How many accounts do we come across of girls (and guys) being betrayed by their loved ones? In many cases, the girls give their all - their heart, their love, their money even, to the one they love, in the end the person could disappear without a trace with everything.
These cases are quite similar for guys too - they can give their love, their dedication and their money, only to have the girl run away or elope with someone else, taking away everything they (the guys) own.
Can we blame some people for becoming wary and mistrustful? Afterall, if one has been betrayed by the very person they love the most, the insecurity, hurt and pain will forever be a prick in their hearts. These people may never learn to trust again.
Actually, the worst form of betrayal is not just getting cheated out of feelings and money, but to find out that your partner is two-timing you with your best friend, or your own sibling. Talk about double betrayal! The two people you trust the most betraying you at the same time!
I know of people who break up, then the ex got together with the best friend or sibling soon after. This is not really considered a betrayal because both have broken up, although of course the feelings will be sore.
And if the best friend or sibling really cares enough, he / she will not think of starting a relationship with the ex so soon after the breakup, no matter how much they like each other, especially if the best friend or sibling is still harbouring hopes and feelings for the ex.
What I feel constitute as a double betrayal is the best friend or sibling being with the boyfriend / girlfriend when they are still together, without the friend's or sibling's knowledge of course. Luckily I have not experienced this personally, and am not likely to experience this.
For instance, if A introduces her boyfriend B to her best friend C, and they always hang out together. C then starts developing feelings for B. I know feelings cannot be controlled, but in this case, what will C do?
If C is a true friend, she will forget about B and wishes the two of them happiness. But in many cases, those in C's position will either wish the two of them will break up so she can then have a chance, or else just see him behind A's back.
A relationship does not take one person. If B does not respond or react, then for sure C will not stand a chance. But if B also responds or reacts, that is when things happen, is it not? In this case, who is more at fault?
C, for initiating when she knows it is the guy whom her best friend is so head over heels in love with, and who confides in her about all her fears and worries of the relationship? When A could have suspected something and confides in C that B may be two-timing her?
Or B, for even responding and reacting to C's advances in the first place, and at the same time lying to A whenever he and C met up behind her back?
Imagine if A is to find out. It is bad enough that the guy she loves is two-timing her, but with her best friend at that. I can hardly imagine how she will feel, because that will really be a double blow. Two people she trusts and cares about the most both betraying her at the same time.
Or if let's say D brings his girlfriend E out to meet his best friend F. F starts to like E, and starts telling tales about D, starts wooing her, with the hope that E will fall for him. Being a girl, especially in one's younger years when all kinds of romance and sweetness will melt her heart, if D is the one that is stoic and F is the one that is romantic, chances are E may really start to fall for F.
Then what? Is D at fault, for neglecting E? Is F at fault for wooing E knowing she is the girlfriend of his best friend? Or is E at fault for cheating on D and going with F behind his back?
Or G introduces the new boyfriend / girlfriend H to the family, and the brother / sister J starts to fall for H. Shall J just watch while G and H are so happy together, and listening miserably while G confides how much he / she likes H? Or shall J try to get the opportunity to know H, hoping he / she may end up with H?
In situations like these, who can pinpoint who is at fault? One can say one should never covet the partner of one's best friend or sibling, because that is really an ultimate betrayal of friendship and kinship. But when the feelings are really strong, who can blame them?
Everyone has a choice after all, who they like and who they want to go after. And if the feelings are really uncontrollable, I guess some people will rather go by their feelings, even to the extent of hurting someone they care about.
In many cases, people will think that as long as things are done secretly and nobody finds out, as long as they have no expectations and just enjoy the time with each other while it lasts, nothing will happen.
But there is a Chinese saying, "Paper cannot be used to cover a fire". How long can people go around in secret? Sooner or later, someone will find out. Sooner or later, the victim will suspect and get into a frenzy. Sooner or later, the victim will find out the two most people he / she trust the most are going around behind his / her back.
Then instead of just one person getting hurt, it ends up all three getting hurt. A long-time friendship can end just like that. A close brother / sisterhood can end just like that. A wonderful relationship (perhaps it is not that wonderful if the other party strays) can end just like that.
I guess humans all have their selfish side. They look out for their own gains, even if they can care about someone deeply, even if they know never to hurt this person. Even between husband and wife, parents and children, let alone just mere friends, all have their selfish side that they only look out for their own interests.
People know the concept of unconditional love, and true love, which is to love by the side and just want the person to be happy. As long as he / she is happy and successful, that is all that matters. Yet not many people actually adhere to this, because possession is a natural instinct in most people.
To love is not to possess, but how many really achieve this? Most people are selfish when it comes to love. They are selfish even to their own partners, let alone to someone else. And in the society nowadays, most take love and commitment very lightly.
How many of us really know what is love? How many of us are really willing to be tolerant of each other's faults? I came across something enlightening during the weekend - If you really love someone, you will want to spend your life doing everything to make the other person happy, yet you feel whatever you have done is not enough for him / her.
