I wonder how parents view their kids having partners? Despite the kids being of a certain age or marriageable age, do parents still expect the kids to do things their way?
To a woman, it is more blessed to have a man more into you than the other way. My youngest brother accuses we women of being selfish, but the fact is if we love the man more than they love us, then it is a very miserable time.
I have had my share of self-centred, fickle, chauvinistic men who think women have to do everything for them without any consideration for her needs and happiness. I am so glad I got by those periods and told myself never to go through that again!
I never thought I would be able to find someone really wonderful, who puts me first in everything, or someone so in sync with my interests and the way I lead my life, that I know whenever I do something, he will always be involved together.
I think for once, my mum is happy with my choice. Finally I have found someone who comes over more often than the other way round, someone whom she believes more into me than the other way round.
I was with someone for seven months and my parents had only seen him twice, whereas I was always at his place, after school, every weekend.
Then I was with someone for six years but throughout, my parents had only seen him three times, my relatives, twice.
After that I was with someone for two years and my parents only saw him twice, my relatives once. The next one was a big mistake because the whole "relationship" was kind of like an underground secret.
After that I told myself, no more. I never want to be miserable again! Unless the guy can prove he is worth it, or else I will never consider, never be the one to give.
And stuck to my word I did, kind of. Even when I started this relationship I was still apprehensive about giving too much. I know relationship is a two-way process, but I do not want to be the only one giving again and the guy did not even care how I felt!
But I need not have worried. I have someone who willingly comes see me before work, buys breakfast for me, goes my office and picks me up after work, comes meet me every weekend even if it is just hanging out at my place without going anywhere, stays at my place until late at night, sends flowers to my office, gives my mum a present and a cake on her birthday, gives my parents and brothers Christmas gifts, buys gifts for my relatives, buys supper for my family, and most importantly, improves himself even more for a better future.
So I feel really lucky to have someone like him. Except the problem now is, his parents think of me in a negative light. They think he is living my life, not his own.
They think I should be the one always going over, be the one to see him after work, be the one who takes care of him. I wonder if they think I should just quit my job, stay at his place, cook breakfast for him, see him off to work, wait for him after work, take off his shoes, massage him, give him a cool drink?
I do not believe in subjecting myself to serve anyone! If I do anything, it will be because I want to do it and not because anyone expects it of me! Similarly I do not expect my partner to serve me, but if he wants to be nice and loving, there is no reason to stop him as well.
In any case, they are not around to see how I massage him, serve him food and drinks, cook for him, wash his clothes, sew his stuff when he is at my place! So how can they then accuse me of not doing anything? Just because I do not go over as often as he comes over does not mean I am not doing anything for him!
Which makes me wonder, if in the event we get married, the guy and his parents are supposed to come to my place to ask my parents for my hand in marriage, will his parents then insist the girl and her parents must go to his place instead, otherwise it will deem her as insincere and not wanting to marry him?! That is totally unheard of!
Actually everything he is doing, he does it of his own accord. I have never asked nor imposed anything on him. The thing is we are both interested in the same things, the same outlook towards life. We both like to be more involved in religion, both like to travel, both like to volunteer for activities, both like to do mission work, both like to live life to the fullest, both like to study as much as we can and both like to keep upgrading and improving.
And he thinks a girlfriend and wife is someone to love, care for, protect. To him, he views a real man as putting his girlfriend's / wife's interest and happiness above anything else. So I am really blessed to be with him.
The thing is his parents do not really go out. They just stay at home and watch television the whole day. They go to church, visit relatives and that is it. No other social life whatsoever.
They do not like to volunteer for church activities, nor dine out. And his father has a phobia of taking a plane, so they do not travel too.
We tried to bring them out for a meal and it was a nightmare! So most of the time with his parents, we just stay at home with them.
My boyfriend always likes to be more involved, but it was only last year that he had the opportunity to do what he likes to do. Coincidentally it was also last year that I started being more involved too, which suit us pretty well as that was how we got closer.
Before these, he was always home with his parents, doing the same job and having the same salary for years. But it comes a time when everyone, him included, has to assess his life and see where he is going.
I can understand where he is coming from. He wants a better future for himself. He does not want to be like his parents who just stay at home and have no life of their own.
