A Beautiful Wedding Rehearsal

I attended the wedding rehearsal of my friend last Saturday. She wants a pink-themed wedding, so I have to wear something pink as part of the choristers. Her march-in tune is going to be played by bagpipes as the groom has some Scottish ancestry.

It was already such a beautiful experience during the rehearsal, I believe it will be even more beautiful on the actual day. I feel so happy for her! This weekend will be the Big Day itself, and she has been busy preparing the wedding.

My only gripe is why did she choose that church of all places? Okay, it is the church she attends with her fiance, so naturally she will choose that church. But that church holds so many memories for me.

When I stepped into the grounds last Saturday after not having been there for close to four years, I cannot help a rush of feelings. It is like I seem to see myself walking into the church with someone.

I saw the canteen where we used to buy lunch (or breakfast), and where we would help his parents sell macaroni sometimes. I saw the carpark where there would be an occasional food fair to raise funds and we would be having so much fun helping out to raise funds for charity.

I saw the main hall and the pew in between the choir and the altar where we would always sit. I saw the Confession booth, where he would go in for Confession and I would linger around outside to wait for him.

Almost eleven years of church-going, six years in this church, and yet I have the deepest memories. I did not even have as many memories of the church I attended before this church, nor the one I am attending now.

The surroundings are still the same. The garden is still nice. I always think I am in the Garden of Eden each time I pass by the church garden. There are still three dogs, caged up behind the church, where I would always pass by and stroked them.

This was the church someone once told me he wanted to proclaim his marriage vows in. Unfortunately, this is not the church I want to get married in. My choice of a venue for a church wedding is still the same, no change, even after all these years.

Overall, it was a good session. We sang to our heart's content, and the bride rehearsed marching-in, from the doorway, down the steps, all the way down the aisle where the groom is waiting for her.

I cannot wait for the actual day this Saturday! I really wish them all the best for a life together, combined as one.

Do Things Happen For A Purpose?

Do things happen for a purpose? Christians will say that it is God that make all things possible, and whatever that happens is His wil and His purpose and function for you in your life.

Others will say it is fate. But sometimes due to coincidences or things that happen, other things (good or bad) also happen. I guess all comes in a package - the people you meet, the things you do, the things that are being done to you.

Looking back on recent years, I am grateful to the things that have happened to me, to the people I have met, be they good or bad. Although my luck seems better only recently, in a way, I am still appreciative of all the negative things that have happened to me.

If my parents never brought me up the way they did, I could have been like my youngest brother - spoilt, arrogant, stuck-up, self-centred. My mum gave the excuse that National Service will mould him and whip him into a better person, but we shall see.

If I have never met a string of self-centred guys, I would never have finally realised my worth, that I deserve better, that I do not need to be treated the way I had been treated.

If I have not been in and out of jobs, I would never have landed this job, ended up working in this company, and met someone I never expected to meet!

Maybe things happen at different stages for a purpose. Perhaps one must experience heartache and abuse before one can appreciate the other little things in life. Perhaps only through sadness and bad luck can one experience happiness and good luck.

Afterall, as the saying goes, every cloud has a silver lining!

Tracking Changes ....

There is this function in Word that allows one to make amendments called "Track Changes". I absolutely loathe that function! It is so confusing, especially when a document needs to be amended several times!

No doubt it is a good function. At least when documents are being compared or amended, the changes are reflected. Once everything is approved, you only need to click on "Accept Changes" and voila! a new document is in place.

However, it is not a good idea if a document needs several drafts before the final version. Just like if I need to amend a document several times, the changes being reflected get more and more, and at the end of it all, you cannot even remember which are the latest and earliest amendments.

First round the amendments are marked out in blue. Second round red. Third round green. Fourth round pink. Fifth round orange. Sixth round purple. Seventh round brown. At the end of four rounds, my eyes will start to water and my head will start to throb.

It is worse if a normal printer is being used to print out the document. Then everything will be in black and white, there will be so many strike outs and new insertions that one gets cock-eyed just looking at the document itself.

I only hope I do not get into trouble with the Administration side for using the colour printer so much. But I have to. I simply cannot figure out where all the amendments are if I do not see it in colour.

Gosh, I hate documentation work!

The Price Of Beauty ....

Lately I have been thinking, with technological advances in the medical field, there are so many cosmetic surgeries available. Since I will be going for LASIK sooner or later anyway, and I am still considering going for slimming treatments, why not just go for the entire package?

I have said that I like all my body parts natural, partly also I dread being under any needles or knives, but then what if one’s natural beauty is not that great in the first place? Especially when one ages, their looks will go, and even with all the beauty products available, it is inevitable that they will one day look withered.

