My Australian cousin is getting married. Finally! I am so happy for him! In all the midst of the happiness and the email I sent out to congratulate him, I neglected the fact that now I am the only one left who is of the age and not married.
Ironially since of the three of us born in the same year, I am the eldest. This cousin is about three weeks younger, and our other cousin is more than two months younger than me. Yet it is the youngest that got married first, in January last year.
Now this cousin is following suit. He has set a wedding date tentatively around mid-July next year. Of course we have to fly down to Sydney to attend the wedding. Just when I could finally forget the last time I flew down to Sydney to attend his elder brother's wedding ....
Anyway my brother was telling me I better do something about my status soon, otherwise I will be under tremendous pressure, since after me, the rest of the cousins are younger. Sometimes it is not a matter whether I want to do anything about my status, but whether the guy I am with is ready or willing to do something about it.
So my cousins are lucky in the sense that they love their girlfriends enough to be willing to commit to them, even at an age where most guys are still considered "tooo young" to get married.
Maybe I just happen to be unlucky in the past that I had never been able to meet any guy who loved me enough to commit fully. They promised me to marry me one day, but in the end never did fulfil the promise. Now that I am moving on, I just have to let things take its own course.
Actually a lot of my peers are disillusioned with settling down and having a family. They have witnessed a lot of breakdowns in marriages, delinquent kids and affairs. Like what one of my friends say, what is the use of getting married when in the end you divorce?
I always feel that when you get married, or when you enter a relationship, it is a full commitment. For marriage, it is a lifetime commitment. It is only the first day of the rest of your life, which you will journey together with your partner. Having someone to grow old with, have kids with, build a future with is the greatest happiness one can ever experience.
But in that case, why would marriages break down? Is it solely the fault of one person or both? Will you marry someone you love so much but he can never make you happy, or someone who loves you so much that he is willing to do everything for you, yet your heart belongs to someone else who can never be yours?
What if the person you are with and love so much is not ready or willing to commit? Are you going to wait then? How long can you wait? Five years, ten years? Twenty years even? Is it worth wasting your life and youth away for someone who is never going to settle down?
I wasted so many years of my life, hoping for a promise to be kept and I can have a dream come true, yet I had been disappointed again and again. My cousins are the lucky ones as they can hook up with just one or two partners and settle down with them.
Even my girlfriends who used to be so wild and changed boyfriends all the time, still managed to find someone to settle down with earlier than me. So why is that that for someone like me and my best friend, who take relationships so seriously and totally committed to the one we were with, still not married?
My mum once asked me how many relationships do I want to go through? My honest answer? Only one. I wanted to marry the first guy I was with (ok, he was a totally self-centred and mean prick, then I wanted to marry the one after that and almost did).
I never wanted to be in and out of relationships. Why would I want to do that when each time I got dumped makes me feel like a thousand knives stabbing through my entire body? I am not one to torture myself this way.
But what is the use if I was the one who wanted to commit, yet the guys did not want to mean what they said? Granted there are girls who are not willing to commit, but normally once a girl reaches her mid-twenties or so, she will want to settle down, but the guy of the same age may not want to as yet.
I have friends who told me that the guy does not love you enough if he expects you to wait for him and not willing to commit. Afterall, a guy in his late-twenties is different from a girl of the same age.
A woman starts going downhill once she reaches thirty, so she does not have that many years left to find a partner and procreate, whereas a man, even at the age of forty, can still look around and find someone to settle down with.
Guys can afford to wait, girls cannot. Perhaps only a guy who is willing to propose to the girl and want to spend the rest of his life with her, taking care of her and providing for her can truly claims he loves her deeply and worthy of the girl's deep love in return.
Give me a man who is willing to go through trials and tribulations with me, and not someone who runs away at the slightest problem, and that will be a man worth holding on to.
Ironially since of the three of us born in the same year, I am the eldest. This cousin is about three weeks younger, and our other cousin is more than two months younger than me. Yet it is the youngest that got married first, in January last year.
Now this cousin is following suit. He has set a wedding date tentatively around mid-July next year. Of course we have to fly down to Sydney to attend the wedding. Just when I could finally forget the last time I flew down to Sydney to attend his elder brother's wedding ....
Anyway my brother was telling me I better do something about my status soon, otherwise I will be under tremendous pressure, since after me, the rest of the cousins are younger. Sometimes it is not a matter whether I want to do anything about my status, but whether the guy I am with is ready or willing to do something about it.
