Gist Of Life

Something inspiring from a stand-up comedian, George Carlin :

The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but shorter tempers, wider Freeways, but narrower viewpoints.

We spend more, but have less, we buy more, but enjoy less.

We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less time.

We have more degrees but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yet more problems, more medicine, but less wellness.

We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom.

We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values.

We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.

We've learned how to make a living, but not a life.

We've added years to life not life to years.

We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbour.

We conquered outer space but not inner space.

We've done larger things, but not better things.

We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul.

We've conquered the atom, but not our prejudice.

We write more, but learn less.

We plan more, but accomplish less.

We've learned to rush, but not to wait.

We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and less.

These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men and small character, steep profits and shallow relationships.

These are the days of two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes.

These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, one night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill.

It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and nothing in the stockroom.

A time when technology can bring this letter to you, and a time when you can choose either to share this insight, or to just hit delete...

Remember, spend some time with your loved ones, because they are not going to be around forever.

Remember, say a kind word to someone who looks up to you in awe, because that little person soon will grow up and leave your side.

Remember, to give a warm hug to the one next to you, because that is the only treasure you can give with your heart and it doesn't cost a cent.

Remember, to say, "I love you" to your partner and your loved ones, but most of all mean it. A kiss and an embrace will mend hurt when it comes from deep inside of you.

Remember to hold hands and cherish the moment for someday that person will not be there again.

Give time to love, give time to speak! And give time to share the precious thoughts in your mind.

AND ALWAYS REMEMBER:

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

And something I want to add :

This is the time of better technology and higher education. With all the dating agencies and websites, interactive social events and connection with just anyone in the world with just a click, yet it is harder to find someone to be with, with people taking relationships more and more lightly.

More About Online Chatting And Websites

I am tired. Tired of a lot of things. So tired that I feel like becoming a hermit. I am so tempted to de-register myself from all the websites I am in, and to stop going online to chat. There comes a time when I find all these are starting to become meaningless.

When online chatting first came out, it was a big hit. I first came into contact with it around 1998. Then, there were chatrooms via websites like IRC, so sometimes during tutorials (especially those held in the computer rooms), some of my classmates and I would secretly enter a chatroom to see what we could find.

In those days, the chatrooms were for anyone, so we would end up chatting with a lot of people at the same time. I witnessed how my classmate would engage in cybersex, but for me, I would only go to those websites where I knew my friends would be in so as to chat with them. No cybersex for me, not in the past, not now and never in the future!

After that, there were programs for online chatting for individuals. All you need was to download the program and register yourself. I still remember the first chatting program I had was ICQ. My second ex was the one that sent me the entire program (who in turn got it from a classmate), so we could chat with each other late into the night, when my mum did not allow me to talk on the phone for hours.

Then, I discovered more and more of my friends and some relatives on ICQ, so sometimes we had a group chat, sometimes individually. I stopped using the program for a while after we broke up, as I was too distraught to even see him online.

I did not go online for a very long time, until 2005, when I officially signed up for MSN and Yahoo Messenger. That was when I stopped using ICQ altogether, since most of my friends have migrated to MSN. Although I signed up for both, I am more often online via MSN.

Since then, I have been online almost everyday. But recently, I start to discover - of all my contacts, how many people do I really talk to and talk with? As I mentioned in my previous post, my closest friends are those who are seldom or never online. All I need is to give them a call or leave a message or send an email and we can still chat.

There are some who are online daily, but I have never spoken to them. Which makes me wonder, why did we add each other in the first place? There are also some which I have blocked, since all they did was to spout nonsense and irritate me.

There are some whom I chat with quite regularly, and some nice people who bumped into me and have now become friends. Despite all these, I still get annoyed by cyber perverts looking out for a quick fling.

There are also websites like Friendster and now Facebook, which I am registered for both. Both of these websites are a good place for searching for friends, current and past, as well as future friends, and to find out what they have been up to, what is their status quo.

Because of the convenience of these friendly sites, anyone can then find you and add you. So in the end one ends up having to screen through so many people, a lot whom you have never known! After a while, one just stops using altogether because the activities then become meaningless.

Now that I am almost at the next phase of life, perhaps I need to start taking things seriously. There are more things in life which I need to pay attention to. The day will come when I de-register myself at all these websites. When that happens, I will also not be logging on to chat that often anymore, because there are always other forms of contact.

First February 29

First time I am posting on February 29. The first February 29 was when I was less than two years of age, so I could not remember a thing. The second was the year my first brother was born, and I remember my mum putting my head on her tummy to feel the baby inside.

The third February 29 was the year my youngest brother was born. Come to think of it, both my parents and brothers were born during leap years, except me. Perhaps that is why I am the odd one out.

The fourth February 29, I was in lower secondary, and struggling with studies. The fifth February 29, I was in a relationship. The sixth February 29, I remember that vividly as it was during the Millennium Year. I was in another relationship, and we went out to celebrate the occasion.

Considering the length of time we had been with each other, we had only gone by one February 29. Hmmm.... a rare opportunity that day, come to think of it. If I had known, I would have celebrated it in a more meaningful way, making it more memorable.

The seventh February 29, I was on the verge of leaving the education service. And now, another four years later, so many things had happened. My life in just one year is already so colourful, let alone in four years!

Hopefully, by the time the next February 29 comes along, my life would have been more settled instead of the frivolity and status quo of the current situation. I wish to enjoy at least another ten more February 29s, with all the people I love!

Online Chatting : Bane Or Boon?

Going to Bar Celona yesterday reminded me of the first time I went there last year. I was supposed to go to Spain, so an ex-date brought me there to taste Spanish food before the trip. But then in the end we went to England at the last minute instead.

I still remember that day he hurt his foot while playing tennis a few days back. Yet, he walked with me after dinner through the stretch of Singapore River, all the way to Clarke Quay, before boarding a bus back with me, and then taking a bus back on his own.

Come to think of it, I have had sweet guys whom I really enjoyed their companies. Only thing is why do the sweet guys I meet lately all seem so non-committal? But sweet or not, a real good man is not how well he treats you when things are going well, but whether he is willing to accept your entire being and be by your side in the face of conflicts.

Which brought me back to something someone told me. I chat a lot online, and I am in some of those networking websites that are so prominent now. These portals are a way to keep in touch with friends and acquaintances, in light of our busy schedules.

To some people, they view these messenging services and networking sites as a portal to find a partner, and once they start seeing someone, they no longer go onto these sites. To each their own, but to me, these portals are the very places I can keep in touch and catch up with friends, whether I am attached or not.

Of course, there are some people I chat with more, and there are some I chat with less. There are some that are online everyday, and there are some that are seldom online (or perhaps I never have the luck to bump into them online).

Online chatting is a good way to network and know a person. But with the convenience of online chatting, one attracts more dubious characters. Strangers can just bump into you and ask all kinds of stupid questions, as if it is their right. Why must I entertain people whom I do not even know?

There are also those who message you so many times just because you do not respond after five minutes or so. Well, if I happen to be busy and away, or just not in the mood to chat, all those actions can be really irritating.

And there are also those who, after chatting for a while, suddenly claim they have feelings for me, and hope I will accept them. Erh, I do not even know what they look like in person! Even with pictures, how would I know how outdated the pictures are or if it is even the real pictures in the first place?

No doubt there are some who did manage to fall in love online. Maybe they do share a cyber connection. But just mere chatting online is not enough if one intends to develop a relationship, because one can be more objective and impersonal while chatting online since there is no pressure to impress compared to meeting up face to face.

One must meet up before things can really progress, as online chatting is just on the surface, very superficial. In fact, those guys I have been in relationships with, and those I have dated, we seldom chat online. Of course, in the early days, there is no such thing as online chatting until the late nineties or so. So before that, we survived on phone calls and meetups after school and weekends.

Even now with the convenience of online chatting where one can keep in touch with others almost all hours of the day, those whom I have dated would still call or message me, email me and ask me out if they intend to bring the friendship to a higher level.

Ironically, my closest friends are those that seldom chat online. And they are not in any of the networking sites either. My best friend, for instance. She has never been on any online chatting program, even when my ex and I started chatting online when the program first came out, instead of calling each other so frequently. We were trying to get her to sign up but she never did.