Some people will scoff about the extent people go to just to look good. But who does not want to look good? Girls all want to look good. There is a saying that there are no ugly women, only lazy ones. Rather true actually, since looking good needs effort. Even guys want to look good, as evidenced by the extensive male clientele at beauty parlours in recent years.

Of course I will not go so far as to go for a liposuction or breast enlargement (although I am so tempted to), but I like to change certain parts of my features to make them better. Going to the gym or getting involved in physical activities, or going for slimming treatments and adhering to a strict diet will be able to make one’s body toned and slim, but no amount of exercising or beauty treatments or makeup can alter one’s facial features.

True, now people use makeup to create a double eyelids effect, or to contour their cheeks, or to recede their broader features, but these are not permanent. These last only as long as you do not wash your face.

What I like is to get rid of the fine lines around my eyes, slim down my jaw line and sharpen my nose bridge. My face is a bit broad thus my cheeks really puff up when I smile, and I cannot simply stop smiling just because I want to look slim, otherwise people will think me so rude and arrogant.

I have known all along that my nose bridge is very flat, but it was only after I saw myself in my friend’s wedding video that that feature is so obvious despite makeup that I decided I seriously need to do something to lift up my face.

And I am still a bit young to have any wrinkles whatsoever. A botox will cure that, especially since I still plan to be a bride one day, and a bride must always look her best. I have friends who go for botox, corrective surgery to slim their cheeks, and double eyelid surgeries before their wedding, and they look so great on their big days!

Not just wedding, the looks will stay almost the rest of the life if we continue with our skin care and beauty regime. And even if we age, we may age more gracefully if we look better. I want to still look twenty-ish even when I am middle-aged!

A Special Treat

Since I have such good friends, I am going to give everyone a little treat. Finally, I am going to show how I look like - close-up.

And so here it is : One of my pictures from my recent make-over. I was wearing a black toga dress. Go ahead and gag, puke, laugh, whatever, but this is the way I look and I cannot change it. ;-p

Treasure it, as it is only going to be a one-time thing!

One Year Celebration

So my blog is officially one year old now. An achievement for me. This blog is like my own baby, where I need to constantly feed it before it can grow.

And to celebrate, I met up with three nice gentlemen (all fellow bloggers) for dinner and drinks earlier on. I had a real good time, although I wish everyone I invited could turn up, then the gathering would be livelier and more fun.

One year, and more than 700 entries. I cannot believe it myself too! My next target : 1000 entries, and perhaps go on for another year.

And to the three guys : Thank you so much for coming. It was really nice meeting up with you (especially the one I happened to be meeting only for the first time). I hope we can have future gatherings again, perhaps when one of your blogs reach a milestone too (*hint hint*)!

And for the rest : Sorry I was not able to invite everyone as it was planned to be only a small gathering, but I do hope I can meet up with you soon.

Once again, thanks so much for all your support and encouragement!

A Year Later ....

One year. How time flies. I still remember exactly a year ago, it was on a Saturday morning. I was bored and sitting around at home, waiting for my new mobile phone to arrive. I started blog-reading.

I have known about the existence of blogs since the late 1990s, and I have read my friends' blogs once in a while. That day was the aftermath of my debut performance, and I was chatting with a few choral friends (most of them blog) concurrently.

My Friendster Inbox was flooded with blog updates and notices from my friends. Out of curiousity, I started scanning their blogs, until I came to a particular blog. He only had a few entries in his Friendster blog before he migrated to blogspot.

I was so impressed at the way he expresses himself that I went into his new blog at blogspot and started reading. Everything he posted so far. Suddenly, out of the blue, my long-lost love for writing resurfaced. The more I read his writing, the more I felt like writing again.

I had lost the inclination to write for a while. My diaries used to be regularly updated, but once the grind of life took over, I sort of stopped writing for a while, and only updated sparse entries now and then.

So I thought to myself, since I am always in front of the computer, why not do something serious for once instead of always playing games or random web surfing with no objective? Something that is exclusively mine, yet at the same time express myself.

At that moment, the friend whose blog I was reading came online and I started telling him my intention to start a blog. He was full of encouragement and gave me some ideas on how to begin.

And thus, a new blogger emerged. It was only on a trial basis at first as I had no idea how long I would keep at it. When I posted my first entry, I told my friend and he made some positive comments, which got me rather enouraged.

I never knew I could keep it going. I thought it was just something I could do once in a while when killing time, but when my life started going downhill, I began to note down my frustrations and feelings, and the more I write, the more I want to write, and the more I could not stop. It was really comforting and relieving to write everything down.

So here I am. One year of ups and downs, hiffs and jiffs, happiness and sadness, drama and comedy, loves and hates, successes and failures, health and sickness. And a rather eventful year at that, especially since I started having my own pool of loyal supporters and met a few new friends in the process.

