I rest my case with local shallow men in general. Either they are perverts, or psychos, or else they are too pushy! I know men and women are different. Which is why I try to understand as much as how a man functions, although sometimes when they start to clam up, it is hard to figure out what they are thinking. In this case, I use my instinct to guess if it is his problem or mine.
However, be it men or women, there should be some basic behavioural patterns to follow, is it not? Does it mean that a man can go around soliciting for sex just because he is talking to a woman? No decent man does that, and certainly no decent woman will do that!
So I get really irritated by guys who, once we start a conversation, ask me if I am a good kisser (how to determine that anyway?), or what I do in bed, or how good would I rate myself as a sex partner, or the usual questions like am I into one night stands, or am I a virgin?
These are nobody's business in the first place! What I choose to do with anyone, or whether I have done anything with anyone, is for only me to know. Can guys not engage in intellectual and mind-stimulating conversations instead of dirty talk?
I was with someone for six years, and we never once talk about sex. General topics like pre-marital sex, HIV or things people do we would discuss of course. But at that time we were of the idea that once we were married, it would be an unavoidable topic, but before we were married, it would not be appropriate to talk about what we would do to each other in the confines of the bed. And I still appreciate him for that.
The guy I was seeing recently is also something like that. Despite all our engaging conversations and heart to heart talks and sharing of secrets, we had never once discussed that topic in detail. And we did not start off our first conversation with that topic either; rather we talked about more intellectual things like life, interests, hobbies, religion, music, housing, cars. Which is why I enjoy myself so much with him. There are so many more things to talk about than just that topic alone!
Then there are men who start off asking how many boyfriends you had in the past (is that anyone's business unless I choose to say?), and whether I believe in love at first sight (actually I do, but whether that will last depends on a lot of other factors), and if I hold hands or kiss on a first date (OF COURSE NOT!!), and what about second date? (OF COURSE NOT EITHER!)
I do not go around holding anyone's hands, or allowing anyone to hold my hands, unless I like that guy a lot and deem that we have the potential to go on further, but even then, not on the first or second date either!
If I really like him (notice I say "like" not "love"), perhaps after going out for a month I may allow him to hold my hand, but even then will only be if he is helping me across the street or if the ground is slippery. But I will never allow anyone to kiss me unless I love him, and even then not on the first "official" date as a couple.
Then there are guys who bumped into me online and we started chatting. Things were going well for one day, then suddenly the next day he would ask why I seem quieter, and why I never bothered telling him I was logging off the day before, and asked if he offended me in any way.
Erh, because the previous day I was at home so could chat more and the next day I was in the office so had to multi-task and could not reply so fast? And anyway, if our last message was two hours ago, with no reply from him, do I really need to tell him I was about to log off? Must I report everything to someone whom I just made my acquaintance?
And then there was another fellow where when we started chatting, I was able to give longer answers, but I got a bit busier so I gave vague answers, and he would ask why did I suddenly become so distant? Erh... was I being distant? If I am really being distant, I would not even bother replying!
As I said... I rest my case with local guys in general. People keep telling me I am mixing with the wrong crowd, but from these crowd, there are a couple of gems I met which I would have liked to go further with, but just a pity we do not have the right chemistry.
Meanwhile, I am keeping myself busy and occupied taking part in church events and other social groups in a bid to meet the right kind of normal people, and not pests.
However, be it men or women, there should be some basic behavioural patterns to follow, is it not? Does it mean that a man can go around soliciting for sex just because he is talking to a woman? No decent man does that, and certainly no decent woman will do that!
So I get really irritated by guys who, once we start a conversation, ask me if I am a good kisser (how to determine that anyway?), or what I do in bed, or how good would I rate myself as a sex partner, or the usual questions like am I into one night stands, or am I a virgin?
These are nobody's business in the first place! What I choose to do with anyone, or whether I have done anything with anyone, is for only me to know. Can guys not engage in intellectual and mind-stimulating conversations instead of dirty talk?