She is also not on any of the network websites that is so abundant nowadays. She says she has no time nor energy to do anything online at work or at home. So how do we keep in touch? Via emails, both at home and at work, messages, and phone calls.

The only times she actually went on to a website were the times when she was trying out some dating and friendship websites. And a good thing she did, otherwise she would never have found her husband.

It is possible to find love online. But when two persons like each other based on their online personas or chatting, the next step is to meet up and get to know each other face to face, and see if both can still enjoy each other's companies and relate with each other on an individual and deeper level, and not on a superficial level, because one can portray a farce behind the screen.

It is only by seeing the person for who he / she is that one can get to know the true person. Which is why I have never made up my mind about a person just by chatting online. I must meet up with him and see for myself the kind of person he is before I see if I like to progress further.

Fare Thee Well ....

My boss is leaving the company at the end of the month (tomorrow actually), so last night all of us in the same department gave him a farewell dinner. We actually wanted Ma Maison at Central Mall, but it was fully booked, so we settled for Bar Celona at Robertson Walk.

We had an enjoyable feast of Barcelona Tapas, consisting of BBQ Chicken Wings and some other finger food, as well as a Mushrooms pizza and Spanish pizza, with Riesling white wine. We even ordered an extra dish of Oriental chicken wings to finish off the meal.

Come to think of it, I seldom have time out with my colleagues. Besides my teaching days where some of us would hang out after school and during holidays, the other places I worked in I never did hang out or talk much to my colleagues. Or perhaps the other places I worked in I never stayed long enough to establish a closer relationship.

Ironically, the team is pretty new, except for me. Before this, I am never really that close to any of the other colleagues in the other team as well. But those that joined the department after me I am quite close to them.

Honestly speaking, even though my boss can rave and rant, he is not that bad. At least he is appreciative of what we do for him, and he does take our sides when he thinks we have done a good job. So hopefully his replacement will be just as alright or even better.

A Sweet Poem

Something someone sent me which almost melted my heart :

A special world for you and me
A special bond one cannot see
It wraps us up in its cocoon
And holds us fiercely in its womb.

Its fingers spread like fine spun gold
Gently nestling us to the fold
Like silken thread it holds us fast
Bonds like this are meant to last.

And though at times a thread may break
A new one forms in its wake
To bind us closer and keep us strong
In a special world, where we belong.

My love, I have tried with all my being
to grasp a form comparable to thine own,
but nothing seems worthy;

I know now why Shakespeare could not
compare his love to a summer’s day.
It would be a crime to denounce the beauty
of such a creature as thee,
to simply cast away the precision
God had placed in forging you.

Each facet of your being
whether it physical or spiritual
is an ensnarement
from which there is no release.
But I do not wish release.
I wish to stay entrapped forever.
With you for all eternity.
Our hearts, always as one.

If I could have just one wish,
I would wish to wake up everyday
to the sound of your breath on my neck,
the warmth of your lips on my cheek,
the touch of your fingers on my skin,
and the feel of your heart beating with mine...
Knowing that I could never find that feeling
with anyone other than you.

For you I would climb
The highest mountain peak
Swim the deepest ocean
Your love I do seek.

For you I would cross
The rivers most wide
Walk the hottest desert sand
To have you by my side.

For you are the one
Who makes me whole
You've captured my heart
And touched my soul.

For you are the one
That stepped out of my dreams
Gave me new hope
Showed me what love means.

For you alone..

It has been so long since I received a poem of some sort from anyone. In the past this would have totally made me fall for someone. But I know he is not my type, simply because he smokes. And that is already a big no-no for me.

Nevertheless, it is a sweet thing to do. I also realise another thing - I do not need someone to write me poems or love letters all the time. Yes, these are good and touching, but the most important is to use actions instead of mere words.

I do not want someone whom I can just hang out and have fun with, or enjoy each other's companies with. Of course these are good and important, but I want something further - someone whom I can really talk deeply to, live with, someone to share my happiness and burdens with, and not pull out or run away in the face of adversity.

It is no use just using words by saying he really likes me and want to be with me, want to keep seeing me and writing nice poems and letters, yet so does not reflect in the actions. Afterall, actions speak louder than words!

Love And Life, Freedom And Respect

A friend sent me this story, which I felt really touched by.

My husband is an engineer by profession, I love him for his steady nature and..I love the warm feeling when I lean against his broad shoulders.

Two years of courtship and now, five years into marriage, I would have to admit, that I am getting tired of it. The reasons of me loving him before, has now transformed into the cause of all my restlessness.

I am a sentimental woman and extremely sensitive when it comes to a relationship and my feelings. I yearn for the romantic moments, like a little girl yearning for candy.

My husband is my complete opposite; his lack of sensitivity, and the inability of bringing romantic moments into our marriage has disheartened me about LOVE.

One day, I finally decided to tell him my decision, that I wanted a divorce.

"Why?" he asked, shocked.

"I am tired. There are no reasons for everything in the world!" I answered.

He kept silent the whole night, seemingly in deep thought. My feeling of disappointment only increased. Here was a man who was not able to even express his predicament, so what else could I expect from him?

And finally he asked me: "What can I do to change your mind?"

Somebody said it right... It's hard to change a person's personality, and I guess, I have started losing faith in him. Looking deep into his eyes I slowly answered: "Here is the question.... If you can answer and convince my heart, I will change my mind."

Let's say; I want a flower located on the face of a mountain cliff,and we both are sure that picking the flower will cause your death. Will you do it for me?"

He said: "I will give you your answer tomorrow...."
My hopes just sank by listening to his response.

I woke up the next morning to find him gone, and saw a piece of paper with his scratchy handwriting underneath a milk glass, on the dining table near the front door, that goes....

My dear,
"I would not pick that flower for you, but.... please allow me to explain the reasons further....."

This first line was already breaking my heart. I continued reading.

"When you use the computer you always mess up the Software programs, and you cry in front of the screen. I have to save my fingers so that I can help to restore the programs. You always leave the house keys behind, thus I have to save my legs to rush home to open the door for you.

You love travelling but always lose your way in a new city. I have to save my eyes to show you the way.

You always have the cramps whenever your "good friend" approaches every month. I have to save my palms so that I can calm the cramps in your tummy.

You like to stay indoors, and I worry that you will be infected by infantile autism. I have to save my mouth to tell you jokes and stories to cure your boredom.

You always stare at the computer, and that will do nothing good for your eyes. I have to save my eyes so that when we grow old, I can help to clip your nails and help to remove those annoying white hairs. So I can also hold your hand while strolling down the beach, as you enjoy the sunshine and the beautiful sand...and tell you the colour of flowers, just like the colour of the glow on your young face...

Thus, my dear, unless I am sure that there is someone who loves you more than I do... I could not pick that flower yet, and die ... "

My tears fell on the letter, and blurred the ink of his handwriting... and as I continue on reading...

"Now, that you have finished reading my answer, and if you are satisfied, please open the front door for I am standing outside bringing your favorite bread and fresh milk..."

I rushed to pull open the door, and saw his anxious face, clutching tightly with his hands, the milk bottle and loaf of bread....

Now I am very sure that no one will ever love me as much as he does, and I have decided to leave the flower alone...

That's LIFE, and LOVE.

When one is surrounded by love, the feeling of excitement fades away, and one tends to ignore the true love that lies in between the peace and dullness.

Love shows up in all forms; even in very small and cheeky forms. It has never been a model. It could be the dullest and most boring form ...

Flowers, and romantic moments are only used and appear on the surface of the relationship. Under all this, the pillar of true love stands... AND THAT'S LIFE.

The happiest people in the world... are not those who have no problems, but those who learn to live with things that are less than perfect.

LOVE is not just between two lovers, husband and wife--it also encompass; mother, father and siblings, sisters and brothers, friends, neighbors and colleagues.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Someone said that if you love something greatly set it free. If it comes back to you, it's yours for life. If it doesn't come back, it never was yours in the first place.

When it comes to romantic relationships, some individuals become so highly motivated to find someone to love that they begin to violate well-known principles of freedom and respect in human interactions. That's like turning a fire hose on a flickering flame.

I heard about one young man who was determined to win the affection of a girl who refused to even see him. He decided that the way to her heart was through the mail, so he began writing her a love letter everyday. When she didn't respond, he increased his output to three notes every 24 hours.

