Club (S)PIZZA

There is a pasta place called SPIZZA, with a few outlets scattered around the island. I was there last night for dinner. What captured my interest was that the pizza menu is arranged from A to Z. There is a name for every pizza using every alphabet.

We settled for Zara pizza, which is chocolate flavoured, topped with bananas and almond flakes. It was a bit too early for dinner, considering we were the first customers (and the last to leave), so I did not wish to have anything too filling or heavy.

The ambience is good, with soothing and nice music, a nice place to hang out and chat. There were a few customers, but by the time it was nine, everyone else had gone, and I suspected the waiters were just hanging around waiting for us to leave, perhaps intending to throw us out but at the same time could not. Wonder if the place is that empty everyday?

The food is not that great though. Maybe the pizza we ordered was not that appetizing, perhaps the rest of the food in the menu would be nice? Still, it was good to explore a new place, then at least I will know whether to patronise it again!

Stock Clearance ....

Finally! I managed to finish my one thousand two hundred word paper on the architecture and compelling pull of the Roman Colosseum, as well as a two thousand word paper on the extent of how social and cultural factors affect the use of English in everyday life. Although I think I may not be able to score very well. Now I only have a thousand-word report to finish by Wednesday then I can breathe a sigh of relief (until the next deadline in another month's time).

It had been a fruitful weekend indeed. Besides rushing assignments, I bought a few more books (twenty more in fact), cleared my stock of books and met up with a very nice and interesting person. One can really learn so much once one widens one's horizons and meet up with different kinds of people, of all backgrounds, qualifications and walks of life.

I realise the reason why I have so many books is because I have a few versions and editions of the same book. To date, I have three editions of "Great Expectations", four editions of "Pride and Prejudice", two editions of "The Kite Runner", "The Inheritance of Loss", "Life of Pi" and "War and Peace", three editions of "The Little Prince" and "The Diary of Anne Frank", and of course, five editions of "The Complete Works of William Shakespeare". Not to mention a few different editions of "Alice's Adventures in Wonderland and Through the Looking Glass", "Complete Brothers' Grimm" and "Complete Hans Christian Anderson".

Many of my books have yellowed with age. Ever since I started buying and keeping books, I have never gotten rid of any, except those which my brothers used to tear when they were young, and for that I always cried whenever I see any of my books being torn apart. Books to me are a precious commodity, something which I can keep and last for life, and having different editions just make for a good collection.

But due to lack of space, at times one just have to be practical. So I did something which I have never done before - I gave away almost everything that have repeated titles. Thus, now I only have one "Pride and Prejudice", "Great Expectations", "The Kite Runner", "The Inheritance of Loss", "Life of Pi", "Alice in Wonderland" and "War and Peace".

As for the rest, I am never giving away any of the Shakespeare books, "The Little Prince" or folk tales, as the different editions have different illustrations. Some have the original coloured artwork which are just too precious to give away.

I initially thought of bringing them to sell at a second-hand bookstore, or donating them to an orphanage or children's home, until my maid requested if she could have them. She is going back home in May, and would like to bring the books back home as it has been hard for her family members to get hold of any decent storybook.

I am more than willing to oblige of course! She told me her family members and herself love reading and studying, but due to circumstances, they were not able to do more of those. No wonder she always helps herself to our books, and I always see her reading in her room after dinner or when she is on her break.

Yes, books are a rare priviledge in certain countries and places. Our local students really do not know how lucky they are that books and resources are so easily available everywhere here. Yet for some reason, they just hate reading and learning. We should take a leaf out of people from less priviledged places, in their thirst of reading and learning!

Challenges In Life = Experience Gained

I do not know whether it is a sign of old age, or I have just lost touch with the time when I was in school, but I realise I can no longer rush a few assignments at one go together. Sad to say, every school I attended, the assignment deadlines are always one after another, some on the same day, some the day after.

I did not feel it that much last year because I was just taking one subject. But this year I chose to do the full load so perhaps that is why I am feeling burned out? It is my fault then for over-estimating myself. Or for taking such an intensive course, one of heavy research, reading, analysing, writing and discourse, instead of a more "practical" course where the answers are either right or wrong, with no grey area in between.

Despite the odds, I still chose to do it, because it is what I love. It is what I want to do. A lot of people my age have already achieved Masters, or PhD even, whereas I still have some time to go before I can achieve a Masters.

Despite all the hard work, sweat and struggles, I still love it, because I am learning a lot from the course. Each module, each chapter, is a new challenge, and what is life without challenges? Challenges in life help one to become stronger, change one's objectives and let one learn a lesson. Experienced gained can never be lost, because lessons will be with us for life.

