My parents were telling me the other day to make sure my next relationship works out, since it is time I stop being so frivolous and settle down. So, they still think it is my fault that my other relationships ended? Sometimes it is also beyond my control. I never wanted to break up, but if people chose to dump me, there was nothing much I could do as well.
Sometimes I really wish my parents can get out of their own shells and realise that society is different now. There is no such thing as "sticking with the one you fell for first" anymore. Now people are breaking up for so many reasons, some very minor even.
However I realise that the main reasons why people break up are either due to money or sex or religion or third party. Some other reasons are commitment phobia, or taking each other for granted.
My friends who have been out of relationships break up due to either of those issues. For me, I think I have broken up because of all the issues mentioned. My relationships have ended due to money woes, or sex woes, or religion woes or third party woes.
From experience of my friends and myself, the main factor for couples breaking up is money. I have had bad experiences with guys who sponge off me, and guys who demanded whatever they spent on me back after we broke up, and guys who think that if a guy can pay for a girl, why can the girl not pay for him?
I have no qualms on paying for guys, if and when I want to. I have paid for guys before. But I will lose all respect for the guy if he even asks me to pay. Perhaps I am still unrealistically dreamy that I still believe in chivalry and guys being a gentleman, but somehow, I can never look up to a guy if he even has the cheek to ask his girl to pay for him.
Girls love to go shopping and indulge, and guys will complain the girls spend too much money. Actually sometimes I wonder why the guys complain for? If the girl has her own earning capacity and is spending her own money, not his, does he have any right to restrict her from buying what she likes? Besides, if the issue of money gets into a relationship, is it still worth staying on?
Right now, I seldom have to fork out my own money, but I do feel bad that he keeps spending on me. Yet he says that life is short, should indulge if I want to, and he does limit himself, so not to worry.
And he finds it justifiable to spend on someone he loves, rather than keeping since the money will not go with us to our graves. Well... somehow I think his limit has increased then ever since he met me. Not that I am complaining since I am basking in all the love he is giving me.
Another factor that drives couples apart is the issue of sex. Like if one party wants it all the time and the other party refuses, that will build up to a big conflict which can never be resolved. It is not always that the guy is the more horny one, sometimes it can be the girl.
I have been told that guys do not like girls who are too horny, as they will get scared off. I wonder why? I thought this type of girls will be the dream of most guys in general? But couples also break up due to different expectations during sex.
I guess for a girl, not that I have that much experience in this area, but from what my friends say, she will prefer the guy to just cuddle up to her after sex, indulge in more foreplay, make her feel loved and connected, whereas the guy will just zero in on the intercourse without bothering the pre and the post.
So girls complain why guys just fall asleep, as if the guys used them just to satisfy their desires, and guys complain why girls are never satisfied even though the guys think the session was good. Then there will be conflict and tension and culminates into a breakup.
Next factor for breaking up is religion. But I think this is the part which is the worst, because some couples can be just made for each other, yet it would be such a pity if religion gets into the picture and in the end they cannot be together due to religious reasons.
I have seen friends about to get married, but in the end forced to break out as one party refuses to convert. Religion is but a choice, so would it be fair to ask someone to convert just to get married? Then even if he / she converts and does not practice, what is the use?
Of course, it is always best to find someone of the same religion, then both can understand each other perfectly well where religion is concerned, but if the couple is not of the same religion, then both must respect each other.
For instance, I go to church but never impose that my guy has to come along with me. He allows me to go and even asks about my church activities, and never once put down my beliefs. I am getting baptised in another week's time, and I have been busier in church due to the baptism activities, but he has never once complained that my church activites are taking up too much time.
Which is why I am so happy and appreciative, because it is hard for a non-Christian to fully understand the need for a Christian to go to church. Even my parents, up to now, still cannot understand why I need to go to church every week, and why sometimes midnight mass, and why sometimes I have to be in church for the whole day. Yet he just allows and accepts without question.
But when religion becomes an issue of conflict, it is time to make a choice if God is more important or your boyfriend is more important. Obviously there is never a basis for comparison, because to someone with a religion, God (whichever religion) will still be the most important. And often than not, they will sacrifice the relationship rather than to sacrifice God.
When I sacrificed my last relationship for my religion, I was scolded. By my ex, saying that once I chose God, he could no longer ask me for sex. By his mum, saying what is wrong with being a free-thinker that I must go get myself baptised? By his best friend, saying that why I trust God so much yet never trusted my boyfriend as much?
The irony is that because of this last relationship, faced with all the opposition, yet I yearned to be baptised and wanted to be a full Christian so much. My previous exs, despite being Catholics, never had that effect on me. Sometimes I think God really works in unimiaginable ways. And now nothing can shake my beliefs anymore because I finally know my religion is pretty important to me.
But the most common reason why relationships end is due to third parties. Either the guy falls for someone else, or the girl falls for someone else. People can say they want to stay faithful and what not, but in times like this, it is not within their control.
I always wanted to be faithful, but when my exs left me for another girl, what could I do? If the guy or girl no longer loves you, pehaps it is then time for both to move on, because if your boyfriend / girlfriend can fall for someone else while still with you, the relationship was probably breaking down or not that strong in the first place.