All thanks to my friend. My muse and inspiration when I first started out - Sonic and his ScratchPad. One year, and ongoing. And many thanks to all my readers and supporters. You have encouraged me when I was down, lifted my spirits, and been there for me in your own way.

And to those who know of the existence of my blog, who never restricts me from writing what I like, and who reads my blog faithfully, and gives me sincere comments to my entries.

Hence, to quote from Angie, my restless journey continues. How long more? I have no idea. As long as I live, hopefully.

Meanwhile I am going to have a busy day ahead, with mass in the morning, dance practice in the afternoon, and a dinner celebration with some blogging friends at night.

An Affair With Two Men

And who are these two men?

One is called Ben, the other Jerry.

To Everyone : I Love You!

I spoke to my cousin the other day, as she is a single mother and I wanted to get a first-hand account on how being a single parent is like, just in case one day I do become a single parent.

She is quite pitiful. Her ex-husband had a job posting overseas two years back, and within months, he had an affair, and filed for divorce since he decided to be with his mistress. It was a rather messy affair, but she seems to emerge out of it happier.

I pity the two boys though. They were only five and three when their parents divorced, and they only get to see their father once a week, and some public holidays, provided he is back here. I see the way my cousins struggle, and I really admire her.

But she has lots of help, from a maid and her parents. Also, her company allows her to go to work earlier in the morning, so she can go off earlier and be with her kids. She says that some companies do give priviledges to single mothers with young children.

She told me that it is still best for kids to grow up in a complete family, ie with both the father and mother around. Which is why some couples refuse to formally divorce even though they have already separated and leading their own lives, because of the children.

A single parent has to play the role of both the father and the mother, the family is surviving on just one person's income instead of dual-income. It is still best to have someone with you when you are pregnant, when you are giving birth, when you are raising kids.

Point taken. But I know my life will be rather empty if I do not have kids. Of course it is still best to have a complete family, but if there comes a time when I do not get married, or I get divorced, or widowed, I will still want to have kids. At least one. And I hope it will be the kid of someone I love too.

Seeing my cousin in this state, I realise that there is a lot of uncertainty in the future, in the world. My worst fear is that something may happen to my family. My other worst fear is that my relationship will not be permanent, and I am sure I will not be able to bear it this time round.

Just imagine with so much terrorism going on, so many crimes and bad news around, so many natural disasters, who knows I may just be killed when my house get bombed and the shell drops on me when I am sleeping. Afterall, even a butterfly flapping its wings can trigger off a tornado somewhere else.

The world needs more love and peace. Just like the movie "The Fifth Element", the four elements of wind, water, fire and earth will not survive and the world cannot survive if there is no love - the quintessential fifth element.

So in case I never have a chance to say this, here is what I want to say :

To all my friends, whether I have met you in person or not - I love all of you, and thank you for all your support, kind words and advise.

To people who have irritated and hurt me in the past - I forgive you, and wish you the best in whatever you do.

To my beloved Cookie (although he can never understand) - You are the light of my life. You make me smile and forget all the worries and frustrations I have. You will always be my little furball.

To my parents, siblings and family - I love you, very much. Despite all our disagreements, I do appreciate everything you have done for me, all the times when you were there for me, and everything you have helped me with. I never did say this, but I am proud to be part of the family.

And a special one to my mum - You are my inspiration and idol, in many ways. Although we do not agree on a lot of issues, I want to say you are the one who is the most influential in my life. I will never be what I am today if it is not because of you. I may not have been the perfect or model daughter in your eyes, but I do love you and will never leave you.

Well, sound a lot like my last words. But then they could jolly well be my last words since I have no idea what will happen the next moment. And I do not wish to disappear all of a sudden without expressing how I feel.

Generalise Or Specialise?

At times I wonder what exactly is my job title? I seem to be doing everything! I have to negotiate and counter contracts, proof-read and comment on legal documents, note-taking and minute-recording during meetings (plus being the food caterer, trash collector and coffee lady if it is a working lunch), photocopier, fax distributor, receptionist, mailman (or mailwoman), letter screener (for my boss and the Big Boss), mail distributor, translator, managing the contract database, stock-taker, and even switching on the lights and computer in the Big Boss’ room when he comes into the office!

That day, I just repaired the printer and fax machine as well. Instead of a mere Contract Administrator, I may as well be the secretary-cum-receptionist-cum-data entry clerk-cum-coffee lady-cum-goodness knows what. In other words, a General Office Girl.

I guess I should not complain. At least now I have a job, with a big possibility of being able to stay on permanently. Much better than those insecure jobless unemployed days. Besides, doing everything is rather exciting in a way, as I get to be exposed to more areas.

