Now that I am taking an English Language module, the lecturer happened to be the course coordinator of the Curriculum English module which I took back in my own university days, and the tutor is one of the lecturers in my alma mater.
Of course, they do not remember me because I was never directly in their class, considering they lectured English Language and I did English Literature. The only English language modules I did then were for Curriculum English in schools.
Seeing them made me remember a certain lecturer back then. She also lectured the English Language modules. Her name is Ruth, so she insisted on us calling her Dr, followed by her surname. However, everyone who went under her called her "Ruthless", as apparently she gave her students a hard time.
That time, there were some students who came in from a career switch, so they are married with kids. I heard from them that when a woman (perhaps even a man) is highly educated and not married, they tend to be a bit weird, thinking the whole world has to do things the same way as them. My mum will call it "self-centred".
My mum said there are certain things which can only be learnt through marriage and having a family. Like how to accommodate, compromise and tolerate another person, someone who comes from a different background and upbringing than yourself, someone with different habits.
How both can live together peacefully and amicably are things to be discovered through time and the process of learning and experiencing. How both interact and tried to blend in with each respective families. And when both have kids, how to give to the kid, sacrifice and give to the family. All these make one more grown up, less self-centred, and more caring and considerate to another person.
She said this is something those who are single can never experience, can never understand. No matter how much we care for our own family (like our parents and siblings) and friends and accommodate them, it can never be compared to how one learns through the process of actually staying with someone, sharing a life with someone.
I cannot really comment on how true it is because I have not been in that situation. But I guess once a person gets into it, one just have to adapt to the situation, is it not? It is never easy sharing a life with someone else in the first place, especially after years of habitual behaviour.
Like sleeping with the light on vs sleeping with the light off. Covering the toothbrush vs not covering it. Squeezing the toothpaste from the top of the tube vs squeezing it from the middle or side. Sleeping with a blanket vs without one.
Come to think of it, there are many little things one has to adapt when it comes to sharing a life with someone else. One can never truly know a person until one gets to live with the person. For instance, my habits are such that I replace the toothbrush in the mug instead of leaving it on the bathroom shelf.
I squeeze the toothpaste from the bottom of the tube. I have two lights in my room - a main light and a downlight, plus the table lamp next to my bed and my study light on my desk. I sleep with the downlight on whenever the air-conditioning is not on as it can prevent mosquitoes.
I tend to read until late in the night, so the bedside lamp must always be bright. I prefer taking baths more than showering. I always have a little blanket covering me whenever I sleep to prevent my legs from getting too cold at night.
I must shower with warm water, no matter how hot the weather is. Cold water will only make me scream and shiver. I always wear pajamas / nightdresses when I sleep. Or else I will sleep in the buff occasionally. Somehow I am not comfortable sleeping in shorts and tank tops or T-shirts.
Whenever I have a home-cooked meal, there will always be rice and at least three dishes and soup. We will always take the soup directly with our spoons and drink from it. And I eat with chopsticks, although up to now, I still have not figured out the right way to hold them. Everybody's spoons will go into the soup, and everybody's chopsticks will go into the dishes.
Some others I know always have a ladle in the soup bowl, then they will ladle the soup and pour into their respective small bowls, so that nobody's spoon will go into the soup. Some also have separate utensils in the dishes, so nobody's chopsticks or utensils will go into the dishes, as all have to use the utensil(s) provided to take the dish(es).
These habits have followed me through the years. By myself, I see no need to correct them because these are not exactly bad habits and I do not account to anyone. But I understand that if I am to live with someone peacefully, certain things he and his family do may be different, and there will be lots of adapting and accommodation.
Perhaps my mum is right in a sense. When one is on one's own, one need not account anything to anyone. So he / she can continue doing what he / she likes. Through the years, he / she may be just too used to doing things his / her own way that he / she fails to see that others may not necessarily be the same, and start imposing his / her own expectations on others without considering whether they are the same types.
But being with people should always have some tolerance, is it not? One cannot expect one's way all the time. People are just different, and at the end of it all, we can choose who we want to hang out with. For those that we come across through work and studies, sometimes we just have no choice but to go along and adapt.
