Down In Luck ....

When it rains, it really pours! It is like when you are down on your luck, everything start coming at the same time. This is a really really bad time for things to happen. Why can it not happen a few months later when things may get better, instead of now? No matter how best I have tried certain things, in the end everything is not within my control because people start hounding you mercilessly. Seems like even prayers cannot help, unless a miracle happens. One of these days I should really just take the easy route out ....

To top it off, I seem to keep falling lately. Just when I fell off the seat on the bus last week, today I fell down the stairs of my office. Yes, I was going down to the reception area, sashaying away I should say, when my right heel gave way and I tumbled down the rest of the stairs, right in front of some of my colleagues from the third floor.

That was so embarrassing! My colleagues had to help me up, and I had to hobble to the reception counter! Worst thing was that I had no idea my shoe was going to give way because there were no signs, the heel simply came off just like that! Wonder what my colleagues think of my personal grooming!

Perhaps this is a sign my luck is really in a deep abyss. This period of time when everything seem to go wrong - work wise, relations wise, investment wise. Even my "peach blossom luck" is way down! Oh no, who can get me out of this?!

Giving The Best To The Young Ones

I went for the birthday celebration of my maternal grandma on Sunday. My little nephew is growing up so well! He can walk so quickly and so articulate at such a young age! He can actually speak in complete sentences, instead of baby talk, and he sings and dances too! But then it is no surprise, considering his parents are effectively bilingual, one with a Masters, one pursuing a PhD, both sing and dance, and my cousin has a performance diploma in piano. So I will not be surprised if the boy turns out to be a genius.

Years ago, when our government advised men not to ostracise graduate women, there was some debate on why should the government control the kinds of people we socialise with? There were more graduates out there, with a vast number being women, and in those days, men were still reluctant to go out with someone smarter and more capable. Actually, some men are still like that - for some reason they cannot accept it if the lady is older or smarter or higher educated or more capable or have more earning power than them. On the other hand, not many women were able to accept that as well.

Nevertheless, the advise was not without justification. Our famous father of the country said to marry a wife equal or better, because the children will then take after both and be just as good or better. Even Hitler knew about this, as evidenced from his Nazi Aryan project, even though no one condoned his actions.

So ideally, the offspring of two very smart and capable parents will become just as smart and capable, if not better. To me, nature is not so much as nurture. There were experiements whether nature or nurture is better, and often than not, nurture plays a big part. One can be born smart, but if the full potential was not cultivated, chances are the kids end up just average. But if someone was not that smart but the parents took the trouble to groom him, then he can be pretty outstanding too.

By right, being the offspring of both Master degree holders, I should be smart and capable too, but I am neither. My parents tried to groom me as well, by giving me enrichment lessons and whatnot. They have done their part, but I guess I was not appreciative, thus blew my own chances of unleashing my full potential (if I have any in the first place).

Now seeing my nephew, I know that if I am to have kids, I will want to give them the best - grow up in the best environment, cultivate and groom them to be the best they can be, to be all-rounders, to give them a good foundation as they make their way in the world. I want them to grow up bilingual, articulate, intelligent, street smart and knowing how to handle things on their own, to be exposed and worldly, and not still be so naive and innocent even at the age of thirty.

Which is why I am not compromising on the kind of person I am looking for. Because I owe it to my future kids to have the best. The kind of parents somehow reflect the kind of children (not very true in my case actually, but I am somewhat like my mum even though not as capable as her), so I do not want my kids to take after me but someone better than me.

Back To The Teenage Workbook

Due to my upcoming workshop, I managed to dig up The Teenage Textbook and Teenage Workbook, and even though they were books for teenagers, some of the content is still quite meaningful and useful. Especially for the Teenage Workbook, there was a section on choosing the right person. The author wrote that there is no perfect person, so we have to find the right person, because the right person may not be perfect, but the best for you.

Anyway, after this, there was a section where there is some form of a questionnaire to fill in. The main character Sissy Song was wondering whether Daniel Boon likes her, so she absent-mindedly filled in the section on her dream guy (describing him), then realised she wrote in Daniel's book and quickly erased everything.

When I came across that page, the pencil marks I scrawled in were still visible. Upon reading that again, I realised my taste did not really change that much (albeit with some modifications here and there). I was about sixteen when I first read the two books, and this was what I filled in :

My Dream Guy by [my name]

Height (5 cm range) : 175 - 180 cm
Can he be shorter than you? Absolutely not!
Weight (3 kg range) : 77 - 80 kg
Can he be skinnier than you : No
Age : Same age to the most 8 years older
Can he be younger than you? No

The three most important physical qualities he should have are :
1. A nice smile
2. Broad shoulders
3. Soft silky hair I can run my fingers through

The three most important character qualities he should have are :
1. Articulation and a sense of humour
2. Intelligence
3. Chivalry

The three things I don't want him to have are :
1. Body Odour
2. Bad Habits like smoking, gambling
3. Vulgarity

The three things my dream guy should never do are :
1. Be mean to people and animals
2. Spout vulgarities
3. Engage in sex

Have you found someone like that? No.

Well, no during the time I did this. But now if I am to do it all over again, perhaps I will relax on the height, weight and age factor, although someone shorter than me is still a no-no. As for whether I have found someone like that now, well, all I can say is currently still on the outside, looking in. ;-p

The Woes Of Singlehood

After my previous post, it seems that things on the world front are picking up. The currency has risen again after dropping drastically, and oil prices have finally gone down! Good news for everyone! Let's pray and hope all will pick up and the economic situation becomes more stable from now on.

More and more companies (mine included) are adopting work-life balance initiatives, in order to be more family-friendly. Strange that this priviledge only benefits married people with kids. Sumiko Tan's article last Sunday really touches my core.

She states that why does "family" only include the spouse and children? What about parents and siblings? Are they not family too? So does it mean that if a singleton needs to take care of her parents, she is not entitled to emergency leave, because she is single so has no family?

True, is it not? Who are our family? Our parents of course! They are the first family we have, and nothing can ever change that, be it we are single or married. Our parents should be the most important people in our lives, even after we are married and have kids of our own. So I find it really peculiar that work-life balance initiatives only benefit those who are married, but yet nothing is said about our parents or in-laws or grandparents whatsoever.

Is it any wonder why more and more people are not having kids? What is the point if in the end nothing benefits the parents? In any case, another point in her article was quite true. She said that singletons are always left out no matter what. It is like everything is so family-focused that you are considered an outcast if you are single.

The thing is, people may not be single by choice. There are so many people I know who yearn to settle down, but just have not found anyone, or the timing is not right yet. No doubt there are many who choose to be single and not have the burden of getting married and looking after a family, but there are also many out there who are looking yet not finding anyone.

Maybe it all boils down to expectations. Just about fifty years ago, or even as recent as my parents' time, things were much simpler, even for educated folks like my parents. They met each other, they felt they were ok, so they graduated and got hitched. No hassle of wondering if the person was the right one, they just went ahead and then faced whatever problems along the way.

Nowadays people's expectations are higher and higher. When they are with someone, they will wonder if someone else is better, if a better one can come along. They pick on minor things and are never satisfied. They are more unwilling to compromise. I admit that, because I am somewhat like that too.

The thing is there are still many nowadays who make up their minds so easily. For instance, they may say this person is the most suitable, but after a while they may find someone else more suitable and so break up, then go with someone else. It is not so easy as that. There will always be someone better, what matters is whether you are able to accept the person as it comes.

(R).I.(P). ....

One of my respected gurus have passed away. Why do the good always die young? Ever since I came across his last lecture, I have been really inspired. The first time I got to know about him was an article in Ms Match's blog. Then I came across the book in one of the local bookstores. After that I came into contact with his real last lecture from a friend, who sent me the video link as something inspiring to cheer me up when I had a bad day at work.

Even though I have not gotten the book yet, I have been watching the last lecture each time when I need some inspiration to perk me up. His words are really addictive and touching! From the perspective of a dying person, his outlook in life is really different, especially the part about childhood dreams. So if I know I am not going to live on for much longer, what is the most important thing to me?

He inspired me to want to re-prioritise my priorities. He inspired me to live each day as if it is my last. Most importantly, he inspired me to always relive my dreams, that I should never give up, that life is all the more worth living because of my dreams. He inspired me to start thinking on what exactly I should be doing.

In a bid to "mourn", I am dedicating the MTV section exclusively to his last lecture. Hopefully you will find meaning in his words and be just as inspired as I have been. Fare thee well and rest in peace. Thank you for being my muse, my guru and my inspiration.

Click here for more tribute : Official Google Blog: Goodbye to Randy Pausch, a great teacher

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A Time To Love

My best friend is surprised I would turn down that guy, and a nice guy at that. Hmmm... she is always the one who maintains that one need not be with anyone who declare the feelings, but then I suppose she knows me very well too. And that is why she is surprised, because it was something unorthodox. Quite strange actually that she would feel surprised, because it is not as if it was the first time I turned down someone. Why must I accept someone just because he wants to be with me? I do not just go with any Tom, Dick or Harry who claim they are attracted to me!

