Why is there so much hatred in this world? Hatred to animals, to the environment, to your own fellow man, to your own friends and even family members? Does hatred come from anywhere? I always thought that only with love comes hate.
How can one even hate if one has never loved? But apparently, there are some people who have just so much hatred in them that they have no qualms killing the innocent just to get what they desire.
What makes a person hate someone else? Normally hatred comes because one feels betrayed, let down, hurt, all the more so if it is by someone he / she loves. Just like for me, I never know just how much I can hate a person until recently.
My best friend said that the reason I hate him so much is probably because he is still in my mind. How can that be? It has already been four years or so.
Maybe the reason I hate him so much now is inversely proportional to the fact that he used to be the one I loved the most, the one I was most willing to go all out for, the one I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, yet the one who hurt me the most.
Perhaps it is true that the more you love someone, the more hurt you would feel if he let you down, and the more you will hate him. Actually all these does not matter since I love my current guy even more as compared to the previous ones, but the thing is after all these years, he will still come back and "haunt" me once in a while.
He was the one who made me waste the best years of my life and youth catering to his whims and fancies. And now, with a new girlfriend and soon to be married, he still wants to sway me with sweet nothings, thinking he can just continue playing with my emotions.
He dumped me and totally disappeared. All attempts to contact him for two months were futile. He refused to answer his calls, he was never home, messages and emails were unanswered.
He heartlessly and ruthlessly left me alone to cry my heart out, to almost think of attempting suicide for the second time, refuse all my requests to meet up with him and talk things through, left me in such a miserable state that I might as well have been dead.
Yet life went on. I proceeded to throw away his letters, his gifts, his photos .... then went scrambling into the trash and collected back everything. Sentimentality prevented me from throwing everything away. Why was I such a basket case who always live by my emotions?
So I picked the pieces up by myself, slowly becoming happy again, continue leading a normal life working and socialising, and convinced myself that I am better off without him. And two months later, on Valentine's Day, my mobile beeped. It was a message .... from him!
"I am sorry for what I have done. I still love you. I miss the times when you see me off at the airport each time I left, and I always look forward to seeing you waiting for me whenever I touched down. Now there is no one there for me, no one for me to look out for. You will always be my once and forever love."
Just when I was getting my life back on track! I called my best friend and blasted out at her. She told me the horrible truth - the truth which I suspected all along, "He fell in love with another girl, a fellow stewardess, so had to get rid of you. But now she rejects him, so he regretted what he did, especially since he knows just how much you have done for him."
Am I just someone he could throw aside and then take back as he wished? I made a decision - cut off all contact, deleted away his email address, home and mobile numbers and online contact, not reply to his emails, changed my mobile number, and even avoided those places we used to hang out frequently together. The only thing beyond my control was to change my address and home number.
So life went on as per normal. I begged my best friend not to disclose my new mobile number to him, found a new guy, led a satisfactory existence. I thought I could finally start anew. Then last year, during one of the Sunday masses, the sermon was on forgiving and making peace with the people who hurt you.
Suddenly, I had a thought of calling him. It was like God told me to make peace with him. So I contacted him. It happened to be his birthday, thus I sent him a birthday greeting. He replied and asked for my identity and when I replied, he was so surprised but thankful at the same time.
When my relationship failed again, I called him again, just to catch up. He is a friend after all. And I am glad that the strong feelings I used to feel for him are totally gone. I was able to talk to him normally like a normal friend.
Then came his girlfriend's birthday. He wanted to propose to her, so he asked me for my engagement ring back. The engagement ring he put on my finger the night he proposed to me all those years ago. He wanted to propose to her using the engagement ring he used when he proposed to me?! I told him I have long pawned it.
He forgot all about my birthday, which was alright with me, until last Christmas. He sent me an opal necklace (my birth stone) from New Zealand, together with a card asking if I could give him another chance.
The reason? He has to keep giving in to his girlfriend, and he misses those days where I would be the one giving in to him and catering to all his demands. He wanted someone totally into him, and I was the only girl who was ever so good to him.
Well, I am sorry, but I, too, want someone totally into me. And did he think himself so great that I could not get over him after how he hurt me? He disappeared so suddenly, and he thinks he can just reappear just as suddenly when I have already moved on?
I want someone who loves me more than I love him. I no longer want to suffer under totally unappreciative guys who only took me for granted. And I sure do not want to be with someone who always plays with my feelings, or someone who cannot be faithful.
Then I received his wedding invitation. I shall reserve my opinions whether he is getting married for the right reason. I have yet to reply if I would be going. Then I went out for dinner with my best friend, and had an interesting conversation on men and sex, and wondered if sex was the reason he dumped me.
So she casually asked him if sex (or lack of) was why he dumped me. He told her no. Yet he called and asked that if I would like to have sex with him, he would do it for old times' sake. However, it will only be on a no-strings-attached basis, since we will never get back together, so I will only be his lover, never his soulmate or partner.
Is he mad?! He is getting married soon! What will his girlfriend think if she finds out? For some unfathomable reason, she already deems me as strong competition. I wonder why actually, since she definitely has much better assets than me.
I wish he can just get lost! Disappear completely, like what he had done before. He had already made me miserable enough, I wish he can just stop all his stupid antics! I finally found someone whom I can be truly happy with, so too bad, he will never be able to ask me back even if he wants to.
He will never be able to hold a candle to my current guy, so he better not think he can just spoil my wonderful and loving relationship so easily. I wish he can just get married to that perfect match of a girlfriend and leave me alone!