So my cousins are lucky in the sense that they love their girlfriends enough to be willing to commit to them, even at an age where most guys are still considered "tooo young" to get married.
Maybe I just happen to be unlucky in the past that I had never been able to meet any guy who loved me enough to commit fully. They promised me to marry me one day, but in the end never did fulfil the promise. Now that I am moving on, I just have to let things take its own course.
Actually a lot of my peers are disillusioned with settling down and having a family. They have witnessed a lot of breakdowns in marriages, delinquent kids and affairs. Like what one of my friends say, what is the use of getting married when in the end you divorce?
I always feel that when you get married, or when you enter a relationship, it is a full commitment. For marriage, it is a lifetime commitment. It is only the first day of the rest of your life, which you will journey together with your partner. Having someone to grow old with, have kids with, build a future with is the greatest happiness one can ever experience.
But in that case, why would marriages break down? Is it solely the fault of one person or both? Will you marry someone you love so much but he can never make you happy, or someone who loves you so much that he is willing to do everything for you, yet your heart belongs to someone else who can never be yours?
What if the person you are with and love so much is not ready or willing to commit? Are you going to wait then? How long can you wait? Five years, ten years? Twenty years even? Is it worth wasting your life and youth away for someone who is never going to settle down?
I wasted so many years of my life, hoping for a promise to be kept and I can have a dream come true, yet I had been disappointed again and again. My cousins are the lucky ones as they can hook up with just one or two partners and settle down with them.
Even my girlfriends who used to be so wild and changed boyfriends all the time, still managed to find someone to settle down with earlier than me. So why is that that for someone like me and my best friend, who take relationships so seriously and totally committed to the one we were with, still not married?
My mum once asked me how many relationships do I want to go through? My honest answer? Only one. I wanted to marry the first guy I was with (ok, he was a totally self-centred and mean prick, then I wanted to marry the one after that and almost did).
I never wanted to be in and out of relationships. Why would I want to do that when each time I got dumped makes me feel like a thousand knives stabbing through my entire body? I am not one to torture myself this way.
But what is the use if I was the one who wanted to commit, yet the guys did not want to mean what they said? Granted there are girls who are not willing to commit, but normally once a girl reaches her mid-twenties or so, she will want to settle down, but the guy of the same age may not want to as yet.
I have friends who told me that the guy does not love you enough if he expects you to wait for him and not willing to commit. Afterall, a guy in his late-twenties is different from a girl of the same age.
A woman starts going downhill once she reaches thirty, so she does not have that many years left to find a partner and procreate, whereas a man, even at the age of forty, can still look around and find someone to settle down with.
Guys can afford to wait, girls cannot. Perhaps only a guy who is willing to propose to the girl and want to spend the rest of his life with her, taking care of her and providing for her can truly claims he loves her deeply and worthy of the girl's deep love in return.
Give me a man who is willing to go through trials and tribulations with me, and not someone who runs away at the slightest problem, and that will be a man worth holding on to.
4 comments:
No harm talking about marriages during relationship; it is afterall, the phase where you try to discover if the other is right for you.
I dates my girlfriend for 4 months before the topic of marriage came up. She was adverse to the idea at first but I assure her it was only for exploration. We started to share our thoughts, our aspiration and how we want to bring up our children. Before I knew it, we are actually planning for our wedding next January.
By then, we would have only dated for 1.5years.
Wa... that sounds so sweet! Really a perfect couple!
I think it is a waste of time to be in a relationship if your focus is not marriage – better of to just be friends.
When I asked Sofia if she would be my girlfriend, I was clear that I was interested in something serious that would hopefully lead to marriage - if she was not interested in a serious relationship, but just wanted something to pass the time, then I would rather remain friends.
Before I started dating Sofia, I knew how many children she wanted, her views on marriage, her religion, how she viewed division in marriage, what kind of music she liked, etc…
I think the problem is that people (mostly women) get into relationships hoping it will eventually lead somewhere, so they invest time and emotions - only to be disappointed 3, 4, 5 years later.
As with anything with life, you need to have a plan and a course of action. Getting emotionally involved without a clear purpose and intent, is a recipe for disappointment.
SOmetimes guys can tell you he wants to lead the relationship into marriage, then in the end break his promise and end the relationship. Being faithful and wanting a commitment is not on one person alone.
Post a Comment