I am not sure whether it is to do with differences in culture or just a lack of chemistry, but how does one improve relations with elders, particularly the parents of your partner?
I am never one to give others the impression that I am well-liked at first instance. Maybe because I look and sound stern, and do not have the endearing kind of tone which guys always fall for, which is why I have come across as "insincere" and "controlling" to some people.
My dear had said people have to get to know me before they realize the kind of person I am, but sad to say, no one seems to have the patience to get to know others in this time and age as everyone base their assumptions on first impressions.
Hence no matter how well-dressed and well-groomed I can be, as long as I do not have the kind of tone guys like, somehow no one ever fancied me in that way. So I am very lucky to have found someone who takes me as who I am.
But what if one needs to improve the relations with co-workers? How does one go about that? I used to have pretty close relations with my co-workers but after being stepped on and backstabbed, I tend to draw a distance now.
My boss commented the other day that I do not seem to lunch with a lot of people besides him and a couple others, so he asked if I even have friends in the company.
I told him I do have friends. But talking to them, mingling with them and chatting does not mean I have to lunch with them all the time. Just because I do not lunch with most people does not mean I am totally devoid of friendship in the firm. I just prefer to lunch in or run errands at times.
Still, it would be good to know how to improve working relations. But the fact is that most people go to the pantry to joke and gossip, but I do not. I just get my work done and do not bother about what is going on around me.
Yet the sad thing is that, supervisors somehow prefer those who partake in gossip and those who bootlick than those who do their work and prefer to be left alone.
I would also like to improve my relations with his parents. His parents are not like others; I remember whenever my exs told his parents I would be going over, they got all excited and made sure I had a feast, felt welcomed and would even call me anytime just to ask me out. So no matter how my past relationships turned out, I am still very grateful to the parents who had been so nice to me.
But not this time. His parents like the Victorian kind of girl - soft-spoken, demure, listen to the guy. I am defintely not like that. I mean, I do listen to the guy and do not insist I am always right, but I do have a mind of my own too.
But to his parents, they deem me as controlling and fierce, just because I asked him to go over and mingle with my family more often and he listened. His parents think I ought to be the one going to the guy's place and not the other way round, otherwise the relationship is not secure.
Well, if the relationship is not secure in the first place, then even if I go over to the guy's place all the time, we will still not last.
Wonder if his parents like the kind of girls who take out the guy's shoes when he comes home, pour him a drink and massage him? Then sad to say, I am not this kind if girl. Not that I will not do things like that, just that I do it only of my own free will and not being imposed on.
Having said that, I do like to know how else to improve the relations between his parents and myself. They are okay with me, not overly warm and friendly, and I like to have a good relation with my partner's family members too.
I like them to call me anytime, ask me out anytime, treat me like the daughter they never had, just like how I would like to treat them. I really hope this part can be improved!
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
I am never one to give others the impression that I am well-liked at first instance. Maybe because I look and sound stern, and do not have the endearing kind of tone which guys always fall for, which is why I have come across as "insincere" and "controlling" to some people.
My dear had said people have to get to know me before they realize the kind of person I am, but sad to say, no one seems to have the patience to get to know others in this time and age as everyone base their assumptions on first impressions.
Hence no matter how well-dressed and well-groomed I can be, as long as I do not have the kind of tone guys like, somehow no one ever fancied me in that way. So I am very lucky to have found someone who takes me as who I am.
But what if one needs to improve the relations with co-workers? How does one go about that? I used to have pretty close relations with my co-workers but after being stepped on and backstabbed, I tend to draw a distance now.
My boss commented the other day that I do not seem to lunch with a lot of people besides him and a couple others, so he asked if I even have friends in the company.
I told him I do have friends. But talking to them, mingling with them and chatting does not mean I have to lunch with them all the time. Just because I do not lunch with most people does not mean I am totally devoid of friendship in the firm. I just prefer to lunch in or run errands at times.
Still, it would be good to know how to improve working relations. But the fact is that most people go to the pantry to joke and gossip, but I do not. I just get my work done and do not bother about what is going on around me.
Yet the sad thing is that, supervisors somehow prefer those who partake in gossip and those who bootlick than those who do their work and prefer to be left alone.
I would also like to improve my relations with his parents. His parents are not like others; I remember whenever my exs told his parents I would be going over, they got all excited and made sure I had a feast, felt welcomed and would even call me anytime just to ask me out. So no matter how my past relationships turned out, I am still very grateful to the parents who had been so nice to me.
But not this time. His parents like the Victorian kind of girl - soft-spoken, demure, listen to the guy. I am defintely not like that. I mean, I do listen to the guy and do not insist I am always right, but I do have a mind of my own too.
But to his parents, they deem me as controlling and fierce, just because I asked him to go over and mingle with my family more often and he listened. His parents think I ought to be the one going to the guy's place and not the other way round, otherwise the relationship is not secure.
Well, if the relationship is not secure in the first place, then even if I go over to the guy's place all the time, we will still not last.
Wonder if his parents like the kind of girls who take out the guy's shoes when he comes home, pour him a drink and massage him? Then sad to say, I am not this kind if girl. Not that I will not do things like that, just that I do it only of my own free will and not being imposed on.
Having said that, I do like to know how else to improve the relations between his parents and myself. They are okay with me, not overly warm and friendly, and I like to have a good relation with my partner's family members too.
I like them to call me anytime, ask me out anytime, treat me like the daughter they never had, just like how I would like to treat them. I really hope this part can be improved!
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
4 comments:
As the saying goes, you can't be like them, join them. I've learnt if you don't like their gossip, just pply the "in the left ear, out the left ear'. However, making small talk or compliment or simply how are you or smile. Lunch with them once in awhile is great for bonding purposes. Sometimes you need gossip so that time passes quickly .. may not be applicable for all.
As for 'in-laws', well, patient my dear. Just be yourself! It takes time :)
Its just that besides gossip, they talk about stuff which I can't relate to, like children, marriage, Taiwan dramas, etc. If I talk about the latest movie or gourmet dining, they switch off and cannot relate to me. So in the end most of the time I end up just sitting there and listening to them. After a while, I figured its more productive if I just lunch in alone and do my work at the same time.
As for the "in-laws", things are getting better, but still need a bit adjusting. Hopefully this year things will be smooth!
Well, yea I can understand about the topic they discussed. I used to get that stares "what ru talkin bout, u r not even married or have kids" when I shared about my experiences with kids and marriage. I find that a bit cruel. Do you really have to be married or have kids to share? Duhhh ... So I resorted to asking them questions just to make them feel good!! Call them bunch of aunties :p
Haha... yup, "aunties" is the right word. All they talk about is husband, children, trip to Malaysia and which numbers will strike lottery!
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