Nonetheless, an article I read struck a chord in me. The writer said that there is no reason to love. True, there is no reason when it comes to love. You either love or you do not. But it is not as simple as that. Ideally, when you love someone, you love his entire being, all his quirks, his bad habits, his temperament, his idiosyncrasies, his family, his friends.

But people are different. It is already so difficult to find someone you can really get along with. At times you may love someone without reason, only to find the person totally unsuitable. Then what do you do? Continue loving and being miserable, knowing the relationship is not going anywhere, or get out and move on?

In the latter situation, people may claim if you get out, it shows you do not love the person enough, that is why you do not want to hold on. The thing is, if I am still at the teenage stage where love encompasses everything and I pay no heed to anything else except my feelings and emotions, then I will definitely continue holding on, hoping things will improve.

But I am no longer at that stage. In another few months, I will be reaching the next decade of my life. I have paid heed to my feelings and emotions long enough, and look where I ended up. I cannot still be so irresponsible to start something with someone, just because I want someone to be with, knowing things will not work out.

Someone once asked me, have I ever really loved someone? If I have, then why do I have to consider so many factors? Oh yes, I have loved, more than one person, in varying degrees. I have loved to the whole core of my being, with my entire heart and soul. I have loved someone so much that I almost ended up hating him when things did not work out. After all, there is only a thin line between love and hate. So yes, I do know what is love.

But loving a person does not equate to being able to be with the person. To a certain extent, love need no reason. It is not wrong to love a person. But if loving a person means having to do things which you will otherwise not do, like betraying your conscience, then is it still worth it? It is precisely because I have been through it which is why I know it is not worth it.

Loving someone should not be tiring, nor miserable. Being in love should be the best, sweetest, most beautiful feeling in the world. But if you end up being more miserable trying to continue loving the person only to have him so indifferent, claiming he loves you but yet not doing anything to keep the love going, then one really just have to let go and move on.

Now I wish I had listened to others in the past, people like my best friend, my cousins, instead of just paying heed to my feelings without thinking of the consequences. Which is why now I am not going to let anyone mislead me again, nor am I going to mislead anyone again. When the time is right I will know. Before that happens, I am not going to risk getting myself hurt and disappointed again, nor will I accept anyone only to end up hurting him.

But at the end of it all, love is but a fraction of life. There are more things in life to think about, like whether I will suddenly die of a massive heart attack tonight. This period of time when a late professor was able to touch the hearts of many, one starts to discover the true meaning of life, and you realise that many things in life are just predestined. Let whatever happens happen!

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The Perfect Beauty?

I was reading a magazine and came across what plastic surgeons deem as the perfect features. After reading that, I took a look in the mirror and observed myself. Obviously I have always known I do not have perfect features, but I never know how far off I actually am! According to the list, I only have about three of the so-called "perfect" features!

1. A good set of eyebrows which are not too bushy, with a reasonable arch - Check

2. Double eyelids that are symmetrical on both sides - Double eyelids, check. Symmetrical on both sides? Unfortunately no, my right eye is smaller than my left eye, and that shows whenever I smile. :-(

3. Big eyes, with an equal proportion of whites on both sides of the pupil - Big eyes, check, although one eye is a bit more prominent. Equal proportion of whites on both sides, check.

4. A nose that is positioned in the centre of the face and not too wide, with a defined tip and a bit of nostril showing - My nose is in the centre of the face, but it is a bit flat and the tip is not defined.

5. A forehead, nose and lower part of the face that takes up one-third of the face each - Unfortunately, no. My forehead is a bit too wide I think. :-(

6. Cheekbones that are reasonably prominent - Check

7. A upper to lower lip ratio of 1:2, which means the lower lip should be twice as plump as the upper lip - Both my lips are about the same size, with the upper lip slightly plumper.

8. A face shape that is triangular (sharp chin) and not too round or too square - My face is more squarish.

Thus, if those points above are what define beauty, then I am definitely not one! :-(

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Falling Off A Bus Seat

I managed to find a seat on the bus as usual. This time, it is the seat just behind the exit door, next to the aisle. A burly guy was next to me, reading the newspaper. It was not that crowded on the bus so there was hardly any standing passengers. I was trying to take my book out from my bag when all of a sudden the bus swerved, jerked, and my first instincts were to clutch at the railing, but I missed, and the next thing I knew, I was lying flat on my back on the floor of the bus!

Yes, I was lying flat on the back just like that! I was expecting laughter but nobody laughed (although I had no idea if anyone sniggered). But at least the people were rather kind, they helped take my bag up (luckily nothing spilled out) and the guy next to me pulled me up and asked if I was ok. So I just smiled and thanked everyone. How in the world did I manage to fall off the bus seat? At least I emerged unscathed, save for two bruises on the right thigh. What a laughingstock I made myself!

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A Desperado?

At times I wonder if I give others the impression that I am single, desperate and ugly. After all, I used to go online (I stopped all online dating services as I am fed up of all the dubious characters I have been meeting) to find dates, and go to dating agencies. But to me, these are just avenues to expand my social circle and make more friends, people I will otherwise not have a chance of meeting. Even though my experiences are not that successful so far (still hoping for success), still, I have made a couple of nice friends and got to interact with interesting people.

So single, yes, that is very obvious. Ugly? Hmmmm... physically, debatable. I know I am not the drop-dead gorgeous, nor the tall and elegant kind. Still I do take the trouble to dress up, so I think I do not look that bad most of the time. Character wise, well, I have a fiery temper especially for those who stepped on my wrong foot, I talk too much, I complain, I rave and rant, I can get really touchy, grouchy and grumpy, but still, I do not think I am that bad. As for desperate... well, perhaps I do show my "desperation" by griping about my lack of a suitable partner, but for anyone who yearn to settle down, that is a pretty justifiable thing to think of.

The thing is, if I am really "desperate", I will not be in this state of singlehood. It is not as if I have no suitors, but more like, I have no suitable suitors. Of course it is good to make more friends, know more people, and there are a couple of friends I have whom I think may likely be possible to progress on, but until the time is ripe, for now, I am just enjoying meeting up with my friends.

There have been guys who have been giving me a lot of attention, who have proposed (to be in a relationship, not marriage) more than once, but I do not give them the time of the day simply because I am not comfortable in their companies, and do not see myself actually being with them.

So it boils down to what I really want. Do I want to remain so "high and mighty" so to speak, or do I want to settle down? There have been people telling me, on one hand I claim I want to settle down, on the other hand I am so choosy. I have already maintained, much as I yearn to settle down, it cannot be just any mere person, but the right person at the right time.

Despite me meeting quite a few guys who are also "desperate" to settle down, but unlike them, I am not so "desperate" that I just grab anyone who wants to get married. Well, if I end up in a relationship or getting married with one of them, will my life be comfortable? Possibly. Will I be happy? I will have no complaints for sure. They are the family-oriented and caring types who will look after the family well.

But will I be truly happy? Now that is another matter altogether. Do I want to live the rest of my life, knowing I will be comfortable and that the guy will take care of me and being satisfied with that, or do I want to live the rest of my life being more than that? Being able to communicate on the same grounding, having the same values and outlook towards life, having fun and enjoyment together?

Marriage, to me, is not a mere matter of commitment and companionship, although these are the two most important aspects. If I accept someone now, he will want to get married very fast and I know he is the type who will be totally committed and giving to the family. He will take care of me so well that I do not even need to lift a finger in the house, do not even need to contribute much to household expenses.

So why not? Is that not what I have been looking for all along? Finding someone who can be a good husband? Yes, why not? The most fundamental aspect to a relationship is not there. I cannot communicate with him, he cannot relate to what I say, he has a more simplistic view towards life, whereas I tend to live a more "enriching" lifestyle. Unless I want the rest of my life to be like a silent movie, otherwise there is really no future for us.

And I cannot live my life like a silent movie. I need dialogue and discourse. I need to express my feelings, how I feel, my observations, things around me. I need to share what I know, what I have gone through, what I have experienced, what my day is like. I need someone who can understand what I say and relate to me, and not someone whom I feel so tired of talking to simply because he cannot relate to what I am saying. In short, I need someone who not only lends a listening ear and both shoulders to cry on, but able to give his appropriate two cents worth as well.

Most importantly, if I am to marry someone, he will be someone I really look up to, someone I truly admire, and whom I want my children to take after. Someone I can grow with and take care of, depend on, talk to, talk with, have fun with, for the rest of my life. So until I am convinced I have found someone like that, otherwise it is still status quo for now.

Still At The Age Of Innocence ....

I was talking to a teacher friend a few days back, and all I can say is thank goodness I got out of the industry! Not to mention getting a bit worried that if this is the kind of person educating the kids, no wonder the younger generation is getting to this state!

Oh, there is nothing wrong with him. He is every bit the icon of a model teacher - studious, caring, kind, passionate about his job. But because he has been teaching for a while, he does nothing but spending days in the classroom, talking down to kids, talking to colleagues, and no time for anything else save marking and preparing lessons. Yes, teachers really have no time to socialise because the work is never-ending and they are tied up even during weekends.