In all, he wrote her more than 700 letters and as a result, she married the postman. That's the way the system works. Appearing too anxious and too available actually drives other people away rather attracting them into a committed relationship.

Romantic love is one of those rare human endeavours that succeed best when it requires the least effort. And remember that respect precedes love, and that relationships are constantly being tested by cautious lovers who like to nibble at the bait before swallowing the hook.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Human relations are always the most complicating, is it not? Sometimes you may be interested in someone only to be spurned. Other times you are the one spurning others' affections. Which is why it is so hard to find someone who really fits.

On the other hand, how perfect are we, really, that we always want someone who is perfect? I read somewhere recently that true love and a real relationship is not about finding a perfect person, but by accepting and loving an imperfect person perfectly. Well said!

Still, that is not to say we should settle for just anyone though. It is good to be discerning, but at the same time accept each other's differences, flaws and quirks. That is what being in a relationship is all about, is it not?

How many people actually have smooth-sailing relationships without any misunderstandings and quarrels? It all depends on how the parties communicate, compromise and giving and taking.

When Will Love Come Again?

I wonder if it is because I have been too stressed with assignments (three major deadlines one after another - two on the same day and one the day after!) that I started being in a melancholic mood again.

Or is it because of the mini lecture my mum gave me about staying at home more often lately, not wanting to do anything, just lounging around being a couch potato. Hmmm.. when I go out she lectures me about always going out, when I stay at home, she lectures me about not going out. Parents are so hard to please at times!

I thought of my student days. How carefree I was! Why on earth did I ever wish I wanted to complete my studies fast so I could go out to work? Now I wish I can go back to being a student! The innocence of youth, young and naive, leading simpler lives and not expecting so much out of life.

The sweetness of first love. People say first love is the most unforgettable. True, my first love was the most unforgettable - for the wrong reasons. I can only remember the unhappiness I felt. Rather, the next one is more unforgettable - for the right reasons.

Come to think of it, when I first had a crush, or puppy love, or first love, did I ever ask myself what type of guy I wanted? Actually I did, especially since my first crush was the smart, talented and charming sort.

Somehow those types I like seem to model on this. Perhaps it is true that humans, be it men or women, somehow go for the same types, because those are the types that they feel most comfortable with and get along best with.

Ever since I was fifteen, I already had the kind of person in mind. Someone smart, talented, who can play musical instruments, well-read and well-travelled, knowledgeable, articulate, chivalrous, gentlemanly, romantic.

Of course as the years go by, I add more things in - like someone willing to be committed and responsible to face whatever that comes, instead of running away when problems arise.

Then I think of the times when I was actually in a relationship. What attracted me to those guys? Did they all fit what I look for? Actually no. Only one came really close, the rest had varying degrees.

So why did I start to like them? Honestly, I have no answer, even now. Like people always say, there is no reason why you like a person, just like there is no reason why you simply do not like someone. Just like love cannot be forced, feelings also cannot be switched off just like that once they have developed.

For my first two relationships at least, all I knew was that we were good friends, then all of a sudden I started liking them very much. There was no notice, no consideration of whether they fit what I look for. The feelings came just like that and up to now, there is still no explanation why I liked them and not anyone else, even though there were other suitors.

We were all similar to a certain extent. My first guy is a staunch Catholic. He was the one who brought me to church on a regular basis. We were similar as in we are both the outspoken, articulate and opinionated types.

We both sing and like to be involved in activities. We both love music and playing instruments, strolling along the beach at sunset or along the Singapore River at dusk.

But we were very different in family backgrounds and characters. He comes from a family where his parents are non-graduates and his mum is a housewife, and she takes care of them very well, whereas I come from a family where both my parents are high-achievers. Conflict in values and family life.

He thinks the mother should be the one to stay home and look after the kids. At that point in time, I was totally aghast at that suggestion because which era are we living in?! Besides I had dreams then. I had scholarship dreams, overseas education, becoming a Deputy Public Prosecutor, thinking it would be a job I would love and nobody could ever make me give up my job.

But I actually welcome the idea now. Being a real woman and a homemaker, being there for the children, is something which is precious and invaluable, instead of working one's life away.

So why did I like him? No idea. He did fit my criteria to a certain extent, about 65%. But what I could not tolerate was his arrogance, his thinking he was above everyone just because he was one of the top students. He had no qualms putting everyone down, including his parents because he felt he knew more than them simply because they only completed secondary school and could not speak English well.

The worst was he had a very bad temper. He would turn violent and hit me whenever I disagreed with him. I still remember the time he cut my finger with a penknife (I still had the scar!) and he punched me in the stomach when I disagreed with him.

So since then, I told myself never again will I find someone who would hit me. Or would shout at me for no rhyme or reason. Who was to know the next one was also bad-tempered? But he was much better already. At least his emotional outbursts were less frequent, even though it was still not a good feeling being raved and ranted at.

So after that, I said no more bad-tempered guys! And the next one was good-tempered, but then totally unsuitable. It took every bit of our effort to keep the relationship going as long as it did, and up to now, I still had no idea why we stuck on for so long when we could have opted out a long time ago.

I guess that is where commitment comes in. A relationship, let alone a marriage, shorn of all the passion and sweetness of the initial stages, in the end it was the commitment that keeps it going, and both have to find a way to work at it somehow.

But before a marriage, it is easier to break because if there were already problems before living together as one, there will be more problems after living together. Whereas after the marriage, once you made your choice, it is really the commitment and the effort that keeps things going.

So my question is, when will love and the commitment that comes with it happen for me again?

Is It Any Surprise?

Men See You As Desirable

Men often find you immediately attractive and sensual You're honesty is refreshingly beautiful ... it draws guys in You are also able to be open with your feelings with no emotional baggage Packing light means you enjoy new relationships easily

How Do Men See You?

You Don't Need a Man, but You Want One!

You like having a guy in your life, and overall, you prefer not to be single. You won't go out with a guy out of desperation.. you rather be alone. However, when you're single, you do tend to obsess a little over dating. Because no matter how good your single life is, it's better with a great guy around.

Do You Need a Man?

You are a Romantic Date

Your dating philosophy? "Date to fall in love" You prefer your dates to lead you down a romantic path If there's no soulmate connection, you're just wasting your time Guys to look for: Guys serious about love, who say they're ready for marriage Search for guys looking to "settle down" or "meet my match" Because if a guy's just playing the field, he won't give yout the romance you crave

What Kind of Dating Diva Are You?

A Mysterious Disappearance

We just had a celebration at our other office building as our Chairman himself just won an award for CEO of the Year. I wonder what kinds of criteria is to be met before anyone is deemed to win the CEO or CFO of the Year award?

Meanwhile, more news on the office front. Our office Administrative Assistant had disappeared without a trace. There had been no sign of her since we came back after the Chinese New Year weekend. All attempts to contact her at her mobile, home and home address proved futile. It is as if her entire family had disappeared.

There were speculations of course. Some said they had to run away from loan sharks, but from what I know of her since we used to do lunch together, and she had been pretty nice to help me out whenever I was overloaded, she and her family is not the type to get heavily into debt.

Some wondered if she was involved in an accident since there was no notice of her taking any medical leave or annual or urgent leave. She just went missing without a call. In fact, I received a Chinese New Year greeting from her the night of Chinese New Year's eve.

After a week, we wondered if our Human Resource Manager should lodge a report and check with the police, but she said it is not her business. I am pretty worried, because it is uncharacteristic of her (the Admin Assistant) to be so irresponsible and leave everything as it is without any advance notice.

I cannot even check with the police because I do not have her identity number, nor with hospitals as patients' names are confidential. I can only hope and pray that whatever happened and whatever her problems are, she can resolve them and live her life back to normal again.

The Unkindness Of Humans

The New Paper yesterday featured a couple of articles on our "ugly" locals. At times like these, I feel really ashamed of my own countryman. Normally, I do not read the New Paper because they feature nothing but tabloids.

Besides, since post-secondary, my lecturers have told us that the New Paper is targeted at heartlanders, with only 'N' level English. We should read the Straits Times ('O' level English ) or Business Times ('A' level English) or even the International Herald Tribune. So we were banned from reading the New Paper or to submit any articles featured in it.

