What is it about older men that younger girls find the attraction in? I am not pin pointing at anyone in particular, but there have been quite a number of cases where a young girl (okay, not that young, someone in her early and mid-twenties) fall for a middle-aged man.
Some are lucky, as in the man is still single and available, mature and established, thus very willing to commit. These are the men that will treat a woman right, in the way she deserves to be treated. Often than not, these are the men that will love the girl more than she loves him, who are more into the girl than she into him.
Being girls, especially after we have had enough of immature doinks and self-centered guys, it is refreshing indeed to find a man who is mature, experienced, intellectual and showers us with the love and attention we always crave for but never seemed to see in the younger men. And this can be one of the reasons why girls end up falling for a much more senior man.
However, not everyone is so lucky. There are some guys who are married or attached but hide their status, show interest in a young girl, woo her and pamper her, and able to capture her heart easily, at the same time not letting on about his true status.
Being girls, or shall I say, being an emotional romantic girl, it is not hard to fall for a guy who is so caring and wonderful, and by the time she knows of his status, she has already fallen deeply, hook line and slinker, and it gets more depressing getting out than maintaining.
What happens if she maintains? She either have to suffer in silence, knowing full well that she can never attain that kind of status as a partner, what the Chinese will term as "见不得光". She has to be prepared to accept that she will never be in a normal relationship, because she will never be his priority.
She has to accept that she can never interact with his family and friends, and can never let him interact with hers. She also has to be prepared that he will suddenly disappear and not tell her exactly what he has been up to. She has to bear with all the insecurities on whether he was sleeping with another woman when he reaches home.
Of course, getting out is the most sensible way, but for those who live more on their feelings, how can they let go so easily? How can they fall for someone, only to give up without a fight? Some will go all out to fight, demand that the guy make his choice, but some will continue seeing the guy yet at the same time not wanting to break up his relationship or family. When the feelings are still strong, all it takes is just to spend time with the guy and nothing else matters.
I guess it is time to finally disclose what most of you have already suspected. Yes, the guy I was seeing previously is married. I never knew, or at least, never knew in the beginning. I went with him because he was the first guy I dated who really treated me like how I have always wanted to be treated.
By this, I am not saying material gifts, or wine and dine. But he was the first guy who let me choose what I wanted to do and he would just go along. He would go where I wanted to go, as long as it was near my place. He would walk me home even if he stayed far away.
Obviously, after a string of self-centred guys where I had to do their biddings, this was a pleasant change. I thought finally I found a guy who was willing to treat me like how I deserve to be treated, and not throw fits whenever I disagreed with him.
Thus I fell deeply. I thought I was finally the happiest person in the world. I was so happy that I was even willing to accept that he was still way off from my criteria, as long as he treated me right. So by the time I knew his status, I was in too much of a mess to handle more emotional trauma.
So how did I first know about it? It started when I was about to be admitted to the hospital last year. He came to see me after my surgery, but was chased out by my mum because she knew about his status all along but did not let on as she did not wish to hurt me. She wanted me to see for myself the type of person he is.
He finally told me he was married, but they have already separated, so I should not feel bad being with him. He still has to play the role of a father, but his (ex) wife and he were already not on speaking terms.
But at that moment, I was in such a messed up state that I wanted his support the most, which was why I obstinately hung on, despite the reprimands I got from my family members, and friends, who scolded me for breaking up someone's family.
The truth is that, I never wanted to break up anyone's family. And I never wanted to be with someone who was already attached in the first place, because I know how traumatising it is for the actual partner and the third party.
But stuck on I did, because each time I wanted to give up, wanted to save my sanity, he came running back and promised me things would get better given time. And each time I took him back. Whatever possessed me to do that I had no idea, but maybe for me, I wanted to prove that he was not a cad? a lying jerk?
That he would really settle his matters and we would be together? And I never for once ever forced him to make the ultimate decision, or pushed him into settling his affairs. I let him take his time and trusted him that all would be well in due time.
I am not pushing all the blame on him. I am to be blamed too, for plunging in without my eyes fully opened, only to find that it was too hard to get out later. Maybe he just played along, as after all, if a girl so much younger appreciates him and tells him how wonderful and loved she feels while out with him, the man will somehow get rather pleased, is it not?
The thing is that I never once did anything to go after him. If anything, he was the one who came after me, who wooed me, who asked me out, who took the initiative to talk to me. I never gave him any indication of any sort. And I certainly did not ask him to treat me so well; he did it all on his own accord.
So why was it that when things went wrong, I was accused of wanting to break up someone's family by being the vixen, yet no one ever said that he was the b*****d for going after another girl when he has yet to settle his family issues and still have commitment to them?!
