Every ten years, I would look back on the decade and think of what had happened, and compare it to what I envisioned would happen. Of course when I was ten years old, I was still a little girl struggling with her studies.
But I remember the year I turned ten, that was when my youngest brother was born. He was just a couple of months old when he had to be hospitalised. My parents took turns being in the hospital with him, while supervising me with my examinations at the same time.
Looking back, I was really selfish, as I blamed my parents for neglecting me, so deliberately did badly in my studies, and I told my parents it was a test whether they still cared for me. Needless to say they got really hurt and angry.
But then I was a mere ten year old kid. How would I understand the big picture? Luckily I managed to do well enough in my final examinations to go on to the next level.
When I was ten, I started thinking of what I would be doing ten years down the road. Being young and also due to family influence, I thought I would enter secondary school, then junior college, then university.
I thought I would study medicine, then changed my mind to teaching, then journalism then finally law. I thought I would even go overseas to further my studies. After that, I had a rebellious streak and seriously thought of giving up my studies after secondary school as I was under so much stress and unhappiness trying to keep up with my more talented relatives.
The year I was twenty, I started thinking about what had happened in the past decade. I have finished school at least. I screwed up, forfeiting a chance for a scholarship to study overseas. And I was on the verge of failing law school, dashing my dream of becoming a prosecutor.
But I was given a second chance, by majoring in arts and education. I had a failed relationship, but was really happy with the guy who would propose to me later on. Even then, I knew he was the one I wanted to be with, to marry.
I had plans. I thought after graduation, I would work for a year, then get hitched. We would have our first kid by twenty-seven and the last kid by thirty-five. Both of us wanted five kids - three boys and two girls. We even had names for the kids!
I thought by thirty, I would be promoted to a departmental head at least, and started teaching a higher level. Or specialise solely in music education.
But the best laid plans of mice and men often do not flow smoothly. One can have all the plans, positively knowing what one wants and where to go, and what to do, but in the end, a lot of things are beyond our control.
For instance, how would I know I would end up leaving the education sector? How would I know I would go back into the legal field? How would I know I would have a broken engagement? And how would I know I would never be able to find another guy I really want to be with and who really wants to be with me since then?
People always say one must plan for the future. True, one should always plan. But sometimes, one can do all the planning, but in the end the plans may fall through. So is it better to just live each day and take things as it comes, or is it better to plan, but in the end the plans may not be feasible?
Now that it is almost another decade, I want to look back and see how many of my plans have come true. Honestly? None. Well, perhaps one, as in graduate and teach. As for the rest, I am still living each day and taking things as they come.
There are concrete plans of course for the next decade, but these are just goals which I hope to work towards, but no longer will I be so sure my plans will become feasible, unless my life is going somewhere in every aspect.
Like for the next ten years, I hope to be able to get a Masters, and even a PhD if possible. I want to complete a performance certificate in piano, and take up another instrument or two. Career wise, I may stay on for another few years or so, then after my post-graduate studies I want to see if I can go into the journalism line, or even lecture.
I want to be able to find someone to settle down with. If that is possible, I hope to have at least two to three kids (five is impossible now). Once I have kids, I may not want to work full-time. I will probably work part-time like lecturing or tutoring, and teach music, something flexible, so I can dedicate more time and attention to the kids.
But, like the past two decades, whatever I planned for often do not come true in the end. So for now, I just live each day to the fullest and see what the future brings.
But I remember the year I turned ten, that was when my youngest brother was born. He was just a couple of months old when he had to be hospitalised. My parents took turns being in the hospital with him, while supervising me with my examinations at the same time.
Looking back, I was really selfish, as I blamed my parents for neglecting me, so deliberately did badly in my studies, and I told my parents it was a test whether they still cared for me. Needless to say they got really hurt and angry.
But then I was a mere ten year old kid. How would I understand the big picture? Luckily I managed to do well enough in my final examinations to go on to the next level.
When I was ten, I started thinking of what I would be doing ten years down the road. Being young and also due to family influence, I thought I would enter secondary school, then junior college, then university.
I thought I would study medicine, then changed my mind to teaching, then journalism then finally law. I thought I would even go overseas to further my studies. After that, I had a rebellious streak and seriously thought of giving up my studies after secondary school as I was under so much stress and unhappiness trying to keep up with my more talented relatives.
The year I was twenty, I started thinking about what had happened in the past decade. I have finished school at least. I screwed up, forfeiting a chance for a scholarship to study overseas. And I was on the verge of failing law school, dashing my dream of becoming a prosecutor.
But I was given a second chance, by majoring in arts and education. I had a failed relationship, but was really happy with the guy who would propose to me later on. Even then, I knew he was the one I wanted to be with, to marry.
I had plans. I thought after graduation, I would work for a year, then get hitched. We would have our first kid by twenty-seven and the last kid by thirty-five. Both of us wanted five kids - three boys and two girls. We even had names for the kids!
I thought by thirty, I would be promoted to a departmental head at least, and started teaching a higher level. Or specialise solely in music education.
But the best laid plans of mice and men often do not flow smoothly. One can have all the plans, positively knowing what one wants and where to go, and what to do, but in the end, a lot of things are beyond our control.
For instance, how would I know I would end up leaving the education sector? How would I know I would go back into the legal field? How would I know I would have a broken engagement? And how would I know I would never be able to find another guy I really want to be with and who really wants to be with me since then?
People always say one must plan for the future. True, one should always plan. But sometimes, one can do all the planning, but in the end the plans may fall through. So is it better to just live each day and take things as it comes, or is it better to plan, but in the end the plans may not be feasible?
Now that it is almost another decade, I want to look back and see how many of my plans have come true. Honestly? None. Well, perhaps one, as in graduate and teach. As for the rest, I am still living each day and taking things as they come.
There are concrete plans of course for the next decade, but these are just goals which I hope to work towards, but no longer will I be so sure my plans will become feasible, unless my life is going somewhere in every aspect.
Like for the next ten years, I hope to be able to get a Masters, and even a PhD if possible. I want to complete a performance certificate in piano, and take up another instrument or two. Career wise, I may stay on for another few years or so, then after my post-graduate studies I want to see if I can go into the journalism line, or even lecture.
I want to be able to find someone to settle down with. If that is possible, I hope to have at least two to three kids (five is impossible now). Once I have kids, I may not want to work full-time. I will probably work part-time like lecturing or tutoring, and teach music, something flexible, so I can dedicate more time and attention to the kids.
But, like the past two decades, whatever I planned for often do not come true in the end. So for now, I just live each day to the fullest and see what the future brings.
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