I believe everyone has some unspoken secrets which are too private to even tell anyone. These are called skeletons in the closet. The closet part I can understand, since it is something closed up, but why skeletons? Is it because whatever the secrets are are too horrifying to say out?
Some people's skeletons can simply be some mistake they made which they regretted, some can be from something they did in the past, some can be something they are concurrently hiding from others.
Whatever it is, everyone is liable to his / her own secrets. I believe my parents do not know everything about me, since I do not tell them a lot of things, and a few things are so private that I do not tell anyone.
Everyone is entitled to their own privacy. No matter how close you are to someone else, how much can you bare and how transparent can you be? There will be certain things which you do not feel comfortable confiding even to your loved one in.
Granted, there should not be any secrets between a couple, but there are certain things which you somehow cannot bring yourself to tell your partner. For instance, how can a girl tell her current boyfriend that she had gotten pregnant and had an abortion before? Or that she had been raped? Or that she had abetted a crime and had a jail record?
Similarly, how can a guy tell his current girlfriend that he had been in jail before? Or that he had gotten a girl pregnant and made her abort the baby? Or he had been gay for a period of time? Or even, he had a sex change?
These are just examples. Of course, there are many more things people have done which they are not able to bring themselves to tell their partners. It is understandable because everyone wants his / her partner to have the image and impression of him / her being a pure and perfect person with good conduct and record.
In order for happiness, perhaps certain things are better left unsaid. But on the other hand, if you are with someone, the partner deserves to know the truth about everything that had happened to you or everything you have done.
Afterall, it is better to tell the truth. It is only fair to the person you are with. Besides, if your partner finds out, things may be worse.
I guess people are afraid to tell the truth sometimes because they are afraid of losing the other person. But if he / she really loves you, then he / she will not mind whatever you have done before.
You may have been in jail before, but so what? As long as you are a reformed person and living a good life now, that does not make you any less deserving for love. If the love is true, then the couple would not even let this issue get into their relationship.
You may have had an abortion before, or made someone pregnant then shirked the responsiblity, or you may have been married, divorced with kids and still paying off child support, but so what? These are all things that have happened in the past. If the person truly loves you, he / she will not mind all these.
The bottomline is that love should not have any barriers. Love is giving your whole heart to the person, devoted to making him / her happy. Love is accepting him / her as a whole, the past, present and future.
Will I accept someone who has made major mistakes before? As long as I truly love him, yes. Everyone makes mistakes, nobody is perfect. The thing is not to dwell on the imperfections or mistakes he had made, but to focus on the current state of affairs and see if he loves you and treats you well.
Some people's skeletons can simply be some mistake they made which they regretted, some can be from something they did in the past, some can be something they are concurrently hiding from others.
Whatever it is, everyone is liable to his / her own secrets. I believe my parents do not know everything about me, since I do not tell them a lot of things, and a few things are so private that I do not tell anyone.
Everyone is entitled to their own privacy. No matter how close you are to someone else, how much can you bare and how transparent can you be? There will be certain things which you do not feel comfortable confiding even to your loved one in.
Granted, there should not be any secrets between a couple, but there are certain things which you somehow cannot bring yourself to tell your partner. For instance, how can a girl tell her current boyfriend that she had gotten pregnant and had an abortion before? Or that she had been raped? Or that she had abetted a crime and had a jail record?
Similarly, how can a guy tell his current girlfriend that he had been in jail before? Or that he had gotten a girl pregnant and made her abort the baby? Or he had been gay for a period of time? Or even, he had a sex change?
These are just examples. Of course, there are many more things people have done which they are not able to bring themselves to tell their partners. It is understandable because everyone wants his / her partner to have the image and impression of him / her being a pure and perfect person with good conduct and record.
In order for happiness, perhaps certain things are better left unsaid. But on the other hand, if you are with someone, the partner deserves to know the truth about everything that had happened to you or everything you have done.
Afterall, it is better to tell the truth. It is only fair to the person you are with. Besides, if your partner finds out, things may be worse.
I guess people are afraid to tell the truth sometimes because they are afraid of losing the other person. But if he / she really loves you, then he / she will not mind whatever you have done before.
You may have been in jail before, but so what? As long as you are a reformed person and living a good life now, that does not make you any less deserving for love. If the love is true, then the couple would not even let this issue get into their relationship.
You may have had an abortion before, or made someone pregnant then shirked the responsiblity, or you may have been married, divorced with kids and still paying off child support, but so what? These are all things that have happened in the past. If the person truly loves you, he / she will not mind all these.
The bottomline is that love should not have any barriers. Love is giving your whole heart to the person, devoted to making him / her happy. Love is accepting him / her as a whole, the past, present and future.
Will I accept someone who has made major mistakes before? As long as I truly love him, yes. Everyone makes mistakes, nobody is perfect. The thing is not to dwell on the imperfections or mistakes he had made, but to focus on the current state of affairs and see if he loves you and treats you well.
3 comments:
I disagree, openness is essential. Sofia knows everything from me. I do not deliberately hide anything from her - even before we started dating, I openned more and more to her.
You cannot be fully committed in a relationship if there are facets of yourself that you hide because then you have not given 100% of yourself.
If you are hiding part of yourself, then it is because you do not believe the other person will accept it and so you are laying a false foundation for the relationship and the relationship will ultimately fail.
Allo? Sex change?
That's a different kettle of fish.
But I do believe that there are some things that should be left alone.
The key is, do not assume, and do not be paranoid. If things do unfold, there would be a reason why it got out in the open. What you do after the unfolding is what matters.
One of the gals that I taught English when I was in Japan did not dare tell me that she is a divorcee (young) for fear that I would not want to associate with her anymore. I was like "Uh... that's no issue."
Some truths are better left unspoken.
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