Although this has past and when I finally decide to make the decision to kick him out, people in the know commented that I have finally come to my senses, then why did I choose to speak up only now after keeping silence all these while?
I never wanted to say out the entire situation, because I never believe in talking bad about someone I have been involved in. It is not a mere matter of being bad-tempered and treated me like scum, because, well, a lot of guys are like that.
This involves other people. I can rave and rant all I like about him, but why should I drag his family members into the picture, especially since they probably have no idea (maybe they did) that I ever existed? It was between me and him after all.
The sole reason I chose to speak up now is because up to now, some people still think I was the one who deliberately went to break up a person's family. Let me emphasise again. I.did.not.and.never.had.the.intention.to. Besides, I do not owe him anything for keeping mum about the situation; if anything, he should be the one to clarify what exactly transpired!
Yet instead of clarifying, he blamed me for wanting to go away. He said if I really love him, I would not mind his status. If I really loved him, why must I bother how long he takes to settle his family affairs? And if I really loved him, I would allow him to impregnate me and give birth to his baby even without any status. Can you believe the nerve of this fellow?!
I waited for a year. Time is no longer on my side. For a year, he chose to do nothing, except to reaffirm that one day everything will be settled. So when will that day come? Then I realise that he is never separated in the first place, nor heading towards the divorce courts. Which means he had been toying with my feelings all along.
Plus, I found out that there was (is) a fourth party involved. No wonder he sold off his shares, as he loaned her a five-figure sum just like that. I never even asked him for a couple of hundred dollars, yet he was willing to lend another lady a five-figure sum?! He did not make it so obvious, but from the clues and the way he was behaving, it does not take a rocket scientist to guess what he was up to.
One thing I absolutely hate is to be taken for a fool. I can take it if the guy is aloof and distant, if he is not as caring or loving as other guys, but I absolutely will not accept it if he is fooling around behind my back, and with more than one even!
Thus I made the decision to cut off, to stop crying over this fellow, to stop being affected by what he did. In a nutshell, I became totally "死心", and once a girl feels like this, the guy is definitely out of her life. She has given up all hope and love for him.
I believe in absolute fidelity, being loyal to the one you are with. Which was why I did not feel good about myself doing what I did the past year. I could not be with a person knowing that it would end up hurting another person.
All I ask for is loyalty and fidelity. That is the very basic requirements two persons should fulfill, whether just mere dating, or in an exclusive relationship, and especially in a marriage. Marriage vows are meant to be sacred and not to be broken. Anyone who does that is mocking the whole concept of marriage and commitment.
Some are lucky, as in the man is still single and available, mature and established, thus very willing to commit. These are the men that will treat a woman right, in the way she deserves to be treated. Often than not, these are the men that will love the girl more than she loves him, who are more into the girl than she into him.
Being girls, especially after we have had enough of immature doinks and self-centered guys, it is refreshing indeed to find a man who is mature, experienced, intellectual and showers us with the love and attention we always crave for but never seemed to see in the younger men. And this can be one of the reasons why girls end up falling for a much more senior man.
However, not everyone is so lucky. There are some guys who are married or attached but hide their status, show interest in a young girl, woo her and pamper her, and able to capture her heart easily, at the same time not letting on about his true status.
Being girls, or shall I say, being an emotional romantic girl, it is not hard to fall for a guy who is so caring and wonderful, and by the time she knows of his status, she has already fallen deeply, hook line and slinker, and it gets more depressing getting out than maintaining.
What happens if she maintains? She either have to suffer in silence, knowing full well that she can never attain that kind of status as a partner, what the Chinese will term as "见不得光". She has to be prepared to accept that she will never be in a normal relationship, because she will never be his priority.
She has to accept that she can never interact with his family and friends, and can never let him interact with hers. She also has to be prepared that he will suddenly disappear and not tell her exactly what he has been up to. She has to bear with all the insecurities on whether he was sleeping with another woman when he reaches home.
Of course, getting out is the most sensible way, but for those who live more on their feelings, how can they let go so easily? How can they fall for someone, only to give up without a fight? Some will go all out to fight, demand that the guy make his choice, but some will continue seeing the guy yet at the same time not wanting to break up his relationship or family. When the feelings are still strong, all it takes is just to spend time with the guy and nothing else matters.
I guess it is time to finally disclose what most of you have already suspected. Yes, the guy I was seeing previously is married. I never knew, or at least, never knew in the beginning. I went with him because he was the first guy I dated who really treated me like how I have always wanted to be treated.
By this, I am not saying material gifts, or wine and dine. But he was the first guy who let me choose what I wanted to do and he would just go along. He would go where I wanted to go, as long as it was near my place. He would walk me home even if he stayed far away.
Obviously, after a string of self-centred guys where I had to do their biddings, this was a pleasant change. I thought finally I found a guy who was willing to treat me like how I deserve to be treated, and not throw fits whenever I disagreed with him.
