Speed Dating In A New Age

A couple of weeks ago, a friend was showing me an article on Speed Dating featured in one of the local tabloid newspapers. The gist of the article is simply on how a certain number of men and women took part in a speed dating competition. Each "date" lasted for like ten minutes or so, then each had to grade / rank the date. The male and female that ranked the lowest would then forfeit and not able to proceed to the next round.

Scary actually. Imagine how nervous it is for some people to meet strangers in a group, let alone start a conversation, and then move on to the next stranger after ten minutes or so. In the first place, ten minutes is hardly enough time to form any real impression. Of course first impressions do count, but normally it takes at least an hour or so before determining if this person is one you feel you can get to know.

The participants were graded according to appearance, conversation skills, body language, character. Well, appearance and body language can be determined in the first few minutes, but conversation skills and character is hard to determine at just the first meeting. Some people take longer to warm up and one's true character can only be determined if one knows a person long or well enough.

I salute those people who were willing to take part in the competition though. Of course it is just for fun, but to sit there and let strangers scrutinise you and then in the end give such a low grading and be kicked out in front of everyone else will be quite a blow to one's self-esteem, unless that person happens to have super thick skin.

I am not one who will go for speed dating. No doubt I go for dating agencies, but the dates I prefer are usually one-on-one. It is through having drinks or dinner and conversation for a couple of hours or so before one can see if the person is of the right frequency and able to relate to each other.

I do go on group dates of course, especially if I go out with friends of my ex(s) and vice versa, but nowadays with everyone working or married or engaged, it is harder to find time to go out together, which is why I mostly go on individual dates for the past few years.

I prefer the comfort of an individual date, even a blind date, in a cosy place with a nice ambience. In this way, I can relax and get to know the other person (provided he is on the right behaviour).

Speed dating is just too stressful, as hardly do you even get to talk to someone, when you have to move on to the next person and so on. At the end of the session, how many people do one really get to know?

I have never been to a speed dating session, so I cannot really comment on that, but to me, I feel spending the same amount of time getting to know one person is much better than cruising through several people at one go. At least in an individual date, one may have the potential of gaining an additional friend, whereas in a group speed date, one may not even get to know one person there since everyone only interacts for like fifteen minutes or so.

Having said that, I should be expecting a date from Lunch Actually this week. Let's see how that turns out!

More Arts Events To Look Forward To ....

What a remarkable coincidence! 11/11, 11:11. It should be a lucky timing for me at least, considering I just bought tickets to a few good concerts coming up.

First up is the Kitaro concert on 6th December. I have always loved the way he plays. This guy is a prodigy indeed, considering he composed and plays all his songs! The last concert I know was more than a decade ago, and I have his video tape and book of scores. His songs are not easy to master, and even for those electone whizzes, there are lots of tweaking to get them perfect.

Second is Chitty Chitty Bang Bang on 7th December. At last! I have been looking forward to this ever since I read the rave reviews of this musical. Even more special is that this musical was written by the very same people who brought us the James Bond movie series, so I shall see how the show is like!

Third is the ballet Swan Lake on 20th December. I stumbled across this while buying tickets for the above two, and decided to give it a go. I remember I used to play Swan Lake on the piano as a promotion in one of the shopping malls, then had a bit role in the ballet during one of the graduation concerts. And since this is by the Singapore Dance Theatre, I believe it will be rather spectacular.

Next up is Beauty World in January. This local musical aired on our television screens almost ten years back (gosh, has it really been that long? I still remember the tele-musical like it was yesterday!) Directed by one of our top directors (incidentally the very same one who directed the Madame Butterfly performance two years back, which I had the good opportunity of being part of and working with him), this will be a good performance to look forward to!

Finally, it is the Jacky Cheung concert on 6th January. I was hoping he would come back for a performance ever since I missed the one in July when I was away. My brother told me that it was a very good performance. Now, he is back, for just one night, so I must watch it at all costs!

Which reminds me, again I am purchasing tickets only for one. Hmmmm..... it is hard indeed to find someone just as "cultured" or "artistic" or at least someone who does not mind attending musicals and concerts. Oh well, I can always go on my own, but of course, having someone to go with (in this, I mean any one of any gender) is more fun and interesting, as we can then engage in opinion sharing after the performance.

Being More Spiritually Active

My resolve to be more active in church is off to a good start. I have been sourcing around for a Youth and Young Adults Ministry to take part in. Finally, I found this. It is a ministry for adults between the ages of twenty to thirty-five, where the group meets for retreats, outings and socialising.

Ironically, it is in the very church which I did not feel comfortable to step into. But since I have now made the resolve to put many things behind me, that should not be a reason why I do not join a ministry I am interested in just because of the venue.

Next up I am trying to see if I can join the Cathedral Choir. They are not recruiting as yet, and members have to be really discipline and committed. As of now, I am not sure if my commitment level is that high, because it is not being responsible for myself, but the whole group per se.

Baby steps this may be, but it should be off to a good start of being able to grow more spiritually and religiously. So I shall see how things go in this aspect of my life.

