In sooth, I know not why I am so sad; it wearies me; you say it wearies you; but how I caught it, found it, or came by it, what stuff't is made of, whereof it is born, I am to learn; and such a want-wit sadness makes of me that I have much ado to know myself. I hold the world but as the world, a stage, where everyone must play a part, and mine a sad one.
And so reflects my mood for the week. I have been feeling down and moody, yet have absolutely no idea why. In fact, I was feeling so down that I actually woke up in the middle of the night to cry, and my tears suddenly came down in the middle of work today. Perhaps it is to do with the bad vibes I have been feeling. I just cannot help but feel that something is not right.
Maybe I have been too demanding or not understanding enough. I have been moody, and I have friends who actually asked if I am alright. I told my guy I am moody, but he has not spoken ten sentences to me today.
I tried to understand that he is busy, that he cannot always be around each time I need, but I wonder if it is right for me to be mad? Or am I just being too petty? Sometimes I wish we have more of a Westernised culture where people have no qualms saying exactly how they feel.
Like if they love a person, they will say it. They are not reserved about holding or hugging their loved ones. In our Asian culture, particularly Chinese, we are brought up to be more reserved. We are not allowed to show our love in front of others.
I have never heard my parents ever declaring their love to each other, nor seen them hugging or holding hands. Asian men are brought up to believe that men must be macho, showing love or their true feelings is a sign of weakness.
But I need someone who can tell me he loves me. No need to be every hour, every day, but at least to tell me he loves me, and he misses me, and how much he yearns to see me. Somehow I think maybe if the guy is no longer pining to see you, then the connection is gone, and the relationship will go downhill.
I know he cares for me, he is generous, he gives me a wonderful time each time we go out. Yet he is not there when I need him the most. Or perhaps it is just bad timing. Perhaps I am too needy. Or even perhaps I do not know what is good for myself.
I do not need the guy to meet me or be around 24/7, like some of my friends. That is unhealthy. But as it is, we only get to see each other and go out once a week. The most eight hours per week.
Two days during the weekends, and one day he meets with his family. Throughout the week, we see each other at work, but that is not the same. Meeting each other in the office as co-workers is not the same as actually meeting up with him.
I get to see him the most half an hour during weekdays when we take the same transport, but even then, we cannot really behave like a couple for professional reasons. I want so much to be able to just enjoy his company once in a while after office hours.
Is it wrong to ask that? Am I just being too demanding or unreasonable that I want more of his time than what he can give me? I am a selfish person too. I want my guy to put me first in his heart, just like I put him first in my heart. I love him too much to lose him.
I also cannot understand just what is wrong with me. The guy is already better than anyone I have ever been with, so am I still justifiable to complain? I think I really should count my blessings, but I cannot help the way I feel, especially since I always let my heart overrule my head.
And so reflects my mood for the week. I have been feeling down and moody, yet have absolutely no idea why. In fact, I was feeling so down that I actually woke up in the middle of the night to cry, and my tears suddenly came down in the middle of work today. Perhaps it is to do with the bad vibes I have been feeling. I just cannot help but feel that something is not right.
Maybe I have been too demanding or not understanding enough. I have been moody, and I have friends who actually asked if I am alright. I told my guy I am moody, but he has not spoken ten sentences to me today.
I tried to understand that he is busy, that he cannot always be around each time I need, but I wonder if it is right for me to be mad? Or am I just being too petty? Sometimes I wish we have more of a Westernised culture where people have no qualms saying exactly how they feel.
Like if they love a person, they will say it. They are not reserved about holding or hugging their loved ones. In our Asian culture, particularly Chinese, we are brought up to be more reserved. We are not allowed to show our love in front of others.
I have never heard my parents ever declaring their love to each other, nor seen them hugging or holding hands. Asian men are brought up to believe that men must be macho, showing love or their true feelings is a sign of weakness.
But I need someone who can tell me he loves me. No need to be every hour, every day, but at least to tell me he loves me, and he misses me, and how much he yearns to see me. Somehow I think maybe if the guy is no longer pining to see you, then the connection is gone, and the relationship will go downhill.
I know he cares for me, he is generous, he gives me a wonderful time each time we go out. Yet he is not there when I need him the most. Or perhaps it is just bad timing. Perhaps I am too needy. Or even perhaps I do not know what is good for myself.
I do not need the guy to meet me or be around 24/7, like some of my friends. That is unhealthy. But as it is, we only get to see each other and go out once a week. The most eight hours per week.
Two days during the weekends, and one day he meets with his family. Throughout the week, we see each other at work, but that is not the same. Meeting each other in the office as co-workers is not the same as actually meeting up with him.
I get to see him the most half an hour during weekdays when we take the same transport, but even then, we cannot really behave like a couple for professional reasons. I want so much to be able to just enjoy his company once in a while after office hours.
Is it wrong to ask that? Am I just being too demanding or unreasonable that I want more of his time than what he can give me? I am a selfish person too. I want my guy to put me first in his heart, just like I put him first in my heart. I love him too much to lose him.
I also cannot understand just what is wrong with me. The guy is already better than anyone I have ever been with, so am I still justifiable to complain? I think I really should count my blessings, but I cannot help the way I feel, especially since I always let my heart overrule my head.
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