So is there really such a thing as true, unconditional love? Yes, I believe there is. Only thing is how to put it in practice.
These cases are quite similar for guys too - they can give their love, their dedication and their money, only to have the girl run away or elope with someone else, taking away everything they (the guys) own.
Can we blame some people for becoming wary and mistrustful? Afterall, if one has been betrayed by the very person they love the most, the insecurity, hurt and pain will forever be a prick in their hearts. These people may never learn to trust again.
Actually, the worst form of betrayal is not just getting cheated out of feelings and money, but to find out that your partner is two-timing you with your best friend, or your own sibling. Talk about double betrayal! The two people you trust the most betraying you at the same time!
I know of people who break up, then the ex got together with the best friend or sibling soon after. This is not really considered a betrayal because both have broken up, although of course the feelings will be sore.
And if the best friend or sibling really cares enough, he / she will not think of starting a relationship with the ex so soon after the breakup, no matter how much they like each other, especially if the best friend or sibling is still harbouring hopes and feelings for the ex.
What I feel constitute as a double betrayal is the best friend or sibling being with the boyfriend / girlfriend when they are still together, without the friend's or sibling's knowledge of course. Luckily I have not experienced this personally, and am not likely to experience this.
For instance, if A introduces her boyfriend B to her best friend C, and they always hang out together. C then starts developing feelings for B. I know feelings cannot be controlled, but in this case, what will C do?
If C is a true friend, she will forget about B and wishes the two of them happiness. But in many cases, those in C's position will either wish the two of them will break up so she can then have a chance, or else just see him behind A's back.
A relationship does not take one person. If B does not respond or react, then for sure C will not stand a chance. But if B also responds or reacts, that is when things happen, is it not? In this case, who is more at fault?
C, for initiating when she knows it is the guy whom her best friend is so head over heels in love with, and who confides in her about all her fears and worries of the relationship? When A could have suspected something and confides in C that B may be two-timing her?
Or B, for even responding and reacting to C's advances in the first place, and at the same time lying to A whenever he and C met up behind her back?
Imagine if A is to find out. It is bad enough that the guy she loves is two-timing her, but with her best friend at that. I can hardly imagine how she will feel, because that will really be a double blow. Two people she trusts and cares about the most both betraying her at the same time.
Or if let's say D brings his girlfriend E out to meet his best friend F. F starts to like E, and starts telling tales about D, starts wooing her, with the hope that E will fall for him. Being a girl, especially in one's younger years when all kinds of romance and sweetness will melt her heart, if D is the one that is stoic and F is the one that is romantic, chances are E may really start to fall for F.
Then what? Is D at fault, for neglecting E? Is F at fault for wooing E knowing she is the girlfriend of his best friend? Or is E at fault for cheating on D and going with F behind his back?
Or G introduces the new boyfriend / girlfriend H to the family, and the brother / sister J starts to fall for H. Shall J just watch while G and H are so happy together, and listening miserably while G confides how much he / she likes H? Or shall J try to get the opportunity to know H, hoping he / she may end up with H?
In situations like these, who can pinpoint who is at fault? One can say one should never covet the partner of one's best friend or sibling, because that is really an ultimate betrayal of friendship and kinship. But when the feelings are really strong, who can blame them?
Everyone has a choice after all, who they like and who they want to go after. And if the feelings are really uncontrollable, I guess some people will rather go by their feelings, even to the extent of hurting someone they care about.
In many cases, people will think that as long as things are done secretly and nobody finds out, as long as they have no expectations and just enjoy the time with each other while it lasts, nothing will happen.
But there is a Chinese saying, "Paper cannot be used to cover a fire". How long can people go around in secret? Sooner or later, someone will find out. Sooner or later, the victim will suspect and get into a frenzy. Sooner or later, the victim will find out the two most people he / she trust the most are going around behind his / her back.
Then instead of just one person getting hurt, it ends up all three getting hurt. A long-time friendship can end just like that. A close brother / sisterhood can end just like that. A wonderful relationship (perhaps it is not that wonderful if the other party strays) can end just like that.
I guess humans all have their selfish side. They look out for their own gains, even if they can care about someone deeply, even if they know never to hurt this person. Even between husband and wife, parents and children, let alone just mere friends, all have their selfish side that they only look out for their own interests.
People know the concept of unconditional love, and true love, which is to love by the side and just want the person to be happy. As long as he / she is happy and successful, that is all that matters. Yet not many people actually adhere to this, because possession is a natural instinct in most people.
To love is not to possess, but how many really achieve this? Most people are selfish when it comes to love. They are selfish even to their own partners, let alone to someone else. And in the society nowadays, most take love and commitment very lightly.
How many of us really know what is love? How many of us are really willing to be tolerant of each other's faults? I came across something enlightening during the weekend - If you really love someone, you will want to spend your life doing everything to make the other person happy, yet you feel whatever you have done is not enough for him / her.
So is there really such a thing as true, unconditional love? Yes, I believe there is. Only thing is how to put it in practice.
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