An Intangible Reward

Something good happened last night. I received a letter from my child! The little girl I am sponsoring in the Philippines. She wrote me a letter! It really brought a smile to my face! It is things like these that make me feel the world is full of sunshine and love, instead of the cold hard facts of unfeeling people.

Some may scoff that the letter may not be genuine, but from my experience of teaching primary school kids, I can tell if that is a child's handwriting. And it really is a child's handwriting, written in pencil with sloppy script.

It was just a few sentences, thanking me for sponsoring her, what level she is in school and how her parents are. But those few sentences are so heart-warming. I have received many letters in my life, but all pales in comparison with this letter.

Because it is from someone who shows utmost gratitude to me and loves me, even though she has never seen me. It is from someone whom I love even though I have never seen her. When I decided to sponsor a child, it is just a small gesture to help the more unfortunate. I never expected anything.

Yet now I have received such an intangible reward. Similar to how I felt when I was teaching and the kids thanked me, even though they gave me so much trouble for a year. But this beats my former students, because the little girl shows her love even though I have not done much. This is something no amount of cash can ever buy.

Gutter Ball!

A new friend and I went bowling last night at a clubhouse. We could only book the lane for an hour as the bowling alley we went to was hosting a championships game, so the lanes were fully booked for practice.

It was a fun hour though. We managed to bowl two games of ten each. Being the clumsy sports person I am, needless to say I had more gutter balls than spares, did not even manage any strikes. :-(

We went for dinner after that at a cafe in the clubhouse. The cafe is English-inspired with an English sounding name, and they serve Shepherd's Pie! As well as mushroom soup topped with a puff pastry.

The food is just okay, nothing too fantastic. I much prefer the puff pastry soup at Country Manna. As for the ambience, I much prefer that of Foster's, another English-inspired cafe. At least that place is cosy with live music, a much better place to just chill out.

Checklist For Love (Or Not)

My friend was just remarking that when people ask me out, I turn them down, yet complain that I have no dates. Hmmm... quite an astute observation. The thing is that those who ask me out are those whom I do not feel comfortable enough meeting again, whereas those whom I view as potential are those who do not ask me out.

Yes, I wish I can get to know more decent people, and some can date me out, but that is not to say I just go out and meet anyone. There is a very big difference. Some guys view that once a girl agrees to go out with him, she is agreeing to get physical. Why can these guys not get into their narrow heads that a girl wants to be loved and respected for who she is, instead of what she can do in the bedroom (or out)?

In general, girls are looking for someone who respects her and love her more than he loves himself. Of course, that is not to say the girl should take for granted as well. She should also respect the guy and love him more than she loves herself.

Which reminds me of an article I read recently. Perhaps I should not be one to judge considering I have also made the same mistakes before, but since I have learnt my lesson I thought I could give some comments on a personal experience point of view.

The girl in question was complaining about how different she and her boyfriend is. He is not willing to do things with her. It seems so hard to find common activities to do together since their interests are so vast. Plus, she does not like the fact that he smokes.

Actually, if they are really so incompatible and she does not like certain aspects of him, why on earth did she agree to be with him in the first place? I know very well when a girl falls for a guy, she does not care about anything else, but then if she chose to fall for him and be with him, she should accept who he is. If she could not accept in the first place, then she should not have started anything.

The other day, my cousin was asking what if I meet someone who really fits who I am looking for, but that guy smokes and buys lottery? I told her buying lottery once in a while is still ok (although it will be best if he does not), but once he smokes, he is out. She says what if he does not smoke in front of me? I told her it is still not acceptable, because the smell will linger, and I absolutely loathe the smell of smoke.

Most people I know tell me they do not have a checklist when looking for the special someone, but I suppose there must be certain things they look out for, otherwise why do dating agencies tell their members to fill in a form and state the type of person they are looking for?

And why would others choose this person over another person? Perhaps they do not have a mental or fixed checklist like me, but I believe there must be certain things which they do not compromise when looking for a partner. It is one's lifetime happiness, one cannot just settle for any mere person.

Thus when I was filling in the form at Lunch Actually, I specifically stated which aspects I can tolerate (ie flexible) and which aspects I will never tolerate (not flexible). Which is why I am in this fix, hard to find someone totally matching. But I trust Ms Matchmaker that she will be able to find the best person for me!

So anyway, back to the question on why do I keep turning people down? I am the type that if I feel that someone is worth seeing again, I will make time for him, but if I feel that this person and I really have no chemistry, I will not even bother making time to meet him.

I do not wish to lead anyone on. I learnt from past mistakes that being too nice and friendly can turn out to have adverse effects instead. I feel a tinge of pity for a couple of guys, as they are really nice and caring, but if we do not have the chemistry, things cannot be forced too.

There are guys who are good-looking, have good jobs, drive fancy cars and are very generous, but all these are just on the surface, very superficial. I want someone who is real, who is just himself without trying too hard to impress. Sincerity and kindness goes a long way, much more than the high life and material assets.

