After the "complaint" session, I start to wonder, the reason people rave and rant is it because they are afraid they may not be able to cope with things? But it only shows how comfortable they are in their lives and not willing to venture out of the comfort zones, is it not?
Actually come to think of it, in a lot of situations, it depends on how we cope with them. After all, we are the adaptable beings. We cannot expect situations to adapt to us. So if we fear we cannot cope with certain things, then we just have to learn how to adapt and cope.
Like my parents. They struggled with a full-time job and family, and part-time studies too, but they went through all and succeeded. I do not believe it is easy, even for high-achievers and top scorers like them. But they just have to adapt since they made the decision to go through with it.
There are many other situations, like a cousin of mine who divorced her ex-husband a few years back. Suddenly, she became the sole breadwinner, without a companion, bringing up two young kids on her own. Definitely it was a struggle, but she went through it and succeeded.
There are many people in unhappy marriages who are staying on because of the children. No doubt once you marry someone, then stick by it, but it is easier said than done. I do not condone divorce, but then that is not to say I am against those who divorce because when a relationship turns sour, who except the couple in question knows the exact situation?
Sometimes the person could be the right one from the beginning, but people do change along the way. All of a sudden the decent man can start smoking and drinking, or the decent woman can start being bored and feeling neglected. Which is why communication and commitment is so important.
Yet many people rather stay in an unhappy marriage than divorce, as they are worried that if they divorce, then they are not able to start life anew. Like the places the couple has gone together, the support, the companionship.
But when these situations arise, one just have to adapt, is it not? My cousin adapted to a single life and single-income after five years of marriage. Luckily she has a Masters degree and working in a stable government job, so she is at least able to support her family relatively comfortably.
There are those women who are not that educated and depended on their husbands. I had a classmate whose parents divorced when she was already in her late teens. Her mother had been a housewife almost all her life, and when her father left, all forms of financial support were cut off. Her mother lapsed into depression and had to struggle to find a job.
The trying years would always be in the beginning, but after a while, all would be back to normal, since people just have to adapt in order to survive. Just like when two people get together, both have to constantly adapt to each other in order to keep the relationship going, no matter how similar they are and how common their interests are.
Just like when I went to see my counsellor earlier on, as he called me for a feedback on my life so far, on how my situation had become since the last time I went to see him, which was like more than a year back.
I said that I thought breaking up with that jerk would be worse than actually not breaking up, as I was so used to being in a relationship again that if I was to become single again, it would be pretty hard to adapt. Of course, that was not the only reason why I chose not to break up then.
But after a while, when I was frustrated with my job and he was never there for me, when I was unhappy and he never bothered, when I had to contact him more than he contacted me, it just got to me that one day, I decided to just stop contacting him altogether.
And I find that by not contacting him, I realised that I was in fact happier because I did not have to feel frustrated over his noncommittal and vague answers and his distance. Soon, I realised that he did not mean that much to me anymore, and when the last straw came, I was able to just get out like that without much hurt.
And I have been single since then, and enjoying myself going out with other great guys. Even now when I have resolved to move on, I have to accept that I will no longer go out with Mr Amazing anymore, but perhaps soon the time will come when I go out with someone else even better and get to enjoy myself even more?
Thus, we should always be adaptable. Certain things we just have to grit our teeth and go through with it, instead of being stuck in a rut or in an unhappy situation that is not likely to get better. Only be adapting can we grow and learn. Like what Oscar Wilde said, "Experience is the name we give to mistakes made".
The trouble is, not many people I know are willing to break away from a situation. They rather be stuck in it rather than adapting to something different and new altogether.
Actually come to think of it, in a lot of situations, it depends on how we cope with them. After all, we are the adaptable beings. We cannot expect situations to adapt to us. So if we fear we cannot cope with certain things, then we just have to learn how to adapt and cope.
Like my parents. They struggled with a full-time job and family, and part-time studies too, but they went through all and succeeded. I do not believe it is easy, even for high-achievers and top scorers like them. But they just have to adapt since they made the decision to go through with it.
There are many other situations, like a cousin of mine who divorced her ex-husband a few years back. Suddenly, she became the sole breadwinner, without a companion, bringing up two young kids on her own. Definitely it was a struggle, but she went through it and succeeded.
There are many people in unhappy marriages who are staying on because of the children. No doubt once you marry someone, then stick by it, but it is easier said than done. I do not condone divorce, but then that is not to say I am against those who divorce because when a relationship turns sour, who except the couple in question knows the exact situation?
Sometimes the person could be the right one from the beginning, but people do change along the way. All of a sudden the decent man can start smoking and drinking, or the decent woman can start being bored and feeling neglected. Which is why communication and commitment is so important.
Yet many people rather stay in an unhappy marriage than divorce, as they are worried that if they divorce, then they are not able to start life anew. Like the places the couple has gone together, the support, the companionship.
But when these situations arise, one just have to adapt, is it not? My cousin adapted to a single life and single-income after five years of marriage. Luckily she has a Masters degree and working in a stable government job, so she is at least able to support her family relatively comfortably.
There are those women who are not that educated and depended on their husbands. I had a classmate whose parents divorced when she was already in her late teens. Her mother had been a housewife almost all her life, and when her father left, all forms of financial support were cut off. Her mother lapsed into depression and had to struggle to find a job.
The trying years would always be in the beginning, but after a while, all would be back to normal, since people just have to adapt in order to survive. Just like when two people get together, both have to constantly adapt to each other in order to keep the relationship going, no matter how similar they are and how common their interests are.
Just like when I went to see my counsellor earlier on, as he called me for a feedback on my life so far, on how my situation had become since the last time I went to see him, which was like more than a year back.
I said that I thought breaking up with that jerk would be worse than actually not breaking up, as I was so used to being in a relationship again that if I was to become single again, it would be pretty hard to adapt. Of course, that was not the only reason why I chose not to break up then.
But after a while, when I was frustrated with my job and he was never there for me, when I was unhappy and he never bothered, when I had to contact him more than he contacted me, it just got to me that one day, I decided to just stop contacting him altogether.
And I find that by not contacting him, I realised that I was in fact happier because I did not have to feel frustrated over his noncommittal and vague answers and his distance. Soon, I realised that he did not mean that much to me anymore, and when the last straw came, I was able to just get out like that without much hurt.
And I have been single since then, and enjoying myself going out with other great guys. Even now when I have resolved to move on, I have to accept that I will no longer go out with Mr Amazing anymore, but perhaps soon the time will come when I go out with someone else even better and get to enjoy myself even more?
Thus, we should always be adaptable. Certain things we just have to grit our teeth and go through with it, instead of being stuck in a rut or in an unhappy situation that is not likely to get better. Only be adapting can we grow and learn. Like what Oscar Wilde said, "Experience is the name we give to mistakes made".
The trouble is, not many people I know are willing to break away from a situation. They rather be stuck in it rather than adapting to something different and new altogether.
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