I always get bemused over the fact that for a big part of my life, I have not remained single for long, yet each time when I do get officially attached, things do not work out. And it is not as if I ask to be attached (i.e. I did not go all out to woo the guys); things just happened.
It has been quite an interesting mix where guys I have dated are concerned. So far, I would only say that one relationship was really serious, ie close to marriage stage. The rest could be just at exclusivity level the most.
Come to think of it, I have been "lucky" as in I have dated guys of different types. Arrogant ones, self-centred ones, irresponsible ones, gentlemanly ones, chivalrous ones, stubborn ones, bad-tempered ones, immature ones, and especially uncommitted ones. So I have interacted and tried to understand the different makes.
Relationships will be full of ups and downs afterall, and if it gets to the point where only I was trying to hold on and the guy was totally taking for granted, at times one just have to let go and move on, which I did the past couple of times.
So when I finally made the decision to end things earlier this year, I told myself that the next person I get involved in will be the last one. I am not going to let another person break my heart. My fragile heart cannot take another heartbreak. The next time I actually enter a relationship, it will have to be with the right person, and with someone who loves me and whom I love (preferably someone who loves me more! :-p).
Which is why even though he and I saw each other for a while, things never got further because we realised that the right chemistry is just not there. Although I must say, it is a pity that we could not progress, because of all the guys I have dated, he is one whom I feel most compatible and connected with. Even my mum felt pity for me, as she said of all the guys I brought home, he is the only one who can make it.
But it is difficult, is it not, to find someone so compatible yet have the right chemistry at the same time. Often, the chemistry is there but then both are just so different that things also cannot work out in the long run.
Just as well this time round, we did not jump in. We tried to let things develop naturally, albeit not very successfully. And I was more guarded and have not put my entire heart into it, otherwise if I have fallen deep, it would be devastating indeed. For that, I salute the guy, because other guys will just take the opportunity to plunge in and then break the girl's heart when he realises he cannot offer what she wants.
This time round I am not going to compromise. I have already compromised twice, and ended up miserable. With him, I saw the qualities I look for in him, which is why I was willing to give a chance for us to develop. It shows that out of the blue, I can still meet guys who have the criteria I am looking for.
That does not mean I will not interact with people, males or females. There is no harm meeting more people and making more friends (although somehow I always seem unlucky to meet pricks), but when it comes to finding that special someone, I am not going to settle for just anyone again.
Which is why I get a little befuddled when a friend recently accused me of being too high and mighty and good for people when I told him he has absolutely no chance with me. He said how in the world did I ever meet guys when I get so demanding, ie it is either my way or no way?
In the first place, I have never been that kind of "my way or no way" type. Rather, I am more easy-going. I try to accommodate and compromise as far as I can. From feedback with guys I have dated, they always say that whoever who ends up with me is a very lucky man. But the thing is that this guy does not want a relationship (even if he does, he still has no chance with me), but rather a fling.
I am not someone who go out for flings! How many times do I have to emphasise that, especially to the same people? Already he has such a character flaw, so how does he expect me to accept him and go further? It is for my life long happiness, do I not deserve to choose who I deem as the best for myself?
I am not even asking for perfection. Even that guy I was seeing is not perfect, neither am I. We both have our own flaws, and there are certain things which he does not meet up to, but those issues can be overlooked. And I am sure there are also many things which I do not meet up in people's lists as well.
The thing is that if no one can or has ever meet what I look for, then perhaps my expectations are really too high and I will definitely revise and think I should not have such high hopes. But the fact is that there have been people who meet up.
My second ex, for one, is almost there (90%). The guy I was seeing is also almost there (92%). The remaining little things I am willing to overlook because the bigger picture is that we have such great times with each other, and my happiest and most enjoyable times are those spent with them.
So if I am to accept someone who does not meet up, like my third ex, for instance, it will be more of frustration and breakdown of communication and lots and lots of accommodation and compromise on my part. When two people go out with each other, there should be more enjoyment than frustration.
Call me high and mighty if one will, but I know what will make me happy and what will not. I know the type I am compatible with and the type I am not. Maybe because I myself am such a complex and varied person, yet traditional and religious, so I feel happiest with someone about the same. And those who are not like that simply do not make the cut.
As I said, finding a mate is for life. Thus no one can compromise on their eternal happiness. There must be chemistry and compatibility. Chemistry can be developed, but compatibility is there from the beginning. Instead of being with someone who is so different, why not find someone who is similar from the start? Hopefully the chemistry develops, then all will be well.
And I truly believe that when the right man comes along, both chemistry and compatibility will be there from the start. Then I can really be off to a very happy start of something fulfilling and wonderful.
It has been quite an interesting mix where guys I have dated are concerned. So far, I would only say that one relationship was really serious, ie close to marriage stage. The rest could be just at exclusivity level the most.
Come to think of it, I have been "lucky" as in I have dated guys of different types. Arrogant ones, self-centred ones, irresponsible ones, gentlemanly ones, chivalrous ones, stubborn ones, bad-tempered ones, immature ones, and especially uncommitted ones. So I have interacted and tried to understand the different makes.