Because he does not really go out much, coupled with the fact that his parents are very simple and not that educated people, he has a rather simplistic view of things. And the things he say, I can hardly believe someone of this age is so naive! The questions he asked me would be more believable if it came from the mouth of a fifteen-year-old, but not from someone more than twice the age! A lot of things are so commonsensical, one need not be a university graduate to know! Even when I was a teacher, I believe I am not that naive as well.

Anyway he happened to catch me at the right time, since I was stuck on the bus which happened to take a very long time to reach my place that day. So we started talking. I was just lamenting that the bus would take at least another hour or so to reach my place, and the first question he said was, "Wow you must really love your job! Otherwise why would you choose a place so far from your home?"

Erh... everywhere is the same actually. Every job is the same. No matter where you work, there will be frustrations. I told him when I was teaching, I was also posted quite far away from my home, but he does not seem to believe it, because he happened to be those lucky ones who managed to get a posting near his place. Of course, if I work in the business district, it will be much better, because I take only twenty minutes to work, but at the end of the day, one just have to see which company one prefers to work in.

So he said he did not know it is so troublesome to look for a job nowadays. Of course! Does he think everything is so simple? It is like choosing a partner - at times you like, but you were not chosen, othertimes it is your second choice but you were chosen. So just have to either take it or leave it. Although in a job it is not much of a choice but for a partner, there is still a choice.

Somehow we went on to talk about housing renovation. I wonder which shell he crept out of, because he never know a house needs renovation! Granted maybe his place does not need any renovation, the most just a re-painting of the block, but if my house was not renovated, it would have crumbled already.

With that he asked if our house was not strong in the first place, why stay in there? Erh... I said a house, no matter how strong and sturdy it is, will still need to be patched up every now and then, because cracks will start showing on the walls, bricks will start to have cracks, etc. Even those stone castles of medieval times need to be patched up a bit here and there, despite being so sturdy, let alone a brick wall!

Then we went on to talk about my aunt's new apartment, about my disappointment over how small the rooms are, and I feel bad for them that they cannot even put a decent bed in the room. I compared that to those flats in the north east area, but he was bewildered that flats are actually that small nowadays. Seriously, I wonder where he has lived all his life?

For some reason, we got on to talking about some house parties my mum and I organised for friends and relatives at our home. It was as if he had never been to a party before, he was so surprised that there was no need for much preparation! He thought it would need three days and nights to prepare!

Well... we were not preparing a big feast! Each time we had a house party, it would be mostly pot luck, buffet or steamboat, so there was hardly any need for preparation. And the house cleaning and setting of table can be done within a couple of hours. So there was no need for any big massive preparation at all! Why would he think as if a house party would be like a restaurant or something?

What really amused me was that my dad called in the middle of the conversation. He wanted to find out if I was still at work, as he thought he could swing by my office once he picked up my mum, so I said I was reaching home. When I told my friend what my dad said, he was so amazed. What is there to be amazed about? It just so happened my dad offered me a lift. That happened to be one of those rare chances, not like he did that all the time!

He said his parents do not drive, so it is very nice of my dad to call and offer to pick me up. Erh... my dad had access to the car, he was going to my mum's office to pick her up, and my office was nearby, so of course he offered to pick me up! Is there anything out of the ordinary for that?

I am not deliberately putting him down, but I am just amused that there are such cute and innocent people around. As I said, if our newer generation is under the care of such people, then it is a cause for worry indeed, because teachers have to be all-encompassing in order to keep up with the times and the kids who are getting smarter and smarter nowadays. It would be a real embarrassment if the kids ask or tell you something and you have no idea what it is.

Beware Of Octopus On The Train

It could have been a good day yesterday. I managed to bump into an old friend, and met up with another friend for dinner who bought me some food products from Bangkok. Slurp! So just when I thought I would finally be in a good mood after some work troubles beginning of the week, along came a spider and made my journey home unbearable!

Stupid jerk on the train was so touchy feely that I had to move twice! And it was not as if the train was that crowded! The first time I felt his arm on my waist, I turned around and all I had was a stare. He looked to be a few years older than me. I was not sure if the other passengers saw anything, but in any case I let it go. Granted, it could be an accident, even though it was done rather subtly.

The second time that happened, I moved further left, nearer the door. Guess what? He moved with me! Perhaps it just happened that the train stopped at a station, and there were people who streamed in, so it made sense to move. Granted that. Still, he could move somewhere else right?

The third time it happened, I turned around and gave him a glare. He pretended as if nothing was wrong and actually looked bewildered when I glared at him! So when the train stopped at another stop, I took the opportunity to move further left, right by the door. This time round, he did not follow.

Then when the train stopped at another station, he moved towards the door, and I was silently hoping that he would be getting off. But he hovered around the door, letting the other passengers come in, and then moved nearer to me. I was on the verge of screaming but he did not try anything so there was nothing I could do too.

Then it happened. He was trying to hold on to the railing, tripped, leaned forward towards me and with a swipe of his hand, he brushed it against my waist. He did it so subtly that no one noticed! I was seething with rage, and if only I was not in my executive skirt, I could have kicked him then and there!

Luckily I was alighting at the next stop so I quickly got off the train the moment the doors opened! I started walking so fast back home, all the while not daring to look back in case I was being followed or something. When I finally reached home, I breathed a sigh of relief!

The things we girls put up with on public transport! And the things those guys can get away with! Worst thing was that I could not even lodge a complaint because all he could have said was it was an accident, because on the surface of it, it really looked like an accident! But I know it is no accident as it was pretty obvious what he was trying to do! Think there should be security cameras all around to catch people like these, so they can never get away with trying to take advantage of anyone ever again!

Coincidental Catching Up Session

I happened to bump into a friend yesterday. He was the one who was working at the Ministry of Law, but he has since moved on to the Ministry of Foreign Affairs and now awaiting posting to the Youth Olympic Section where he will stay for two years. Interesting jobs he have! We managed to catch up a bit on all the years that have gone by.

He told me about our friends whom he is still in touch with. Who are still in the industry, who are in big firms, who have left the industry. No wonder the professionals are worrying, because it seems like the turnover rate is really high indeed! So many of our peers have left the industry. So I told him ever since I went in-house, my life has been better as compared to a law firm.

In any case, most of those we know are married, or married with kids. He said last year seemed to be a good time for marriages, as he attended quite a few weddings (including my ex's - come to think of it, he should have celebrated his first anniversary last week yet I did not even realise it until my friend told me!). So it leaves just me and him who are still single.

My friend was just telling me that one of his classmates had to go to England for three years, so he married his girlfriend and they went together. The female classmates have also married. Now, why are some people able to find someone just like that? Imagine if I am the one who is going to go overseas, or my partner is going to go overseas, chances are he will either not support me, or he will just break up and let us go on our own ways. No one has ever sacrificed for me in that way, but I had to give up my dreams twice in order to stay in a relationship. Hmmmm....

And it is not as if their expectations are any that low. In fact, I am the worst of the lot - the least smart, least capable, least articulate, least proficient. These are the kind of people whose parents are wealthy, so they have been wealthy and well-priviledged all their lives, studying is a breeze, they can breeze through with straight 'A's, most are from the top schools throughout, most are all-rounders and some are scholars. Needless to say, the other halves they are looking for must be someone equal or better in terms of education level, results, profession and family background.

Compared to them, the kind of person I am looking for is much simpler already. So how come they are able to find someone and yet I am not? Sigh.....

Views Of A Blog Fight

Yesterday's newspaper featured an article on how two high-profile bloggers are suing each other over defamatory remarks on each other's blogs regarding the other party. I always maintain it is one's choice whether to have a blog, and if so, we choose what we want to write in it, what we want to express. So some can become famous after blogging, these are the lucky ones. But must it get to such a stage that they start suing each other over freedom of expression on a platform that is used for personal expression?

Perhaps they have done it in very bad taste, ie making personal attacks on each other's characters. I have gotten that before too. No doubt it created publicity (I got about a thousand hits that day when my real name, id and old url was published and ruined in public), but at the end of the day, I chose to change my link to keep out of the trouble because I do not blog to please anyone, or to make myself famous, or be in the limelight. That was why I "shifted house" so to speak, not to be a coward and fled, like how some people thought.

It is true also that even though blogs are highly popular now and a haven for public discussion and debate, as well as wells of information, one should also be discerning what one writes or reports on and not ruin someone's name in public. So where do we draw the line?

I know I am very open as well, and I know I am very outspoken. I say it like it is, instead of being nice and hypocritical and bear grudges inside me. I do not bear grudges (unless the person really got my life ruined, and I can think of one person who did just that), so even though I could complain, rave and rant about people I have come across, the shallowness, childishness, selfishness, et al, in the end I do not name anyone in particular, so to those not in the know, they really have no idea who I am referring to. I can be talking about anyone in general.

And for sure I will not go around putting up anyone's full name, picture, email address, etc, on a public forum for all and sundry to see. What is the meaning of that? Why do I want to do that for? To show everyone what an idiot or childish or uncouth or irritating person look like? Everyone is entitled to their own lives and privacy, so even though I may grumble ever so often, I still respect people's privacy.

