"In sooth I know not why I am so sad, you say it wearies you, I say it wearies me." Famous words from Antonio of "Merchant of Venice". I really should start reading Shakespeare all over again, something I have not done for a very long time! Incidentally, I am in the mood for quotations since I will be watching "Much Ado About Nothing" tonight. Wonder how the local production will be like?
In any case, I am internally conflicted. I care deeply about someone, who has been withdrawing and keeping a distance for the past couple of weeks. Part of me wants to just give up and move on, the other part of me cannot bear to let go, because if I am to give up at this time, I will be really heartless, especially since that person has been having problems at work and home.
Advise from well-meaning friends tell me to just move on and get on with my life. I know. I should do that. I should just let go and leave that person alone to sort out the issues. All I can do is to pray and support behind the scenes, without doing anything else. But whenever I try to do that, I start to feel bad, because I miss our time together, I am upset about the sudden withdrawal, and I worry immensely about the problems this person is facing.
Which is why I am internally conflicted. On the surface, I am still bubbly, still happy, still meeting friends and going on with my life, still going for concerts and movies. But internally, I have an unspoken worry and concern which does not help matters, but I still cannot help myself from worrying.
That is what happens when one is such an emotional person! No matter how much stronger I have become, I still cannot change my right brain from controlling all my actions! Despite me telling myself I should just go on with my life and that I deserve better, it is still the same! But I am not going to do anything much save to just live my life as per normal, and then pray that things will fall in place, that if I keep my faith going, miracles will happen.
In any case, I am internally conflicted. I care deeply about someone, who has been withdrawing and keeping a distance for the past couple of weeks. Part of me wants to just give up and move on, the other part of me cannot bear to let go, because if I am to give up at this time, I will be really heartless, especially since that person has been having problems at work and home.
Advise from well-meaning friends tell me to just move on and get on with my life. I know. I should do that. I should just let go and leave that person alone to sort out the issues. All I can do is to pray and support behind the scenes, without doing anything else. But whenever I try to do that, I start to feel bad, because I miss our time together, I am upset about the sudden withdrawal, and I worry immensely about the problems this person is facing.
Which is why I am internally conflicted. On the surface, I am still bubbly, still happy, still meeting friends and going on with my life, still going for concerts and movies. But internally, I have an unspoken worry and concern which does not help matters, but I still cannot help myself from worrying.
That is what happens when one is such an emotional person! No matter how much stronger I have become, I still cannot change my right brain from controlling all my actions! Despite me telling myself I should just go on with my life and that I deserve better, it is still the same! But I am not going to do anything much save to just live my life as per normal, and then pray that things will fall in place, that if I keep my faith going, miracles will happen.
2 comments:
I guess it is really difficult to stay away from someone especially when your emotional strings are pretty firmly attached.
Don't fret but believe that things can be better. : )
Stay on the writing path ... I sadly drifted away.
hidekram.
Hey! Haven't heard from you for a long while!
Thanks, yeah, its hard, but not as bad as I thought! Do come back to writing!
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