Being eligible and good materially does not necessary mean I have to be with a person if my heart is not in it. So I just have to continue my "lonesome" life until the day that one special person enters my life.

New Family Driver

My youngest brother finally got his (driving) license! My family and I are so happy for him! Besides the fact that there is one more thing for my mum to nag at me about, other than that it is a great achievement indeed for him to pass on the second try at the busiest driving school here.

My parents asked him to drive us down for lunch yesterday. He was still a bit unsteady and unfamiliar with the roads, and he was so nervous behind the wheel that I was just as nervous sitting in the car as a back seat passenger!

He made a wrong turn, and overshot a parking lot so had to brake suddenly and reverse. Luckily the car behind us then saw the probation plate and reversed further so as to allow our car to maneuver properly. Nice driver at least, not like other road hogs around.

I wanted to direct my brother but he was so stressed behind the wheel that I refrained from saying anything. At least I know the roads better than him. But then if I ever pass my driving test and get my license, maybe I will be even more of a nervous freak behind the wheel! And that is the reason why my parents still do not allow my brother to take the car on his own to drive.

My Personality Profile

Personality profiles are accurate indeed. I am referring to the real tests set up by psychologists and sociologists, like the Myers-Briggs Indicator Test (where I am an INFP), or the DISC test (where I am more S and C), not those online quizzes which people take for fun (although sometimes the results are uncannily accurate too).

So when my dating agent gave me the results of my personality test earlier, I was not surprised that the results are similar to the MBTI results. I cannot remember the name of this test, but I did the personality profiling on the basis of how I will be like in a relationship, and what to improve on.

According to her, I have an okay level of tolerance. I am sympathetic and understanding, as well as active-social. All these are good traits in a relationship, as I can tolerate faults (of course! But that depends on how major the faults are as well) and a good listener. By portraying all these, I will be able to start off on a good ground in a relationship.

However, there are certain things I need to improve on. I tend to be subjective (ie more emotional and illogical - very true!) and inhibited. (Erh, inhibited? I thought I am a very expressive person?) She said I tend to hide my feelings when in a relationship, I will not express my disappointments or feelings (well, I do tend to express myself better in writing than in speech). My persuasive and influence level is not that high as well (which probably explains why I do not make a good sales or public relations person).

I also tend to be more depressed with a low emotional stability (actually it is getting higher in recent months), and because I tend to be inhibited, sometimes I alienate people due to that. I am also submissive and compliant, which is not a good thing at times because I lack the confidence to be assertive. I also tend to be rather flexible and changeable, which gives people the impression that I am not very stable.

Well well... that is really me, myself and moi, in a nutshell. So she advised me to improve on those traits, to be more confident, light-hearted, take things easier, more self-disciplined and assertive and have the confidence to express how I feel. In this way, I can communicate more effectively and the relationship will be able to grow better.

Yes, I should improve on all these things, and I am making the effort to improve. I know a leopard cannot change its spots, but if there are things which I can improve on, I should make the conscious effort to do it, so I will never make the same mistakes again and be a better person overall.

Charcoal @ Treasury

My date on Friday was at The Charcoal Restaurant at The Treasury. Those who do not know where the Treasury is, it is opposite the new Supreme Court, which makes sense as The Treasury houses the Ministry of Law office. The Academy of Law office is at the old Supreme Court Building nearby, and quite a number of people always mixes these two up.

I am quite familiar with The Treasury, as years ago, my second ex and I would sometimes go there to visit our friend (one of his close friends) who was working at the Ministry of Law. He stayed close to both our areas, so at times when he had to work late and was all alone in the office, we would pop by and keep him company, then take the train back together.

Anyway, the restaurant is situated on the ground floor. It has two entrances (exits). I went in from the side entrance facing the courts, whereas the main entrance is the one facing the side road. For those familiar with the area, you can more or less understand the orientation. For those unfamiliar with the place, well, dig up a map and take a look for yourselves. ;-p

The restaurant reminds me of an European bistro of sorts, serving breakfast, lunch and dinner. Dinner was four course, consisting of soup (we both ordered mushroom soup), main course (I ordered Bangers and Mash whereas he ordered seafood), cake of the day (I had chocolate while he had truffle) and then coffee / tea (where we both had tea).

The food is okay, although the tea is good, fruity with a strong aroma. Most likely the waiter served us Darjeeling tea instead of English Breakfast or Earl Grey. Not that I am complaining, because I am more a tea person than a coffee person (although between cappuccino and coffee, I much prefer the former).

What I like about the restaurant is the interior setting. It has a very zen-like feeling, chic and up-market type of look. No wonder most of the patrons are youngsters, as the design reflects the sophisticated and elegant taste of the young, not the classic taste of the old(er). It is a place I will not mind going again, just for a cuppa or to hang out with friends!

A Good Date (At Least)

My date on Friday went pretty well. At least at first sight, I was not turned off because he is well-dressed and presentable. And smart! Considering he holds a Masters degree from one of the local universities and working in a strict government body, he must have some level of intelligence in the first place.