Relationships will be full of ups and downs afterall, and if it gets to the point where only I was trying to hold on and the guy was totally taking for granted, at times one just have to let go and move on, which I did the past couple of times.
So when I finally made the decision to end things earlier this year, I told myself that the next person I get involved in will be the last one. I am not going to let another person break my heart. My fragile heart cannot take another heartbreak. The next time I actually enter a relationship, it will have to be with the right person, and with someone who loves me and whom I love (preferably someone who loves me more! :-p).
Which is why even though he and I saw each other for a while, things never got further because we realised that the right chemistry is just not there. Although I must say, it is a pity that we could not progress, because of all the guys I have dated, he is one whom I feel most compatible and connected with. Even my mum felt pity for me, as she said of all the guys I brought home, he is the only one who can make it.
But it is difficult, is it not, to find someone so compatible yet have the right chemistry at the same time. Often, the chemistry is there but then both are just so different that things also cannot work out in the long run.
Just as well this time round, we did not jump in. We tried to let things develop naturally, albeit not very successfully. And I was more guarded and have not put my entire heart into it, otherwise if I have fallen deep, it would be devastating indeed. For that, I salute the guy, because other guys will just take the opportunity to plunge in and then break the girl's heart when he realises he cannot offer what she wants.
This time round I am not going to compromise. I have already compromised twice, and ended up miserable. With him, I saw the qualities I look for in him, which is why I was willing to give a chance for us to develop. It shows that out of the blue, I can still meet guys who have the criteria I am looking for.
That does not mean I will not interact with people, males or females. There is no harm meeting more people and making more friends (although somehow I always seem unlucky to meet pricks), but when it comes to finding that special someone, I am not going to settle for just anyone again.
Which is why I get a little befuddled when a friend recently accused me of being too high and mighty and good for people when I told him he has absolutely no chance with me. He said how in the world did I ever meet guys when I get so demanding, ie it is either my way or no way?
In the first place, I have never been that kind of "my way or no way" type. Rather, I am more easy-going. I try to accommodate and compromise as far as I can. From feedback with guys I have dated, they always say that whoever who ends up with me is a very lucky man. But the thing is that this guy does not want a relationship (even if he does, he still has no chance with me), but rather a fling.
I am not someone who go out for flings! How many times do I have to emphasise that, especially to the same people? Already he has such a character flaw, so how does he expect me to accept him and go further? It is for my life long happiness, do I not deserve to choose who I deem as the best for myself?
I am not even asking for perfection. Even that guy I was seeing is not perfect, neither am I. We both have our own flaws, and there are certain things which he does not meet up to, but those issues can be overlooked. And I am sure there are also many things which I do not meet up in people's lists as well.
The thing is that if no one can or has ever meet what I look for, then perhaps my expectations are really too high and I will definitely revise and think I should not have such high hopes. But the fact is that there have been people who meet up.
My second ex, for one, is almost there (90%). The guy I was seeing is also almost there (92%). The remaining little things I am willing to overlook because the bigger picture is that we have such great times with each other, and my happiest and most enjoyable times are those spent with them.
So if I am to accept someone who does not meet up, like my third ex, for instance, it will be more of frustration and breakdown of communication and lots and lots of accommodation and compromise on my part. When two people go out with each other, there should be more enjoyment than frustration.
Call me high and mighty if one will, but I know what will make me happy and what will not. I know the type I am compatible with and the type I am not. Maybe because I myself am such a complex and varied person, yet traditional and religious, so I feel happiest with someone about the same. And those who are not like that simply do not make the cut.
As I said, finding a mate is for life. Thus no one can compromise on their eternal happiness. There must be chemistry and compatibility. Chemistry can be developed, but compatibility is there from the beginning. Instead of being with someone who is so different, why not find someone who is similar from the start? Hopefully the chemistry develops, then all will be well.
And I truly believe that when the right man comes along, both chemistry and compatibility will be there from the start. Then I can really be off to a very happy start of something fulfilling and wonderful.
2 comments:
Not mouch inthe way of comment, more a story to reflect on:
A student ask a teacher, "what is love ?" The teacher said, "in order to answer your question,
go to the padi field and choose the biggest padi and come back.
But the rule is: you can go throught them only once and cannot turn back to pick."
The student went to the field, go thru first row, he saw one big padi,but he wonders....may be there is a bigger one later. Then he saw another bigger one... but may be there is a even bigger one waiting for him. Later, when he finished more than half of the padi field, he start to realise that the padi is not as big as the previous one he saw, heknow he has missed the biggest one,
and he regretted !!!! So, he ended up went back to the teacher with empty hand.
The teacher told him, "...this is love... you keep looking for a better one, but when later you realise, you
have already miss the person...."
" What is marriage then ?" the student asked.
The teacher said, "in order to answer your question, go to the corn field and choose the biggest corn and come back.
But the rule is: you can go throught them only once and cannot turn back to pick.
" The student went to the corn field, this time he is careful not to repeat the previous mistake, when he reach the middle of the field, he has picked one medium corn that he feel satisfy, and come back to the teacher.
The teacher told him, "this time you bring back a corn....
you look for one that is just nice, and you have faith and believe this is the best one you get.... this is marriage ."
Very inspiring story indeed. Thanks for sharing!
Post a Comment