But sometimes I wish I can specialize in something. At least with an area of specialization, the niche is there, and the market value and prospects may be higher. My best friend specializes in Marketing, and now she is the Marketing Manager of Ya Kun, of my favourite kaya toast!

Most of my friends specialize in their areas of expertise, and some are so good at their work that the few times they contemplated leaving the company, they were given increments just to stay on. I guess for someone who specializes in a certain area, the marketability, value and prospects increase with experience.

I could have specialized in Law or Mass Communications, then there will be excellent prospects everywhere. As it is, where can someone with just a mere general Arts degree go? What can I do exactly? Now I am like a Jack (or Jill) or all trades, but Master (or Mistress) of none.

Learning Independence ....

This post is inspired by three things - my younger years, a recent article in the Sunday Times, and Leecooper's post (what happened to you anyway? Taking a long break?).

The gist of it is that a few weeks back, the Sunday Times published an article on grown adults who are still living off or taking allowance from their parents, just to sustain their luxurious life.

These parents pay for their kids' mobile bills which can cost up to S$800.00 (how do they utilise their phones?), and give them supplementary credit cards with bills charged to the parents just so the kids can indulge in branded products of S$500.00 or more.

What is going to happen if these parents retire or are no longer around? I have friends who were scholars, and wanted to break their bonds, so their parents gave up their retirement funds to pay off the rest of the bond.

At times I wonder, as parents, is it better to continue supporting the child and letting him take all for granted, without any form of gratitude, or is it better to be hard-hearted and let your kids resent your "treatment" but yet they learn independence and the value of life in the process?

Leecooper's article is a reflection on how his dad brought him up and teaching him the value of money, and making him independent at a young age. This sort of made me remember the quarrels I used to have with my mum.

All the way until I finished secondary school, I was chauffeured all over. I was driven to school in a white Mercedes-Benz. I took the school bus back when I was in primary school, but in secondary school, I asked to go home on my own. Even for my music classes, I was driven to and fro.

However, during school events and camps, my dad would still insist on picking me up after everything ended. My classmates used to envy me. They called that "luxury", I called that "imprisonment".

I used to envy my classmates when they could hang out after school or on Saturdays, but I had to be at home mugging away. Thus, because of this, my allowance was much lesser than the rest of my peers.

My mum gave me enough for food during recess, and that was it. She saw no point in giving me bus fare or lunch money, since I was expected to walk home (my school was about twenty minutes away) and eat lunch at home. Whatever amount she gave me I had to make it last the week.

So if I had to pay for charitable events or school fund-raising or class fund, it had to be out of my allowance, since no extras would be given on any accord.

When I finished secondary school, I deemed myself old enough to make a few decisions. I was already sixteen-going-on-seventeen. I told my parents I was going to go to school and back on my own.

Can you believe that was the first time I actually took a public bus all on my own? I took the train on my own around that time too. My parents were so worried about me, but I was so excited at the prospect of independence!

The first few days of the new school term, my parents kept asking me to call them if I needed them to drive me around, but I told them I could travel on my own. Imagine an almost seventeen-year-old girl calling for parents to pick her up! What an embarrassment!

My allowance got a little increment, just a little. Still not enough, especially I was older, had more school activities, and wanted to hang out more with my classmates. The issue of money became more frustrating, especially since my mum refused to back down, and I refused to settle for such a meagre amount.

I told my parents that if they could afford such a house, two big cars and a maid, surely it would not hurt them to increase my allowance a little more? I was not even asking for a thousand per month, but when my classmates (who lived in flats and some of them came from single-income families) had at least S$250.00 per month (with extras each time they asked), I had less than that (with no extras) to last for the month.

With the living expenses here, it is already almost impossible to live on only S$250.00 per month already, let alone even less!

So I started giving tuition to earn my keep. I grew tired of always quarrelling with my parents over the amount of allowance I got. And besides, I thought it would make me feel better about myself if I had earned my own keep.

This triggered off jests and surprises from my peers. They said that surely someone like me need not even work in the future, since most likely I could take over my dad's business, so why must I waste my time giving tuition to earn extra? What did they know anyway?

But I stopped asking for an allowance increase. My parents thought I could finally budget (I did not tell them about the tutoring stint since they would sure disapprove), but I felt good because at least I knew I could earn my own income, no matter how little the amount was.

My parents later decided that giving me a monthly allowance would be too much for fear I spent it all within a week, so they started giving me weekly allowances like before. At first I was unhappy, but my mum said if I protested again, she would give me on a daily basis and I would only get S$2.00 per day!

I was really mad with my parents. For someone of their class, they definitely could afford a lot more! Sometimes I think the wealthier people are, the more stingy and calculative they become!