When I get irritated, I GET irritated, so I will rave about the actions and antics people get up to, and whether the person is worth my time. But at the end of it all, I will not tell tales about anyone, because whatever I say is from my own experiences and feelings. One cannot judge me for feeling how I feel because I am just human and a woman, with every bit a woman's feelings and emotions. I do not have a man's rationality or logicality, so I admit I will be very "small-minded" at times.

Still, how I express is how I express. Nothing more, nothing less. I am not such an expert linguist that I can convery the best message across in the least number of words, which is why I tend to be very expressive and long-winded. But that is just me. It is just how and who I am, people can either accept or not accept it.

Can A Believer / Non-Believer Relationship Work?

I was having an interesting discussion with a male friend last night, mostly on how my girlfriends would bitch about the kind of guys they meet, and they are on the verge of giving up on men in general, because the men they meet are either childish, shallow, simplistic or chauvinistic. Or worst, irresponsible.

Common complaint, as usual. But having come across several accounts and my friend himself had come across a few, it is sad that there are many men out there who cheat and have no qualms making use of their girlfriends or wives, then run away when things start to become worse.

Then there were many guys I come across, just because a girl talks to them, automatically assume the girl is interested and want to be with her. Nowadays I always tell these people how well do they know me, how can they be so sure, it is not as if I know them that well. Seriously, why do some guys want to be in a relationship the moment they see a girl, without even considering whether she is the right one?

It takes time to know a person, is it not? And just because the girl chooses to go slow and steady instead of plunging in, he cuts off all contact altogether, and what could be a good budding friendship was nipped in the bud just like that. A pity actually, but to each their own.

So anyway, my friend and I were discussing why would some people want to do everything like an express train, without considering the faster they go, the more accidents they will meet? I guess there are all kinds of people in this world, but I believe people of a certain age and mentality will know to take things slow and steady, to start off as friends first and then keep developing and see how. Love can only occur on the foundation of a strong friendship.

Physical attraction is really not lasting. He himself admitted that. After the initial attraction part, he would like to see if he could communicate with the girl, what her value systems are like, and that whether there is any issue religion wise. Yes, religion plays a part, like it or not. I have seen how people's relationship crumbled due to differences in religion.

It was because of this that I used to think religion was the foremost and end all, because someone with the same religion can relate and understand when I go to church or my values system of what the bible is teaching. But actually now, even though religion is still a big part of my life, it does not really matter if my future partner is of the same religion, as long as he accepts and tolerates it, and not show any blatant disrespect to my beliefs.

Honestly, it is so hard, especially for me with my all-encompassing high standards, to find someone I can really like, and even harder to find someone who likes me back (okay, there are many who confessed they are attracted, but I do not care less about them), so at the end of the day, if we can get along well, enjoy our time with each other, have the same zest for life, able to take care of each other and can enjoy a deep level of communication, religion really does not matter after all.

And something my cousin once said really rang true. She told me I did not need to look for someone of the same religion, because if he really is the right one, he would not hinder me from going to church; rather he will accept, tolerate and respect my beliefs and the way I practise my religion, instead of putting it down and challenging it all the time. He may even convert for me! I never used to believe that, but now I do, especially since I have lots of friends who are non-believers married to believers, but they are still happily together.

Mr Bean's Cafe

Finally I went to this cafe after passing by it umpteen times. How my friend and I ended up at this cafe was because we were just wandering about, wondering where would be a good place to eat, so we ended up around that area, but a pity most places were closed (on Sundays?!), and that was the only one that was open in that area.

So we went in. The first thing I saw was a picture of Mona Lisa, with the face of Mr Bean (aka Rowan Atkinson). A rather humourous and light-hearted gesture actually, but real art connoisseurs will hit the roof! We sat down and looked through the menu, deciding where to eat, when we realised there were actually quite a lot of restrictions.

Firstly, the set dinner looked so appetising, but it was not available on Sunday. So we looked through the promotional menu, but that, too, was not available on Sunday. Finally, we had to order ala carte. When the waiter came to take our order, I asked for soup, but he said no soup on Sunday. Right.... why would the cafe even be open then, and it was stated open for twenty-four hours, if everything was unavailable?

In the end, I settled for a bacon and cheese bruschetta. When we had finished our meals, the waitress came with our bills without any prompt. We were thinking of ordering dessert, but the waitress said the rule was that the bill would be presented once we had made our orders. Which means, if we wanted something else, we would have to order and pay again? I am surprised the cafe can still survive till now.

And it is not as if the food is that good. Nothing fancy or spectacular to speak of. The only thing I like about the place is that it is quaint and cosy, with quaint-looking windows and setting, something like those old-fashioned small village cafe which I went to in England and Tasmania. But without the colonial flavour.

Sexiest Batman Again!

Christian Bale in a batsuit is really to die for! I can just imagine running my fingers all over his suit (with him in it of course!). He is still by far the best looking Batman around! Especially when he spread his bat wings and flew down, goodness, which other caped crusader can look this good? Alright, we all have our shallow moments, just like Lin Chiling (of "Red Cliff") is the object of many men's desires. ;-p

In any case, this is by far the best Batman movie I have seen. In fact, ever since Christian Bale came into the picture, the Batman stories have become better. In the previous one ("Batman Begins") and now "The Dark Knight", the characters all have more depth, as compared to the previous versions of Batman, where the characters were more a combination of comic relief and cheesiness (just imagine the Terminator as Mr Freeze).

Not just the best Batman movie, this should be one of the best movies I have seen this year. Definitely much better than "Indiana Jones", something of the same genre - action / fantasy. Much better than "Iron Man" and even "Incredible Hulk" (even though the green-eyed monster is pretty good too).

I remember I was drooling over Christian Bale in a batsuit after watching "Batman Begins". That was one of my earlier posts (I think) a few years back already. Hmm... can see just how long I have been blogging. In any case, what makes this show stand out?

The theme itself is good. This version of Batman shows more of his vulnarability and his human side, and not a totally expressionless, unfeeling superhero who does not fall. He was really worried and distraught when his ex-girlfriend got thrown off the building by the Joker, and one could really feel his trauma when he went all out to save the girl from being bombed to death, only to realise he was given the wrong directions and he ended up saving the District Attorney instead. Not to mention the guilt he felt when people were dying because of him, and the girl he loved was blasted.

Besides this, we have the late Heath Ledger as the Joker, and a darn good one too. The character he protrayed has so much depth that it was as if the role itself was made just for him! It was as if no one else could pull off this role! His posthumous performance was his most virtuoso, and he did not depend on his boyish looks (how could he when his face was streaked with lots of paint the whole time, making him look like a clown?) but on his voice projection, his tone, his gestures and his sarcasm. A pity his budding career was cut short just like that, I daresay after this performance he could really stand out on his own as a good actor and not just a pretty face. Meatier roles could go to him if not for his sudden demise.

Not to mention the charismatic and passionate District Attorney (also played to perfection by Aaron Eckhart). He really epitomised what the Joker wanted - someone with so much goodness being able to fall, and when fallen, really sold his soul to the devil (figuratively). How he became the true believer of Batman being able to save the world (the city at least) to his injury in the fire, resulting in half his face being scarred, to the death of his girlfriend, and finally, to being "Two-Face", exacting revenge on anyone and everyone involved in the death of his girlfriend and his predicament, from a heart full of justice to a heart full of hatred.

The last words Batman said to the Joker when he (the Joker) realised that people were not killing each other according to his plan, was so meaningful. Batman told the Joker that there is still goodness even in the nastiest of criminals, do not think everyone is as ugly as him. And that was what he believed. That is what I believe too, that there is still goodness in this world.

So how did he become the Dark Knight? The movie is dark, in every sense of the word. The theme, the scenery (most of them were shot at night), and towards the end, when in a bid to save the District Attorney's reputation, Batman allowed everyone to blame him for everything that happened, and he ran away to escape persecution.

Even the son of Lietenant (later Commissioner) Gordon said to him, "Why must he run away? He did not do anything wrong." To which Gordon said, "Yes, he did not do anything wrong. He is a hero, but not the hero people need for now. And that is why he must run, and what is why we must capture him."

And this is the kind of superhero I fancy - not the all brawns but no brains kind, but the brainy, brawny kind with a big heart, one who is ever willing to put others first above himself, just like Spiderman.

Of Yakitori And Sake

A friend and I went to this yakitori place for dinner last night. The place is posh indeed! No wonder the website states the dress code as "Smart Elegant". I was racking my brains wondering what "Smart Elegant" means, because it is different from smart casual. In the end, I figured as long as it is not denim or slippers, a bit dressier should suffice.

Thus I ended up with a black toga dress, draped with a lime green pashmina. The restaurant is a small place, with just four tables, and about fifteen or so counter seats. It does not seat that many. Thank goodness I managed to get reservations! But then the place was not really fully packed as well. And it seems like I happened to be the dressiest. Oh well....

We ordered the chicken skewers consisting of breast meat, gizzards, pork bellies, sirloin, squid, asparagus, hot and spicy ramen (still cannot be compared to the one I took in Sapporo, although the chef did a pretty good job), and fillets. With beer for him and sake for me.