On a side note, I just realise I am almost as old as Ben & Jerry's! To commemorate the special day, we are having free ice-cream! Yeah, I can eat to my heart's content, provided I can make it!

Finally Purged!

Love equates commitment, although commitment is more than just love. Something which I came up with, after a discussion with a colleague over lunch. Love encompasses acceptance, tolerance, dedication, respect, accommodation and diplomacy. Love is not selfish nor self-centred. Love means ensuring the other party is happy and fulfilled. Love is giving without taking any back.

All of a sudden, I have an epiphany. If I really love a person, I will not care how many of my criteria he fulfils, nor will I see him as the person I hope for him to be, rather than the actual person he is. If we are really compatible in terms of goals, values, commitment and communication, that is all that matters, is it not?

Do I really have to care so much whether he is well-read or whether he is into classical music, or plays the piano and racquet sports, or can write poetry? If he really appreciates me for who I am, truly loves me and want to be with me no matter what happens and what it takes, then I suppose all those will never matter, because we will be all out to do things to make each other happy.

And this discovery has made me so much more relaxed, after the few months of uncertainty and directional loss. Love afterall is about loving an imperfect person perfectly, accepting and tolerating the differences, respecting each other fully and being committed through good and bad.

So perhaps my (past) oft-misguided feelings are a prelude to better things. That is not to say I am throwing away my entire criteria list though, but I am keeping an open mind now and not be too quick write anyone off (unless that person is really insufferable, a pervert or a walking chimney). Looks like I can finally let go of all the things in my mind and look forward to something more beautiful to come!

Save The Environment, Help The Children

The weather is crazy lately. It was raining so heavily last evening that I had to call a cab. Despite the driver stopping right in front of my sheltered office building, I still got sloshed upon. That shows how heavy the rain was!

Today, it started raining again after lunch. We were supposed to go for an Employee Health Screening at the other office building, when the rain came down in torrents, so none of us wanted to brave the rain just for a five-minute body check.

Apparently, this is the wettest and coolest March in seventy-four years! Even the air-conditioning in my second-floor study is going crazy! It turned on all on its own, without the external fan moving, and no matter how many times we tried to turn it off, it simply refused to be turned off. So we had to leave it at that.

Having said that, please help the environment and the children by buying environmentally-friendly bags and donating to the MILK fund from 1st April onwards at selected Jollibean outlets, except CK Tang, Lot 1, HarbourFront Centre, People's Park and Tanjong Pagar MRT Station.

Please do your part for the environment and the children!

A new venture by a local company

Books Galore!

I was doing a bit of stock taking at home, and I realise that I need another bookshelf! Yes, I have more books than clothes! My brothers have more CDs than clothes, but for me, I listen to the radio mostly.

Class 95 and Gold 90.5 have most of my favourite songs, so I have no need to buy that many CDs. Besides the kind of songs I like, I can hardly find the CD compilations. No point buying a whole CD just for one or two songs, so I rather burn songs I like and then compile into a CD myself. (Oops, did I just confess that?! :-p)

So anyway, I have enough books to set up a store. We have a big bookshelf along our second floor hallway, where my parents store all their books, with only a little corner for mine. So my books started spilling into the study, where my brothers store their books that spilled out from their room.

Now, my books have spilled out from the study to my room. My bookshelf is already full and my books are now everywhere, on my desk, floor, even stacked on top of my (unused) electone! Some have already spilled into the attic! Which is why I need another bookshelf, and a bigger one at that!

Come to think of it, among all my friends (excluding my second ex as he is another avid reader with a voracious appetite for books), my house is the only one that actually has a bookshelf in every room, and a big one in the hallway. That shows just how much my entire family likes to read.

And the bookshelves we have actually contain fiction and non-fiction books, as well as magazines, whereas for most of my friends, the only bookshelf they have is in their room, and even then, they got it because they need to store their school books. The rest of the bookshelf are used to store toys and other trinkets, instead of books. Which is why for those who have come to my place, they always get astounded by the number of books we have.

My mum has been nagging me to clean up or give away all my books. But I am not selling away any of them! My parents are always so bewildered why I buy books instead of borrowing from the library. I do go to the library to borrow, but if it is a book I really like, I will buy it after returning it.

The reason I buy books is because I can read and re-read it again and again, whenever my mood fancies. Books feed my mind, one is so much more enriched after reading a real touching story or a captivating book.