So anyway, my tuition stint increased, from one student to two students, to siblings. So I had more income. And soon, I told my parents they need not give me weekly allowance anymore, once every two weeks would be enough.

When I entered university, I stopped taking money from them altogether. I did various holiday jobs and continued tutoring, and although I would not say that was a lot of money, it was enough for me to tide over at least.

My parents paid for my education, but the daily expenses were all my own, including my pager bills, then mobile bills, and the telephone and electricity bills at the campus hostel. And of course, ever since I started working, I had not taken a single cent from my parents. If anything, I gave them a part of my income every month.

Looking back, I would still think my parents were a tad too calculative, but in a way, they taught me independence. Although the irony is that they still control my movements and my life even now, but I started earning my own keep since young.

A lot of people never believed I had to freelance to sustain myself. Even now, some will ask why not study full-time, after all, my parents can support me. And they do not believe that I am paying for my own further education, not my parents.

But, like what Leecooper said, it was because of this that he learnt independence. I guess the same goes for me. I complained to my cousin-godma that I cannot stand my brother at times, and I wonder why my parents treat him so much better.

He is already having a lot more allowance than me (whether that time or now), and each time he asked, they would give him more, they are paying for his mobile bills, he still calls them to drive him wherever he want to go, and in circumstances when he had to travel on his own, he had to call me to ask about the buses that go to a particular area, or the nearest train station.

But she said actually it was a good thing my parents treated me the way they did, because I am a much better person than my brother. She said I am sensible, independent and respectful, whereas he is just self-centred, calculative, attention-seeking and disrespectful.

Well... cannot really comment whether I am as good as she (or anyone else) says, but I do know my brother is going to get into big trouble if he does not watch himself. He cannot have my parents to protect and shelter him forever.

In a way, my upbringing taught me a few lessons on what to do and what not to do to my future kids. I know at least I will support them through their studies, be it local or overseas, and I will provide them to the best of my ability, but at the same time teach them the value of money so they will not take their good lives for granted.

A Holy Day Of Obligation

Ascension Day.

Attended Mass I did.

Asked for mercy and forgiveness from God

As well as to forgive all those who sinned against me.

And I found peace.

Allelujah!

Amen.

Too Many Coincidences

There can never be enough coincidences. I saw two people whom I wish never to see again while buying dinner last night. I was trying to see if I could squirm out of an embarrassing situation when the lady came and talked to me.

At first, she asked if I would be attending their wedding. Funny question, considering I have not even had any details of their wedding date and venue. Then, she asked whether I would be interested in helping out at their wedding.

He must have let slip to her that I have been helping out at my cousins' and friends' weddings since young. Still, I was rather bemused at her question. My jaw almost dropped when I heard that. Is she serious?!

She must have seen my expression, because she quickly explained that they have no ulterior motives in asking me to help out at their wedding. But seeing that I look older (DO I REALLY?!) each time she sees me (as if she had seen me that many times), she thinks I should plan her wedding.

Her exact words were : Someone like me who is neither sexy nor gorgeous, will never be able to hold on to any guy for long, as guys want someone gorgeous whom they can show off, and not someone who shows signs of aging.

Thus, I will never be able to have my own wedding, so she is helping me make my dream come true by asking me to help prepare a dream wedding for them.

Talk about adding insult to injury! Adding salt to the wound! I have never been so humiliated in my life before! I was just so speechless with rage that I had no idea how to respond. And he just stood there and smiled without saying anything! But then again, what was I expecting him to say anyway?

I told them I had to rush so excused myself. But the damage was done. On my way home, I almost cried. No doubt I felt awkward seeing them, but actually it did not matter so much to me than what she said.

I keep telling myself to forgive and forget, that it is wrong to resent and be bitter, that hating someone is a sin, but when something like this happens, I just cannot help it. I was so angry I felt like strangling, murdering, voodooing.... anything if I could just erase my memory of this part of my life.

But what she said made me depressed. Is outer beauty really what counts? Is the one who is always so nice and giving always lose out just because she is plainer-looking, and the one who can give herself airs and so demanding get all the love just because she is too pretty to be let go off?

I did not wish to tell my guy what happened since he too was in a depressed state lately, but in the end I could not help it. I needed to get it off my chest, so I told him. And he comforted me (although I should be the one comforting him). He told me not to bother what others say as long as I have him and he loves me.

Now is that not just so sweet? That lifted my spirits up. I must remember what I promise myself - to resolve to be happy, especially with my sweet dear, and not let anything affect my mood.

Meanwhile, I have to see how to get rid of this bitterness in my mind. Perhaps I need a ritual cleansing of the soul before I can find peace.

Radio Shows For Airheads?

Is it not just so exasperating when you know the answer to a radio show, yet can never get through to the line, but those who did get through do not know the answer in the first place?

