Ever so often, I will read what is posted in the Singapore Brides forum. The forum is interesting as in one gets to see what people are up to from all walks of life. Like a friend was telling me, he cannot imagine there are so many people out there who stray, ie married yet still go fooling around or date others.
So I told him that there are people like that. Perhaps because I have been too sheltered, as my family members are considered more wholesome than others, so growing up, it was inculcated in me that commitment is for a lifetime, and there can be absolutely no form of hanky-panky before marriage, and no fooling around after marriage. All the more so for a girl.
Thus, I was (still am) always against those who engage in extra-marital affairs, until that big mistake I made. Anyway, it seems that lately, there are many of those who chose to get married, but in the end took the vows so lightly and went fooling around behind their spouse's back.
Marriage is a choice, but once you choose it, then be committed, is it not? The worst thing anyone can do is to settle down just for the sake of settling down, without thinking through properly what they are getting themselves into. Which is why even though I yearn to settle down, but I know I can only do it with one special person, and not just with anyone who shows interest. Which explains why I am still in this state.
But what the forum interested me in is the number of complaints against parents-in-laws. And it is always the women who write in to complain about their in-laws, never the men. I have had female colleagues who tell me that even though they are close to their own parents, somehow they can never be as close to their in-laws.
Come to think of it, it seems quite true. Even in my family alone, the men get along better with their in-laws than the women. My mum is good to my paternal grandmother, takes care of all her needs and show appropriate care and concern like a good daughter-in-law, but it is her own mother whom she brings shopping, touring, and outings more often.
One of the topics in the forum is on dissatisfaction of how the in-laws just keep dropping by unannounced, until the couple decides not to go home so early. Another one writes about how now that she and her husband are about to move out, her mother-in-law shows dissatisfaction and makes quite a lot of hurtful remarks.
Of course, these are their own versions. No one will know what really transpired if you are not the parties concerned. But to me, I see no reason why people kick up a fuss over this. What is wrong with staying with the in-laws? What is wrong with the in-laws dropping by? Do the in-laws or parents have to make an appointment in order to go to their children's homes? I do not think the children have to make appointments to go to their parents' homes, so why can the same hospitality not be extended to the parents?
True, people can be troublesome, but the thing is if you marry each other, you accept each other's families and take them as your own family. And living with people, even with a spouse, there is always accommodation and compromise. Why pick on trivial and minor things? I do not think I ever have a problem getting along with people's parents. And my best friend gets on superbly with her in-laws too. She seems to adore her mother-in-law even more than her own mother!
Many people make the mistake thinking that a relationship and marriage is just two people. But family does play a part, especially since one will like the family members to accept the boy / girlfriend. Of course, if the couple is really committed to each other, they will try to get on the good terms of the respective family members, which was what my friend did, and that was how in the end he married his wife with the complete support and blessings of her family.
Like it or not, the family sticks with you throughout your life. Which is why if two people get together, the most basic thing is to bring the person home to know your family members. I used to think some people are not comfortable with that, but experience tells me that if the person has nothing to hide, why does he not bring you to see his family members or invite you to his place?
If you really like and think of progressing with someone, you will want your family members to meet him / her as well to see if they can get along together and vice versa. I may sound really cliche here, but at the end of the day, if two people get married, it is marrying into each other's families and not just themselves.
So I told him that there are people like that. Perhaps because I have been too sheltered, as my family members are considered more wholesome than others, so growing up, it was inculcated in me that commitment is for a lifetime, and there can be absolutely no form of hanky-panky before marriage, and no fooling around after marriage. All the more so for a girl.
Thus, I was (still am) always against those who engage in extra-marital affairs, until that big mistake I made. Anyway, it seems that lately, there are many of those who chose to get married, but in the end took the vows so lightly and went fooling around behind their spouse's back.
Marriage is a choice, but once you choose it, then be committed, is it not? The worst thing anyone can do is to settle down just for the sake of settling down, without thinking through properly what they are getting themselves into. Which is why even though I yearn to settle down, but I know I can only do it with one special person, and not just with anyone who shows interest. Which explains why I am still in this state.
But what the forum interested me in is the number of complaints against parents-in-laws. And it is always the women who write in to complain about their in-laws, never the men. I have had female colleagues who tell me that even though they are close to their own parents, somehow they can never be as close to their in-laws.
Come to think of it, it seems quite true. Even in my family alone, the men get along better with their in-laws than the women. My mum is good to my paternal grandmother, takes care of all her needs and show appropriate care and concern like a good daughter-in-law, but it is her own mother whom she brings shopping, touring, and outings more often.
One of the topics in the forum is on dissatisfaction of how the in-laws just keep dropping by unannounced, until the couple decides not to go home so early. Another one writes about how now that she and her husband are about to move out, her mother-in-law shows dissatisfaction and makes quite a lot of hurtful remarks.
Of course, these are their own versions. No one will know what really transpired if you are not the parties concerned. But to me, I see no reason why people kick up a fuss over this. What is wrong with staying with the in-laws? What is wrong with the in-laws dropping by? Do the in-laws or parents have to make an appointment in order to go to their children's homes? I do not think the children have to make appointments to go to their parents' homes, so why can the same hospitality not be extended to the parents?
True, people can be troublesome, but the thing is if you marry each other, you accept each other's families and take them as your own family. And living with people, even with a spouse, there is always accommodation and compromise. Why pick on trivial and minor things? I do not think I ever have a problem getting along with people's parents. And my best friend gets on superbly with her in-laws too. She seems to adore her mother-in-law even more than her own mother!
Many people make the mistake thinking that a relationship and marriage is just two people. But family does play a part, especially since one will like the family members to accept the boy / girlfriend. Of course, if the couple is really committed to each other, they will try to get on the good terms of the respective family members, which was what my friend did, and that was how in the end he married his wife with the complete support and blessings of her family.
Like it or not, the family sticks with you throughout your life. Which is why if two people get together, the most basic thing is to bring the person home to know your family members. I used to think some people are not comfortable with that, but experience tells me that if the person has nothing to hide, why does he not bring you to see his family members or invite you to his place?
If you really like and think of progressing with someone, you will want your family members to meet him / her as well to see if they can get along together and vice versa. I may sound really cliche here, but at the end of the day, if two people get married, it is marrying into each other's families and not just themselves.
2 comments:
Well said. Marrying someone is not only marrying the person but also his/her family. It's a package. Coz the person's family and relatives more or less shapes up the character and values of him or her.
Hello and welcome! Yes, if you accept a person, you accept the entire package of a person, ie the family members, background, relatives and friends. It is not just between two parties cos like it or not, the closest people will be involved to a certain extent.
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