We had a good dinner and conversation. At least I find him to be at my level, able to relate to what I say (and vice versa). We talked about religion, food, travelling and different countries, cars, the different types of tea, Godiva chocolate and where to get the best chocolate cake, and shared a little on our education, the local education system and family background.

He is gentlemanly at least, as he paid for the dinner and when we went out of the restaurant, he opened the door for me even when I was walking in front. Hmmmm... a good gesture. And he drove me back. After he reached my place, we exchanged contacts and chatted in the car a while more before I finally bade farewell and went home.

When my agent called me the next day, I told her that this date was better than the previous one. She asked if I would mind meeting him again, so I said I would not mind. She was happy for me and felt that things are positive.

But it is still too early to tell if anything will happen, even though I did not have a bad impression of him. Besides, I am not sure if it is a mutual feeling, if I gave him a good impression and that he would not mind seeing me again. So we shall see how it goes.

"Last Minute" Encounters ....

What I find weird about some people is that they expect others to always do their biddings, yet at the same time not willing to compromise for others. I believe there is a word for this called "self-centred".

For instance, I happened to meet a guy recently and he has the habit of asking people out at the last minute. Like if he wants a dinner date on Tuesday evening, he will ask on Tuesday afternoon 4:00pm. Then if I happened to be busy that night, or if I just want to have time for myself to laze around at home after work and I turned him down, he would ask why I was busy. Erh, because I just happened to be busy?

He did the same thing again a few days later. He would ask only a couple of hours in advance. Within two weeks, he asked me out four times, but each time he asked at the last minute. Three times I was busy, but the last time I wanted to unwind after a day's work so did not feel like going out.

Finally he got rather pissed and asked why did I keep turning him down? So I told him I appreciate some advance notice and not last minute. He said he asked me a few hours in advance so it should not be last minute!

Well, to me, asking on the day itself is last minute indeed! If one is to ask someone for a date, should the person not ask at least a day or two in advance? Even dating agencies will arrange dates a few days later, and not on the day itself!

Even if a couple is already in a firm relationship, they still date each other out in advance, unless he / she knows the schedule of the girlfriend / boyfriend very well and know (s)he has nothing on the day itself then can ask spontaneously at the last minute.

I am not saying that my time is so precious that people have to "book" me way in advance. I do not mind others trying their luck and asking if I am available on the day itself, then if I happened to be free and did not mind meeting up I would gladly go.

But I just do not like the attitude of some who think the girl is priviledged to be asked out by them in the first place, and refuse to take no for an answer, or worse, accuse her of being too hard to get.

Come on! People have their own lives! Who are you to them that they have to drop everything just because you ask them out? As what my mum always says, everyone has the right to choose. Just like I cannot force someone to accept me because I have feelings for him, I, too, have the right to choose who I want to go out with. And some people are simply not worth my time.

Making Comparisons And Resolves

A close friend just confided in me that he is undecided whether to progress further with a girl he is seeing. I asked him what are his reservations, and he said he tends to compare her with his former girlfriends.

Well, I guess it is human nature to compare, but will it not become unhealthy? I admit I compare too, like for instance, nowadays when I go on dates, I have a mental image of what type of person I am willing to give a chance to and what types do not stand a chance.

Perhaps to some, this is not a good thing, but to me (and my abovementioned friend), we feel this is experience. Not so much for him, but for me, after a few rounds, I finally know the type of person I want to be with, so it is inevitable to make comparisons to see where a guy stands.

I am not sure if it is to do with age or maturity, but now come to think of it, I could have saved myself a lot of heartache if I did not enter my last two relationships. I should not have been so easily swayed by sweet words and nice gestures, instead of really seeing the person as he is.

I feel very sorry for my third ex, which is why up to now, I still make an effort to keep in contact with him. Luckily we are still great friends, but whatever guilt I feel for him can never be replaced.

No doubt he did not exactly treat me very well, but honestly, I did not treat him as what he deserved too. I kept comparing him to my second ex, took a long time to trust him, in the end still ended things as I started liking other people. Perhaps I never did love him, perhaps he was just a rebound.

Looking back, I should not have done a lot of things. I should not have entered into another relationship when I was not really ready for another one, when I still had excess baggage.

My second ex was almost the type I want to be with, so I was really happy the period of time we were together. He might have his flaws which upset me many times, but other than that, he did not treat me that badly. Comparatively, my third ex was a let-down.

I know I should not have compared, but then once one has had the best, anyone else who did not match up would be a let-down. A year after our breakup, my third ex himself admitted he was a let-down, because he confessed he did not treat me like how I should be treated, but anyway that is all over and done with.

That period of time, I kept telling myself that people are different, and if I chose to be with a person, I should accept his whole being. I advocate that statement, which is why I never want to change a person. But the fact that I kept making comparisons probably showed that I could not convince myself he was the person I wanted to be with.

It took me another (almost) two years of misery and being stuck in a relationship that was going nowhere to finally convince myself that the type of person I am looking for is still the type that is best for me, that will make me happiest.

