Forgiveness is a virtue. A virtue which I have yet to instil in myself. I must learn how to forgive people more. Maybe because I am naturally a petty person, thus those who have hurt me, I find it hard to be nice back to them.
The teachings in the Bible says to be humble and offer the other cheek if slapped, but does that mean we have to be subjected to people's abuse and humiliation? Love everyone like how you would love yourself, but do we really have to love people who do not deserve our love, to say the least?
What is forgiveness anyway? To forgive someone means to let go of past hurts, but will you forget? If you are still cold towards the one who hurt you, it probably means you may have forgiven, but not forgotten. It takes someone really honourable and big-hearted to really forgive and forget people who have hurt him / her.
I am not that big-hearted, which is why I cannot let a lot of things go. How do you forgive people who have hurt you? People who have insulted me, who have subjected me to mental and physical abuse, who have let me down in some way or the other?
Is there a justifiable reason to not forgive someone? Like for instance, will you forgive someone who had cheated on you? If you find your partner has been unfaithful, will you be able to forgive him / her and start over? Is there a justifiable reason for it?
After all, relationships are not easy to maintain. When a partner strays, perhaps it is time to examine if we have done everything in our power to ensure his / her needs are met. If they have been met and he / she still strays, then that is unforgiveable.
If we have been at fault for neglecting our partner and taken him / her for granted, then we should ask for forgiveness instead and then forgive the partner and start over, hoping to turn back the clock and revisit good times.
Will you forgive someone who has killed someone you love? Well, perhaps if someone murder my family, I will go all out in bloodthirsty revenge. But what if someone framed my family member? Is that forgiveable, especially since the one in the wrong has gotten the just deserts?
What if you discovered someone you are close to doing something which you think is wrong? Like if a parent found his child stealing, or cheating his way through life. Is that forgiveable? Of course I believe as a parent, whatever the child does is forgiveable, no matter how much he has hurt you.
What if you are the parent of a murderer or a rapist? Your child has done wrong to so many people. Will you be able to forgive him / her then? Is it better to see your own child being hanged for his crimes, or petition to get him out of jail and help him escape?
If a girl has been raped, will she be able to forgive the rapist? The trauma and emotional turmoil will forever be there. What if she got pregnant in the end? Is abortion justifiable in this case - expecting an unwanted baby that will remind the poor girl of her ordeal? And if she did abort the baby, will she be able to forgive herself?
It is really hard to forgive someone who has hurt you, especially people who have made you gone through a trauma of sorts. There is only a thin line bordering between love and hate. At times, the one that is the most unforgiveable is the one whom you actually love the most.
Maybe all of us are unable to forgive people who have hurt us, in one way or another. Perhaps that is what being humans are all about. We have emotions, we have love and hate, we feel hurt when we are hurt, we bite and bark when provoked.
And even if we have told ourselves to forgive those who have sinned against us, like how we are being forgiven for our sins, somehow all will still not be forgotten. The real test is whether we can truly forgive and forget all those who have hurt us and show them love and concern without seeing them in a different light.
The teachings in the Bible says to be humble and offer the other cheek if slapped, but does that mean we have to be subjected to people's abuse and humiliation? Love everyone like how you would love yourself, but do we really have to love people who do not deserve our love, to say the least?
What is forgiveness anyway? To forgive someone means to let go of past hurts, but will you forget? If you are still cold towards the one who hurt you, it probably means you may have forgiven, but not forgotten. It takes someone really honourable and big-hearted to really forgive and forget people who have hurt him / her.
I am not that big-hearted, which is why I cannot let a lot of things go. How do you forgive people who have hurt you? People who have insulted me, who have subjected me to mental and physical abuse, who have let me down in some way or the other?
Is there a justifiable reason to not forgive someone? Like for instance, will you forgive someone who had cheated on you? If you find your partner has been unfaithful, will you be able to forgive him / her and start over? Is there a justifiable reason for it?
After all, relationships are not easy to maintain. When a partner strays, perhaps it is time to examine if we have done everything in our power to ensure his / her needs are met. If they have been met and he / she still strays, then that is unforgiveable.
If we have been at fault for neglecting our partner and taken him / her for granted, then we should ask for forgiveness instead and then forgive the partner and start over, hoping to turn back the clock and revisit good times.