There are so many lessons one can derived from books, from language to grammar to vocabulary to poetry to history to philosophy to human nature to psychology to relationships to medicine to science and technology to law to astrology to religion to food to travel to music to dance.

In fact, everything that can be found in this universe can be learnt from books. Which is why I am so grateful my parents started me reading at a young age, as I think I will go around in life missing out on a lot if I do not read.

Now what I need to do is to list down all the books I have, and start re-reading them again. Sometimes one gets a different opinion when one reads a book again, at a different age and stage. Perhaps I may be able to understand the story better the next time round, perhaps I can grasp the message which I failed to grasp. And that is why my passion for reading will never fizzle!

Terms Of Endearment

I guess most people in relationships will have a pet name for their other halves. Definitely my parents have, they call each other by their respective nicknames, which only my dad has for my mum and my mum has for my dad.

My best friend calls her hubby the most commonly used form of "dear dear". As such long time friends, she and I have our own nicknames for each other too! Once two people get really chummy with each other, they can start calling each other names (in an endearing way). Other couples will call each other "darling" or "dearie".

Of course, when I was in relationships, I had terms of endearment too, from the guys and vice versa. I still remember my (second) ex would use to call me his "wife" in front of his friends and brother. His brother, too, used to address me as "sister-in-law" in Chinese. In our letters and cards to each other, we would address each other in "disgusting" names, which, come to think of it now, are rather embarrassing, albeit sweet.

I have had other terms of endearment by others as well. But mostly names I hate, as I find them more insulting than endearing. To the person saying that, he thought it was funny and humourous, but to me, I did not appreciate his sense of humour as it seemed like an insult.

I had other terms of endearment from my family too. My mum has her own pet name for me. So does my paternal grandma. So do my cousins. How my family members address me is definitely different from how others address me, because nobody goes around calling others pet names unless one is really close to the person.

Perhaps now I have outgrown the use of nick or pet names. I cannot foresee myself ever using any form of endearment on another guy, even if he is my partner. The most I will use is probably the commonest form of "dear" or "darling", and even then, that is only for the one special person, not just any mere person.

Just like I am not comfortable with anyone else calling me "dear" or "darling", unless I am really close to the person. With girlfriends it is okay, as I have no qualms any of my girlfriends addressing me as such, but with guys, I will get really uncomfortable, as if I am not the girlfriend, then I do not think he should address me as such (unless he is gay, then that is a different story).

OG = Old Girls?

I seldom shop at OG, because my friends will call it "Old Girls", so I always have the impression the clothes there are more befitting for women my mum's age. Besides, my mum has been shopping at OG and Metro for years.

But then, I never really shop at This Fashion as well, even though the clothes are supposed to be for younger women. It is not because it is a budget store, more like the clothes are too outlandish for my taste, and some nice ones which I picked out from there, I discovered loose threads and stuck zippers.

So, I normally shop at G2000, M:)Phosis, Fontree, Senses and Iora. These are the places where I can pick out real nice work clothes with good cuttings. The price is reasonable and the clothes are long-lasting as well.

A few days back, my mum bought me a white dress. It is a knee-length dress with small diagonal stripes, crisscross back and adjustable straps. As I have said, my mum is my fashion guru. I fell in love with the dress the moment I laid eyes on it. It is fitting for lunch parties, or first official dates, or special occasions, or tea gatherings. Somehow the clothes I buy can never be compared to what my mum picks out for me.

And I definitely do not dress like a frumpy old lady! My circle of friends, even guys I have dated and their parents, know I am not a sloppy dresser. In fact, this is something I am proud about, as I have been told I know how to dress.

Anyway, my mum bought that dress from OG. I was rather surprised, because if OG sells such nice articles of clothing, then I should start shopping there more often from now on. Or perhaps I never really go there, which is why I never know the shop sells such nice clothes, for younger women, and not just for older women.

Thus, OG and Metro are now on my list of must-go places to shop if I am ever in the mood for retail therapy again. OG is not just a place for "old girls", but for the young too!

Deliberation ....

Here comes another Easter. The second anniversary of my baptism. Actually, if I count the days, it is not exactly two years yet, but if I count the occasion, it has been two years, depending on when Lent occurs for the year.

I am not exactly the type that gives a lot to the church, unlike my friend, who spends all his free time and off days taking part in church activities. But his commitment is worth it, because he feels really good that his first batch of elects are finally getting baptised after about a year of journey.

I feel happy for him too, as I have seen how committed he has been to his group of elects, counselling them, taking care of them, clearing their doubts. And now at the end of their journey, it is a gratifying feeling, similar to what I felt in the past when my students improved on their grades after a year of scolding and sweating.

