Whenever I hear my married friends talk on how they spend their Lunar New Year, it is always interesting to hear some of their antics on how they try to avoid the season. After all when one is married, there are two sets of visiting to do, especially for a big and traditional family like mine.
In the past I could never spend Lunar New Year with my boyfriend's family(ies). My family is the kind who goes individual visiting, then a big reunion on the second or third day.
The guys I had been with, their big reunion is always on the morning of the first day, after which they are free to do what they please. Hence I was always unable to make it whenever I was invited to their Lunar New Year festivities.
It was not as if I did not want to go, but I had my own family obligations as well. But those guys always thought I did not want to make time for their extended family during their once-a-year gathering.
My ex fiancé was so upset about that that when we talked about getting married all those years ago, he told me that the reunion dinner and first day of the Lunar New Year had to be with his family and I could only go back to visit my parents and family members on the second day.
I was not happy of course, but being young and in love and wanted so much to marry that guy, I agreed to whatever he asked for. At the same time I was also contemplating how to explain to my parents why I could only pop by the second day if those things really happened. Luckily none of those materialized.
Through the years as I started to view Lunar New Year as more than a routine and genuinely look forward to all the family togetherness of extended family members, I started to wonder, if I ever get married, how shall my spouse and I play around so that both sides are satisfied?
My best friend told me that she would have an early reunion with her in-laws then go back to her parents' place for a second reunion. She would go back to her family side for the first day then go to her husband's side on the second day. This works out perfectly fine for her as her husband's family is not as big so they visit her in-laws only on the second day.
My cousin has a big gathering at her husband's uncle's side on the first day, then after lunch everyone is free to do their own things so he would then go with her to her parents' and relatives' place. This arrangement suits them fine too.
My case will be a bit more complicated. My parents are both the youngest in their respective families, so every Lunar New Year, it is always my parents who have to go visiting (with us in tow) their elder siblings and elders.
Hence I have to follow suit. Maybe in the future when the elders have passed on, I can relax and sit back and my brothers have to visit me, but till then, I have to follow the obligations of my parents.
Which caused a problem with the guys I have been with. To them, by virtue of their parents' ranks at home, it was either their relatives who visit them or they have a big gathering at someone's place on the morning of the first day. That was it. Short and simple. Which kind of explains why they felt weird that I have so many oblgations during Lunar New Year.
I did consider if I ever get married, we have to wake up earlier to visit his parents (if not living with them) then join my parents on their round of visiting. Or else have to see how his side celebrates Lunar New Year then plan accordingly.
And during the reunion dinner, maybe I will whip up something then invite both sides to gather at my place, if they do not mind.
That was what I thought up. But now I think there is a possibility that I will only celebrate Lunar New Year on my side alone, so everything may well remain unchanged.
The best thing is that, when my mum realises my dear does not celebrate Lunar New Year at all, she invited him to join us for our reunion dinner. This is the first time my mum actually invites my boyfriend over for reunion, my exs were only invited to the gathering on the second day, not the reunion dinner.
He is so excited about that! For some reason, he has been trying to know more about the Chinese culture and improving his Mandarin (which he took from primary to 'O' levels but have not utilized since then), until I told him that I am not a very "Chinese" person myself.
But I am sure my parents and aunts are happy that he tries to speak to them in Mandarin, even though it is kind of an earsore but at least he tries!
I always wish to have a boyfriend who values both Christmas and Lunar New Year. Those I have come across like Christmas better but totally disregard Lunar New Year as just something boring and routine.
Now with him, I can have the best of both worlds. His family values Christmas and mine values Lunar New Year. Seems like in a way, my prayers do get answered, even if not in the way I wanted!
Hopefully this will be a happy and enjoyable Lunar New Year ahead!
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
In the past I could never spend Lunar New Year with my boyfriend's family(ies). My family is the kind who goes individual visiting, then a big reunion on the second or third day.
The guys I had been with, their big reunion is always on the morning of the first day, after which they are free to do what they please. Hence I was always unable to make it whenever I was invited to their Lunar New Year festivities.
It was not as if I did not want to go, but I had my own family obligations as well. But those guys always thought I did not want to make time for their extended family during their once-a-year gathering.
My ex fiancé was so upset about that that when we talked about getting married all those years ago, he told me that the reunion dinner and first day of the Lunar New Year had to be with his family and I could only go back to visit my parents and family members on the second day.