Since there was still time after dinner, we decided to order dessert, so I tried Sakura ice-cream (cherry blosson ice cream, although it was tasteless) and he tried black sesame ice-cream (that is really black sesame). Overall a nice and cosy place, with good ambience and fine dining!

However, I got a bit high after the sake (the sake comes in a traditional Japanese wine bottle). Yes, I know I should not have drank it without considering the high alcoholic content, but well, I thought of trying something different for once, with almost dire consequences. I had to close my eyes in the car and breathed in all the fresh air (albeit with smoke and pollution). My poor friend had to "suffer" with me. :-(

At least another lesson learnt - how much alcohol I can really partake! So I have to ensure I do not exceed the intake I can take in!

Bowling League!

I went bowling last night with the Information Technology department. It was supposed to be a social outing for them, so my colleague and I were the only two green recruits that infiltrated into their camp. So why were we given this special priviledge?

It started on Friday two weeks back. There was a new cafe that just opened for lunch near our office. After lunch that day, my colleague and I decided to go there for a cup of coffee (tea in my case). We came across some of the Information Technology colleagues whom I am on rather good terms with, so they invited us to join them.

That was when we realised it was the entire department, not just the few of them. Apparently, when the current Chief Information Officer took the post, he increased the people in the department from just a mere six to about twenty. Quite a good feat! So we were just chatting when they were saying there would be a bowling outing the following week, and we were invited to join them.

So after work on Friday, we went to the other building where the Information Technology department is, and waited for them. There was a car pool of four cars - enough for everyone, since there were about sixteen of us. We went to a place where there is a bowling alley, departmental store and some restaurants.

It was a bit hard to get there at first, and I was in the car of one of the System Administrators. After checking through the GPS and figuring out where we were, we still made a wrong turn and had to go all the way to the end of the highway before turning back into the right direction!

In any case, we managed to make it to the place and everyone settled down for a sumptous dinner of venison, fried rice, fried noodles, dessert, fish, vegetables and beancurd. Then we went to the bowling alley, where we were divided into two groups of eight each, and started our bowling competition.

As people know, I am never a bowling expert. It was good enough that the ball did not go into the gutter. It did not help that the balls are too heavy for me, even the smallest ball was size seven, when all along I was using size six! I could hardly find a size six ball around, and even size seven was few and far in between! Hmmm... do places like these not cater to my size and stature?

Luckily I was not the lowest scorer though. The eight players with the highest scores made it to the final round - two teams of four each. The winning team will then get a S$120 shopping voucher donated by the Chief himself. Needless to say, those who made the final rounds are the guys. Somehow they just can control the ball and play the game better.

Overall it was a fun outing! Come to think of it, why do other departments not do this? I know our Finance department do meet up for dinner after work, after all they work long hours, so all will go for dinner break. Honestly, not many people I know chill out after work, unlike the Happy Hour in other countries.

Most go home straight after work, whether they have families or not. Maybe that is why singles are still not able to find anyone, because they do not take the time to mingle around? Well... another food for thought.

Attending An In-House Workshop

Finally, after almost two years and numerous in-house course and workshop applications later, I have finally been approved to go for a course! Perhaps because it is free and is by a top law firm, but whatever it is, at least I can get to know more and be more efficient in my job.

What is best is the speaker of this workshop which I will be going to happens to be the author of The Teenage Textbook and The Teenage Workbook! (Yes, he is one of the partners in one of the top law firms here.) Hmmm... wonder if I can just bring my two books there for his autograph? :-p

A few months after I joined the company, I have been hoping to go for courses. There have been lots of flyers and emails for courses on property transactions, Intellectual Property and Contracts, but each time I was not approved to go. Maybe because this current boss is keeping up to his promise of helping me out to his best, or maybe because this course I applied for really seem relevant, but I am happy I can at least get to upgrade whatever I know!

The course is on Contract Drafting and Interpretation. Contract Law was not exactly my favourite subject back in school. Granted I only took the bare minimum under Introduction to Law, not an entire module, but whatever I knew about Contract Law while reading someone's textbooks and studying together with my friends, I was convinced it would never be my favourite subject. If it is Criminal Law, Family Law or Intellectual Property, or even Shipping Law, my interest would be more captivated.

Unfortunately, ever since I ventured into the legal profession, I have been dealing with a lot of contracts. It is unavoidable actually, because everything require contracts or agreements. As long as it is an agreement with the signatures of two parties, it is a contract and both parties have to be bound by the terms and conditions of the agreements.

For the past few years, I have learnt a lot from the various companies I have worked for, so much that now whenever I need to see an agreement, I actually scrutinise it from top to toe and point out which are the points that are not that valid! :-p Anyway, the course will take place on the afternoon on the last day of July, so I can take time off to go there. It is not exactly time off or leave, just a normal working day except I am taking a work-related course.

The course will cover how case law affects the interpretation of contracts and the impact this has on contract drafting, difference between the plain and ordinary meaning of a contract, when is extrinsic evidence admissible to aid the interpretation of a contract, must evidence of previous negotations and subjective intent always be disregarded, potential impact of an "entire agreement" clause and approach to contract interpretation and drafting.

Rather heavy material actually. I hope it will be interesting, but from someone who used to be a school debater and who injected so much humour in his books, I believe it will be an interesting and entertaining workshop indeed!

Another Great Depression?

I am never an economist, so I never really take note of financial news. So I do not read the Business Times or Financial Times. I go as far as The Economist because the articles are pretty well written, with perfect grammatical structure. However lately, in order to keep up with the times, I have been taking note of what is going on. How can I not take note with the petrol prices going up and down? Not that I drive, but my parents have been saying they want to downgrade the car in light of the petrol prices lately.

In any case, the disturbing news is that with bank runs through the weekend in the United States and Freddie and Fannie making a mess, coupled with the economic downturn and the fall of the Dow Jones, one cannot help but keep one's fingers crossed that this will not continue, otherwise the rest of the world will be affected, not that we are already not being affected. Imagine if there is another Great Depression, with the affluent society and mindsets of people nowadays, I will not be surprised that there will be more people jumping down from skyscrapers so they would not get to see themselves losing everything overnight.

Perhaps soon we may see people going up to the top of the Empire State Building not for the observatory but to jump down from there. On the homefront, it is not too much of a hassle. All people can do are go to the top of their block of flats and jump down. I am not making a joke out of this, just highlighting how serious things can become if this goes on.

Lessons learnt from the previous Great Depression were being too quick to industrialise, as a result, too much supply with too few demand, and everything started crashing. If there ever is another Great Depression, I foresee it may be even worse than the previous one, as half the world's commercialised and industrialised. It will be on an even more massive scale. Which makes me wonder when that happens, do we then all live in the streets, especially when the banks start getting, erh, bankrupt, forcing us to bankruptcy and desperation?

Of External Or Internal Beauty

I gave my cousin (aunt? In any case, she is my mum’s youngest cousin) back her “Sex And The City” set and started talking briefly with her. She is not that much older than me actually, so I always mistook her for my cousin. In any case, the way we Chinese address our elders is pretty confusing! It will be so much easier to just use one’s names, but that will be frowned upon by the elders for being rude and disrespectful.

I had a friend, she had an aunt who is twelve years younger than her. Well, this “aunt” is her mum’s cousin, the daughter of her mum’s youngest aunt, so on basis of that, my friend had to call the then two-year-old “aunt”. Darn confusing right? And in any case, who would be willing to call someone younger “aunt” or “uncle”?

Just like even though my eldest nephew (the son of my cousin – the second daughter of my dad’s sister) is only two years younger than my youngest brother, and they all attended the same primary school, he (and his younger brother who is just a year apart) still refused to address my brother as “uncle”, be it in school or during family gatherings, until his mum coerced them to. With me it is not much of a problem addressing me as “aunt” (sob sob!) since the age gap is much wider.

Anyway, this cousin-aunt of mine is expecting her second child next month. Her first child is already over a year old, a cute, round cuddly little boy! These kids grow up so fast! The last time I saw him he was a chubby little kid, now he has grown into a smiley kid with prominent front teeth!

I remember she recounted her experience to me once how she and her husband got together. They are both Indonesian Chinese, both graduated from Australia. During the Indonesian crisis, she and her family managed to get out and came here until things blew over. In any case, she found a job here and started working, so they were on a long-distance relationship.

There was a period of time she was unsure whether they should continue the relationship since one was here and the other one was down below. So she decided to keep her options open by participating in more activities, going for social gatherings and networkings.

But I guess if both are meant to be, nothing can ever separate them, so somehow they still maintained their relationship and she went back to Indonesia to get married. But they have now more or less settled here permanently, bought an apartment together and he has even reverted back to the Chinese surname for the child, instead of his own Indonesian surname.

Anyway she was asking about my status. So I told her there is no difference from half a year ago when she first asked me. At times I really do not understand how come some people are so lucky that they can find someone so instantly just like that, whereas some can go by their lives being disappointed and heart-broken but never did find anyone.

So she said at times the right person will come along unexpectedly. True, but I already have people who came into my life unexpectedly, and just when things were progressing, they suddenly left very unexpectedly as well. Not to mention those who wanted everything to be like a bullet train, and just because I prefer things slow and steady, they dropped the friendship just like that.

