end of this year. Which means I have to start looking now!
The thing is, I am tired of looking. I have been looking for so long, wonderful guys have come into my life, but yet nothing happens. Besides I have not been meeting new people lately. Yes, I know I am picky, but the thing is if I start to like someone, especially at this point in time, I will be committed even if there may be "better" choices. Because I think with my kind of criteria, the kind of person I can actually like will sure be of a certain calibre. So once that happens, I will stop looking. Truth be told, I have already stopped looking.
Which is why I have been praying so fervently nowadays, hoping for a miracle. I do not wish to leave anything to chance, as chances are things may not work if I leave it to chance again. I can only hope and pray that something will happen, that the time will come pretty soon, that God will yield His hand and give me the partner I have been praying for.
2 comments:
I've never read such an honest post about looking for a life partner. Kudos to you Juphelia!
Many single ladies hide their desire to get married saying that they are enjoying their singlehood. But deep down inside they know their heart's desire.
Having said that, I've come to a fundamental conclusion that all the good men are either married, have become celibates or are gay. So what's left? Answer: Bums, womanisers, guys who fear commitment, bastards and the list goes on.
That explains why there are so many single women out there.
I also believe in fate and that God will lead you to The One. All the best in your search!
Haha.. thanks! And I agree with your list too, cos honestly I'm sick of meeting all the wrong people!
I'm still being optimistic about my search, I hope you are too! All the best to you too!
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