It had been a rather enlightening weekend. Having my extended family with us is a wonderful thing, especially since my cousin brought the baby and the dog with her. Looking upon all the smiling faces makes me feel so happy that I have a warm and loving family, a family that sticks by and with each other and helps each other out whenever we run into any problems.
With four generations, one cannot help but wonder how things change throughout the years. I think now I sound as if I have lived for a hundred years, but I was trying to imagine how life was like for my grandparents during those times as compared to now.
Perhaps living in olden society with a simpler life is really easier. One's expectations will not be so high. Both my grandmothers met my grandfathers through matchmaking. They did not even see each other before the wedding, and they got married just like that and played the part of a dutiful wife and mother till death did them part.
To my grandparents, their duties in life is to be filial and respectful to their parents, married the ones their parents chose, and then take care of the family. Men should be the ones to work and provide for the family, women should be the ones to take care and raise the family.
That was it, no complications of who should work and who should stay home, who should contribute more to the house, who should do which housework. No family planning even, and the complications of whether the income is sufficient to take care of so many kids.
But I must say I am very lucky. Both my grandfathers were the responsible types who provided and took care of their families. They did not gamble and womanise (they did smoke and drink though). Where in those days men could take on a few wives, they were faithful.
My maternal grandfather had two wives, because during the war, my grandmother was left in China and my grandfather came to Singapore, and they totally lost touch with each other. Both deemed each other as dead, so my grandfather married again after the war in Singapore.
It was only after that that my grandfather realised my grandmother was still alive. Although he married her in China to fulfil his father's wish, still he felt it was his responsibility as she was still his wife. Thus he brought her here and both my grandmas lived together until his death. My grandfather was relatively faithful in a way as he never took another wife.
Thus the same family values were passed down to the younger generation. All my relatives are responsible and committed to taking care of the family. They do not smoke, drink, gamble or flirt around. And these values were passed down even now, which is very rare with the high number of people who take commitment lightly, who smoke, drink, gamble and visit prostitutes.
So anyway I was observing my family members, and I realise that my relatives' other halves are very different from each other. I know my uncles and aunts are different, so are my parents. Even my cousin and her husband are two different people, even though they have some similar interests.
But that does not make them less in love, or less likely to stay together. There have only been one divorce case in my entire family, and even then it was because the guy ran away during a difficult period.
My parents and relatives married relatively young, straight out of school, and they are able to stay together until now, even when the children are grown, even when some of them are already grandparents.
I think even during my parents' times, they never really worry so much when it comes to meeting their respective halves. Most met through school or through staying near each other. And to them, once you have found someone nice and decent, the next step is to just get married and settle down.
Compared to people nowadays, who are so commitment-phobic that even when they have been together for such a long time, they just refuse to settle down. Some others will forever be in search of people who meet up to their expectations, no matter how unrealistic.
I am not saying one should not have expectations. We should not marry out of convenience, because it is very miserable to be with the wrong partner. All I am saying is that if the expectations are too unrealistic, perhaps it is time to come back down to earth and finetune them.
Afterall, how many people can be so good-looking or so rich or born with a silver spoon, or can afford a high maintenance life? Maybe you think I am referring to myself when I state "unrealistic expectations" but then I have always said looks and riches do not mean anything to me. What matters is the character, values and interests. I just want to meet a nice decent guy who is equally committed and willing to go all the way instead of suddenly developing cold feet.
Which makes me wonder, am I really so stoic that I must find someone who meets whatever criteria I state? Of course it is a good thing to find someone who shares my interests and values, who is romantic and interesting, but at the end of the day, what matters is the commitment and effort both parties put in to make things work.
Face it, nobody is perfect. I am not a perfect girl, so I can never ask for a perfect guy. It is already so hard to find someone to love and who loves you back in return, and willing to be with you till death do you part. Besides, in every relationship, it is impossible to find someone totally the same, there is always compromise, adapting, accommodating and tolerance.