Will you forgive someone who has killed someone you love? Well, perhaps if someone murder my family, I will go all out in bloodthirsty revenge. But what if someone framed my family member? Is that forgiveable, especially since the one in the wrong has gotten the just deserts?
What if you discovered someone you are close to doing something which you think is wrong? Like if a parent found his child stealing, or cheating his way through life. Is that forgiveable? Of course I believe as a parent, whatever the child does is forgiveable, no matter how much he has hurt you.
What if you are the parent of a murderer or a rapist? Your child has done wrong to so many people. Will you be able to forgive him / her then? Is it better to see your own child being hanged for his crimes, or petition to get him out of jail and help him escape?
If a girl has been raped, will she be able to forgive the rapist? The trauma and emotional turmoil will forever be there. What if she got pregnant in the end? Is abortion justifiable in this case - expecting an unwanted baby that will remind the poor girl of her ordeal? And if she did abort the baby, will she be able to forgive herself?
It is really hard to forgive someone who has hurt you, especially people who have made you gone through a trauma of sorts. There is only a thin line bordering between love and hate. At times, the one that is the most unforgiveable is the one whom you actually love the most.
Maybe all of us are unable to forgive people who have hurt us, in one way or another. Perhaps that is what being humans are all about. We have emotions, we have love and hate, we feel hurt when we are hurt, we bite and bark when provoked.
And even if we have told ourselves to forgive those who have sinned against us, like how we are being forgiven for our sins, somehow all will still not be forgotten. The real test is whether we can truly forgive and forget all those who have hurt us and show them love and concern without seeing them in a different light.
8 comments:
It takes someone really honourable and big-hearted to really forgive and forget people who have hurt him / her.
I sort of talked briefly about this issue once. The truth is unless you're knocked in your head and suffer memory loss, you just can't forget.
Perhaps to forgive is easier if we choose not to dwell in--yay, copy & past my own article. heh--"the bitterness of the past", but to make a conscious decision to remember instead whatever good the person who hurt us once did to us.
I think we dont go bull shit ourself la who will forget what you have done/experienced ? NOT to mention "BIG ISSUE"/things that happened to us ! It will NEVER be forgotten. As for forgiveness, well, it subject to the degree of the thing happened. I personally think. I m not discouraging being "Big hearted" but, it really depend on many factors...etc And the work done is direct porportional to chances of being forgive, but not forget. And for myself, if I have done something wrong/hurting, I will not expect others to forgive me. Partly is because you will never be able to reverse histories---can we ??? Conclusion is -> We can forgive but will never forget......till the day.......we die......than "both" maybe granted..
i really don't know what i'll do till something happens to me...
you can do scenario planning and think about it. but really, it's all still 'what ifs'. TILL you (people in general,everyone of us)actually experience it, then you'll be able to answer all these questions.
Forgive, but don't forget.
I agree with wolvie; one should learn to forgive but not forget. Forgetting means allowing yourself to be hurt again. Trust needs to be earned and rebuild; not given freely.
Wrt rape. I support a stronger punishment for rapist. They should face life imprisonment and whip monthly for as long as their victim(s) live.
Forgiveness is the act of freeing yourself of anger or resentment towards the person who has wronged you and / or releasing them of any indebtedness to you (whether in the form of punishment, restitution, or retribution).
This does not release the sinner (for lack of a better work) of any obligations required for contrition and taking necessary steps towards ensuring their purification (rehabilitation).
In Christianity and Buddhism, forgiveness is generally seen as something unconditional. For Christians it is seen as a spiritual obligation, for Buddhists as necessary to avoid the build up of harmful emotions.
When we pray the Our Father we say (presented in 3 equal, but different varients):
"forgive us our trespasses are we forgive those who trespass against us"
"forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors"
"forgive us our sins as we forgive those who sin against us"
As for aborting a child which results from rape, I ask, "What has the child done to deserve to die?" Shall we extend this universally so that witnesses of a crime are to be executed?
You may want to have a look at a blog entry I made on justice.
Anon_X : What if the person only left you bad memories instead of good? Will it be too much to forgive and forget then?
Ole Wolvie : Sometimes it's hard to even forgive, let along forget.
leecooper : Agree with you totally! Especially the recent case of the father raping his own daughters, that's really inhuman!
Richard : Thanks!
A typical humane case of taking things--in this case those good memories with him/her--for granted?
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