Lilypie

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

"Talent" Management

I feel rather flattered by a few people who said I am one of the most talented persons they have ever met. All I can say is a big thank you, but I truly do not think so. I am definitely not talented as compared to a lot of others I know, especially in light of my family members.

Talent itself is subjective. It can mean a lot of things. People can be talented in many ways. Some can be in studies, some in sports, some in music, some in science, some in languages. Some can be good in just about everything. Now that is the truly gifted.

Me? Nothing much. My parents tried to groom me into something, but I end up with nothing much to show. Studies wise I have never been a top student. Sports wise I lose more than actually winning, missing the balls and the hits. Music wise, I have never played that well or smoothly, never really won in any competition I entered, never scored that high in any examination.

I struggled with science and math, and even for languages, my writing is not as good as compared to a lot of others, otherwise I would have numerous articles and books published already. As it is, even though I have been formulating some short stories, I have yet to get the entire story together, as the ideas are just so haphazard.

But I am very proud of my family, because I grow up in a talented family. If some people think I am talented, they have not seen my cousins. They are the real talented ones. Studies wise, they score either straight 'A's or mostly 'A's. Music wise, they get distinctions for almost every examination.

Sports wise, they can bowl, play badminton, squash, tennis, table-tennis, netball, and a few of them made the school and national teams even. They are even able to jog the entire MacRitchie Reservoir without pausing, whereas I had to stop and walk after just a short way. And all can cycle, unlike me. :-(

They read and write a lot, good in sciences and math, knowledgeable in current and world affairs, politics, economy, finance. Some are government scholars and graduates and post-graduates from top universities around the world.

Honestly, I feel like a real airhead while talking to them, so I always maintain my silence whenever we have a gathering and just listen to their intelligent conversations. At least I got to learn a lot by listening. I do not trust myself to speak.

Sometimes I wish I can be as smart or talented as them. I love all my cousins, they are like real siblings to me, but at times, I wish I can be as smart or talented or knowledgeable as them. In a way, we have the same genes too, so why am I so different from them?

Maybe because of this that I get attracted to talented people. Afterall, I grow up with people who are talented in some ways, so I tend to get along better with those who are also talented in some ways.

My best friend for one. She is better than me in almost every aspect, in studies, singing, making and keeping friends, effectively bilingual, her looks and appearance, sports. My childhood friend, whom without him I would have failed math and science.

My godbrother, who writes poems and songs, set up an a capella group when he was studying in USA, a darn good singer, effectively bilingual and still graduate with a double degree with top honours from an Ivy League University.

Another good friend of mine, who attended top schools, graduated with a Masters, played the electone very well and was a competitive chess player as well as one of the top players of the local Magic scene.

Also another friend, who was a scholar, speaks four languages, dances the salsa and tango, plays tennis and squash, the piano, violin, guitar and harmonica. And someone else whom I am just trying to get over.

Even the guys I have dated, they are all talented in their own ways. My first guy was a top student, school debater, chorister, church musician in singing and playing the electric guitar and the President of the Student Council.

My second guy was another top student, hall master, writes darn good poetry, letters and stories. And my third guy, who had above average grades as an engineering student then became a top student in design school, who draws and plays the electric guitar really well.

Compared to people like these, I am really ashamed of myself. Come to think of it, how can I ask for someone who is talented and brilliant when I myself am not? Am I really so good that I cannot bring myself to accept someone who is just an average person when I myself am but average?

But one does not have to be talented to enjoy life. Whatever I am doing now, I am passionate about. I like to upgrade as much as I can. Just like even if I get my further degree, or a performance certificate in piano, or take up another instrument or two, even when others may deem these as "useless", I will still do it.

Why? Simply because these are my interests and passions. No matter how impractical people deem me to be, I will still choose to do things I really like, still portray as someone stoic and boring to many people, instead of doing things I do not like, but just for the sake of fitting in and pleasing others.

Maybe this is why I do not have that many close friends, only a handful really close ones, because even as friends, it is very hard to find someone who shares my interests and passions. Which is why in the end I end up doing many things on my own.

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