So I figured, instead of comparing, why not find someone like that, find someone compatible and of the type I like so I can be happy, instead of compromising and being with someone whom I know is not compatible, and then start comparing all over again?

I also figured out another thing - emotional baggage will never clear unless we make a conscious effort to clear it. I fooled myself into thinking that I was totally over him, that I could embark on a new relationship. But if I could really embark on a new relationship and put things behind me, why did I keep comparing then?

This year I surprised myself. I did things which I never thought I could do. First, I resolved to cut off contact with a certain person totally, to stop deluding myself that he was true to me, to stop believing. And once that resolve was made, I really stuck to it, and realised that I was a lot happier now that he is out of my life.

Second, I resolved to release all emotional baggages of the past, especially whatever that still remained of my second relationship that I was holding on to. That decision was made last year when he got engaged, but it was this year that I found out, hey, I could do it! I told myself to forget, and I did.

The test was when I asked him out to collect his wedding gift, and he brought his wife along with him. I was so surprised but also happy that I could finally sit down and talk to them amicably like a friend, and not take to my heels and run. I made a resolve and I did achieve it.

Third, in view of recent events, I told myself to not put my heart into anything, and use my head more. I resolved not to plunge into a relationship no matter how promising the guy is, and instead get to know each other better to see if feelings can develop.

In the past, I would not have hesitated to just put my entire heart into it, only to get myself hurt in the process. But this time, I resolved to be more sensible and observe further before seeing if we really could be together. And I did it, which is why I did not feel hurt (although disappointed) when we sort of "parted ways".

Thus one's resolve is very important. If only I learnt about this when I was younger, then I would not have wasted away time and years. It is only through resolving of letting go, that one can move on and look forward to a brighter future, and not be bogged down by emotional baggage.

Through all these, I have a better and happier disposition, looking forward to better things ahead. Maybe it is time to admit I am getting older and have to change my perspectives in certain things. Perhaps age does play a part, but why must it be now when I could have come to my senses at a much earlier age?

But I do not regret anything, because the way my life was shaped made me into what I am today. I could have gone through life having everything easy but yet learnt nothing in the process. Whatever I have gone through in life (not that it is anything much or major) gave me experiences and make me richer. I have to remember the lessons learnt and not make the same mistakes again.

An Ideal Husband

"A husband is only ideal in the eyes of his wife; he can be the least perfect and flawless man, but the most ideal to his wife, because his wife loves him, with all her heart." And this is what I gather from the infamous Oscar Wilde when he wrote this play. (The preceding statement is my own interpretation, not to be found anywhere in the play.)

This came about when I was having a discussion with a girl friend last night. She was accusing me of being too choosy, to which I explained to her my reasons for being so. Then she got me thinking with this question, "Do you think there is an ideal husband? What will I consider as an ideal husband?"

I must say, she got me stumped for a while. I have the criteria for an ideal boyfriend, an ideal relationship, but somehow never got to really thinking what an ideal husband will be like. So she got me thinking on what I consider as an ideal husband. Actually what I consider as an ideal boyfriend can also be used on what I consider as an ideal husband, but an ideal husband will have a bit more criteria to fulfill of course.

In that case, what will I consider as an ideal husband? An ideal husband need not be the most perfect man. He can be the most imperfect man with the most faults, but yet he will be the most perfect to me, because he will be the one who loves me and the one whom I love, with all our hearts.

Honestly, if I am to really state down what I look for in a man, it will probably turn a lot of people off. Realistically speaking, I do not expect to find someone that can fit into every category I look for. Maybe I am choosy.

But then I am not the type to go for someone drop dead gorgeous, nor someone tall, dark and handsome, or even someone who is the heir to some business empire and have oodles of cash without needing to work. All I am looking for is someone with smarts and vast knowledge and who can converse with and relate to me on the right frequency, with none of the vices.

So what will I consider as the ideal man for me? He is someone of good character and upbringing, who does not smoke, drink (light drinking is ok), gamble, flirt or womanise. He is someone who is filial and respectful to his parents, family and friends, and nice and respectful to mine. In other words, a traditional and conservative man.

He is a gentleman who exercises good self-control who will keep his hands to himself and treat me with the utmost respect. He will see me home at night after a date, and offers to pay (although of course we take turns to pay when going out) and carry any bags or packages for me.

He is responsible and focused in his work, and have the attitude to lifelong learning, be it academic, personal or social. He is bilingual (or more) and able to converse, speak, read and write effectively and articulately in two languages.

Why is this important? Because whether a person gives me a good impression is the way he speaks (or writes). Someone with a good deal of smarts will be able to write good English with a good sentencing structure and no grammatical or spelling errors, and able to speak articulately and fluently.

Comparatively, someone who can only give one or two word answers and not able to understand what I say probably does not have that much substance in them in the first place. Okay, I am generalising and stereotyping here, I believe there are always exceptions, except so far, my experience tells me that to distinguish between someone who is of a higher calibre is from the way he / she speaks and writes.