Thus I fell deeply. I thought I was finally the happiest person in the world. I was so happy that I was even willing to accept that he was still way off from my criteria, as long as he treated me right. So by the time I knew his status, I was in too much of a mess to handle more emotional trauma.
So how did I first know about it? It started when I was about to be admitted to the hospital last year. He came to see me after my surgery, but was chased out by my mum because she knew about his status all along but did not let on as she did not wish to hurt me. She wanted me to see for myself the type of person he is.
He finally told me he was married, but they have already separated, so I should not feel bad being with him. He still has to play the role of a father, but his (ex) wife and he were already not on speaking terms.
But at that moment, I was in such a messed up state that I wanted his support the most, which was why I obstinately hung on, despite the reprimands I got from my family members, and friends, who scolded me for breaking up someone's family.
The truth is that, I never wanted to break up anyone's family. And I never wanted to be with someone who was already attached in the first place, because I know how traumatising it is for the actual partner and the third party.
But stuck on I did, because each time I wanted to give up, wanted to save my sanity, he came running back and promised me things would get better given time. And each time I took him back. Whatever possessed me to do that I had no idea, but maybe for me, I wanted to prove that he was not a cad? a lying jerk?
That he would really settle his matters and we would be together? And I never for once ever forced him to make the ultimate decision, or pushed him into settling his affairs. I let him take his time and trusted him that all would be well in due time.
I am not pushing all the blame on him. I am to be blamed too, for plunging in without my eyes fully opened, only to find that it was too hard to get out later. Maybe he just played along, as after all, if a girl so much younger appreciates him and tells him how wonderful and loved she feels while out with him, the man will somehow get rather pleased, is it not?
The thing is that I never once did anything to go after him. If anything, he was the one who came after me, who wooed me, who asked me out, who took the initiative to talk to me. I never gave him any indication of any sort. And I certainly did not ask him to treat me so well; he did it all on his own accord.
So why was it that when things went wrong, I was accused of wanting to break up someone's family by being the vixen, yet no one ever said that he was the b*****d for going after another girl when he has yet to settle his family issues and still have commitment to them?!
Although this has past and when I finally decide to make the decision to kick him out, people in the know commented that I have finally come to my senses, then why did I choose to speak up only now after keeping silence all these while?
I never wanted to say out the entire situation, because I never believe in talking bad about someone I have been involved in. It is not a mere matter of being bad-tempered and treated me like scum, because, well, a lot of guys are like that.
This involves other people. I can rave and rant all I like about him, but why should I drag his family members into the picture, especially since they probably have no idea (maybe they did) that I ever existed? It was between me and him after all.
The sole reason I chose to speak up now is because up to now, some people still think I was the one who deliberately went to break up a person's family. Let me emphasise again. I.did.not.and.never.had.the.intention.to. Besides, I do not owe him anything for keeping mum about the situation; if anything, he should be the one to clarify what exactly transpired!
Yet instead of clarifying, he blamed me for wanting to go away. He said if I really love him, I would not mind his status. If I really loved him, why must I bother how long he takes to settle his family affairs? And if I really loved him, I would allow him to impregnate me and give birth to his baby even without any status. Can you believe the nerve of this fellow?!
I waited for a year. Time is no longer on my side. For a year, he chose to do nothing, except to reaffirm that one day everything will be settled. So when will that day come? Then I realise that he is never separated in the first place, nor heading towards the divorce courts. Which means he had been toying with my feelings all along.
Plus, I found out that there was (is) a fourth party involved. No wonder he sold off his shares, as he loaned her a five-figure sum just like that. I never even asked him for a couple of hundred dollars, yet he was willing to lend another lady a five-figure sum?! He did not make it so obvious, but from the clues and the way he was behaving, it does not take a rocket scientist to guess what he was up to.
One thing I absolutely hate is to be taken for a fool. I can take it if the guy is aloof and distant, if he is not as caring or loving as other guys, but I absolutely will not accept it if he is fooling around behind my back, and with more than one even!
Thus I made the decision to cut off, to stop crying over this fellow, to stop being affected by what he did. In a nutshell, I became totally "死心", and once a girl feels like this, the guy is definitely out of her life. She has given up all hope and love for him.
I believe in absolute fidelity, being loyal to the one you are with. Which was why I did not feel good about myself doing what I did the past year. I could not be with a person knowing that it would end up hurting another person.
All I ask for is loyalty and fidelity. That is the very basic requirements two persons should fulfill, whether just mere dating, or in an exclusive relationship, and especially in a marriage. Marriage vows are meant to be sacred and not to be broken. Anyone who does that is mocking the whole concept of marriage and commitment.
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