I was with someone for six years, and we never once talk about sex. General topics like pre-marital sex, HIV or things people do we would discuss of course. But at that time we were of the idea that once we were married, it would be an unavoidable topic, but before we were married, it would not be appropriate to talk about what we would do to each other in the confines of the bed. And I still appreciate him for that.
The guy I was seeing recently is also something like that. Despite all our engaging conversations and heart to heart talks and sharing of secrets, we had never once discussed that topic in detail. And we did not start off our first conversation with that topic either; rather we talked about more intellectual things like life, interests, hobbies, religion, music, housing, cars. Which is why I enjoy myself so much with him. There are so many more things to talk about than just that topic alone!
Then there are men who start off asking how many boyfriends you had in the past (is that anyone's business unless I choose to say?), and whether I believe in love at first sight (actually I do, but whether that will last depends on a lot of other factors), and if I hold hands or kiss on a first date (OF COURSE NOT!!), and what about second date? (OF COURSE NOT EITHER!)
I do not go around holding anyone's hands, or allowing anyone to hold my hands, unless I like that guy a lot and deem that we have the potential to go on further, but even then, not on the first or second date either!
If I really like him (notice I say "like" not "love"), perhaps after going out for a month I may allow him to hold my hand, but even then will only be if he is helping me across the street or if the ground is slippery. But I will never allow anyone to kiss me unless I love him, and even then not on the first "official" date as a couple.
Then there are guys who bumped into me online and we started chatting. Things were going well for one day, then suddenly the next day he would ask why I seem quieter, and why I never bothered telling him I was logging off the day before, and asked if he offended me in any way.
Erh, because the previous day I was at home so could chat more and the next day I was in the office so had to multi-task and could not reply so fast? And anyway, if our last message was two hours ago, with no reply from him, do I really need to tell him I was about to log off? Must I report everything to someone whom I just made my acquaintance?
And then there was another fellow where when we started chatting, I was able to give longer answers, but I got a bit busier so I gave vague answers, and he would ask why did I suddenly become so distant? Erh... was I being distant? If I am really being distant, I would not even bother replying!
As I said... I rest my case with local guys in general. People keep telling me I am mixing with the wrong crowd, but from these crowd, there are a couple of gems I met which I would have liked to go further with, but just a pity we do not have the right chemistry.
Meanwhile, I am keeping myself busy and occupied taking part in church events and other social groups in a bid to meet the right kind of normal people, and not pests.
2 comments:
I find these types of posts interesting because they are completely out of my realm of experience.
Sure, we hear of some men like that, but it is really just a minority and a bit of good prudence should easily serve any women. Yet, the more I read other people's blogs, the more it seems to be a fairly common modus operandi.
I will be the firs to admit that there seems to be some several layers of communication going on between people that I am not privvy to ... and never have been privvy to. It is sort as though I can see, but not hear, wheareas normal people can both see and hear.
One thing I found interesting was when Sofia told me that she trusted me and went places with me she would never go with another man. I had no idea what she was talking about. Where had I taken her that she would not go with another man? She explained that I have a tendency to take walks in dark and secluded places. Which is true, I like the privacy, but I never imagined a women should ever feel threatened by that - it is completely alien to my being.
I understand where Sofia is coming from. We women want to be with someone trustworthy, someone reliable enough to show us respect and treat us like a lady.
Imagine if we are to take walks in dark places with a guy, we want to ensure he gives us the utmost respect and will not try anything further, or rove his hands everywhere.
Which is why for certain guys I am willing to even enter his room with the door closed, whereas for others I will never dream of even being alone with him in a room.
That is the same reason why I am very selective over who I go out with. I can never go out with a guy unless I feel comfortable enough that he is a trustworthy person. For some, you can never tell what they intend to do to you.
It is for my own protection after all. A woman ought to know how to protect herself and not get into any forms of trouble, or let any man take advantage of her in any way.
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