Another twenty-eighth of May. Four years already. Has it been this long? Time really flies. A whoosh and before you know it, this blog has been going on for four years. Each time I contemplated quitting, retiring, but each time I just feel like writing more, even though there may be nothing much to write about lately.
At times I wonder why do I still keep going on if this blog has given me more trouble than peace? Maybe it was due to some of the things I write in my earlier days. Maybe it was due to how emotional and bitchy I used to be. Maybe it was due to the negative mentality I had. Even though I had outgrown all these phases and have become calmer and more positive, some who knew me from days long ago still could not accept certain things.
But who does not make mistakes? People who know me now, or in recent times, in the past couple of years, will never believe I used to be negative, not confident, anti-social and introverted, who revolved my life around the guy I was seeing that time, no matter how he treated me and no matter how I got cheated.
But it was through these that I picked myself up and became confident, got through my self-esteem problem, became sociable and somewhat extroverted, became more outspoken (something which I repressed for a long time) and opinionated, and essentially just went back to being myself with nary a care.
Thus, recent friends have remarked that I am outspoken, opinionated, bitchy, and the way I speak may scare off people. So be it! I do not become like this for nothing. After a very depressing time, I resolved never to get cheated or to revolve myself around any man again! I have made lots of resolutions, but that is one I intend to keep, all to protect myself from harm and undesirable men, must as I yearn for a good man.
So anyway, back to this blog. Upon looking back at my earlier entries, I do feel ashamed somewhat that I was a worse being. I hope I am now a better person. People do grow. Much as I like to hide my earlier entries, I told myself that is who I am, that was who I used to be. Everyone has a past. Instead of hiding, why not just let it remain and face it?
Without a past, there will be no future. To truly be at peace with myself, I must face my past and able to let go and just look back with an objective view, instead of hiding. If I am to hide, then it will not be real. So whoever who bothers to actually read the earlier entries will find out the real me through the years, and not just a facade.
Hence this still continues. Still filled with my ramblings and ravings of my mundane existence. Perhaps this will go on forever, perhaps I will retire it one day. But till then, this remains as a key to unlock my inner feelings.
At times I wonder why do I still keep going on if this blog has given me more trouble than peace? Maybe it was due to some of the things I write in my earlier days. Maybe it was due to how emotional and bitchy I used to be. Maybe it was due to the negative mentality I had. Even though I had outgrown all these phases and have become calmer and more positive, some who knew me from days long ago still could not accept certain things.
But who does not make mistakes? People who know me now, or in recent times, in the past couple of years, will never believe I used to be negative, not confident, anti-social and introverted, who revolved my life around the guy I was seeing that time, no matter how he treated me and no matter how I got cheated.
But it was through these that I picked myself up and became confident, got through my self-esteem problem, became sociable and somewhat extroverted, became more outspoken (something which I repressed for a long time) and opinionated, and essentially just went back to being myself with nary a care.
Thus, recent friends have remarked that I am outspoken, opinionated, bitchy, and the way I speak may scare off people. So be it! I do not become like this for nothing. After a very depressing time, I resolved never to get cheated or to revolve myself around any man again! I have made lots of resolutions, but that is one I intend to keep, all to protect myself from harm and undesirable men, must as I yearn for a good man.
So anyway, back to this blog. Upon looking back at my earlier entries, I do feel ashamed somewhat that I was a worse being. I hope I am now a better person. People do grow. Much as I like to hide my earlier entries, I told myself that is who I am, that was who I used to be. Everyone has a past. Instead of hiding, why not just let it remain and face it?
Without a past, there will be no future. To truly be at peace with myself, I must face my past and able to let go and just look back with an objective view, instead of hiding. If I am to hide, then it will not be real. So whoever who bothers to actually read the earlier entries will find out the real me through the years, and not just a facade.
Hence this still continues. Still filled with my ramblings and ravings of my mundane existence. Perhaps this will go on forever, perhaps I will retire it one day. But till then, this remains as a key to unlock my inner feelings.
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