I think I am becoming more like a man. Wait, that does not sound right! What I am trying to say is that emotionally wise, I think I am becoming more like a man – getting distant whenever I am troubled or frustrated, keeping things to myself more than before, stop whining and grumbling, stop self-pitying and stop blowing up whatever problems I have.
Maybe that is why I scare off guys nowadays, as I have become tougher and less susceptible to nonsense, as compared to the soft-spoken pushover I used to be. I battled with myself (and my self esteem) for almost all my life. I was insecure, whiny, grumpy, touchy, grouchy (still am actually but a much lesser extent now).
Maybe that was why I scared the men off! It did not help matters that when I was frustrated and problematic, I used to think the world was against me and I would grumble to the first person (usually my then-boyfriend). Looking back, I guess I cannot really blame him for leaving. I was not exactly easy to get along. I was so concerned about being liked that I ended up making fools of myself many times.
The past few years saw changes. I have had it with men! Especially childish (not childlike), irresponsible, cheating men. I realize that nothing is that bad. I realize that I have to live for myself and not for others. I realize that as a woman, life is so much easier without men! Men only make life more complicated! So I cut myself out from my emotions (as much as I can and that was no easy feat considering just how emotional I can be) and started becoming more outspoken, assertive and standing up for what I think is right, in short, more “unfeeling”.
I could not care less even if others disagreed with me anymore! I stand firm in my beliefs and values, and speak up for what I feel. And somehow I started to like myself more, me now, as compared to me before. I stop being focused on my own problems and start to feel for others for once. I thought I was being concerned enough for others, but now I realize I was more self-centred than anything else.
And all of a sudden, I made many new friends, people start enjoying my company and talking to me. I used to envy those popular girls in school, where they have a flock of “followers”, and I could only be on the outside looking in. But now I have more friends, I try my best in being a good friend, and people flock to me! I am not saying I crave for followers, but it is a good feeling to be a good friend to others. I help them to the best of my ability.
Nowadays I start praying for everyone else except myself, as I feel others have worse problems than me. I stop talking about my own problems and learn to listen for once. It is indeed more blessed to give than to receive!
By doing that, every aspect of my life improved. My EQ is better, I am suddenly more sensible, I am much less whiny, grumpy, touchy, grouchy and insecure. I do not go around falling head over heels in love anymore, especially not with the wrong people! In fact, it has been so long since I actually loved someone to that extent. It is true that one must get over one’s own issues, and one must learn to love oneself before one can start to love others. I learnt this the hard way, but this will definitely be a life lesson!
Maybe that is why I scare off guys nowadays, as I have become tougher and less susceptible to nonsense, as compared to the soft-spoken pushover I used to be. I battled with myself (and my self esteem) for almost all my life. I was insecure, whiny, grumpy, touchy, grouchy (still am actually but a much lesser extent now).
Maybe that was why I scared the men off! It did not help matters that when I was frustrated and problematic, I used to think the world was against me and I would grumble to the first person (usually my then-boyfriend). Looking back, I guess I cannot really blame him for leaving. I was not exactly easy to get along. I was so concerned about being liked that I ended up making fools of myself many times.
The past few years saw changes. I have had it with men! Especially childish (not childlike), irresponsible, cheating men. I realize that nothing is that bad. I realize that I have to live for myself and not for others. I realize that as a woman, life is so much easier without men! Men only make life more complicated! So I cut myself out from my emotions (as much as I can and that was no easy feat considering just how emotional I can be) and started becoming more outspoken, assertive and standing up for what I think is right, in short, more “unfeeling”.
I could not care less even if others disagreed with me anymore! I stand firm in my beliefs and values, and speak up for what I feel. And somehow I started to like myself more, me now, as compared to me before. I stop being focused on my own problems and start to feel for others for once. I thought I was being concerned enough for others, but now I realize I was more self-centred than anything else.
And all of a sudden, I made many new friends, people start enjoying my company and talking to me. I used to envy those popular girls in school, where they have a flock of “followers”, and I could only be on the outside looking in. But now I have more friends, I try my best in being a good friend, and people flock to me! I am not saying I crave for followers, but it is a good feeling to be a good friend to others. I help them to the best of my ability.
Nowadays I start praying for everyone else except myself, as I feel others have worse problems than me. I stop talking about my own problems and learn to listen for once. It is indeed more blessed to give than to receive!
By doing that, every aspect of my life improved. My EQ is better, I am suddenly more sensible, I am much less whiny, grumpy, touchy, grouchy and insecure. I do not go around falling head over heels in love anymore, especially not with the wrong people! In fact, it has been so long since I actually loved someone to that extent. It is true that one must get over one’s own issues, and one must learn to love oneself before one can start to love others. I learnt this the hard way, but this will definitely be a life lesson!
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