He wants to live life to the fullest. Hence he started striving to be better and not be stuck where he is. He started doing things and taking courses he would otherwise never thought of taking.
All these things happened before we got together. Because he had not met his goal, he sees no reason to stop whatever he is doing.
As a girlfriend, I just have to support and be behind him all the way, and not gripe and grumble why he is not spending enough time with me. In any case I have my own activities to keep me occupied. Besides, he comes find me anytime he can.
But that is where the issue of his parents started. They were so used to seeing him around and him living the way they deemed best, now they think because of me, he is doing so many unnecessary things.
Because of me, he is not living his life but mine. They do not seem to believe it is not me who asked him to do all those things but because he himself wants to lead a fuller and better life.
Of course I am upset to get blamed for nothing. In the past, I never had any issues with the guy's parents, no matter how the guy(s) treated me, the parents treated me so warmly and really made me feel at home!
I could go out shopping and dine out with the guy's parents on my own! They were just like another set of parents to me. I could talk to them about anything, and they would even give me advise when I had disputes with my own parents. Hence I was always grateful to them.
But this time round, I cannot do the same things as his parents do not like to go out, be it to shop or eat. I do not find that I can talk to them about anything as they do not talk much too.
Worse is they kind of blame me for being a bad influence on their son. At times I have half a mind to tell them their son is already in his mid-thirties and he can jolly well think for himself and do what he deems right without anyone's influence.
So this is a problem. I do so like to improve my relations with them, but at the same time, how am I to convince them I am not the one who asked their son to do all the things he had been doing?
He has also told them until he is blue in the face that he does everything of his own accord, but to them, they think he is just defending me.
Anyway, what do they mean by "bad influence"? Is upgrading and improving one's life a bad thing? It is not as if I bring him out smoking, gambling, drinking and sleeping around.
Or do they want us to be stuck where we are and the world progresses without us because we do not keep up? The way we lead our lives now may not even be relevant in five years, let alone ten! How can anyone remain stagnant?
I do not mean to be rude or disrespectful, but I feel his parents should be very happy their son is willing to carve out a better life and think of his future, rather than remaining in his comfort zone.
But I will not tell them straight in their faces. I will still go over as and when and treat them with respect as always. All I can do now is pray that things will improve and I can have a better relationship with them.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
To a woman, it is more blessed to have a man more into you than the other way. My youngest brother accuses we women of being selfish, but the fact is if we love the man more than they love us, then it is a very miserable time.
I have had my share of self-centred, fickle, chauvinistic men who think women have to do everything for them without any consideration for her needs and happiness. I am so glad I got by those periods and told myself never to go through that again!
I never thought I would be able to find someone really wonderful, who puts me first in everything, or someone so in sync with my interests and the way I lead my life, that I know whenever I do something, he will always be involved together.
I think for once, my mum is happy with my choice. Finally I have found someone who comes over more often than the other way round, someone whom she believes more into me than the other way round.
I was with someone for seven months and my parents had only seen him twice, whereas I was always at his place, after school, every weekend.
Then I was with someone for six years but throughout, my parents had only seen him three times, my relatives, twice.
After that I was with someone for two years and my parents only saw him twice, my relatives once. The next one was a big mistake because the whole "relationship" was kind of like an underground secret.
After that I told myself, no more. I never want to be miserable again! Unless the guy can prove he is worth it, or else I will never consider, never be the one to give.
And stuck to my word I did, kind of. Even when I started this relationship I was still apprehensive about giving too much. I know relationship is a two-way process, but I do not want to be the only one giving again and the guy did not even care how I felt!
But I need not have worried. I have someone who willingly comes see me before work, buys breakfast for me, goes my office and picks me up after work, comes meet me every weekend even if it is just hanging out at my place without going anywhere, stays at my place until late at night, sends flowers to my office, gives my mum a present and a cake on her birthday, gives my parents and brothers Christmas gifts, buys gifts for my relatives, buys supper for my family, and most importantly, improves himself even more for a better future.
So I feel really lucky to have someone like him. Except the problem now is, his parents think of me in a negative light. They think he is living my life, not his own.
They think I should be the one always going over, be the one to see him after work, be the one who takes care of him. I wonder if they think I should just quit my job, stay at his place, cook breakfast for him, see him off to work, wait for him after work, take off his shoes, massage him, give him a cool drink?