Since then, I have been reading the Straits Times because my parents subscribe to the daily newspaper. And magazines like National Geographic, TIME, Newsweek and The Economist. Pretty heavy reading, but it is a good way to keep in touch on what is going on around the world. Needless to say, many people do not read these and they deem me weird by even reading these and not the popular tabloid paper.

Anyway, I came across the New Paper because my first brother bought it on the way home from work. Yesterday's headlines really made my blood boil. One part talked about how someone witnessed an actual accident, yet just stood there without doing anything, watching how people die.

Is it so fun to watch how a person bleed to death? Hello, it is an accident, for goodness sake! The first instinct would be to call the police or ambulance, then go over and see how to help, instead of standing there looking like an idiot and not doing anything while the poor fellow emitted oodles of blood and breathed his last! A life is lost just like that due to the stupidity of people who deem it as a form of interesting display or show.

The second part talked about how to masseuses, their jobs are to just provide a massage service. But to men, they automatically associate massage with sex, so have no qualms asking for what they deem as right since they paid for the service, and became so indignant when the masseuse told them they do not provide sexual services.

If men want sexual services, there are always sex workers around right? There are proper places to go for these kind of services. No doubt a masseuse is not exactly a kind of glamorous job, but it does not mean the workers will cheapen themselves to provide other kinds of services just to satisfy the urges of men. Perhaps some do, but not all. Why do some men think women have no qualms sleeping with anyone as long as there is money involved?

Somehow I was reminded of an incident. Years ago, on a Saturday afternoon, I met my second ex and a friend of ours for a movie. We decided to buy lunch at McDonald's to bring into the cinema.

That day, the fast food restaurant happened to be very crowded, and the service happened to be extra slow. My friend and I queued up to buy the food while my ex waited for us outside. Halfway into the queue, I had a sudden anaemic attack and started having fainting spells. So I excused myself and went outside.

My ex started holding on to me, but I could hardly stand, so stooped down. There was no place to sit, so I just sat on the floor in the shopping mall, outside McDonald's. Immediately, people started flocking around me, just crowding around, standing there and looking at me, without doing anything.

I was too sick to do or say anything, but I needed some air desperately. Yet with so many people crowding around me, I could hardly breathe as it was. My friend bought the food and came out immediately, then she and my ex started holding on to me and ushering me into the cinema, trying to push our way through the crowd, with the people still looking at me without doing anything.

Luckily, a kind lady then offered a bottle of medicated oil and told me to apply and hoped I would feel better after that. One person, out of all the numerous people who crowded around doing nothing, actually offered help after seeing my state.

I was grateful of course, but at the same time, I was disgusted at the others who took me as some form of interesting display, making me even more uncomfortable in the process.

Times like these, I get really upset and disgusted at the kinds of declasse people around. I wonder if it is because we are not brought up to care for others? But all these are common sensical acts, is it not? After all, when you see someone who needs help, one's instincts is to help, instead of just looking and staring without any actions.

This is what differentiates humans as higher intelligent beings from mere animals, as we have our instincts and minds to do what is right and proper instead of being the same as a wild animal.

World Wide Web : An Avenue For Porn And Sensation?

Twenty years ago, the greatest invention of that time was the personal computer. Ten years ago, the greatest invention was the internet. The world wide web makes everything so convenient. One can receive and reply mails instantly, without waiting days and weeks for hard copies of letters and documents.

One can chat with several people at the same time, without the hassle of holding a phone and calling each and every one. One can make friends and set up forums for discussions. One can even search for information without needing to go different places for research.

Yes, the internet is convenient indeed. There are millions of resources and information around. Now people can read and write online, instead of the traditional hardcover or paperback or the physical journal.

But because of the convenience of the world wide web, there are bound to be people who take the readily available resource for granted and abuse the convenience. For instance, there are many dating websites around for people to make more friends. There have been people who found their other halves online.

It means they meet each other online, then meet up physically to get to know each other and see if they can develop further. It is not a site for cyber perverts or stalkers who just want some free sex with anyone they can get. It is also not a site for anyone to go in and lie about their particulars and status.

Also, with the vast amount of information so readily available, some sickos have some weird ideas of publishing free porn for all and sundry to see, which explains the amount of porn sites around.

As if it is not enough, the recent headlines on major newspapers around the world is about a certain actor who got some private racy photos published to the public, and immediately, websites all over the world take the opportunity to splash them like entertainment.

In the first place, why must people do something like this? Granted he took the photos for fun, and perhaps they were really meant to be private and not to be disclosed. And it was a silly thing leaving the photos in his laptop when he sent it for repair, because there would always be a chance of someone stumbling upon them.

But when people have stumbled upon the photos, why could they not leave it alone? Those were in his laptop, and his business after all. Is it because he is a celebrity? I believe there are many people who take racy photos for fun, left the photos in their laptops and sent their laptops for repairs, but I do not think the photos will be published if they are of any mere unknown person off the streets.

So does it mean because he is a celebrity, people will then cash in for some quick bucks or attention? Celebrities or not, they are humans after all. They have feelings after all. There will be times they feel embarrassed or ashamed, or down. They have their rights to a private life outside the glamour.

So why could people not leave them alone? Is it not enough that they get scrutinised whatever they do and wherever they go, now they have no right to any privacy even? Honestly, is it such a big deal even if people take racy or nude photos of themselves? It is their own affairs what they get up to.

I am not one to follow the news so closely, but the news have been going on almost everyday, on the radio, television and major newspapers, on the updates of the case. What was a private matter has now become an international sensation. I feel really disgusted by the maliciousness of people.

A Decade Of Dreams And Aspirations

Every ten years, I would look back on the decade and think of what had happened, and compare it to what I envisioned would happen. Of course when I was ten years old, I was still a little girl struggling with her studies.

But I remember the year I turned ten, that was when my youngest brother was born. He was just a couple of months old when he had to be hospitalised. My parents took turns being in the hospital with him, while supervising me with my examinations at the same time.

Looking back, I was really selfish, as I blamed my parents for neglecting me, so deliberately did badly in my studies, and I told my parents it was a test whether they still cared for me. Needless to say they got really hurt and angry.

But then I was a mere ten year old kid. How would I understand the big picture? Luckily I managed to do well enough in my final examinations to go on to the next level.

When I was ten, I started thinking of what I would be doing ten years down the road. Being young and also due to family influence, I thought I would enter secondary school, then junior college, then university.

I thought I would study medicine, then changed my mind to teaching, then journalism then finally law. I thought I would even go overseas to further my studies. After that, I had a rebellious streak and seriously thought of giving up my studies after secondary school as I was under so much stress and unhappiness trying to keep up with my more talented relatives.

The year I was twenty, I started thinking about what had happened in the past decade. I have finished school at least. I screwed up, forfeiting a chance for a scholarship to study overseas. And I was on the verge of failing law school, dashing my dream of becoming a prosecutor.

But I was given a second chance, by majoring in arts and education. I had a failed relationship, but was really happy with the guy who would propose to me later on. Even then, I knew he was the one I wanted to be with, to marry.

I had plans. I thought after graduation, I would work for a year, then get hitched. We would have our first kid by twenty-seven and the last kid by thirty-five. Both of us wanted five kids - three boys and two girls. We even had names for the kids!

I thought by thirty, I would be promoted to a departmental head at least, and started teaching a higher level. Or specialise solely in music education.

But the best laid plans of mice and men often do not flow smoothly. One can have all the plans, positively knowing what one wants and where to go, and what to do, but in the end, a lot of things are beyond our control.

For instance, how would I know I would end up leaving the education sector? How would I know I would go back into the legal field? How would I know I would have a broken engagement? And how would I know I would never be able to find another guy I really want to be with and who really wants to be with me since then?

People always say one must plan for the future. True, one should always plan. But sometimes, one can do all the planning, but in the end the plans may fall through. So is it better to just live each day and take things as it comes, or is it better to plan, but in the end the plans may not be feasible?

Now that it is almost another decade, I want to look back and see how many of my plans have come true. Honestly? None. Well, perhaps one, as in graduate and teach. As for the rest, I am still living each day and taking things as they come.

There are concrete plans of course for the next decade, but these are just goals which I hope to work towards, but no longer will I be so sure my plans will become feasible, unless my life is going somewhere in every aspect.

