This post is inspired by three things - my younger years, a recent article in the Sunday Times, and Leecooper's post (what happened to you anyway? Taking a long break?).
The gist of it is that a few weeks back, the Sunday Times published an article on grown adults who are still living off or taking allowance from their parents, just to sustain their luxurious life.
These parents pay for their kids' mobile bills which can cost up to S$800.00 (how do they utilise their phones?), and give them supplementary credit cards with bills charged to the parents just so the kids can indulge in branded products of S$500.00 or more.
What is going to happen if these parents retire or are no longer around? I have friends who were scholars, and wanted to break their bonds, so their parents gave up their retirement funds to pay off the rest of the bond.
At times I wonder, as parents, is it better to continue supporting the child and letting him take all for granted, without any form of gratitude, or is it better to be hard-hearted and let your kids resent your "treatment" but yet they learn independence and the value of life in the process?
Leecooper's article is a reflection on how his dad brought him up and teaching him the value of money, and making him independent at a young age. This sort of made me remember the quarrels I used to have with my mum.
All the way until I finished secondary school, I was chauffeured all over. I was driven to school in a white Mercedes-Benz. I took the school bus back when I was in primary school, but in secondary school, I asked to go home on my own. Even for my music classes, I was driven to and fro.
However, during school events and camps, my dad would still insist on picking me up after everything ended. My classmates used to envy me. They called that "luxury", I called that "imprisonment".
I used to envy my classmates when they could hang out after school or on Saturdays, but I had to be at home mugging away. Thus, because of this, my allowance was much lesser than the rest of my peers.
My mum gave me enough for food during recess, and that was it. She saw no point in giving me bus fare or lunch money, since I was expected to walk home (my school was about twenty minutes away) and eat lunch at home. Whatever amount she gave me I had to make it last the week.
So if I had to pay for charitable events or school fund-raising or class fund, it had to be out of my allowance, since no extras would be given on any accord.
When I finished secondary school, I deemed myself old enough to make a few decisions. I was already sixteen-going-on-seventeen. I told my parents I was going to go to school and back on my own.
Can you believe that was the first time I actually took a public bus all on my own? I took the train on my own around that time too. My parents were so worried about me, but I was so excited at the prospect of independence!
The first few days of the new school term, my parents kept asking me to call them if I needed them to drive me around, but I told them I could travel on my own. Imagine an almost seventeen-year-old girl calling for parents to pick her up! What an embarrassment!
My allowance got a little increment, just a little. Still not enough, especially I was older, had more school activities, and wanted to hang out more with my classmates. The issue of money became more frustrating, especially since my mum refused to back down, and I refused to settle for such a meagre amount.
I told my parents that if they could afford such a house, two big cars and a maid, surely it would not hurt them to increase my allowance a little more? I was not even asking for a thousand per month, but when my classmates (who lived in flats and some of them came from single-income families) had at least S$250.00 per month (with extras each time they asked), I had less than that (with no extras) to last for the month.
With the living expenses here, it is already almost impossible to live on only S$250.00 per month already, let alone even less!
So I started giving tuition to earn my keep. I grew tired of always quarrelling with my parents over the amount of allowance I got. And besides, I thought it would make me feel better about myself if I had earned my own keep.
This triggered off jests and surprises from my peers. They said that surely someone like me need not even work in the future, since most likely I could take over my dad's business, so why must I waste my time giving tuition to earn extra? What did they know anyway?
But I stopped asking for an allowance increase. My parents thought I could finally budget (I did not tell them about the tutoring stint since they would sure disapprove), but I felt good because at least I knew I could earn my own income, no matter how little the amount was.
My parents later decided that giving me a monthly allowance would be too much for fear I spent it all within a week, so they started giving me weekly allowances like before. At first I was unhappy, but my mum said if I protested again, she would give me on a daily basis and I would only get S$2.00 per day!
I was really mad with my parents. For someone of their class, they definitely could afford a lot more! Sometimes I think the wealthier people are, the more stingy and calculative they become!
So anyway, my tuition stint increased, from one student to two students, to siblings. So I had more income. And soon, I told my parents they need not give me weekly allowance anymore, once every two weeks would be enough.
When I entered university, I stopped taking money from them altogether. I did various holiday jobs and continued tutoring, and although I would not say that was a lot of money, it was enough for me to tide over at least.
My parents paid for my education, but the daily expenses were all my own, including my pager bills, then mobile bills, and the telephone and electricity bills at the campus hostel. And of course, ever since I started working, I had not taken a single cent from my parents. If anything, I gave them a part of my income every month.
