My Path To Enlightenment

My brother accused me of being a religious fanatic just because I told him off for using my Bible as a coaster for his drink. It was my fault actually, I was reading the Bible halfway when my mum called me to try on a dress, and I left it on the table. Next thing I knew, my brother grabbed it as the nearest convenient thing for his drink.

But this is nothing to do with being religious. One simply does not use a Holy book as a coaster! He is showing so much disrespect to the religion! Just like one does not use the Koran or Buddhist scriptures as coasters or anything else for that matter!

Besides, I will never be considered as someone who is fanatical about religion. I cherish my faith simply because it has been a long and arduous journey, with trials and tribulations and lots of disagreements along the way.

I go for Sunday masses, uphold the no-meat Friday, and say my grace before every meal. The first I did ever since I officially started going to church, but the latter two I did only recently after my baptism.

Other than that, I do not think I am that staunch or religious. I do not pray so many times a day, or go for masses everyday, and have not even gone for Confession as yet. Plus I sin too, in terms of wrath, envy, sloth and gluttony.

Perhaps for people not in the faith, they will think I am religious by going to church or saying my grace before every meal. But these are just the very minimal of Christian living. People in the faith will defnitely think I am not doing much at all, ie I should pray more, be more involved in church activities, read the Bible more.

Come to think of it, I have not really thanked anyone for my faith. No doubt God is the one to thank, but it was through the influence of several people that I am finally baptised and confirmed in the faith.

Ironically the very people who influenced my religious path the most are the ones that I am no longer on speaking terms with. They are the real religious fanatics, not me. They have crucifixes in every room of their homes, plus a big crucifix and a portrait of Mary on the front door.

To start from the beginning, I have to thank my eldest cousin (now my godmother). She was the one that first brought me to church. When I was young and my first brother was still a sickly baby, my parents put me under the care of my eldest aunt and uncle for a while.

I was a naughty kid who wanted to go everywhere, so when I saw my cousin getting ready to go to church, I pestered her to bring me along. She agreed provided I keep very quiet.

So I went for my first mass, and followed her when she stood up, knelt down to pray, and when she sang. The only thing she did not allow me to do was to take Communion.

Then when I entered school, being a convent, there were first Friday masses every month, plus masses every first and last days of the school year, for examinations, Ash Wednesday, Maundy Thursday, Easter Monday, All Saints' Day and All Souls' Day.

Bible Studies took the place of Moral Education lessons. I went along with the flow. But since most of my classmates are born Catholics, so once in a while I would follow them to church. I learnt about God and His miracles.

I finally understood how everything is like in secondary school when a priest came and taught us Cathechism. He wanted the non-Christians to go to church to learn more about the faith, and I was the only one who wanted to go. So for that, I thank him.

After secondary school, I met my first guy who is a real staunch Catholic. I must thank him and his parents. His dad was thrown out of his family for converting and almost became a priest. His mum studied in a convent and wanted to convert since young, but her parents forbade her.

So she wanted a Catholic guy just so she could convert upon marriage. Thus, the family is brought up in a very pious way, probably because the parents know how hard it was for them to practice their faith.

Anyway his parents used to preach the Bible to me. My ex used to bring the Bible everywhere and preached the Ten Commandments and some other teachings to me. Every word he said would be summarised by a quote from the Bible, everything I did he would tell me to follow God's word. He told me to read the Bible instead of the books I love to read.

He got me involved in his church activities - choir, youth group, Sunday School. I enjoyed the activities at first, but it became a bit too much for me. I had only officially started going to church (and quarrelling with my parents every weekend because of this). All the activities became too overwhelming and time-consuming.

But despite everything, I learnt a lot from him. He made me understand the faith much better. For the first time in my life, I actually knew what I was doing when I attended mass. So even after he left me, instead of back-sliding, I continued going to church regularly.

Needless to say, my parents were unhappy as they assumed once my relationship was over, I could go back to normal and stopped attending church. Then I met my second guy and he, too, came from a staunch Catholic family.

His father is a third-generation Catholic, being part Peranakan. His mother converted when she married the father, against her parents' wishes (to convert, not to marry him), so she, too, knows how hard it is to believe in her faith.

It was through my second guy that I got to attend masses in the evenings, Novenas, learnt how to pray the Rosary. He was also from a Catholic school, coincidentally the boy's school opposite my school, and was involved in the Legion of Mary group.

So when I entered NIE, I joined the Catholic Student's Apostolate, and met fellow Catholics who are just as staunch (as my ex, not me). These Catholics came from all sorts of background.

There was a guy (my former President) who almost became a priest, and he is now married with two girls. I take him as some sort of elder brother and still calls him for advise once in a while.

Our Vice-President was attending bible classes at that period of time, and when the year ended, she got baptised. In fact, most of the active members were converts. Perhaps those born Catholics tend to take the faith for granted?

I have to thank them for all their religious sharing, and the other religious activities like retreats, Taize and Praise and Worship sessions which they introduced me to. But above all these, I must thank my second ex, as he is probably the greatest influence on my decision to be a Catholic.

I also have to thank my third ex, as it was through his constant disagreement, questioning and putting down of my faith that I finally know nothing can ever come in between me and my religion.

I also need to thank a few other people. Firstly, my sponsor for bible studies, who has been with my throughout my journey, and who has willingly sacrificed one night every week just to attend the class faithfully with me, as well as another friend who is also a stanch Catholic, who has been encouraging me all the way.

And of course, I must thank a certain person with the initials TRS who once told me to find peace through prayer, which I did, and who congratulated me when I got baptized.

And also the priest who baptised me, the Archbishop who confirmed me, my parents for finally accepting my beliefs and for being there for me when I got baptised, and last but not least (because I am saving the best and most important for the last), the Almighty Father Himself for choosing me.

I still have a lot to learn where religion is concerned, but I am ready and willing to take the next step and have a greater leap into my faith!