Like for the next ten years, I hope to be able to get a Masters, and even a PhD if possible. I want to complete a performance certificate in piano, and take up another instrument or two. Career wise, I may stay on for another few years or so, then after my post-graduate studies I want to see if I can go into the journalism line, or even lecture.

I want to be able to find someone to settle down with. If that is possible, I hope to have at least two to three kids (five is impossible now). Once I have kids, I may not want to work full-time. I will probably work part-time like lecturing or tutoring, and teach music, something flexible, so I can dedicate more time and attention to the kids.

But, like the past two decades, whatever I planned for often do not come true in the end. So for now, I just live each day to the fullest and see what the future brings.

Education Subsidy .... Or Not?

Our government has put aside more budget for education subsidies, so when I came across this piece of news, I was really ecstatic! Imagine 40% off my course fees, I will be able to save up much more and not struggle so much. It will be quite a burden off me, and I can let my savings grow more.

However, the catch is that the subsidy is only applicable to those who are upgrading their qualifications to a first degree. Which means most likely I am not able to get it, because I am taking an Honours from a normal degree, whereas there are many who are taking the normal degree from just 'A' levels or diplomas.

Oh well.... just when I thought finally I have an answer to my prayers, on how to pay my entire course fees without too much of a burden! I just have to see how things go, who knows perhaps I may be able to get it after all?

Beyond Love

My parents have booked the Russian trip in April. Since it will still be in the middle of my semester, I am not able to go with them anymore. :-( So they will be touring Moscow and St Petersburg on their own.

However, a New Zealand trip is in the works around the end of the year, for the whole family, as my parents may want a driving tour around both North and South Islands, as well as Christmas with my relatives in Sydney. If this is confirmed, then I can hardly wait!

I really envy my parents, able to get away once in a while on their own. This is what coupledom should be like - spend some time on their own and getting away from the family and kids once in a while.

Come to think of it, I remember even when my brothers and I were still very young, my parents would go out on their own or travel without us. They would then bring us to my maternal grandmother's place for my relatives to take care of us while they were away.

Even though my parents are not the types to show their affections like holding hands or kissing, their bond is stronger than mere physical intimacy. Up to now, after more than thirty years of marriage, whenever my dad is around, he will still drive my mum all over, be it to the hairdressing salon, or to work, or to my relative's place, or to the market, even to shopping malls. And he still accompanies my mum whenever she shops.

My dad will help my maternal grandmother run errands too, by driving her around to the market or when my mum brings her to the hairdressing salon. He seems to treat his mother-in-law better than his own mother!

I guess even though there are many aspects I see in my dad which I do not want in my future partner, but at the end of it all, he is committed to my mum, to the family. Who am I to comment anyway, as long as my mum is able to accept and tolerate him? Even though there were a few times where my mum was on the verge of divorcing him, still they managed to work things out.

And this is what couplehood and a long-term relationship is like. It is beyond the love, passion and affection of early days when both are so loving and sweet. Despite the difficulties, the changes, even after many years of living together and looking at each other day in day out, both still take time to date each other, to be nice to each other, to accommodate and compromise, to give to the family, instead of taking things for granted and just doing their own things separately.

This is what I learnt and observed from my parents. They really tried their best, as a couple, as children, as parents, as relatives and as friends. I learnt from them to treat people well and be true and sincere to others. I only hope that I can do just as well if and when I ever get married.

Having said that, I came across a very inspirational and enlightening quote earlier on : "True love is not about finding the perfect person for you, but about accepting and loving an imperfect person perfectly." How apt!

"Talent" Management

I feel rather flattered by a few people who said I am one of the most talented persons they have ever met. All I can say is a big thank you, but I truly do not think so. I am definitely not talented as compared to a lot of others I know, especially in light of my family members.

Talent itself is subjective. It can mean a lot of things. People can be talented in many ways. Some can be in studies, some in sports, some in music, some in science, some in languages. Some can be good in just about everything. Now that is the truly gifted.

Me? Nothing much. My parents tried to groom me into something, but I end up with nothing much to show. Studies wise I have never been a top student. Sports wise I lose more than actually winning, missing the balls and the hits. Music wise, I have never played that well or smoothly, never really won in any competition I entered, never scored that high in any examination.

I struggled with science and math, and even for languages, my writing is not as good as compared to a lot of others, otherwise I would have numerous articles and books published already. As it is, even though I have been formulating some short stories, I have yet to get the entire story together, as the ideas are just so haphazard.

But I am very proud of my family, because I grow up in a talented family. If some people think I am talented, they have not seen my cousins. They are the real talented ones. Studies wise, they score either straight 'A's or mostly 'A's. Music wise, they get distinctions for almost every examination.

Sports wise, they can bowl, play badminton, squash, tennis, table-tennis, netball, and a few of them made the school and national teams even. They are even able to jog the entire MacRitchie Reservoir without pausing, whereas I had to stop and walk after just a short way. And all can cycle, unlike me. :-(

They read and write a lot, good in sciences and math, knowledgeable in current and world affairs, politics, economy, finance. Some are government scholars and graduates and post-graduates from top universities around the world.

Honestly, I feel like a real airhead while talking to them, so I always maintain my silence whenever we have a gathering and just listen to their intelligent conversations. At least I got to learn a lot by listening. I do not trust myself to speak.

Sometimes I wish I can be as smart or talented as them. I love all my cousins, they are like real siblings to me, but at times, I wish I can be as smart or talented or knowledgeable as them. In a way, we have the same genes too, so why am I so different from them?

Maybe because of this that I get attracted to talented people. Afterall, I grow up with people who are talented in some ways, so I tend to get along better with those who are also talented in some ways.

My best friend for one. She is better than me in almost every aspect, in studies, singing, making and keeping friends, effectively bilingual, her looks and appearance, sports. My childhood friend, whom without him I would have failed math and science.

My godbrother, who writes poems and songs, set up an a capella group when he was studying in USA, a darn good singer, effectively bilingual and still graduate with a double degree with top honours from an Ivy League University.

Another good friend of mine, who attended top schools, graduated with a Masters, played the electone very well and was a competitive chess player as well as one of the top players of the local Magic scene.

Also another friend, who was a scholar, speaks four languages, dances the salsa and tango, plays tennis and squash, the piano, violin, guitar and harmonica. And someone else whom I am just trying to get over.

Even the guys I have dated, they are all talented in their own ways. My first guy was a top student, school debater, chorister, church musician in singing and playing the electric guitar and the President of the Student Council.

My second guy was another top student, hall master, writes darn good poetry, letters and stories. And my third guy, who had above average grades as an engineering student then became a top student in design school, who draws and plays the electric guitar really well.

Compared to people like these, I am really ashamed of myself. Come to think of it, how can I ask for someone who is talented and brilliant when I myself am not? Am I really so good that I cannot bring myself to accept someone who is just an average person when I myself am but average?

But one does not have to be talented to enjoy life. Whatever I am doing now, I am passionate about. I like to upgrade as much as I can. Just like even if I get my further degree, or a performance certificate in piano, or take up another instrument or two, even when others may deem these as "useless", I will still do it.

Why? Simply because these are my interests and passions. No matter how impractical people deem me to be, I will still choose to do things I really like, still portray as someone stoic and boring to many people, instead of doing things I do not like, but just for the sake of fitting in and pleasing others.

Maybe this is why I do not have that many close friends, only a handful really close ones, because even as friends, it is very hard to find someone who shares my interests and passions. Which is why in the end I end up doing many things on my own.

Observations On Couplehood

It had been a rather enlightening weekend. Having my extended family with us is a wonderful thing, especially since my cousin brought the baby and the dog with her. Looking upon all the smiling faces makes me feel so happy that I have a warm and loving family, a family that sticks by and with each other and helps each other out whenever we run into any problems.

With four generations, one cannot help but wonder how things change throughout the years. I think now I sound as if I have lived for a hundred years, but I was trying to imagine how life was like for my grandparents during those times as compared to now.

Perhaps living in olden society with a simpler life is really easier. One's expectations will not be so high. Both my grandmothers met my grandfathers through matchmaking. They did not even see each other before the wedding, and they got married just like that and played the part of a dutiful wife and mother till death did them part.