I was tuning in to the Gold Breakfast Show yesterday (Tuesday actually) morning. The deejay was giving away prizes for the person who could name three Shakespeare tragedies. I was feeling excited as that is the type of question specially made for me!

However, I tried calling in again and again, but to no avail. And the deejay kept picking up calls from those who could not answer the question fully. The callers stated "Romeo and Juliet", but gave wrong answers to the other two.

Some said "Merchant Of Venice" (a comedy), some "Midsummer Night's Dream" (a comedy too), and some even said "David Copperfield", of a totally different era. The deejay said "David Copperfield" is a Dicken's play!

Well, not a play actually, but a novel. Anyway, after five callers, the competition was closed, and all got consolation prizes for participating. I was so disappointed! I could have answered that in a breath!

Shakespeare wrote thirteen tragedies - "Titus Andronicus", "Romeo and Juliet", "Julius Caesar", "Hamlet, Prince Of Denmark", "Troilus And Cressida", "Othello, The Moor Of Venice", "Macbeth", "King Lear", "Antony And Cleopatra", "Coriolanus", "Timon Of Athens", "Pericles, Prince Of Tyre" and "Cymbeline" (listed in chronological order). Just pick any three of these and one could be a winner!

Times like these I wish those who are not confident of answering correctly should refrain from calling in and wasting the airtime, and let those who really know the answer get through the line.

Dancing On Stage

Lately the chorus sessions are geared towards the July performance. Our dance chereographer has arrived. As the performane is on a Mozart Opera set during the Romantic era, she taught us a few steps rooted in Latin dance.

There will be a segment when all the females and males have to pair up to dance together. The ladies have to curtsey, while the gentlemen have to bow with one hand behind their backs, as it was in the debutante balls of olden days.

The steps are easy to master actually, since most of us have no dance training whatsoever, so she only gave us very easy steps. The important thing is to keep to the rhythm and let our bodies flowed together.

Unfortunately, because most of us have no background, she called for extra sessions, and the first extra session will be this Sunday at her dance studio. Luckily the session will be in the afternoon, otherwise I will not be able to make it at night due to an important event.

Overall it was a very fun session. Now I remember why I like performing so much when I was young, even now. You have so much fun during practices, and the excitement of being on stage and knowing you are doing a great job, makes all the time, commitment and exhaustion worthwhile!

Lessons From "Singapore Idol"

1. If you do not sound musically decent, ie out of tune, out of pitch, lack of voice projection, do not go on television and make a fool of yourself, then crumble and cry after you were booted out, unless you have a super thick skin and willing to accept anything that come your way.

2. Your song must match your voice. In other words, if you cannot sing high notes, do not attempt a Pavarotti or a Sarah Brightman. Likewise, if your voice is naturally high, flaunt it. Do not sabotage your chance by attempting to sing a song much lower than your range.

3. At least two years of regular professional voice training is required before you even attempt to go for the auditions. Simply being in choirs or choral groups all your life does not guarantee you will sing up to par if you have not had any formal training.

4. Have a theme. Your voice must suit the song, the song must suit the dressing, the dressing must suit the image. If you are singing a sweetie-pie song, then ensure you have a sweetie-pie voice and image to go along. A rough voice with a sweetie-pie song with a Gothic image simply does not cut it; neither does a country look with a sweetie-pie voice but a gruff cowboy song.

5. The judges can be rather crude or curt. But if one is to be an idol and going to be in the limelight, then one must be able to take criticisms and harsh remarks. The judges are the best people to judge whether one can sing or not, so if you are cut off and told to retreat, go off graciously instead of cursing and swearing and pleading for another chance.

6. Make sure you can pronounce your words properly, and your diction is clear and perfect. The worst thing that can happen while singing is to slur or lisp and "murder" the entire song.

7. Understand what an "idol" means in the first place. An "idol" is not just someone with a strong enough voice who had the potential to make it in the industry, but also someone people look up to, someone people follow. Thus, the person must have a certain image, looks good on television and able to garner a wide fan base. Thus, if you are not good-looking and does not have a good voice and no charisma, do not even bother trying out unless you are prepared to embarrass yourself in front of millions.

If You Got Nothing, Why Flaunt?

Why do some people think themselves too high for anyone without even looking at their own reflections? As it is, I keep bumping into people I do not wish to see. As if I am not in a bad enough mood the past few days, this person must appear and make me even more irritated.

I saw that cheapo a few days back while on my way home. I saw him first and was hoping that I would have a peaceful trip because I certainly do not wish to talk to him. But the carriage is such that everyone will start looking at everyone else, so inevitably, he saw me.