I do not believe in subjecting myself to serve anyone! If I do anything, it will be because I want to do it and not because anyone expects it of me! Similarly I do not expect my partner to serve me, but if he wants to be nice and loving, there is no reason to stop him as well.
In any case, they are not around to see how I massage him, serve him food and drinks, cook for him, wash his clothes, sew his stuff when he is at my place! So how can they then accuse me of not doing anything? Just because I do not go over as often as he comes over does not mean I am not doing anything for him!
Which makes me wonder, if in the event we get married, the guy and his parents are supposed to come to my place to ask my parents for my hand in marriage, will his parents then insist the girl and her parents must go to his place instead, otherwise it will deem her as insincere and not wanting to marry him?! That is totally unheard of!
Actually everything he is doing, he does it of his own accord. I have never asked nor imposed anything on him. The thing is we are both interested in the same things, the same outlook towards life. We both like to be more involved in religion, both like to travel, both like to volunteer for activities, both like to do mission work, both like to live life to the fullest, both like to study as much as we can and both like to keep upgrading and improving.
And he thinks a girlfriend and wife is someone to love, care for, protect. To him, he views a real man as putting his girlfriend's / wife's interest and happiness above anything else. So I am really blessed to be with him.
The thing is his parents do not really go out. They just stay at home and watch television the whole day. They go to church, visit relatives and that is it. No other social life whatsoever.
They do not like to volunteer for church activities, nor dine out. And his father has a phobia of taking a plane, so they do not travel too.
We tried to bring them out for a meal and it was a nightmare! So most of the time with his parents, we just stay at home with them.
My boyfriend always likes to be more involved, but it was only last year that he had the opportunity to do what he likes to do. Coincidentally it was also last year that I started being more involved too, which suit us pretty well as that was how we got closer.
Before these, he was always home with his parents, doing the same job and having the same salary for years. But it comes a time when everyone, him included, has to assess his life and see where he is going.
I can understand where he is coming from. He wants a better future for himself. He does not want to be like his parents who just stay at home and have no life of their own.
He wants to live life to the fullest. Hence he started striving to be better and not be stuck where he is. He started doing things and taking courses he would otherwise never thought of taking.
All these things happened before we got together. Because he had not met his goal, he sees no reason to stop whatever he is doing.
As a girlfriend, I just have to support and be behind him all the way, and not gripe and grumble why he is not spending enough time with me. In any case I have my own activities to keep me occupied. Besides, he comes find me anytime he can.
But that is where the issue of his parents started. They were so used to seeing him around and him living the way they deemed best, now they think because of me, he is doing so many unnecessary things.
Because of me, he is not living his life but mine. They do not seem to believe it is not me who asked him to do all those things but because he himself wants to lead a fuller and better life.
Of course I am upset to get blamed for nothing. In the past, I never had any issues with the guy's parents, no matter how the guy(s) treated me, the parents treated me so warmly and really made me feel at home!
I could go out shopping and dine out with the guy's parents on my own! They were just like another set of parents to me. I could talk to them about anything, and they would even give me advise when I had disputes with my own parents. Hence I was always grateful to them.
But this time round, I cannot do the same things as his parents do not like to go out, be it to shop or eat. I do not find that I can talk to them about anything as they do not talk much too.
Worse is they kind of blame me for being a bad influence on their son. At times I have half a mind to tell them their son is already in his mid-thirties and he can jolly well think for himself and do what he deems right without anyone's influence.
So this is a problem. I do so like to improve my relations with them, but at the same time, how am I to convince them I am not the one who asked their son to do all the things he had been doing?
He has also told them until he is blue in the face that he does everything of his own accord, but to them, they think he is just defending me.
Anyway, what do they mean by "bad influence"? Is upgrading and improving one's life a bad thing? It is not as if I bring him out smoking, gambling, drinking and sleeping around.
Or do they want us to be stuck where we are and the world progresses without us because we do not keep up? The way we lead our lives now may not even be relevant in five years, let alone ten! How can anyone remain stagnant?
I do not mean to be rude or disrespectful, but I feel his parents should be very happy their son is willing to carve out a better life and think of his future, rather than remaining in his comfort zone.
But I will not tell them straight in their faces. I will still go over as and when and treat them with respect as always. All I can do now is pray that things will improve and I can have a better relationship with them.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
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