How can one even hate if one has never loved? But apparently, there are some people who have just so much hatred in them that they have no qualms killing the innocent just to get what they desire.
What makes a person hate someone else? Normally hatred comes because one feels betrayed, let down, hurt, all the more so if it is by someone he / she loves. Just like for me, I never know just how much I can hate a person until recently.
My best friend said that the reason I hate him so much is probably because he is still in my mind. How can that be? It has already been four years or so.
Maybe the reason I hate him so much now is inversely proportional to the fact that he used to be the one I loved the most, the one I was most willing to go all out for, the one I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, yet the one who hurt me the most.
Perhaps it is true that the more you love someone, the more hurt you would feel if he let you down, and the more you will hate him. Actually all these does not matter since I love my current guy even more as compared to the previous ones, but the thing is after all these years, he will still come back and "haunt" me once in a while.
He was the one who made me waste the best years of my life and youth catering to his whims and fancies. And now, with a new girlfriend and soon to be married, he still wants to sway me with sweet nothings, thinking he can just continue playing with my emotions.
He dumped me and totally disappeared. All attempts to contact him for two months were futile. He refused to answer his calls, he was never home, messages and emails were unanswered.
He heartlessly and ruthlessly left me alone to cry my heart out, to almost think of attempting suicide for the second time, refuse all my requests to meet up with him and talk things through, left me in such a miserable state that I might as well have been dead.
Yet life went on. I proceeded to throw away his letters, his gifts, his photos .... then went scrambling into the trash and collected back everything. Sentimentality prevented me from throwing everything away. Why was I such a basket case who always live by my emotions?
So I picked the pieces up by myself, slowly becoming happy again, continue leading a normal life working and socialising, and convinced myself that I am better off without him. And two months later, on Valentine's Day, my mobile beeped. It was a message .... from him!
"I am sorry for what I have done. I still love you. I miss the times when you see me off at the airport each time I left, and I always look forward to seeing you waiting for me whenever I touched down. Now there is no one there for me, no one for me to look out for. You will always be my once and forever love."
Just when I was getting my life back on track! I called my best friend and blasted out at her. She told me the horrible truth - the truth which I suspected all along, "He fell in love with another girl, a fellow stewardess, so had to get rid of you. But now she rejects him, so he regretted what he did, especially since he knows just how much you have done for him."
Am I just someone he could throw aside and then take back as he wished? I made a decision - cut off all contact, deleted away his email address, home and mobile numbers and online contact, not reply to his emails, changed my mobile number, and even avoided those places we used to hang out frequently together. The only thing beyond my control was to change my address and home number.
So life went on as per normal. I begged my best friend not to disclose my new mobile number to him, found a new guy, led a satisfactory existence. I thought I could finally start anew. Then last year, during one of the Sunday masses, the sermon was on forgiving and making peace with the people who hurt you.
Suddenly, I had a thought of calling him. It was like God told me to make peace with him. So I contacted him. It happened to be his birthday, thus I sent him a birthday greeting. He replied and asked for my identity and when I replied, he was so surprised but thankful at the same time.
When my relationship failed again, I called him again, just to catch up. He is a friend after all. And I am glad that the strong feelings I used to feel for him are totally gone. I was able to talk to him normally like a normal friend.
Then came his girlfriend's birthday. He wanted to propose to her, so he asked me for my engagement ring back. The engagement ring he put on my finger the night he proposed to me all those years ago. He wanted to propose to her using the engagement ring he used when he proposed to me?! I told him I have long pawned it.
He forgot all about my birthday, which was alright with me, until last Christmas. He sent me an opal necklace (my birth stone) from New Zealand, together with a card asking if I could give him another chance.
The reason? He has to keep giving in to his girlfriend, and he misses those days where I would be the one giving in to him and catering to all his demands. He wanted someone totally into him, and I was the only girl who was ever so good to him.
Well, I am sorry, but I, too, want someone totally into me. And did he think himself so great that I could not get over him after how he hurt me? He disappeared so suddenly, and he thinks he can just reappear just as suddenly when I have already moved on?
I want someone who loves me more than I love him. I no longer want to suffer under totally unappreciative guys who only took me for granted. And I sure do not want to be with someone who always plays with my feelings, or someone who cannot be faithful.
Then I received his wedding invitation. I shall reserve my opinions whether he is getting married for the right reason. I have yet to reply if I would be going. Then I went out for dinner with my best friend, and had an interesting conversation on men and sex, and wondered if sex was the reason he dumped me.
So she casually asked him if sex (or lack of) was why he dumped me. He told her no. Yet he called and asked that if I would like to have sex with him, he would do it for old times' sake. However, it will only be on a no-strings-attached basis, since we will never get back together, so I will only be his lover, never his soulmate or partner.
Is he mad?! He is getting married soon! What will his girlfriend think if she finds out? For some unfathomable reason, she already deems me as strong competition. I wonder why actually, since she definitely has much better assets than me.
I wish he can just get lost! Disappear completely, like what he had done before. He had already made me miserable enough, I wish he can just stop all his stupid antics! I finally found someone whom I can be truly happy with, so too bad, he will never be able to ask me back even if he wants to.
He will never be able to hold a candle to my current guy, so he better not think he can just spoil my wonderful and loving relationship so easily. I wish he can just get married to that perfect match of a girlfriend and leave me alone!
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