Looking back, I would still think my parents were a tad too calculative, but in a way, they taught me independence. Although the irony is that they still control my movements and my life even now, but I started earning my own keep since young.
A lot of people never believed I had to freelance to sustain myself. Even now, some will ask why not study full-time, after all, my parents can support me. And they do not believe that I am paying for my own further education, not my parents.
But, like what Leecooper said, it was because of this that he learnt independence. I guess the same goes for me. I complained to my cousin-godma that I cannot stand my brother at times, and I wonder why my parents treat him so much better.
He is already having a lot more allowance than me (whether that time or now), and each time he asked, they would give him more, they are paying for his mobile bills, he still calls them to drive him wherever he want to go, and in circumstances when he had to travel on his own, he had to call me to ask about the buses that go to a particular area, or the nearest train station.
But she said actually it was a good thing my parents treated me the way they did, because I am a much better person than my brother. She said I am sensible, independent and respectful, whereas he is just self-centred, calculative, attention-seeking and disrespectful.
Well... cannot really comment whether I am as good as she (or anyone else) says, but I do know my brother is going to get into big trouble if he does not watch himself. He cannot have my parents to protect and shelter him forever.
In a way, my upbringing taught me a few lessons on what to do and what not to do to my future kids. I know at least I will support them through their studies, be it local or overseas, and I will provide them to the best of my ability, but at the same time teach them the value of money so they will not take their good lives for granted.
The gist of it is that a few weeks back, the Sunday Times published an article on grown adults who are still living off or taking allowance from their parents, just to sustain their luxurious life.
These parents pay for their kids' mobile bills which can cost up to S$800.00 (how do they utilise their phones?), and give them supplementary credit cards with bills charged to the parents just so the kids can indulge in branded products of S$500.00 or more.
What is going to happen if these parents retire or are no longer around? I have friends who were scholars, and wanted to break their bonds, so their parents gave up their retirement funds to pay off the rest of the bond.
At times I wonder, as parents, is it better to continue supporting the child and letting him take all for granted, without any form of gratitude, or is it better to be hard-hearted and let your kids resent your "treatment" but yet they learn independence and the value of life in the process?
Leecooper's article is a reflection on how his dad brought him up and teaching him the value of money, and making him independent at a young age. This sort of made me remember the quarrels I used to have with my mum.
All the way until I finished secondary school, I was chauffeured all over. I was driven to school in a white Mercedes-Benz. I took the school bus back when I was in primary school, but in secondary school, I asked to go home on my own. Even for my music classes, I was driven to and fro.
However, during school events and camps, my dad would still insist on picking me up after everything ended. My classmates used to envy me. They called that "luxury", I called that "imprisonment".
I used to envy my classmates when they could hang out after school or on Saturdays, but I had to be at home mugging away. Thus, because of this, my allowance was much lesser than the rest of my peers.
My mum gave me enough for food during recess, and that was it. She saw no point in giving me bus fare or lunch money, since I was expected to walk home (my school was about twenty minutes away) and eat lunch at home. Whatever amount she gave me I had to make it last the week.
So if I had to pay for charitable events or school fund-raising or class fund, it had to be out of my allowance, since no extras would be given on any accord.
When I finished secondary school, I deemed myself old enough to make a few decisions. I was already sixteen-going-on-seventeen. I told my parents I was going to go to school and back on my own.
Can you believe that was the first time I actually took a public bus all on my own? I took the train on my own around that time too. My parents were so worried about me, but I was so excited at the prospect of independence!
The first few days of the new school term, my parents kept asking me to call them if I needed them to drive me around, but I told them I could travel on my own. Imagine an almost seventeen-year-old girl calling for parents to pick her up! What an embarrassment!
My allowance got a little increment, just a little. Still not enough, especially I was older, had more school activities, and wanted to hang out more with my classmates. The issue of money became more frustrating, especially since my mum refused to back down, and I refused to settle for such a meagre amount.
I told my parents that if they could afford such a house, two big cars and a maid, surely it would not hurt them to increase my allowance a little more? I was not even asking for a thousand per month, but when my classmates (who lived in flats and some of them came from single-income families) had at least S$250.00 per month (with extras each time they asked), I had less than that (with no extras) to last for the month.
With the living expenses here, it is already almost impossible to live on only S$250.00 per month already, let alone even less!
So I started giving tuition to earn my keep. I grew tired of always quarrelling with my parents over the amount of allowance I got. And besides, I thought it would make me feel better about myself if I had earned my own keep.