He came to talk to me, and the first thing he remarked was that I have put on weight (I KNOW!), as he can now see a bit of my tummy, and that is so ugly. He, of all people, dare to say that to me?!

I still have a relatively hour-glass figure, whereas his figure is what I will describe as a round teddy bear, with lots of belly protruding out. Look at himself before he even dares to comment on a person's weight and figure!

Luckily he got off at the next stop, so I did not need to bear with anymore insults. Why do some people think they can just dish out negative comments on others in front of them just like that? If it is something I have done that hurts others, then by all means tell me straight, but do not put down the way I look or my character or things I do.

And I certainly do not need any cheapo fatso telling me I look ugly because I have put on weight or that I cannot manage my finances just because I refuse to pay for him any longer. Who does he think he is anyway?

This was not the first time someone put me down so curtly. When I was in my first relationship, all he did was to put me down, from my dressing to the way I write to my English standard. I got A for both English Language and Literature, and he got a C for both subjects, he had the cheek to criticise my English standard?

He used to say that if my standard of English was really so good, why did I only use simple adjectives while speaking? This tells a lot about my Vocabulary. Why? Simple, because I find it a mouthful to use three syllables instead of just one syllable, so out of sheer laziness, I chose to construct my sentences in as few words and syllables as possible.

But who was he to comment as well? I was younger then, so did not have the guts to speak up, but if it is now, I would have told him off straight away. He was the one who needed my help to draft his reports and essays, and he dared say that my language ability was not up to par?

Then there were also those guys who actually asked me how can I be satisfied without a car and without any gold cards. They keep on telling me how many gold cards they have, the amount of salary they earn and the cars they change every half a year or so.

They asked do I not want to aim for better luxury? In the first place, I cannot drive, so a car is useless to me. And I have not earned enough to afford any gold card. They have the cheek to say that if I remain so "poor", how to have a better quality of life?

Who are they to say I am poor? All these are just material stuff, it does not matter to me, as long as I am rich in love, friendship and happiness. All the material things in the world do not make one a happier or better person.

And anyway, who are they to show off as well? If I really want to show off, I can flaunt my house to everyone. I have a maid all my life, I sleep on a queen-size bed in a room twice the size of a normal living room of a flat, I do not make my own bed or my own meals or do my own laundry, I was chauffeured all the way until I finished secondary school.

I have a grand-uncle who is the head of an Indonesian multinational company, with branches in Hong Kong and Singapore, I have another uncle who owns a public-listed company here, my mother is a top civil servant who heads a team of a few hundred, and my father heads two businesses in China and Indonesia.

How many people here can actually afford this type of lifestyle or live in a house like mine? Okay, it is not my house but my parents' house, but those guys who tried to show off to me only live in four- or five-room flats and are only in normal jobs, yet they think they are so wealthy or arrogant.

I am not trying to be all high-and-mighty here, but if people want to show off, then make sure they have substantial assets to show off in the first place. If they have nothing to flaunt, why bother?

If you want to flaunt your riches and tell others how poor they are, then make sure you have enough riches to flaunt in the first place. If you want to tell others how ugly or stupid they are, then make sure you are so drop-dead gorgeous or a top genius in the first place. Otherwise, you are just nothing, as compared to a lot of other people.

Da Vinci, Decoded

Solve this anagram : A Man's Oil. I am surprised at myself that I managed to solve it the moment I saw the promotion poster outside the theatre. Answer : Mona Lisa.

But I am so happy that I can finally watch the movie which I have waited almost a year for. When we reached the theatre, it was such a long queue, from in front of the box office all the way to the middle of the shopping mall.

Since we were almost right at the back of the queue, we could not even see the timings on the little screen properly. What luck that we are both deeply myopic and do not have perfect vision even with lenses on.

So I stayed in the queue and he went in front to check out the timings. He came back and told me that almost all the shows have sold out, all the way until the midnight show. What?! He said we could always watch another show and watch this the following week.

No way! I waited so long just to watch the movie! Besides, I am looking forward to "X-Men" next week! Even if it is not Da Vinci, I want to watch Tom Hanks in action!

So we decided to try our luck at the theatre in the next shopping mall. And luckily this time we managed to get tickets, not just for Da Vinci, but "Over The Hedge" as well.

Tom Hanks put up a superb performance, as usual. The movie is more than just an adaptation; it is almost the entire book itself. Every character, every scene, every action, it is just as if I am reading the book all over again, but with moving pictures this time instead of just words.

The only part that was changed is around the end when Sophie discovered her true identity, and the identity of her grandfather. The movie-makers decided to change that part probably to make it more interesting, but actually, I feel the book's ending is still better.