To my grandparents, their duties in life is to be filial and respectful to their parents, married the ones their parents chose, and then take care of the family. Men should be the ones to work and provide for the family, women should be the ones to take care and raise the family.

That was it, no complications of who should work and who should stay home, who should contribute more to the house, who should do which housework. No family planning even, and the complications of whether the income is sufficient to take care of so many kids.

But I must say I am very lucky. Both my grandfathers were the responsible types who provided and took care of their families. They did not gamble and womanise (they did smoke and drink though). Where in those days men could take on a few wives, they were faithful.

My maternal grandfather had two wives, because during the war, my grandmother was left in China and my grandfather came to Singapore, and they totally lost touch with each other. Both deemed each other as dead, so my grandfather married again after the war in Singapore.

It was only after that that my grandfather realised my grandmother was still alive. Although he married her in China to fulfil his father's wish, still he felt it was his responsibility as she was still his wife. Thus he brought her here and both my grandmas lived together until his death. My grandfather was relatively faithful in a way as he never took another wife.

Thus the same family values were passed down to the younger generation. All my relatives are responsible and committed to taking care of the family. They do not smoke, drink, gamble or flirt around. And these values were passed down even now, which is very rare with the high number of people who take commitment lightly, who smoke, drink, gamble and visit prostitutes.

So anyway I was observing my family members, and I realise that my relatives' other halves are very different from each other. I know my uncles and aunts are different, so are my parents. Even my cousin and her husband are two different people, even though they have some similar interests.

But that does not make them less in love, or less likely to stay together. There have only been one divorce case in my entire family, and even then it was because the guy ran away during a difficult period.

My parents and relatives married relatively young, straight out of school, and they are able to stay together until now, even when the children are grown, even when some of them are already grandparents.

I think even during my parents' times, they never really worry so much when it comes to meeting their respective halves. Most met through school or through staying near each other. And to them, once you have found someone nice and decent, the next step is to just get married and settle down.

Compared to people nowadays, who are so commitment-phobic that even when they have been together for such a long time, they just refuse to settle down. Some others will forever be in search of people who meet up to their expectations, no matter how unrealistic.

I am not saying one should not have expectations. We should not marry out of convenience, because it is very miserable to be with the wrong partner. All I am saying is that if the expectations are too unrealistic, perhaps it is time to come back down to earth and finetune them.

Afterall, how many people can be so good-looking or so rich or born with a silver spoon, or can afford a high maintenance life? Maybe you think I am referring to myself when I state "unrealistic expectations" but then I have always said looks and riches do not mean anything to me. What matters is the character, values and interests. I just want to meet a nice decent guy who is equally committed and willing to go all the way instead of suddenly developing cold feet.

Which makes me wonder, am I really so stoic that I must find someone who meets whatever criteria I state? Of course it is a good thing to find someone who shares my interests and values, who is romantic and interesting, but at the end of the day, what matters is the commitment and effort both parties put in to make things work.

Face it, nobody is perfect. I am not a perfect girl, so I can never ask for a perfect guy. It is already so hard to find someone to love and who loves you back in return, and willing to be with you till death do you part. Besides, in every relationship, it is impossible to find someone totally the same, there is always compromise, adapting, accommodating and tolerance.

I guess at the end of the day, what matters is whether we are perfect for each other, other things notwithstanding. We can be so different yet so perfect for each other; similarly we can be so similar yet not mutually committed on the same level.

Attack Of The Fungi!

I had almost two days of mushroom feast. It started on Saturday with the steamboat dinner we hosted at my place for my mum's family. There were about five dishes of mushrooms - from shiitake to abalone to button to white. Even the soup was made of mushrooms! What a pity there is no black truffle!

We waited for the soup to boil, then threw all the mushrooms into the soup. Needless to say, the soup tasted very mushroomy after that. I am not referring to the thick cream mushroom soup, but actual clear soup made of mushrooms, and boiling mushrooms!

In went all the shiitake, then all the abalone, then all the white mushrooms, followed by the other mushrooms. The mushrooms were cooked very quickly. In fact, the moment we put the mushrooms in, they were cooked within minutes. So we scooped them up and in went the next batch.

At the end of the dinner, we ate mushrooms, mushrooms and more mushrooms, with a bit of vegetables and salmon. We were all so full from mushrooms that my cousins remarked they could not bear to see another mushroom for a while!

There were still some mushrooms leftover, so we had another mushroom feast on Sunday, where we ate noodles with different types of mushrooms, and mushrooms with vegetables. I swear I am never going to touch another mushroom again for the next couple of months or so!

For The Love Of Money

Once in a while, the newspapers will feature some estate dispute case, be it locally or overseas. Some of the cases can be made into some television drama serials. People think these only happen in reel life, but actually in real life, such dispute cases can be even more dramatic.

These disputes will occur only if the family is very wealthy. We hear of the prodigal child or uncle trying to change the will of the deceased, ensuring they get the lion's share, or worse, get the full share and cut everyone else out of the will. In cases like these, it is very hard to determine whether anyone has forged the will, especially if there are no witnesses.

Perhaps I am still too idealistic, but to me, does it matter who gets more and who gets less? Afterall, all belong to the same family right? Even if there is no will, whatever assets belonging to the parents will be split equally amongst the kids.

Even if there is a will, by right the assets belong to the parents, so they have every right to distribute according to how they like. Why must people from the same family be so calculative over who gets more or who gets less?

Which makes me wonder, if a couple worked very hard and managed to build themselves up through the years in order to earn more keep and let their children enjoy life, it will be really sad indeed if the children go to court and dispute over the share of the parents' estate once they have passed on.

At times, I really wonder if it would be better to just donate all to a cause, or to squander it all in the lifetime. When one is dead, all the money in the world is of no use. And when one is born with a silver spoon, one tends to take for granted that life will always be easy, thus no inclination or motivation to do anything.

No wonder it is still much better to live a simple life instead.

The Worst Form Of Betrayal

How many accounts do we come across of girls (and guys) being betrayed by their loved ones? In many cases, the girls give their all - their heart, their love, their money even, to the one they love, in the end the person could disappear without a trace with everything.

These cases are quite similar for guys too - they can give their love, their dedication and their money, only to have the girl run away or elope with someone else, taking away everything they (the guys) own.

Can we blame some people for becoming wary and mistrustful? Afterall, if one has been betrayed by the very person they love the most, the insecurity, hurt and pain will forever be a prick in their hearts. These people may never learn to trust again.

Actually, the worst form of betrayal is not just getting cheated out of feelings and money, but to find out that your partner is two-timing you with your best friend, or your own sibling. Talk about double betrayal! The two people you trust the most betraying you at the same time!

I know of people who break up, then the ex got together with the best friend or sibling soon after. This is not really considered a betrayal because both have broken up, although of course the feelings will be sore.

And if the best friend or sibling really cares enough, he / she will not think of starting a relationship with the ex so soon after the breakup, no matter how much they like each other, especially if the best friend or sibling is still harbouring hopes and feelings for the ex.

What I feel constitute as a double betrayal is the best friend or sibling being with the boyfriend / girlfriend when they are still together, without the friend's or sibling's knowledge of course. Luckily I have not experienced this personally, and am not likely to experience this.

For instance, if A introduces her boyfriend B to her best friend C, and they always hang out together. C then starts developing feelings for B. I know feelings cannot be controlled, but in this case, what will C do?

If C is a true friend, she will forget about B and wishes the two of them happiness. But in many cases, those in C's position will either wish the two of them will break up so she can then have a chance, or else just see him behind A's back.

A relationship does not take one person. If B does not respond or react, then for sure C will not stand a chance. But if B also responds or reacts, that is when things happen, is it not? In this case, who is more at fault?

C, for initiating when she knows it is the guy whom her best friend is so head over heels in love with, and who confides in her about all her fears and worries of the relationship? When A could have suspected something and confides in C that B may be two-timing her?

Or B, for even responding and reacting to C's advances in the first place, and at the same time lying to A whenever he and C met up behind her back?

Imagine if A is to find out. It is bad enough that the guy she loves is two-timing her, but with her best friend at that. I can hardly imagine how she will feel, because that will really be a double blow. Two people she trusts and cares about the most both betraying her at the same time.