Which reminds me, is it really possible to fall for someone at first sight? I have never fallen for anyone at first sight. I may have been impressed by the way the person expresses or speaks, but no one has ever given me that kind of super ooommph feeling the moment I set eyes on him. And I daresay, no one has ever fallen for me at first sight too.

I know myself, I simply do not have the kind of features that warrant anyone to take a second glance or get anyone’s attention. I am not like my best friend, with her slightly Japanese look and fair skin, quite a number of guys had crushes on her back in school, even if they did not know her!

I have been dropped for girls younger and much better looking, as well as being compared to exs who were younger, sweeter and better looking. I get really pissed off whenever that happens. I always thought what is on the outside is not that important, it is what is on the inside that counts. I shall not profess I am perfect or super nice, but still I try my best. Okay, so I do screw up once in a while, but who does not? Who is perfect?

Sad to say, guys, no matter the age, intelligence and education level, are still generally shallow. They do not care how well you can take care of them, how giving you can be, how considerate or caring you are to them, all these come to naught if you do not have a pretty face.

Worst thing is that, a lot of these guys, they are nothing to look at themselves. Some are short, round and have a face full of acne scars, yet they still expect the girls they meet to be drop dead gorgeous with a supermodel figure and clear skin. But the thing is we girls will never dream of saying things detrimental to their looks or figure or self-esteem. We take them more at face value.

Yet once the guy sees a girl whom he does not consider as drop dead gorgeous, he loses interest in her immediately, and his body language shows it. I used to think that once we get on with age, things will be better, and there will be nice guys around who go for what is inside rather than what is outside, but sad to say, even at this age, I still come across guys who are that shallow.

Okay, to be fair, I do have some wonderfully nice male friends whom I enjoy their companies immensely. But they, too, admit that men are visual creatures, more so than women. I do not believe they are referring to me in any case, but still, it serves to justify that in general, men do go for how good a lady looks. Perhaps they are just structured in such a way.

So how can I then have the hope of finding someone now when I was not able to find anyone when I was younger, slimmer and hopefully sweeter looking? No doubt I do not think I am that bad looking, and those guys who do not appreciate me are their own losses, but it is no denying that once a girl reaches a certain age, she is as good as gone case. Her so-called market value just goes down, in light of all the other younger and sweeter girls out there.

Sad to say, perhaps I should really just give up looking and start planning for my own future revolving just on myself and my parents. Then when I reach a certain age, when my parents have passed on, I shall just check into an old folks’ home and spend the rest of my days.

Demise Of A MP

More news on the home front - a certain Member of Parliament of a constituency of the western part of the island, had passed away in his sleep. Now, that is a good way to pass away, peaceful and serene. Anyway, this caught my attention because he used to be my adjunct lecturer for one of the modules in my History major.

Not only that, he was the one that pushed for the creation of another post-secondary school, which has now become one of the top schools. That school was where four of my cousins and myself attended. It was already one of the top schools during my time, pretty impressive record for a school that was only in existence about a decade or so (in those days).

According to the news article on his demise, it was said that everyone was full of praises for him, for his work as a Member of Parliament and his devotion to his family members. I have not seen what he has done in these areas, but as a lecturer, he was not very well-liked. At least he was definitely not my favourite lecturer!

My impression of him was that he was a stern, no-nonsense man who would not mince his words. Perhaps he had high expectations on his students, but he put things in a very crude way. It was as if everyone must be up to his standard. Honestly, if we were the same standard as him, then he would not be lecturing us, would he? We would all become Members of Parliaments or professors already, and not attend his classes to listen to his lectures (in every sense of the word).

Anyway I remember he put down a girl in front of the whole tutorial group because of a World War II presentation. She was on the verge of crying. He started insulting her intelligence, looking down on her qualifications, and saying she was not "quite there" just because she was from a polytechnic and did not have any 'A' level qualifications.

I find that really unnecessary! It is people's choice which education institution to go to, and besides, if she could make it into the university course, her grades would be quite something already! So why did he need to say that? I know she was really upset that day, and I do not know if it was because of this, but the following week, apparently she quit the course.

Oh well... in any case, I suppose he is a pretty great man in other aspects, otherwise there will not be so many who mourned his demise. A person's achievements in life is shown only upon his death, on the number of people who feel sad. Which makes me wonder, if I am to die suddenly, will anyone mourn or will they feel relieved instead? Looks like I really have to examine myself thoroughly.

Another Charitable Scam?

Quite a lot of news on the local front in recent months, some old, some new. A certain high-profile monk is now in the spotlight for misappropriating funds donated to a certain hospital. This monk does dangerous stunts on his own to get more funds for the hospital.

Honestly, it is another clean-up on charitable organisations. As I mentioned before, if people are to donate, do it with a good will and not to kick up such a big fuss over it. Just like a few years back, people were kicking up a big fuss over the amount the former CEO of a certain charitable organisation was getting. Well, being a CEO, it is expected he earned a certain amount, but because he was the CEO of a charitable organisation, that was why all the hoo-ha came about, as if he ought to work for free and not receive any pay.

Now, this monk and some of his assistants are in court over the dispute of the funds used in running the hospital. Perhaps he did misappropriate the funds, perhaps he did use the funds according to his own disposal. Perhaps with so much money in his hands, being human (yes, monks, priests, pastors, are all humans, they are not God or the Buddha), he tried to tweak a bit. He might or might not have done what he was reported, I would not know, neither does anyone unless there is full solid evidence.

Anyway, what I cannot fathom is why was everyone making a fuss over his educational qualifications? That he has a PhD from somewhere unrecognised, an institution no one has heard before. So what he has a PhD, so what if it is recognised or not recognised? Did he use his PhD or whatever qualifications to apply for the job and to be a monk?! Why all the hype on how highly-educated he is?

He was from an elite school, and he chose to be a monk. Being from an elite school showed some level of intellect. So even if he chose to further his studies from anywhere is none of anyone's business, is it not? People can study for interest, to learn more things, it need not necessary be to apply for any job or vocation!

That is the problem with a lot of locals. Just because someone is highly qualified but not doing the kind of job as per qualification does not mean the person is unethical or a cheat! It is not how learned someone is, it is what he does that matters. In any case, do people still think monks go into the high mountains and meditate nowadays? I have seen monks who have big vegetarian feasts outside, who use computers and emails. Their vocation is just their vocation, they are also humans who have the right to live life the way they want.

Of course, if he really did misappropriate the funds, then that is a criminal act under law, and he should be punished accordingly. Not to mention not being transparent about how the public donations are being used. I can understand people's concerns. But instead of being focused on the real issue - like whether he did misappropriate public donations, people are picking on minuscule issues like how qualified he is and how he ought to live his life.

For those who have donated and showed support, they do have a cause to worry. But if at the end of the day, majority of the money was used for the betterment of the healthcare system in the hospital and taking care of the patients, should it not suffice? It is impossible to expect all 100% of the funds to be used for the hospital healthcare, because face it, there are administrative and operational expenses as well.

Even for banks, when we transfer money bank to bank, certain amount will be deducted for bank charges, so at the end, the amount received was less than the original price paid out. Thus, in order to pay the original price, one has to transfer even more money to cater for the bank charges.

At the end of the day, if we are to give, do it generously and do not question. Take it as a good deed because it is not our fault where the money goes as we cannot control where it goes. As long as we know we have done something good, that is all that matters. Whatever karma will be faced by those who sinned, and not us.

A Good Appraisal System?

Sumiko Tan's article last Sunday brought about some sense of deja vu. She was writing about the new performance appraisal system that had just been implemented in her company. Years ago, I believe the government sectors have already started the total performance appraisal system, where besides being appraised by one's supervisor, we get to appraise our own supervisors and the other Heads of Departments as well. We could even appraise the boss!

At times I wonder how fair all these appraisal systems can be. No doubt everyone is supposed to be impartial, but being humans, we can never be impartial. Even parents, they treat certain children differently from the others. All along in ancient history, ever since people existed, there have never been impartiality, especially towards women. Even now, with modernisation and emancipation, there is still no total impartiality.

Face it, a female will always earn less than a male counterpart of the same qualifications, age, working experiences and job scope. A female has to do twice or more than the male counterpart of the same rank before she can be promoted, whereas men tend to be promoted faster, despite already having higher starting pay. Sad to say, this is still the case in a lot of companies.

Anyway, during a performance appraisal, can a supervisor really be impartial? I believe there will be some supervisees he / she likes better than others, or some he / she has more chemistry with as compared to others. Even though it is unprofessional to be personal, but still, if you get along better with a person, you tend to have nicer and better things to say about this person. Whereas if you cannot get along with someone, it is hard to think of positive things when it comes to this person.

Despite what everyone claims about not being personal, but why are those staff who gets into trouble normally those who has no chemistry with the superiors, and those that get well-treated normally those who can get along? It comes the day when even bosses get appraised by their subordinates, and they, too, start panicking, because they will wonder if the person they keep picking on will tell tales about them.

Such is human nature. But at the end of the day, we all know which boss is good and which is no good. There are some bosses who are very hard on others, who do not mince words, but yet really care for the staff. There are some who are so friendly, who never wants to offend, but in the end goodness knows what he / she does behind your back.

