I hate myself sometimes for not having the guts to do a lot of things. For instance, something simple like telling off people who have pissed me off seems like such a chore to me.
Ironically, I can scold those jokers I met, or used to scold my pupils (and their parents even) in the past, yet now I cannot bring myself to tell off people who have been linked to me.
My friends are alright, so normally they will not do anything to irritate me. Anyway, I am able to tolerate most things, except if people try to be funny to me and request for weird things.
So why is it that now that there are two shallow guys trying to be funny to me, yet I just ignore and not say anything? I thought if I ignored, they would stop all their nonsense, but apparently they take it that silence means a consent to do more irritating things.
Or maybe because I cannot bring myself to tell them to stop whatever they are doing and get out of my life, considering our history together. I have no qualms telling off others whom I do not consider as friends, but when it comes to people I know, I always get tongue-tied whenever I have to say something nasty.
Thus whenever I get myself so flustered due to any betrayal or irrtation, I just keep quiet, then blast everything out through writing. At least it is a form of release from all the pent-up frustration I have, and once everything is out, I feel much better.
The only drawback is that people who read what I write also get frustrated on why I am letting things affect me when I should be very happy with my life? Of course I am very happy with my life, just that I am too emotional a person, which I am still trying to change.
But my friends are right. I should just stop bothering about shallow things that will get me agitated, and focus on the more important things in my life that will make me happy, like my relationship, my loving guy, my family and friends, and the peacefulness of my surroundings.
So I made a decision. I deleted their contacts from my mobile (although it is useless since I will never be able to forget their numbers until they have them changed), threw away all their gifts, photos, notes and letters and resolve to block out their memories and antics.
Hopefully this will help me let go of the unhappiness and concentrate on my current happiness. Thus, I must wake up everyday and tell myself to be happy and not let anything affect my mood for the day!
Ironically, I can scold those jokers I met, or used to scold my pupils (and their parents even) in the past, yet now I cannot bring myself to tell off people who have been linked to me.
My friends are alright, so normally they will not do anything to irritate me. Anyway, I am able to tolerate most things, except if people try to be funny to me and request for weird things.
So why is it that now that there are two shallow guys trying to be funny to me, yet I just ignore and not say anything? I thought if I ignored, they would stop all their nonsense, but apparently they take it that silence means a consent to do more irritating things.
Or maybe because I cannot bring myself to tell them to stop whatever they are doing and get out of my life, considering our history together. I have no qualms telling off others whom I do not consider as friends, but when it comes to people I know, I always get tongue-tied whenever I have to say something nasty.
Thus whenever I get myself so flustered due to any betrayal or irrtation, I just keep quiet, then blast everything out through writing. At least it is a form of release from all the pent-up frustration I have, and once everything is out, I feel much better.
The only drawback is that people who read what I write also get frustrated on why I am letting things affect me when I should be very happy with my life? Of course I am very happy with my life, just that I am too emotional a person, which I am still trying to change.
But my friends are right. I should just stop bothering about shallow things that will get me agitated, and focus on the more important things in my life that will make me happy, like my relationship, my loving guy, my family and friends, and the peacefulness of my surroundings.
So I made a decision. I deleted their contacts from my mobile (although it is useless since I will never be able to forget their numbers until they have them changed), threw away all their gifts, photos, notes and letters and resolve to block out their memories and antics.
Hopefully this will help me let go of the unhappiness and concentrate on my current happiness. Thus, I must wake up everyday and tell myself to be happy and not let anything affect my mood for the day!
3 comments:
I doubt it will stop them from harassing you. So far, you have made it clear to yourself not to entertain them. You need them to get that message as well.
That is why you need to talk to them - one final time, and get them to agreed that what they are doing is disrespectful to you, your boyfriend and themselves. And most importantly, that they agreed to stop doing it.
This sounds cliche but I think happiness is a state of mind. It's good that you want to feel happy cause you think there fore you are.
Like it or not, there will always be assholes around. You can either focus on them (and get irritated, frustrated & thus, tired most of the time) or concentrate on your happiness.
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