Lately I think I am getting from bad to worse. I am actually thinking of how to answer back to my mum if she goes on one of her tirades again. Where in the past I would just keep quiet and swallow her reprimands, my mind is now conjuring up various answers to the things she will say.
I cannot believe I am thinking of showing disrespect or being unfilial to my parents. But then, even young kids are talking back nowadays. Kids seem to be more outspoken and can talk back if they are not happy.
My boss was just remarking that as a parent, she would like her daughter to do well. Thus, she would inadvertently compare her daughter to her classmate or friend. The daughter actually told her to stop comparing because they are different!
Wow.... how I wish I knew how to speak up to my mum like this! Then perhaps I would have a better time when growing up? Maybe I would really say that to her next time, "I am me, don't keep on expecting me to be like others! Besides, this is the twenty-first century, stop using the seventies era to compare, because times are different! Find someone else to be your daughter if you are so ashamed of me!"
Looks like I am prepared to get slapped left, right and centre. Oh well.... a price to pay. Speak my mind and get slapped, or keep quiet and do not tell her much and then there may be more peace. Either way I lose out.
I really envy people who grow up with warm and understanding parents who can tell their parents just about everything! And these parents have no qualms for their children to stay out until all hours of the day, or cohabit with their boyfriends / girlfriends, or always lend a listening ear and a source of comfort and encouragement whenever their children run into any problems.
But then there is nothing I can do to change how my parents are like, so I just have to continue living with it. Besides, as long as they give me enough freedom (although no harm giving more) to generally live my life the way I like, I guess there is nothing more I can really ask for.
I cannot believe I am thinking of showing disrespect or being unfilial to my parents. But then, even young kids are talking back nowadays. Kids seem to be more outspoken and can talk back if they are not happy.
My boss was just remarking that as a parent, she would like her daughter to do well. Thus, she would inadvertently compare her daughter to her classmate or friend. The daughter actually told her to stop comparing because they are different!
Wow.... how I wish I knew how to speak up to my mum like this! Then perhaps I would have a better time when growing up? Maybe I would really say that to her next time, "I am me, don't keep on expecting me to be like others! Besides, this is the twenty-first century, stop using the seventies era to compare, because times are different! Find someone else to be your daughter if you are so ashamed of me!"
Looks like I am prepared to get slapped left, right and centre. Oh well.... a price to pay. Speak my mind and get slapped, or keep quiet and do not tell her much and then there may be more peace. Either way I lose out.
I really envy people who grow up with warm and understanding parents who can tell their parents just about everything! And these parents have no qualms for their children to stay out until all hours of the day, or cohabit with their boyfriends / girlfriends, or always lend a listening ear and a source of comfort and encouragement whenever their children run into any problems.
But then there is nothing I can do to change how my parents are like, so I just have to continue living with it. Besides, as long as they give me enough freedom (although no harm giving more) to generally live my life the way I like, I guess there is nothing more I can really ask for.
4 comments:
There are other ways to make your mum understand your feelings than shouting back at her. If you do so, it'll probably anger her more and cause her to dislike your current relationship.
You need to demonstrate to her that you've grown and are able to have a peer-to-peer conservation with her.
I remember when I was 16, my Dad was so angry with me that he wanted to whip me. I caught his whip in mid air and took it from him. He was surprise and probably expected me to retaliate but calmly, I asked him if he wanted to have coffee.
We then went to a nearby shop where we have a heart-to-heart, man-to-man conversation. From then onwards, my Dad treats me like an adult and some ask me for my views on things.
nowadays the kids are so different. They are more outspoken and uncontrollable. It used to be easy to control the kids by being an dictator parents, but I think nowadays, kids naughtiness has increased one level.
You know, there are sayings that the kids nowadays are from our grandparents' time who doesn't enjoy anything much during their time, so now it is their time =P
While you live in your parents home, you are subject to certain rules.
However, you are also 27 and should be fairly indepdent by now.
The problem occurs because as parents, we love our kids to bits and letting them go, giving them autonomy is hard. Because no matter how old you get, you will always be your mother's child.
Parents (unless they are psycho) don't intend to cause their children harm.
But, letting go, is hard.
Trust that your parents love you, but I think you also need to explain to them that you are not 6 anymore. You will pay your share for the house (when I lived at home it was 25% of my pay). You will do your share of the work, but you also need more autonomy.
Explain that you appreciate that they care for you. Empathize that you understand how difficult it is for them to let you on your own - it would be easier for them to cut off their right hand than to set you free.
It is a difficult to give greater autonomy to your child - mine are only 4 and 6 and already I miss them because they go to school. I cannot imagine what it will be like in 15-20 years.
Oh, and one thing I notice you say a lot in your blog is something like, "This is the 21st century, come on things aren't like they used to be."
This is the cry of every generation against the previous generation since time immemorial. You can read text from 2000 years ago where parents grumble about the wild and reckless youth.
Nothing has changed, the world is the same, all we ever do is give it a fresh coat of paint and proclaim we have advanced. We have done no such thing. Beneath our thin veneer of civilization we are still the primitive.
Take care of yourself and always keep asking questions. Just make sure the answers get guide you towards truth.
leecooper : She's approving of my current relationship, except she still restricts me. But my mum's different from anyone else, she wants everything her own way, nobody can ever disagree with her - her subordinates, her siblings, her mum, and especially not her husband and children. Which is why it's so hard for me to put my own opinions across from her.
Sen : Perhaps it is true. But kids are different, wonder why also, even if they are born of the same parents?
Richard : I do give my mum a certain amount of my salary, to pay for the house and to show respect to her for bringing me up. But, like I said above, she's someone rather difficult to get along with. I don't doubt that she loves me, only sometimes I wish she can show her love more instead of making me feel like she only wants to dictate me.
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