After a while, people can see who are those who can work and who are those who cannot. I believe the truest form of performance appraisal is not how well you get along with your co-workers or your superiors, or how show-off one is, but whether you are able to have a superior willing to fight for you to retain you because he believes and recognises in you and your work. After all the failures, that happened to me recently, and to now, I am immensely grateful as well as proud that I have achieved some progress somewhat.

Red Cliff

"Red Cliff" (赤壁) is a must watch for a history buff like me. Granted, not everything is based on historical fact, but still, normally epics like these would not deviate too much from actual facts. So when I watched the show on Sunday, I sat through the whole show anticipating every scene.

Years ago when I had to do a crash course on China history, then later read up on all the dynasties, I became rather confused over the similarities of certain characters. For instance, Xiang Yu (项羽) and Liu Bang (刘邦). They existed around the end of the Qin dynasty (秦朝) (the first real dynasty). Liu Bang and Xiang Yu were partners and friends but Liu Bang defeated Xiang Yu and established the Han dynasty (汉朝).

I believe most of us are Han Chinese (汉人) - the majority group. About 92% of all the Chinese in the world will be Han Chinese. The language and characters we know are Han characters. Just imagine if Liu Bang was defeated instead, the entire course of history would change, and would we then be considered Chu Chinese (楚) (Xiang Yu was heading the kingdom of Chu), speaking and writing Chu characters?

Anyway, after reading the "Romance of the Three Kingdoms" (三国演义) and the power struggles amongst the various clans - Liu Bei (刘备), his two sworn brothers Guan Yu (关羽) (the God of War) and Zhang Fei (张飞), his alliance with Sun Quan (孙权) of the Kingdom of Wu (吴国), his advisor and good friend Zhuge Liang (诸葛亮), with the ambitious Prime Minister Cao Cao (曹操), who later defeated almost all and put his elder son Cao Pi (曹丕) as emperor.

The famous story went that Cao Pi wanted to get rid of his younger brother Cao Zhi (曹植), and told him that if he could compose a poem in seven steps, he would be spared. So the younger brother did compose a poem about brotherhood in seven steps, and Cao Pi had no choice but to spare his life. I still remember this is how the poem goes :

煮豆燃豆萁， 豆在斧中泣， 本是同根生， 相煎何太急。

Anyway, in "Red Cliff", it is not so much of the battle between Cao Cao's brood, but the strategy and planning, plus getting the alliance of the Kingdom of Wu to fight against Cao Cao's armies. The military tactics were pretty well strategised, and the actors mostly acted well, especially Takeshi as Zhuge Liang (still think he is too good looking and young to play Zhuge Liang, but at least he is witty enough). Tony Leong (of Infernal Affairs) did a great job playing the top military strategist Zhou Yu (周瑜).

The name "Red Cliff" is not exactly a cliff, but the fort where Zhou Yu was holding up for Sun Quan, and where Cao Cao was intending to break apart. Much of the military training and negotiations were at Red Cliff, thus the title - as it was the essence of the whole show and military campaign.

Overall, a great movie! One of the best epics I have seen! Now I can hardly wait for the second part to start screening, but that will be around end of this year or early next year at least!

A Decent Apartment?

My uncle, the one my maternal grandma is staying with, is having his house (both of them) renovated, so they moved into an apartment which he bought for investment. It is a new development, consisting of almost all the full facilities and amenities, including a tennis court, swimming pool, jacuzzi pool, mini driving range, foot reflexology, gym, function hall, barbecue pits and greenery around. Still no squash courts though.

That is what a development should be like! With all the amenities intact, unlike the newer developments where there is only a small pool and a gym the most. If there are no tennis courts and barbecue pits, why would anyone then pay so much to buy a unit there when the facilities are so sparse, just like public housing?

Anyway, they are only staying there temporarily until their house(s) have completed refurbishment, then they will move back and the unit will be rented out. So they had a mini get-together with closer relatives and neighbours in the function hall on Sunday night. I have never stayed in any apartment before, so I was horrified to find that one can look right into their living room from the tennis court! The tennis court is built on top of the swimming pool, with a winding staircase leading to it.

Imagine anyone looking into your home! I have never had anyone looking into my home or room, because our driveway sort of separates our house with the street, plus with curtains and sliding doors, it makes it hard for anyone to look in. I will never be comfortable with anyone looking into my home!

My uncle's family took the third floor, but there are people staying on the first floor, and anyone can just look in as the doors are quite open. Even from the function room, I can just look up and see my youngest cousin using the computer in the living room! The apartment itself consists of four bedrooms, one living room, a balcony, and a kitchen leading to the maid's room.

However, the entire area is really small! Each room is only enough for one person. When my two younger cousins had to share a room, there was no place to put any bed. They have to sleep on mattresses where during the daytime they would be folded up to make more space! Even the master bedroom is only enough to put the bed and the cupboards, plus a hole dug out for the bathroom, nothing else!

And the poor maid's room is not even a room! It is where people do their laundry and ironing, so when she had to sleep at night, she had to put the entire ironing board out into the kitchen in order for her to even place a mattress on the floor! Her attached bathroom is not even a bathroom, it is like a prisoner cell where there is only standing space!

My goodness! How is anyone ever going to live in such conditions? The place is so small that they cannot even put a piano in, otherwise the entire place will be so cluttered, so they have to leave their piano at their house, where it will collect dust from all the renovations going on!

Makes me think twice about the kind of place I want to get. If it is going to be that small, forget it! The entire place will not even be enough to take half my book collection! I know, I know, I am too used to having a big space, but still, the room should at least be of a decent enough size to put in a bed and a normal wardrobe if anything else!

Romance And Action Weekend

It had been so long since I had a real lazy Saturday all on my own. No studies, no revision, no preparation of assignments, no lessons, and no appointments! So I decided to catch up on all the movies I have but never have the chance to watch.

First up was "When Harry Met Sally", yes, with the infamous orgasm scene. The first time I watched the show was when we were touring San Francisco, and the tour guide showed us this movie in the long bus ride. However, I was asleep half the time so did not really know snippets of the show.

Okay, to many others, it is but a sappy love story, but this romantic comedy stood out on its own because there is no love at first sight thing, or lust at first sight. In fact, they could hardly stand the sight of each other while driving together to New York. The next time they met each other, again, they were almost at each other's throats.

But yet they managed to become friends, best of friends, great buddies in fact. They were just so comfortable with each other that when love blossomed, they were so afraid of plunging in for fear of spoiling the great friendship they had.

But that is the foundation, is it not? The foundation of all friendship is compatibility, chemistry and comfort. And the foundation of love is a great solid friendship. Which is why I cannot fathom why some people just want to be in a relationship before even being friends. How can one be attracted or claim to love someone if all they want is to bed the person, or want to be with the person, before even making sure they can get along greatly as friends?

No doubt if there is no chemistry whatsoever and there is no comfort being with the person, then perhaps it is not worth it even being friends. What I am trying to say is that as with all couples, they start from friends first. So before anyone has a solid friendship, they should not think of being a couple, and it may be even one-sided.

Anyway, after the show, I ended up watching "An Affair To Remember" (the famous top of the Empire State Building scene replicated in "Sleepless In Seattle"), and then "Somewhere In Time" (by the original Superman). All classic romances which bring tears to my eyes. When the evening rolled about, I decided enough is enough, no more romance, as it served only to remind me of the (lack of) romance in my life, so I switched to Indy!

Yes, I watched the entire Indiana Jones series, starting from "Raiders of the Lost Ark", then "Temple of Doom" and "The Last Crusade". Now I remember that the fourth instalment "Kingdom of the Crystal Skull" is more of a continuation of "Raiders of the Lost Ark". The opening scene of the fourth instalment featured Indy being coerced to go to a secret warehouse to search for a box, the same box that was being put in the same warehouse at the end of "Raiders of the Lost Ark".

Then I watched "True Lies", as somehow I still like Arnold in that show! A great movie marathon at least! Something I have not done for a long time already, and it feels really good!

Bananarama!

There is this new bar called Twenty Six at the newly-opened Big Splash where the beach is. It seems like a nice and cosy place for drinks and just chill. A friend and I went there on Friday night, and the place was really crowded, filled with expatriates and the usual Friday night crowd. When we reached there, there was no place available so we were asked to go to the bar counter.

Later, we saw a place so grabbed it. We ended up sitting next to a tree with the leaves and canopy as shelter (not that there was much need for shelter since it was a pretty cool night). The whole place was dimly lit and from where I sat, I could see the beach. Once again, a tranquil feeling came over me. Gosh, I really miss the beach at night!

I actually ordered Planter's Punch (a mocktail), but I was forbidden from drinking anything non-alcoholic, so in the end I ordered a Banana Rum, consisting of, erh, banana juice, rum and vodka, with a slice of banana on the edge of the cocktail glass. Luckily the whole thing tasted more banana than rum, so I did not feel that high after that.