Religion wise, it will be good if he shares the same religion, be it Catholic or Christian of another denomination. And he will be one who prefers the traditional type of service rather than the charismatic type. We can share biblical teachings with each other and grow in love and religion together.

Attitude and values wise, he has the thirst for knowledge and upgrading, willing to learn as many things in life as possible, willing to pursue higher education and not be stuck as it is. A graduate will be good, but even if he is not, he should at least have the attitude and inclination to upgrade instead of being stuck in a rut.

Interests wise, it will be good if he likes to watch movies, listen to music ranging from classical to slow rock to pop to jazz to country to retro to new age, including opera and Mando pop. Playing one or more musical instruments is an added advantage!

He can understand and relate if I talk about Jacky Cheung or Chopin or Beethoven or Trademark or Abba. An added advantage if he is well-read and we can converse about books on English and Chinese literature, but even if he is not an avid reader, he can at least understand when I talk about Shakespeare or Journey to the West or the Condor Hero or The Little Prince or Sophie's World.

He is one who appreciates art and culture, who does not mind going to plays, theatres, musicals, concerts and gives opinions on art, sculpture and poetry. He sings (karaoke singing will do, does not have to be classical or gospel singing) and dances (ballroom, latin, etc), and willing to indulge in all kinds of musical and dance experience.

He is one with a flair for words and a vast range of vocabulary. Able to write touching love letters and poetry is an added advantage! Or else just playing with words, creating anagrams and exercising the brains on challenging games will do.

He need not be a computer geek or technology nut, but he can understand when I make comparisons of different laptops, PDAs, MP3 players and mobile phones, and know the difference between XP and Vista.

It will be good if he cares about the environment too, and believes in saving paper and recycling. He should not be a spendthrift, neither should he be a miser. He need not buy expensive gifts for me or pay for my shopping expenses, but at least he is not too calculative over how he spends his money.

In other words, dining in restaurants once in a while, or having tea at coffee joints will be good, instead of always just the same simple hawker fare and cooking at home. Variety is the spice of life, and it will be good to do different things instead of being so routine all the time.

Looks wise, my ideal height will be someone from 1.75m to 1.84m, but I am not particular about height and weight so long as he is not shorter than me (but then again, I do not think any guy can ever be shorter than me), and he is not overweight. He does not need to have a slim or lean or muscular athletic body shape. A medium body will do.

And he does not need to have the face that turns a thousand heads, just someone with a relatively clear skin, have good grooming habits and knows how to dress to look neat, tidy, clean-cut and presentable.

He should know how to cycle, bowl and play pool, as well as tennis and squash. Even if he does not, he should at least have the interest and be open-minded in going with me to play tennis and squash, and the occasional bowling and pool. Having the interest to take up yoga and pilates will be good too!

Knowing how to drive and having a car is an added bonus, but even if he does not, we can always take public transport, but he should be gentlemanly enough to see me back home at least. Not to mention offering seats to the elderly and pregnant ladies without any prompts. Understanding and being able to relate to me when I rattle on about cars and road tests is an added advantage too!

He is one who is an avid traveller. He will like to explore the world and immerse in the culture and history of the place. He prefers to travel to explore, rather than shop, sleep and go high class all the way. And we can engage in numerous intellectual debates over countries, sights and the beautiful scenery. Being a good photographer is an added advantage, but even if he is not it does not matter as one photographer is good enough!

At home, he is one who is willing to share the housework. Knowing how to cook and bake is an advantage, but even if he does not, he should help out around the house, and not just laze around and expect others to do everything and serve him.

He knows how to take care of me, makes me feel loved, handle my mood swings and be a pillar of support in what I do for myself, for both of us and the family. He will be a wonderful husband and father, a good and responsible care-giver to me and the kids through ups and downs. And he will continue dating me even after we have kids, even after we grow old, as he will be a companion and partner for life.

So there, this is what I consider an ideal husband. Really too unrealistic? The fact is that in this not too long life I have, I have come across two (three actually) who fits into almost every category I set up above. Of course, none are so perfect that they really have everything I look for, but it is an encouragement indeed if I have come across people almost there.

But hoping for an ideal husband should not be just one-sided. I must ensure I can be the ideal wife to him too, to do the things for him which I wish him to do for me, to be there for him and a pillar of support, to understand him and be his companion and partner. An ideal husband will not suffice if I do not play the part of an ideal wife.

Thus I will continue searching and having high hopes. Until the day I found my ideal husband, which I truly believe he is somewhere, somehow, waiting. After all I do believe dreams will come true, and perhaps my dream may just come true soon!

[Addendum : I forgot to add two important teeny details - the guy must be a dog-lover! Or an animal lover in general. He must also love babies and children. If a person is kind to animals and children, he is probably not that bad a person in the first place! :-p]

Lessons From A Matchmaker ....

I came across a very inspiring and enlightening article. Coming from a matchmaker and relationship coach, her words really hold true. In fact, I agree with everything she said, which is why I have my own criteria in choosing the person whom I will ultimately end up with for life.

As I have mentioned before, marriage is for life. Do not plunge in if you do not mean to honour your marriage vows and stay faithful and true to each other, being each other's companions and partners.