I guess from my experiences, not that I have many as compared to others, I have learnt to just let go of things and let nature take its course, rather than imposing and expecting. I wish my parents can understand that certain things are also not within my control, then perhaps they can stop expecting so much from me for once.
Sometimes I really wish my parents can get out of their own shells and realise that society is different now. There is no such thing as "sticking with the one you fell for first" anymore. Now people are breaking up for so many reasons, some very minor even.
However I realise that the main reasons why people break up are either due to money or sex or religion or third party. Some other reasons are commitment phobia, or taking each other for granted.
My friends who have been out of relationships break up due to either of those issues. For me, I think I have broken up because of all the issues mentioned. My relationships have ended due to money woes, or sex woes, or religion woes or third party woes.
From experience of my friends and myself, the main factor for couples breaking up is money. I have had bad experiences with guys who sponge off me, and guys who demanded whatever they spent on me back after we broke up, and guys who think that if a guy can pay for a girl, why can the girl not pay for him?
I have no qualms on paying for guys, if and when I want to. I have paid for guys before. But I will lose all respect for the guy if he even asks me to pay. Perhaps I am still unrealistically dreamy that I still believe in chivalry and guys being a gentleman, but somehow, I can never look up to a guy if he even has the cheek to ask his girl to pay for him.
Girls love to go shopping and indulge, and guys will complain the girls spend too much money. Actually sometimes I wonder why the guys complain for? If the girl has her own earning capacity and is spending her own money, not his, does he have any right to restrict her from buying what she likes? Besides, if the issue of money gets into a relationship, is it still worth staying on?
Right now, I seldom have to fork out my own money, but I do feel bad that he keeps spending on me. Yet he says that life is short, should indulge if I want to, and he does limit himself, so not to worry.
And he finds it justifiable to spend on someone he loves, rather than keeping since the money will not go with us to our graves. Well... somehow I think his limit has increased then ever since he met me. Not that I am complaining since I am basking in all the love he is giving me.
Another factor that drives couples apart is the issue of sex. Like if one party wants it all the time and the other party refuses, that will build up to a big conflict which can never be resolved. It is not always that the guy is the more horny one, sometimes it can be the girl.
I have been told that guys do not like girls who are too horny, as they will get scared off. I wonder why? I thought this type of girls will be the dream of most guys in general? But couples also break up due to different expectations during sex.
I guess for a girl, not that I have that much experience in this area, but from what my friends say, she will prefer the guy to just cuddle up to her after sex, indulge in more foreplay, make her feel loved and connected, whereas the guy will just zero in on the intercourse without bothering the pre and the post.
So girls complain why guys just fall asleep, as if the guys used them just to satisfy their desires, and guys complain why girls are never satisfied even though the guys think the session was good. Then there will be conflict and tension and culminates into a breakup.
Next factor for breaking up is religion. But I think this is the part which is the worst, because some couples can be just made for each other, yet it would be such a pity if religion gets into the picture and in the end they cannot be together due to religious reasons.
I have seen friends about to get married, but in the end forced to break out as one party refuses to convert. Religion is but a choice, so would it be fair to ask someone to convert just to get married? Then even if he / she converts and does not practice, what is the use?
Of course, it is always best to find someone of the same religion, then both can understand each other perfectly well where religion is concerned, but if the couple is not of the same religion, then both must respect each other.
For instance, I go to church but never impose that my guy has to come along with me. He allows me to go and even asks about my church activities, and never once put down my beliefs. I am getting baptised in another week's time, and I have been busier in church due to the baptism activities, but he has never once complained that my church activites are taking up too much time.
Which is why I am so happy and appreciative, because it is hard for a non-Christian to fully understand the need for a Christian to go to church. Even my parents, up to now, still cannot understand why I need to go to church every week, and why sometimes midnight mass, and why sometimes I have to be in church for the whole day. Yet he just allows and accepts without question.
But when religion becomes an issue of conflict, it is time to make a choice if God is more important or your boyfriend is more important. Obviously there is never a basis for comparison, because to someone with a religion, God (whichever religion) will still be the most important. And often than not, they will sacrifice the relationship rather than to sacrifice God.
When I sacrificed my last relationship for my religion, I was scolded. By my ex, saying that once I chose God, he could no longer ask me for sex. By his mum, saying what is wrong with being a free-thinker that I must go get myself baptised? By his best friend, saying that why I trust God so much yet never trusted my boyfriend as much?
The irony is that because of this last relationship, faced with all the opposition, yet I yearned to be baptised and wanted to be a full Christian so much. My previous exs, despite being Catholics, never had that effect on me. Sometimes I think God really works in unimiaginable ways. And now nothing can shake my beliefs anymore because I finally know my religion is pretty important to me.
But the most common reason why relationships end is due to third parties. Either the guy falls for someone else, or the girl falls for someone else. People can say they want to stay faithful and what not, but in times like this, it is not within their control.
I always wanted to be faithful, but when my exs left me for another girl, what could I do? If the guy or girl no longer loves you, pehaps it is then time for both to move on, because if your boyfriend / girlfriend can fall for someone else while still with you, the relationship was probably breaking down or not that strong in the first place.
I guess from my experiences, not that I have many as compared to others, I have learnt to just let go of things and let nature take its course, rather than imposing and expecting. I wish my parents can understand that certain things are also not within my control, then perhaps they can stop expecting so much from me for once.
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