I guess at the end of the day, what matters is whether we are perfect for each other, other things notwithstanding. We can be so different yet so perfect for each other; similarly we can be so similar yet not mutually committed on the same level.
With four generations, one cannot help but wonder how things change throughout the years. I think now I sound as if I have lived for a hundred years, but I was trying to imagine how life was like for my grandparents during those times as compared to now.
Perhaps living in olden society with a simpler life is really easier. One's expectations will not be so high. Both my grandmothers met my grandfathers through matchmaking. They did not even see each other before the wedding, and they got married just like that and played the part of a dutiful wife and mother till death did them part.
To my grandparents, their duties in life is to be filial and respectful to their parents, married the ones their parents chose, and then take care of the family. Men should be the ones to work and provide for the family, women should be the ones to take care and raise the family.
That was it, no complications of who should work and who should stay home, who should contribute more to the house, who should do which housework. No family planning even, and the complications of whether the income is sufficient to take care of so many kids.
But I must say I am very lucky. Both my grandfathers were the responsible types who provided and took care of their families. They did not gamble and womanise (they did smoke and drink though). Where in those days men could take on a few wives, they were faithful.
My maternal grandfather had two wives, because during the war, my grandmother was left in China and my grandfather came to Singapore, and they totally lost touch with each other. Both deemed each other as dead, so my grandfather married again after the war in Singapore.
It was only after that that my grandfather realised my grandmother was still alive. Although he married her in China to fulfil his father's wish, still he felt it was his responsibility as she was still his wife. Thus he brought her here and both my grandmas lived together until his death. My grandfather was relatively faithful in a way as he never took another wife.
Thus the same family values were passed down to the younger generation. All my relatives are responsible and committed to taking care of the family. They do not smoke, drink, gamble or flirt around. And these values were passed down even now, which is very rare with the high number of people who take commitment lightly, who smoke, drink, gamble and visit prostitutes.
So anyway I was observing my family members, and I realise that my relatives' other halves are very different from each other. I know my uncles and aunts are different, so are my parents. Even my cousin and her husband are two different people, even though they have some similar interests.
But that does not make them less in love, or less likely to stay together. There have only been one divorce case in my entire family, and even then it was because the guy ran away during a difficult period.
My parents and relatives married relatively young, straight out of school, and they are able to stay together until now, even when the children are grown, even when some of them are already grandparents.
I think even during my parents' times, they never really worry so much when it comes to meeting their respective halves. Most met through school or through staying near each other. And to them, once you have found someone nice and decent, the next step is to just get married and settle down.
Compared to people nowadays, who are so commitment-phobic that even when they have been together for such a long time, they just refuse to settle down. Some others will forever be in search of people who meet up to their expectations, no matter how unrealistic.
I am not saying one should not have expectations. We should not marry out of convenience, because it is very miserable to be with the wrong partner. All I am saying is that if the expectations are too unrealistic, perhaps it is time to come back down to earth and finetune them.
Afterall, how many people can be so good-looking or so rich or born with a silver spoon, or can afford a high maintenance life? Maybe you think I am referring to myself when I state "unrealistic expectations" but then I have always said looks and riches do not mean anything to me. What matters is the character, values and interests. I just want to meet a nice decent guy who is equally committed and willing to go all the way instead of suddenly developing cold feet.
Which makes me wonder, am I really so stoic that I must find someone who meets whatever criteria I state? Of course it is a good thing to find someone who shares my interests and values, who is romantic and interesting, but at the end of the day, what matters is the commitment and effort both parties put in to make things work.
Face it, nobody is perfect. I am not a perfect girl, so I can never ask for a perfect guy. It is already so hard to find someone to love and who loves you back in return, and willing to be with you till death do you part. Besides, in every relationship, it is impossible to find someone totally the same, there is always compromise, adapting, accommodating and tolerance.
I guess at the end of the day, what matters is whether we are perfect for each other, other things notwithstanding. We can be so different yet so perfect for each other; similarly we can be so similar yet not mutually committed on the same level.
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