Overall a very good movie of the drama genre. Although we are wondering what garnered the NC-16 rating, since there is no nudity or coarse language or real violence anywhere. Perhaps it is the storyline. But then, the book has been read by kids as young as nine even, so does it really matter even if kids below the age of sixteen get to watch it?

It is true that a picture speaks a thousand words. I never know how magnificent the Louvre is until I saw it on screen, or how beautiful the Mona Lisa and Madonna of the Rocks are. Da Vinci was a genius indeed, to be able to create such artistry using just a few colours. And it was after reading the book that I started looking at the Last Supper a little differently.

The book and the show is just fiction. Dan Brown was sued for blasphemy because of his works. And Christians worldwide are protesting to ban the show. However, a good piece of fiction is a good piece of fiction.

People should just keep an open mind and understand that everything is just fiction. Just because one reads the book or watch the movie, does not automatically mean one becomes a betrayer of the faith. It is how you live your life and practice the faith that determines a good Christian, not because of some author's good imagination.

P/S. For those in the know, one more week! I just want to thank you very much in advance. Will touch base soon regarding venue and time confirmation. See you!

Feeling Down ....

In sooth, I know not why I am so sad; it wearies me; you say it wearies you; but how I caught it, found it, or came by it, what stuff't is made of, whereof it is born, I am to learn; and such a want-wit sadness makes of me that I have much ado to know myself. I hold the world but as the world, a stage, where everyone must play a part, and mine a sad one.

And so reflects my mood for the week. I have been feeling down and moody, yet have absolutely no idea why. In fact, I was feeling so down that I actually woke up in the middle of the night to cry, and my tears suddenly came down in the middle of work today. Perhaps it is to do with the bad vibes I have been feeling. I just cannot help but feel that something is not right.

Maybe I have been too demanding or not understanding enough. I have been moody, and I have friends who actually asked if I am alright. I told my guy I am moody, but he has not spoken ten sentences to me today.

I tried to understand that he is busy, that he cannot always be around each time I need, but I wonder if it is right for me to be mad? Or am I just being too petty? Sometimes I wish we have more of a Westernised culture where people have no qualms saying exactly how they feel.

Like if they love a person, they will say it. They are not reserved about holding or hugging their loved ones. In our Asian culture, particularly Chinese, we are brought up to be more reserved. We are not allowed to show our love in front of others.

I have never heard my parents ever declaring their love to each other, nor seen them hugging or holding hands. Asian men are brought up to believe that men must be macho, showing love or their true feelings is a sign of weakness.

But I need someone who can tell me he loves me. No need to be every hour, every day, but at least to tell me he loves me, and he misses me, and how much he yearns to see me. Somehow I think maybe if the guy is no longer pining to see you, then the connection is gone, and the relationship will go downhill.

I know he cares for me, he is generous, he gives me a wonderful time each time we go out. Yet he is not there when I need him the most. Or perhaps it is just bad timing. Perhaps I am too needy. Or even perhaps I do not know what is good for myself.

I do not need the guy to meet me or be around 24/7, like some of my friends. That is unhealthy. But as it is, we only get to see each other and go out once a week. The most eight hours per week.

Two days during the weekends, and one day he meets with his family. Throughout the week, we see each other at work, but that is not the same. Meeting each other in the office as co-workers is not the same as actually meeting up with him.

I get to see him the most half an hour during weekdays when we take the same transport, but even then, we cannot really behave like a couple for professional reasons. I want so much to be able to just enjoy his company once in a while after office hours.

Is it wrong to ask that? Am I just being too demanding or unreasonable that I want more of his time than what he can give me? I am a selfish person too. I want my guy to put me first in his heart, just like I put him first in my heart. I love him too much to lose him.

I also cannot understand just what is wrong with me. The guy is already better than anyone I have ever been with, so am I still justifiable to complain? I think I really should count my blessings, but I cannot help the way I feel, especially since I always let my heart overrule my head.

Justification Of Wierdness

Mr X (Anonymous) just tagged me! About six wierd things about myself. But when it comes to me, six is definitely not enough! So anyway, here goes ....

1. I have very extreme mood swings. One moment I can be the happiest person in the world, thinking the sun is always shining, the sky is always blue, the flowers are always blooming, but the next second I can sway to the other extreme and get angry with anyone and everyone with no rhyme or reason.

2. I crave for good food, yet I am extremely choosy over my food. (Go figure.)

3. I do not mean what I say, and I do not say what I mean at times. (Go figure too.)

4. I can re-read a book over and over again, and relive the excitement and fantasy of the story all over again. The same goes for movies, which I can sit in for three movies consecutively in a day.

5. I can go for musicals, plays and operas (things which "normal" people will not enjoy) all by myself, and thoroughly enjoy them.

6. I care too much about things which do not really matter, but do not care enough about things that really matter.

So, do I justify that I am wierd?