And for that, I am at least happy that I have the right values when it comes to relationship and marriage, so I can start off on the right track if and when I ever enter another relationship, which will be my last.

I Want A Beautiful Love!

What Love are you Fated for?

You want a Beautiful love, soft but passionate. You are probably very old fashioned and polite. You can't stand rude people, wolf whistles are to you only dis-respective and immature. You love nature and everything beautiful in life. You will fall for a guy that makes you forget about the rest of the world. Take this quiz!

Awwww..... very true indeed! And how great it will be if this really comes true!

Dog Logic

Received a very cute email, perfect for a dog-lover like me. The quotes are so true!

1. The reason a dog has so many friends is that he wags his tail instead of his tongue. -Anonymous

2. There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face. -Ben Williams

3. A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves himself. -Josh Billings

4. The average dog is a nicer person than the average person. -Andy Rooney

5. Dogs love their friends & bite their enemies, quite unlike people, who are incapable of pure love & always have to mix love & hate. -Anonymous

6. Anybody who doesn't know what soap tastes like never washed a dog. -Franklin P. Jones

7. If your dog is fat, you aren't getting enough exercise . -Unknown

8. My dog is worried about the economy because Alpo is up to $3.00 a can. That's almost $21.00 in dog money. -Joe Weinstein

9. Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea. -Robert A. Heinlein

10. If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you; that is the principal difference between a dog and a man. -Mark Twain

11. Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole. -Roger Caras

12. If you think dogs can't count, try putting three dog biscuits in your pocket and then give him only two of them. -Phil Pastoret

I hope you enjoy the pictures as much as I do!

Da Vinci In Town

I was supposed to meet that guy in Da Vinci Italian Restaurant somewhere in town. That restaurant is shared by a Mexican Restaurant, so it serves both Italian and Mexican food. The place is owned by Indians, with Indian waiters and chefs, but the food is not too bad, although the servings are a bit too large for me. Ever since I lost some weight, my food intake has decreased.

The restaurant is a small cosy place with just a few tables. Honestly, if I was not told to go there, I would never have known this place exists, because it is such a small place that people tend to miss it even if they pass by it.

The interior of the restaurant is dim and cosy, with a romantic aura around. There is hardly any lights, and the table is lit up by candlelight. Really a perfect place to go for a candlelight dinner with a special someone!

There is a huge portrait of the Mona Lisa hanging on the wall inside the restaurant. There are also framed pictures of Da Vinci's other works, like The Virgin and Child with St Anne, Leda and the Swan, Virgin of the Rocks and the infamous Vitruvian Man of course.

The restaurant itself is a good conversation topic. Afterall, Da Vinci's works are classics! One can talk about the Mona Lisa, and the other portraits, and the Da Vinci Code, but unfortunately, my date was clueless about any of these. He even asked me if the Mona Lisa's portrait is real, to which I answered "No, the real one is at the Louvre Museum in France", and for that, I had to explain what the Louvre Museum is and what it contains.

The service is good too. Prompt, efficient and polite. At least I get to know a new dining place which I would otherwise not have discovered. I will not mind going there again, hopefully with someone special, then we can get to enjoy the ambience to the fullest.

Another Bad Date!

I went on another date last night recommended by Exclusive Match, and it was not much better than the one a few days ago. At least this time the guy is nicer, more gentle and caring, but still, I did not have a good first impression.

We were supposed to meet at an Italian restaurant in town, so I wore a white sleeveless dress with heels and makeup. For a first date, especially in a restaurant in town, it is better to be a bit more over-dressed than under-dressed. A pity not many people realise that.

He was late for fifteen minutes. The agent gave him my number (with my permission) before the date, and he sent me a greeting in the morning, so there was no excuse for not informing if he was going to be late!

I could have contacted him since I have his number, but did not as I figured why should I be the one to ask if he was not even courteous enough to say if he was going to be held up? Sometimes we girls have to exercise some restraint so as not to appear "too eager".

Secondly, he is another bad dresser. Okay, I am biased, but I prefer guys who know how to dress at least. That does not mean they have to wear formally all the time, but at least they should know what looks good on them and what does not, and how to mix and match and appear clean-cut, even in casual wear.

The restaurant we were sent to has a cosy, romantic ambience to it. But he came in jeans and a shirt that totally does not look good on him! Even if he had not been to the place before, at least for a first date, let alone a blind date, he should be a bit more dressy. In fact, when I saw him outside the restaurant looking in, my heart was saying, "Please don't let it be him", but well.. my wishes never come true.

I am not saying that this guy is not good. He is rather gentle and soft-spoken, but somehow we do not seem to have common conversation topics. The things I say he could not relate, and I ended up having to explain myself. The things he say I could not relate, and I was making a big effort not to appear too bored.

He was talking about his army life and his church retreats. I never minded anyone sharing religion with me, but I felt like I was attending a sermon all over again! He spent a large part of the date talking about the church retreats and activities he is involved in. Pretty interesting at first, but after the first hour, I was hoping he could change a topic because there are so many other things to talk about besides just religion!