Or if let's say D brings his girlfriend E out to meet his best friend F. F starts to like E, and starts telling tales about D, starts wooing her, with the hope that E will fall for him. Being a girl, especially in one's younger years when all kinds of romance and sweetness will melt her heart, if D is the one that is stoic and F is the one that is romantic, chances are E may really start to fall for F.

Then what? Is D at fault, for neglecting E? Is F at fault for wooing E knowing she is the girlfriend of his best friend? Or is E at fault for cheating on D and going with F behind his back?

Or G introduces the new boyfriend / girlfriend H to the family, and the brother / sister J starts to fall for H. Shall J just watch while G and H are so happy together, and listening miserably while G confides how much he / she likes H? Or shall J try to get the opportunity to know H, hoping he / she may end up with H?

In situations like these, who can pinpoint who is at fault? One can say one should never covet the partner of one's best friend or sibling, because that is really an ultimate betrayal of friendship and kinship. But when the feelings are really strong, who can blame them?

Everyone has a choice after all, who they like and who they want to go after. And if the feelings are really uncontrollable, I guess some people will rather go by their feelings, even to the extent of hurting someone they care about.

In many cases, people will think that as long as things are done secretly and nobody finds out, as long as they have no expectations and just enjoy the time with each other while it lasts, nothing will happen.

But there is a Chinese saying, "Paper cannot be used to cover a fire". How long can people go around in secret? Sooner or later, someone will find out. Sooner or later, the victim will suspect and get into a frenzy. Sooner or later, the victim will find out the two most people he / she trust the most are going around behind his / her back.

Then instead of just one person getting hurt, it ends up all three getting hurt. A long-time friendship can end just like that. A close brother / sisterhood can end just like that. A wonderful relationship (perhaps it is not that wonderful if the other party strays) can end just like that.

I guess humans all have their selfish side. They look out for their own gains, even if they can care about someone deeply, even if they know never to hurt this person. Even between husband and wife, parents and children, let alone just mere friends, all have their selfish side that they only look out for their own interests.

People know the concept of unconditional love, and true love, which is to love by the side and just want the person to be happy. As long as he / she is happy and successful, that is all that matters. Yet not many people actually adhere to this, because possession is a natural instinct in most people.

To love is not to possess, but how many really achieve this? Most people are selfish when it comes to love. They are selfish even to their own partners, let alone to someone else. And in the society nowadays, most take love and commitment very lightly.

How many of us really know what is love? How many of us are really willing to be tolerant of each other's faults? I came across something enlightening during the weekend - If you really love someone, you will want to spend your life doing everything to make the other person happy, yet you feel whatever you have done is not enough for him / her.

So is there really such a thing as true, unconditional love? Yes, I believe there is. Only thing is how to put it in practice.

Night Out With My Best Friend

I went out with my best friend last night for dinner and a karaoke session. I have not sung for so long that my voice is getting a bit off. I can no longer handle higher notes anymore, notes which I was able to reach smoothly in the past now becomes a bit of a struggle to me.

That is the problem with musicianship - one has to constantly practice, no matter what instrument, be it piano or strings or woodwind or even voice, otherwise it will get out of practice very soon. Which is why I am also struggling with the piano now, songs which I was able to play very well in the past now becomes a bit of a struggle too.

One thing about karaoke joints is why can they not load in original MTVs instead? Some of the songs we wanted were on cheesy scenes where the tune was not even complete. Those non-original MTVs really kill one's appetite for the song.

If anyone is to sing a song, it is best to be on the original tune, with the original lyrics, featuring the original singers. Some of the songs featured are not original, but an improvisation and arrangement, and the whole song becomes repulsive instead.

Anyway she brought a male friend along, and we all had an enjoyable dinner and singing session. He claims he cannot sing so he just sat and listened to us while we belt out our tunes. Whenever my best friend and I meet up, we will always sling our arms or put our arms around each other, and those guys who are with us normally have to tag along behind.

Society is not fair, is it not? Girls, especially close girl friends, can sling their arms or hold hands together and nobody will battle an eyelid, unless it is very obvious that the girls are of a gay sexual orientation. My best friend and I are definitely not, because we both look like normal decent ladies.

Whereas for guys, no matter how close friends they are, they can never attempt to sling their arms or hold hands, unless they want to be labelled as gays, as that is the automatic conclusion everyone will come to.

In the past, my best friend and I would hold hands and go everywhere together, and our then boyfriends would just tag along behind. We once told them why not they hold hands too and run along with us, but all we got were stares of horror and disbelief for even suggesting a thing like that! :-p

For once in a long time, I reached home rather late, something I have not done the past couple of months. My parents are relieved that I am finally getting out of the house instead of lounging around at home the whole day.

Games Men Play ....

What is it with men and games? My best friend told me that she has no time to watch any television now because her husband is always hogging the machine due to his PlayStation games. My colleague told me that her husband wanted a Xbox, but it was due to these video games that they almost split up once.

I have had friends who broke up with their guys because of these games. A friend told me that her ex was an hour late in meeting her, and all attempts to call him were futile. So when she rushed to his home in a worried state, she realised he was playing a game. She was so pissed that she dumped him there and then.

A large part of my dating life were with guys who played video games. It seems so rare to find a guy who does not play video games. We used to have quarrels because of these games. One of them would throw a tantrum each time he lost, and whenever I tried comforting him that it was only a game, he accused me of not understanding how he felt.

Another one was late for our dates many times because he was held up playing games. There was once he was challenging his dad, and he was late meeting me, so he told his dad he needed to meet me, and his dad told him that just because he had a girlfriend it did not mean he should not spend time with the family members as well.

Seems that men, no matter how old they are, will still be boys whenever they are addicted to games. But I suppose men's addiction to video games can be equivalent to women's addiction to shopping. Just like we can never fathom why men enjoy banging on a xbox or PlayStation so much, they can never fathom why we can just shop the whole day without any break.

But then I do not shop, or at least, I do not shop like how a typical girl shops. Which is perhaps why I prefer a partner who does not indulge in video games. I rather we do other forms of interesting or intelligent activities instead.

Valentine Memories ....

I do not know if it is because I am soon to be at the next phase of my life, or just to do with old age, or just in one of my moods again, but I am in a rather reminiscing mood lately. Especially since today when I went with my colleague to buy a Xbox for her husband, I started to think about the Valentine's Days I have had.

I have celebrated ten Valentine's Days in total. Not all were happy though. The very first Valentine's Day I celebrated was in 1995, and that was a disaster because whatever that could go wrong went wrong, and I went home and cried myself to sleep.

The ones in 2004 to 2005 were okay, at least the guy put in the effort, but still, it was not as good as previous years. But I could not blame him because he is a different person with different preferences, and besides, I never felt that strongly for him so perhaps I never felt touched no matter what he did.

The ones in between these years were the most wonderful times I ever had. Of all the Valentine's Days I have had, these were the ones I could remember most vividly; the rest (besides the very first one) were but a hazy memory.

Maybe it was spent with the person who meant the most to me, the one I loved the most? Which was why those were so much more memorable than any others I spent with others? After all, if the person was so important to you, you tend to remember everything of the person, everything you did with each other.

Honestly, the times we spent with each other, what we did, where we went, how we quarrelled, how we spent our Christmases, birthdays and anniversaries, almost everything is still fresh in my mind, even now.

The first year, he picked me up from school, dressed to the nines. There was no gift or flowers, and I felt a bit disappointed. We went to one of the shopping malls where he booked a restaurant. Before going into the restaurant, he brought me to a flower shop, collected a bouquet of roses and gave it to me on the spot. I was on the verge of tears.

We then went into the restaurant. It specialised in Western food. After ordering, he excused himself, saying he needed to use the bathroom. He came back ten minutes later, and whipped out a gift box. It was a card, with a poem he composed, and a set of Swarovski crystal heart-shaped necklace with earrings. I could not help it. I cried, there and then as I was so touched!

The second year, Valentine's Day happened to fall on a Saturday. We were both busy with assignments that period of time, so did not have a lavish celebration. Still, we went for high tea at one of the hotel restaurants, then went for a movie, and window-shopped. He gave me another bouquet of red roses with a card and a self-composed poem and a cuddly soft toy.