The waiters were really enthusiastic. My friend and I were just having an intense conversation, when the waiters all took turns interrupting us, asking if we wanted another drink. When this went on a few times, one of the waitress (a cute young girl) apologised to us sheepishly for disturbing us.

Still, it is a nice place. What better way to be right by the beach and able to enjoy the moonlight and the stars, and drink to your heart's content? It is almost like the best of both worlds!

Nasty Foreigners ....

Every evening, I have to take at least an hour and a half bus ride back home from my office. If I get off at 6:00pm on the dot, the journey may take longer, because of heavy traffic during peak hours. This bus goes from the east to the west, and vice versa, so I was quite lucky that due to the location of my office, I was able to get a seat on the bus. I cannot imagine standing for an hour and a half at the end of a tired work day!

Anyway, the bus journey will take me throughout the entire District Ten area, go on to Little India, then the red-light district, passing by the area I stay in, then all the way until the next terminus. Normally at Little India, loads of people will come out. The next bus load will be around the red-light district area.

On Friday, perhaps because I got off work late, the bus was crowded. I was lucky there was still a seat and there was no pregnant or elderly people around. The route all the way home was extremely crowded too. There was a massive jam all the way from District Ten to the end of the red-light district.

As usual, massive of people boarded and alighted at certain stops along the way. When the bus turned into the red-light district, there was hardly any space for people to board. Being notorious locals, people just squeezed around the centre of the bus, and no one was willing to move to the back. There was so much standing space being wasted, when more people could board, otherwise they would have to wait another half an hour or so for the next bus!

Anyway this foreigner behind me was just speaking out in general about why people were so inconsiderate and why could they not move to the back, which I think was a very valid point! I was just minding my own business with my nose in a book (as usual), when this other foreigner (think they are both from the same country) who was about to alight, suddenly turned around and shouted at the first foreigner, accusing him of talking bad about him!

A mini-drama enfolded. Both foreigners were cursing and scolding each other in their own respective dialects. Because foreigner B was about to alight, the door was still open, thus the bus driver did not dare to move. And foreigner B kept picking quarrels with foreigner A, holding up everyone and the traffic behind us!

The bus driver stood up but all he could do was to smile in amusement (since he could not speak their language), and the rest of the people just looked on without doing anything. I was getting really irritated, and just when I was about to turn around and tell off both of them for making a scene and holding up everyone, this lady told them to stop quarrelling and let the bus move. That was when foreigner B got down and the bus could finally move! And foreigner A still continued cussing and swearing in his seat!

Honestly, do some people feel no sense of shame creating a scene in public? It does not show how righteous one is; rather it shows how declasse some people can be! Not to mention mighty inconsiderate and selfish by holding up everyone else!

Asian Geographic, Anyone?

I came across a magazine at the convenience mart in the petrol kiosk next to my office some time back. How can I miss that? It is called "Asian Geographic". Apparently, it is already out for some time, yet I never know! After all the National Geographic I have read, I was wondering how Asian Geographic will be like. Turns out that I am not disappointed!

The photos are just as good as those in the NatGeo! Big, glossy, detailed, and you can just feel the animals coming to life in front of you! The only difference is that for Asian Geo, the issues are focused on Asia, like the geography, culture, demography and disasters predominantly in the Asian region.

The issue I bought happened to touch on the normadic people in the Himalayan region. Plus an article on the long-necked tribe in northern Thailand, refugees from Myanmar. Not to mention the numerous appeals for relief in aid of the refugees and child prostitutes in the various parts of Asia.

The reason I love Nat Geo and now Asian Geo is because the magazines expose me to things which I will otherwise never foresee in the part of the world I am in. Rather than reading about who are the top financiers in the world (although the Economist and TIME have helped improve my English somewhat), I rather see the other part of the world where I can never see.

Face it, the world is not made up of top businessmen or entrepreneurs, but of dying creatures on the brink of extinction, of stone-aged hamo sapiens of long ago, sufferings and reality of some parts of the world, and the different colourful cultures and practices that still exist to this day. And that is why I will still continue reading NatGeo and start subscribing to Asian Geographic!

Shadows Of Scars ....

At times, I think I really do think too much. But then in the past it had happened once too often, just when you think things were going well, all of a sudden the bombshell was dropped and I was often left bewildered and wondering what went wrong. Just like these few days, each time when my friends tried to ask me out, I kept thinking there would be bad news.

I admit, I have a big problem. But after being cheated, made use of, stringed along, positive only to turn into negative things, I cannot help but think of negative things. Maybe because my life is back on track for a while, and I am happy, I cannot help but think this happiness is not going to be long-lasting, that something will happen that makes me disappointed again.

I know I have to always look on the bright side, but it is easier said than done. Besides, a girl's intuition is mostly right. I shall not say right all the time, but in my case, most of the time my intuition came true, although in most cases, I refused to believe that things will come true.

Or maybe it is just my mind playing games. That if I think of something negative, then negative things will happen. After all, my intuition was not without proof. Often than not, signs started coming before everything came crashing down.

But I tend to be more wary nowadays. Maybe because I no longer want to be hurt, no longer want to be disappointed, that I try to hold back as much as I can, even if people meant no harm. It is an unhealthy way to live my life, but after being emotionally scarred in so many aspects, can one really blame me for being more reserved?

Just like when someone has been raped or molested before, she will be so afraid of letting another man touch her. I am not comparing myself to them because I can never understand the turmoil they have gone through, but I guess right now, I tend to be more careful in things, instead of letting myself be fooled or swayed so easily again.

Showing Colours ....

I have heard that women can see many spectrums of colours and many shades, whereas men can only see the few primary and secondary colours. In most cases, I never have a problem communicating to guys about colours, until recently.

I was supposed to pick up something from someone. He told me he was wearing a blue shirt with black pants. Blue, to me, means the normal blue colour, a shade lighter than the colour of my dashboard. And black means black.

So I was looking around for someone who has on a blue shirt and black pants. But I could not spot him. Finally I sent him a message, telling him my exact position and before I knew it, he was right in front of me.

His shirt is light blue (like the colour of my header). And his pants are dark grey, not black! Dark grey looks a lot like black, but it is not black! So I said, "I thought you said blue shirt and black pants?" And he said, "Yes, that is what I'm wearing."

Well.... I did not wish to get into a debate on the different shades of blue, so I just left it. Later on, I met a friend for dinner and he gave me a lift back. His car is tangerine. He said orange. So I said it is tangerine. Orange is a bit lighter. And he gave me a bewildered look, as if I was speaking Ewok talk.

Some time back, I wore a mustard coloured top to work. I bumped into one of my male colleagues during lunch, and he said I was as bright as the sun. So I said I am wearing mustard, not yellow. Apparently, in a guy's vocabulary, mustard, lemon, et al, are all yellow. Light blue, dark blue, teal blue, navy blue, sky blue, are all blue. Tangerine is orange, and olive, lime, grass, are all green. Lavendar is purple.

Quite a good education actually. I realise I need to be more careful how I communicate, because what I term as maroon may be just red to a guy. Oh well.....

B.O.!

I am convinced the reason perfume or cologne is invented was to make women smell nicer. Not just women, but men. I was out with someone a few days back, and his body odour really put me off! I was trying to be polite and refrain from showing my actual emotions, but I think he sensed I was feeling rather uncomfortable.

I was debating whether should I just be totally mean and rude, and tell him that he smelt as if he had not showered for three days, or just take out my little mini Christian Dior J'adore and sprayed at him, but then I thought he probably did not realise it himself. Perhaps no one told him. So I am in no position to say anything as well, since it was the first time (and probably the last time) we were meeting.

I can still take it if the smell comes from the mouth, ie bad breath. After all, that can be caused by not drinking enough water, or indigestion, or intestinal problem, and can be rectified by brushing one's teeth more often, drinking more water and eating a healthy diet. But body odour? How is that going to be rectified?

Body odour is really a huge turn off. No matter how nice, caring, perfect, gorgeous, kind-hearted someone is, the moment he / she smells, that is it. The end of everything. At times I wonder why this happens? It will be so sad if the person does not even realise it and nobody bothers telling him / her, and because of that, he / she starts to wonder why people keep losing interest.

That is where scents come in. Nowadays, men do wear scents too, especially after shaves, where they can go out smelling nice and sweet. And full of sex appeal! It will be really insolent of me if I just tell him his exact problem, but I do hope and pray that he knows what is going on and does something about it. Otherwise, people will continue being turned off, leaving him bewildered.

Perhaps one may say I am being mean or picky. But imagine if I am to be with someone who smells. Even if I can tolerate it for a while, make him wear perfume or cologne all the time, what happens when we get married? This is the person I am going to sleep with everyday for the rest of my life.

Can I really then turn a blind eye (nose in this case)? I like to sleep in peace, and not be overwhelmed by anything (or any smell)! I cannot expect him to wear perfume or cologne even when he is sleeping, right? Besides, how is anyone going to be even remotely physically intimate with someone who emits a smell?

Some may argue what is a real man if he does not smell? But to me, a real man smells like Calvin Klein Eternity or Clinique Happy. I do not expect him to smell like Chanel Number Five, but at least he does not emit any form of acrid smell even if he does not wear any form of scent. And that is the real scent of a man.