Of course, they do not remember me because I was never directly in their class, considering they lectured English Language and I did English Literature. The only English language modules I did then were for Curriculum English in schools.
Seeing them made me remember a certain lecturer back then. She also lectured the English Language modules. Her name is Ruth, so she insisted on us calling her Dr, followed by her surname. However, everyone who went under her called her "Ruthless", as apparently she gave her students a hard time.
That time, there were some students who came in from a career switch, so they are married with kids. I heard from them that when a woman (perhaps even a man) is highly educated and not married, they tend to be a bit weird, thinking the whole world has to do things the same way as them. My mum will call it "self-centred".
My mum said there are certain things which can only be learnt through marriage and having a family. Like how to accommodate, compromise and tolerate another person, someone who comes from a different background and upbringing than yourself, someone with different habits.
How both can live together peacefully and amicably are things to be discovered through time and the process of learning and experiencing. How both interact and tried to blend in with each respective families. And when both have kids, how to give to the kid, sacrifice and give to the family. All these make one more grown up, less self-centred, and more caring and considerate to another person.
She said this is something those who are single can never experience, can never understand. No matter how much we care for our own family (like our parents and siblings) and friends and accommodate them, it can never be compared to how one learns through the process of actually staying with someone, sharing a life with someone.
I cannot really comment on how true it is because I have not been in that situation. But I guess once a person gets into it, one just have to adapt to the situation, is it not? It is never easy sharing a life with someone else in the first place, especially after years of habitual behaviour.
Like sleeping with the light on vs sleeping with the light off. Covering the toothbrush vs not covering it. Squeezing the toothpaste from the top of the tube vs squeezing it from the middle or side. Sleeping with a blanket vs without one.
Come to think of it, there are many little things one has to adapt when it comes to sharing a life with someone else. One can never truly know a person until one gets to live with the person. For instance, my habits are such that I replace the toothbrush in the mug instead of leaving it on the bathroom shelf.
I squeeze the toothpaste from the bottom of the tube. I have two lights in my room - a main light and a downlight, plus the table lamp next to my bed and my study light on my desk. I sleep with the downlight on whenever the air-conditioning is not on as it can prevent mosquitoes.
I tend to read until late in the night, so the bedside lamp must always be bright. I prefer taking baths more than showering. I always have a little blanket covering me whenever I sleep to prevent my legs from getting too cold at night.
I must shower with warm water, no matter how hot the weather is. Cold water will only make me scream and shiver. I always wear pajamas / nightdresses when I sleep. Or else I will sleep in the buff occasionally. Somehow I am not comfortable sleeping in shorts and tank tops or T-shirts.
Whenever I have a home-cooked meal, there will always be rice and at least three dishes and soup. We will always take the soup directly with our spoons and drink from it. And I eat with chopsticks, although up to now, I still have not figured out the right way to hold them. Everybody's spoons will go into the soup, and everybody's chopsticks will go into the dishes.
Some others I know always have a ladle in the soup bowl, then they will ladle the soup and pour into their respective small bowls, so that nobody's spoon will go into the soup. Some also have separate utensils in the dishes, so nobody's chopsticks or utensils will go into the dishes, as all have to use the utensil(s) provided to take the dish(es).
These habits have followed me through the years. By myself, I see no need to correct them because these are not exactly bad habits and I do not account to anyone. But I understand that if I am to live with someone peacefully, certain things he and his family do may be different, and there will be lots of adapting and accommodation.
Perhaps my mum is right in a sense. When one is on one's own, one need not account anything to anyone. So he / she can continue doing what he / she likes. Through the years, he / she may be just too used to doing things his / her own way that he / she fails to see that others may not necessarily be the same, and start imposing his / her own expectations on others without considering whether they are the same types.
But being with people should always have some tolerance, is it not? One cannot expect one's way all the time. People are just different, and at the end of it all, we can choose who we want to hang out with. For those that we come across through work and studies, sometimes we just have no choice but to go along and adapt.
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