The third year, Valentine's Day was on a Sunday. We met for church, then went to his place, where he gave me a card (another self-composed poem), and another cuddly soft toy. However, this time round, he made the flowers for me. Twenty-four paper and cloth flowers in the shape of roses.

The fourth year, we went to a high-class restaurant for a caviar and steak dinner. The restaurant happened to be in one of the high class hotels, so there was a live pianist serenading us with love songs. As usual, he gave me another bouquet of red roses with a card with another self-composed poem, and a diamond necklace.

The fifth year, we went to a new restaurant in town (which had since closed down), then went for a late night movie. There was another bouquet of roses, with another card with a self-composed poem, and another cuddly soft toy.

The sixth year, he brought a bouquet of red roses, with a card with a self-composed poem, and a heart-shaped cushion to my workplace, and left it on my desk. When I went back to the staff room, I saw the gifts and cried. Then he came out from the corner he was hiding and we went for a simple dinner and a walk along the beach.

So there. Now people may ask, all these were what he did for me, so what did I do for him? Of course, Valentine's Day is just one day in a year, so there are a lot of things I did for him (and vice versa) throughout the rest of the year.

So what did I give him all these years? The first year, I gave him an original football jersey of his favourite club. The second year, I stitched him a special cross-stitch on a cloth, then went to frame it up and hang it on the wall in his room.

The third year, I gave him a cool looking Pierre Cardin shirt. The fourth year, I gave him a gold Parker felt-tipped and ballpoint pen set, engraved with both our names. The fifth year, I bought him a pair of black leather shoes, and the sixth year I bought him a cool looking mobile phone with triband technology (one of the few triband phones in the market in those days).

And of course, I enclosed cards with every gift, but I am no poet as compared to him, I would write him letters instead attached in the cards. My best friend was remarking earlier on that he is a very sweet guy. Of course, otherwise why would he be the only one I ever wanted to marry?

All these are but sweet memories, still rather vivid in my mind. It is true indeed that the person you value the most will be the most unforgettable. Even though now I no longer feel anything for him, these memories still stay with me.

But I believe sometime soon I may be able to create even better and more wonderful memories with someone else, memories that will follow us throughout the rest of our lives. Who knows what the future will bring?

Flowers On V-Day

Happy Valentine's Day for one and all! How long was it that I have never celebrated Valentine's Day already? Since 2006 I think. (The one last year did not count because of obvious reasons.)

My colleague just had flowers delivered to the office for her from her husband. At times I wonder, why do sweet guys belong to other girls? I have never had flowers delivered to my office before on Valentine's Day as a surprise.

The one and only time I received flowers at my workplace was when my second ex came to the school I was teaching in, with a bouquet of flowers and a heart-shaped cushion as a gift, and he went to the staff room and waited for me while I finished my lessons.

That was still one of the most touching and memorable things I ever experienced! Unfortunately, that was our very last Valentine's Day together, and since then, no one had ever been that sweet to me.

Anyway my best friend got me out of my shell to meet a guy tomorrow. I asked her if he is the decent sort, and she said, if he is her friend, for sure he is the decent sort. True in a way, considering she is also very discerning in choosing her friends. Hopefully this time she will be there and not leave us alone at the last minute again!

Ads On Getting Back With Exs

Whenever I have a relationship post, my google ads will churn out notices on how to get an ex back. One search generates lots and lots of websites featuring the same thing - on how to get an ex back, the surefire way, the ebook on techniques, the guaranteed tips that have been proven and worked.

Broken relationships are so abundant. But I never know just how much demand there is on reconciliation until I read some of the websites. It is not so much on how to start a relationship, but rather how to get back with the person who dumped them, for both males and females.

But then almost everyone I know has gone through a broken relationship in some ways. The reason people break up is because they cannot get along anymore, is it not? No doubt some may get back together, but in most cases, most people will break and move on.

Actually it really depends on fate and divine intervention. There is no reason why some people manage to get back together, and why others end up with another person, someone whom they may not like as much even. People always say if it is fated to be, it will be yours.

A lot of motivational speakers are cashing in on these demands to help others find their soulmates and deal with breakups, and tips on getting an ex back. Perhaps their tips do work, otherwise some will not be so established, nor can they publish a book without any proven techniques in the first place.

How many people depend on these techniques in the first place? None I know. So many people through the years have entered into relationships, married, have kids, and stayed together, without these so-called techniques.

The points brought up by these motivational speakers are pretty tempting. From the gist I have read through, most of them are quite common sensical actually. Perhaps to some these techniques do work. But how many others have used these techniques yet failed?

Again, it all boils down to fate, is it not? Some people break up, but somehow end up together again. Others break up, one moves on and the other keeps holding on. In this case, it is almost impossible to get back together because a relationship is not just on one person alone.

Maybe these techniques do help to an extent. But I daresay even without these techniques, those who got back together again would still possibly have done it even without these tips. After all, when the time is right, all will fall into place.

I have a friend who was seeing this girl for two months, then suddenly she stopped talking to him for seven months, after that she started talking to him again, and from then on, their relationship progressed and now they are getting married.

So never say never. This is what I am telling myself too. Perhaps when the timing is right, something unexpected may happen? No harm being optimistic and hopeful.

The Complexity Of Feelings

Is it true that some people are more highly valued in our hearts? Many a times, we can come across a couple of suitors who treat us equally. Yet we are more responsive to one than the other. Sometimes, we are more responsive to the one who treat us more nonchalantly than the one who treat us in higher esteem.

Such is life. Some people when you get along with them, you feel joyful and fun, yet you are not confident that you can be secure and comfortable with them, but still you like them and want to be with them. Some people, you feel all the security and commitment while with them, yet you simply have no feelings whatsoever towards them, and keep rejecting their advances.

There have been guys who have showered me with gifts, from cuddly soft toys to flowers to jewellery. I used to think it is the gift, because even though I know it is the thought that counts, at times when people give me something I do not like, I have no idea where to display or what to do with it. So it will end up being a white elephant, or worse, I give it away to my younger nieces.

But then when someone else gives me almost the same thing, I can be so happy and touched. I will treasure and value it very much, and never allow anyone to touch or go near it, preserve it with the utmost and greatest care.

Then I realise it is my problem, that it is not the gift per se but the person giving the gift. I am not saying that I need people to shower me with gifts or material stuff, but I realise that if this person is more highly valued in my heart, whatever he does will make me happy, no matter how trivial or minor, and I treasure his gifts greatly and enjoy the outings with him.

Likewise, if I have absolutely no feelings whatsoever for someone, even if he can be the richest person here, come from a well-established family, treats me so well, is so eligible, but still I will not be touched or be happy or enthusiastic about seeing him.

Just like this guy who asked me out for dinner tonight. I have yet to reply him. He is a very nice guy, very gentle and caring, I feel very well taken care of the couple of times we met up, but I simply do not feel anything for him. And all his care and concern, his consideration makes me feel suffocated instead that I can hardly bear even just one hour with him.

Now, if it has been someone else, I would have been excited and agreed without any hesitation, no matter how late in the night it is, even if it is just for a drive around the estate, or a chat at the beach, even if it is just for half an hour or so, with the lingering feeling of how short the time is after that.

Unfair? I know. But life is never fair. No matter how we say we try to treat people equally, the truth is that there will be some we prefer over others. There will be some whom we will always care about, always show concern for, and there will be some whom we rather not be associated with.

I have had people asking me why did I like someone over another. Honestly, there is no reason why someone likes another person, is it not? To really state a reason, it can be because I see what I look for in this person as compared to another.

Some people can get along with you from the very beginning, even if their actions are just normal, nothing out of the ordinary, but you still like them somehow and want to do everything to make them happy because their happiness means the most to you.

Whereas some no matter how long you have known them, no matter how well they treat you, how out of the way they go to make you happy, somehow you just do not feel anything for them.

And such is life. Which is why it is so hard to find someone you like and who likes you in return, with both wanting to make each other happy. How many false starts and one-sided misguided feelings must one go through before they actually find their other halves?

To some, they are able to find them instantly. To others, it may take a lifetime, and never to be found. I have learnt a great lesson from long ago - never to take any relationship lightly or for granted ever again, because it has been so hard for me to find someone who really and willingly wants to be with me, and vice versa. If I ever manage to find one, he will be someone I really treasure and not mess up.