This triggered off jests and surprises from my peers. They said that surely someone like me need not even work in the future, since most likely I could take over my dad's business, so why must I waste my time giving tuition to earn extra? What did they know anyway?
But I stopped asking for an allowance increase. My parents thought I could finally budget (I did not tell them about the tutoring stint since they would sure disapprove), but I felt good because at least I knew I could earn my own income, no matter how little the amount was.
My parents later decided that giving me a monthly allowance would be too much for fear I spent it all within a week, so they started giving me weekly allowances like before. At first I was unhappy, but my mum said if I protested again, she would give me on a daily basis and I would only get S$2.00 per day!
I was really mad with my parents. For someone of their class, they definitely could afford a lot more! Sometimes I think the wealthier people are, the more stingy and calculative they become!
So anyway, my tuition stint increased, from one student to two students, to siblings. So I had more income. And soon, I told my parents they need not give me weekly allowance anymore, once every two weeks would be enough.
When I entered university, I stopped taking money from them altogether. I did various holiday jobs and continued tutoring, and although I would not say that was a lot of money, it was enough for me to tide over at least.
My parents paid for my education, but the daily expenses were all my own, including my pager bills, then mobile bills, and the telephone and electricity bills at the campus hostel. And of course, ever since I started working, I had not taken a single cent from my parents. If anything, I gave them a part of my income every month.
Looking back, I would still think my parents were a tad too calculative, but in a way, they taught me independence. Although the irony is that they still control my movements and my life even now, but I started earning my own keep since young.
A lot of people never believed I had to freelance to sustain myself. Even now, some will ask why not study full-time, after all, my parents can support me. And they do not believe that I am paying for my own further education, not my parents.
But, like what Leecooper said, it was because of this that he learnt independence. I guess the same goes for me. I complained to my cousin-godma that I cannot stand my brother at times, and I wonder why my parents treat him so much better.
He is already having a lot more allowance than me (whether that time or now), and each time he asked, they would give him more, they are paying for his mobile bills, he still calls them to drive him wherever he want to go, and in circumstances when he had to travel on his own, he had to call me to ask about the buses that go to a particular area, or the nearest train station.
But she said actually it was a good thing my parents treated me the way they did, because I am a much better person than my brother. She said I am sensible, independent and respectful, whereas he is just self-centred, calculative, attention-seeking and disrespectful.
Well... cannot really comment whether I am as good as she (or anyone else) says, but I do know my brother is going to get into big trouble if he does not watch himself. He cannot have my parents to protect and shelter him forever.
In a way, my upbringing taught me a few lessons on what to do and what not to do to my future kids. I know at least I will support them through their studies, be it local or overseas, and I will provide them to the best of my ability, but at the same time teach them the value of money so they will not take their good lives for granted.
5 comments:
Sometimes learning independence can be quite tough. I slowly stopped taking my parent's allowance as years go by. For example, in NS, I have to earn my own keep but sometimes my father would just sponsor a $100 every month.
So, Watson's just gave me a stepping stone to look forward to more jobs. Pity, no more jobs for me since then!
I really like the Japan system of part time jobs. There are minimum age limits for various jobs, but basically, a youth can work for expenses when required.
Unfortunately, I would not have even been able to work part time in Singapore because of my status. I did give a few tuition though.
I'm back!! Was on a business trip to China for over a week. Been trying to read your post but just couldn't get connected. Must be those darn censorship.
I think many parents spoil their children.
I got little from my parents ($20 a month) when I was in highschool, but this is because they did not have much. My parents met my basic needs, the money I got was for my own discretionary use.
I had friends who got more. I had friends who had more. Sometimes I was jealous, but not often.
People become rich by saving and investing their money, not by spending it. Many people live expensive lives, but have little money.
If you ever read The Millionaire Mind by Thomas J. Stanley, you will discover that most millionaires are very modest living people.
It seems your parents were protective of you, you should be grateful of that - but, parents have to learn to let their children grow. It is a hard thing to do.
Goy : Independence is not just on money. If your parents can afford to give you allwance, that is good, but should not take for granted. Independce also means doing things on your own without relying on anyone.
Ole Wolvie : Think we have the part-time thing here as well, which is why many youngsters are working part-time.
Leecooper : Ah! I guessed you were overseas. Yes, I know the problem in China. My first brother told me the same thing too, so whenever he comes back, he will read a few months' blog entries at one go.
Richard : True, the wealthiest normally lead the simplest life.
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