I was not happy of course, but being young and in love and wanted so much to marry that guy, I agreed to whatever he asked for. At the same time I was also contemplating how to explain to my parents why I could only pop by the second day if those things really happened. Luckily none of those materialized.
Through the years as I started to view Lunar New Year as more than a routine and genuinely look forward to all the family togetherness of extended family members, I started to wonder, if I ever get married, how shall my spouse and I play around so that both sides are satisfied?
My best friend told me that she would have an early reunion with her in-laws then go back to her parents' place for a second reunion. She would go back to her family side for the first day then go to her husband's side on the second day. This works out perfectly fine for her as her husband's family is not as big so they visit her in-laws only on the second day.
My cousin has a big gathering at her husband's uncle's side on the first day, then after lunch everyone is free to do their own things so he would then go with her to her parents' and relatives' place. This arrangement suits them fine too.
My case will be a bit more complicated. My parents are both the youngest in their respective families, so every Lunar New Year, it is always my parents who have to go visiting (with us in tow) their elder siblings and elders.
Hence I have to follow suit. Maybe in the future when the elders have passed on, I can relax and sit back and my brothers have to visit me, but till then, I have to follow the obligations of my parents.
Which caused a problem with the guys I have been with. To them, by virtue of their parents' ranks at home, it was either their relatives who visit them or they have a big gathering at someone's place on the morning of the first day. That was it. Short and simple. Which kind of explains why they felt weird that I have so many oblgations during Lunar New Year.
I did consider if I ever get married, we have to wake up earlier to visit his parents (if not living with them) then join my parents on their round of visiting. Or else have to see how his side celebrates Lunar New Year then plan accordingly.
And during the reunion dinner, maybe I will whip up something then invite both sides to gather at my place, if they do not mind.
That was what I thought up. But now I think there is a possibility that I will only celebrate Lunar New Year on my side alone, so everything may well remain unchanged.
The best thing is that, when my mum realises my dear does not celebrate Lunar New Year at all, she invited him to join us for our reunion dinner. This is the first time my mum actually invites my boyfriend over for reunion, my exs were only invited to the gathering on the second day, not the reunion dinner.
He is so excited about that! For some reason, he has been trying to know more about the Chinese culture and improving his Mandarin (which he took from primary to 'O' levels but have not utilized since then), until I told him that I am not a very "Chinese" person myself.
But I am sure my parents and aunts are happy that he tries to speak to them in Mandarin, even though it is kind of an earsore but at least he tries!
I always wish to have a boyfriend who values both Christmas and Lunar New Year. Those I have come across like Christmas better but totally disregard Lunar New Year as just something boring and routine.
Now with him, I can have the best of both worlds. His family values Christmas and mine values Lunar New Year. Seems like in a way, my prayers do get answered, even if not in the way I wanted!
Hopefully this will be a happy and enjoyable Lunar New Year ahead!
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
4 comments:
Finally sound slike things are going well.
Personally, I find all this talk about dities and obligations very ... hmmm ... irritating.
As far as I am concerned, you do the best you can and others must learn to understand and accept that.
It's a different culture. I understand for Caucasians, they are pretty much on their own once they finish school. They move out and leave their parents with only occasional visits (correct me if I am wrong).
But for Asians, the tradition is in the family togetherness. It is not surprising to see three or four generations under one roof, as moving out and leaving our parents alone is tantamount to being unfilial in our culture.
Hence, the younger ones must always pay respect to the elder ones, be they parents, uncles, aunts and even elder siblings. That is just the way it is for us.
But nowadays more and more young couples are moving out on their own. Still, they visit their parents every weekend, some everyday.
That can be the reason why in general, some people here can be quite spoilt as the parents still tend to want to do everything for the children (be they 20 or 30 or 60), and the children, despite having families of their own, still tend to depend on their parents for help in certain things.
Well explained Juphelia! You're a guardian of Chinese customs and way of life, hahaha.
I guess dating a non-Chinese has its advantages when it comes to CNY - no need to crack your head on whose place to visit on which day.
For a singleton like me, the hardest part about celebrating CNY is when married cousins my age start distributing ang pows ...
Haha.. I'm not exactly a very "Chinese" person, just that I grow up in a rather conservative and traditional family. I do wonder why some traditions are the way they are and we just have to follow without questioning.
I know how you feel about CNY, as most of my cousins my age and younger are married already, and they have to start distributing ang pows. I always have to fend off questions on when my turn would be, etc, and my dad even told the elders last year to wish that I would be married off soon. At times I wish I can escape too!
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