A date should make a person feel comfortable and at ease, but somehow with this guy, it felt like such a chore sitting through dinner and the conversation that it was a relief when it finally ended. He asked me to go for mass with him the following week, but I have yet to reply.

So my conclusion is that it is not a good date. I did not enjoy myself at all. If I am to meet someone again, even as a friend, I must be able to enjoy his / her company in the first place, and not get bored with him / her.

I will not mind meeting someone again only if I had a great time after the first meeting, otherwise the rest will be probably kept at acquaintance level the most. Afterall, with everyone being so busy, we should be more selective who to hang out with.

Making Our Time Worthwhile

I realise that I am a tad mean in my previous post. I think I have changed, because people do change, and not many are willing to adapt to changes. I do not mean a drastic change in character or interests; essentially I believe I am still the same, but at the same time I have become more guarded and careful in dealing with people.

Just as much as one year ago or so, I will have no qualms giving my all to sustain a relationship, or welcoming strangers to chat with me in cyberspace, albeit with topics I am not comfortable about. In the past, I welcome anyone to know me, without reservations.

Perhaps after going through heartaches and fending off cyber perverts, I have become more guarded. I do not let my emotions sway so easily anymore. Now I know how to fight for my own rights, who to be good to, who is not worth my time.

Of course I am not indicating that I treat people nice only when they treat me nicely. I believe in treating everyone nicely. But at the same time, if I find out that the person is not worth my time or energy treating him / her nicely, then why must I be the one doing so much only to be disappointed?

I rather spend the time and energy for others more worth it. For instance, if I tell off a person not to talk dirty to me, and he still does the same thing, instead of getting myself so frustrated and irritated, I can just ignore him and save myself all the hassle. Who is he to me that I must respond everything he says?

Or for instance, if someone has disappointed me too much, has lied to me again and again, why must I then continue being so nice to him when in the end all I get is disappointment more than hope and appreciation? I am not going to let anyone else take me for granted ever again!

Sorry if my previous post offend some people, but I no longer believe in doing so much for someone who is no longer worth my time. I rather spend my time and energy on those who really need me and appreciate me, like my best friend for instance, or my other friends. I can do just a fraction of what I have done for some others, yet the rewards are much more abundant.

I am not being nice to people just to have a reward. All I am saying is that sometimes in life, there are some people more worth our time and some are simply not worth it. So instead of doing so much for people who are simply not worth it, we may as well channel the same amount of time and energy on people who are worth it. These are the people who are more deserving of us doing so much more for them, even without anything back.

A Mistake Made

I made a mistake yesterday. I summed up whatever courage I have to be more thick-skinned to ask for something back from someone. And it gave me more frustration instead. By right, I am normally not so cheapskate because a gift is a gift, and I am against people who ask for gifts back.

The thing is that, I did not ask for the gift back. It is something very expensive, which I gave it out of love to someone who never loved me in the first place, to someone not worth it, and yet I am still paying the instalments for it. So I figured, yes, the gift had been given, but why should I continue paying the instalments?

Thus I asked for the money back. I will never ask for what I gave away back, but because it is a very expensive item and I am still paying through my nose, I have no obligation to continue paying, so would I be doing anything wrong to ask for the money back?

All the more so since I blew quite a huge sum on my recent trip, and my course fees are due in a couple of months, so I do appreciate a bit more cash at hand for the moment. I know I am being really cheapskate here, but at times I have to prioritise what is more important, and in this case, my "face" (or skin) is at a lower priority.

Which reminds me that the birthday gift I got for someone's upcoming birthday is also a lost cause. Since he did not even wish me happy birthday (when some of my other friends actually did), why should I then be the one to buy him a birthday gift and celebrate his birthday when it clearly shows that I am no longer important to him even as a friend to even warrant a birthday greeting?

Anyway the reason I was feeling so frustrated was because the way that conversation was going after I asked for my money back. He told me he is finally separated, and that he still loves me a lot. But frankly speaking, I no longer know what is true and what is not. I no longer believe a word he says.

He said the reason he did what he did was because he wanted me to leave, to find someone better, because I am so much better than him, he felt so inferior being with me. So does that mean it is my fault then? That he had to be oh so noble to let me go and find someone better, when he was so possessive that he did not even allow me to meet other guys while I was sort of with him?

I have enough of all his excuses and lies. Does he really think he can finally make me give up, then in the end still come running back to him because of some excuses? If he really loves me as he claims, and really want to be with me, it will not be just lip service, it will be actions.

I do a lot of things mainly because I believe action speaks louder than words. It is no use just saying so much if nothing is done, or promises are not kept. A real serious committed person will let his actions do the talking, rather than flowery speeches.

But anyway, why must I get so frustrated for? I only have myself to blame. Some mistakes are not so easily rectified. Some people come into our lives as blemishes, and having made that mistake, I will have to live with it, probably for the rest of my life, as a reminder of one of the biggest mistakes I ever made and never to make the same mistake again.