Seeing this is enough to renew my passion in teaching, in guiding others. Perhaps once I am done with my course, I may want to teach again, or lecture. It is much more satisfying and fulfilling to be able to guide and facilitate others, and seeing how they learn and blossom under one's care. It is more blessed to give than to receive after all!

Happy Easter everyone!

Of Politics And Popularity

I am a nonconformist when it comes to politics. I do not really care whether the main party or opposing party wins the elections, or who is involved, as long as the governmental authorities know what they are doing and able to administer the country well.

I know there are people who advocate left-wing, there are some who are pro right-wing, and there are some who are middle of the road. But for me, I have never involved myself in any politicking, be it in office or outside. Heck, I have not even have a chance to vote for anyone as yet!

However, in light of the recent heavy political activities around (like Malaysia, United States, et al), a thought came into my mind. In some countries, those charismatic popular figures are those who win elections, and very popular with the public.

The public then vote for them to win, perhaps thinking that it is better to have someone they like administer the country. Yet, in some countries, the popular figureheads may have good rapport with the people, but when it comes to actual work, some fail to deliver what they have promised.

Instead, it is those autocratic figureheads who in the end fell out of favour with the public that did manage to get things done. I am not going to risk naming anyone here, lest I get into real trouble, but I see this pattern in quite a number of places.

There are some people who aim to please, and become well-liked, but yet never get anything done properly. There are some who insist on their own ways, offending people in the process, yet they manage to get a lot of things done properly.

I do not mean just figureheads, but across the board. Even in work, even for normal employees, there are some who bootlick and promise the sun, moon and stars, but when the time comes, they fail to deliver. There are some who do not follow instructions, who become hated by everyone, yet when it comes to real work, they are the ones who manage to deliver.

So the question is, is it better to find someone who is charismatic, popular and know the right things to say at the right time, but totally incompetent, or find someone who is unpopular, who offends everyone, but yet efficient?

Of course, the perfect scenario is to find someone who is both popular, well-liked and efficient, but then, how many things in life can be so perfect? Many a times we have to look at the bigger picture instead of taking things at face value.

Anyway, my vote on the United States election? Well, if either of them wins, it will be a first in United States history anyway. So I am hoping the lady will win. Afterall, women should always support women!

Beyond Parental Control?

The headline in the New Paper yesterday had me rolled over in laughter. Perhaps I am mean to laugh, but after the stupidity of people, one cannot help but laugh. Hello, the kid is only seven, refused to go to school, wanted to stay at home and play instead, and the parents dragged him to court on the basis of Beyond Parental Control?!

Now, which seven-year-old kid with the right mind would enjoy going to school? Even for eight-year-old kids and nine-year-old kids, even university students, most will not want to attend school if they can help it!

Truancy is everywhere, NOT that I am condoning it. Going to school and attending classes are what responsible students should do, but face it, how many people have skipped a bit of classes here and there?

I know I am one of them. I have skipped lectures and tutorials, even cutting classes in my younger days. I am not so perfect that I attend all lectures and tutorials, but I do not do that all the time though. At least I definitely do not skip any classes now!

Anyway, back to the article. Apparently, more and more parents are turning to the juvenile courts to help control and discipline the children, some over very minor matters. Needless to say, the courts threw out most of the cases.

Which makes me wonder, as parents, is it not their responsibilities to care for and discipline their own children, instead of turning to schools and courts to help discipline the kids? What roles are the parents playing if they need outside help to guide their children on the right tracks?

I believe it is not easy bringing up a child, not that I have first hand experience in it, at least not at this point in time. But if a couple brings a child into the world, then it is their commitment and responsibility to ensure the child grows up well right?

In this, I do not mean just material needs. It is not just a matter of ensuring the child is well-fed, well-clothed, attends school and does the homework. It is the nurturing of a child's mind and development, like guiding him on the right track, what is right and wrong, how to behave, what to do.

It is no use just bringing a child into the world, then neglects him totally and thinking just by feeding, clothing and giving him money is sufficient. If there is no guidance from home, of course he will try to find acceptance and guidance outside, and by the time he starts being a delinquent, perhaps it may be too late.

Part of getting married is for procreation, but then once a couple has a child, they have to be prepared that it is not just a simple matter of giving birth and that is it. Although it is sad indeed that many couples I know are still unwilling to have children, but at the end of it all, a child will brighten up a couple's life. One just have to adapt accordingly and ensure they make the commitment to bring up the child well in all aspects, and not just materially.

(Un)Familiarity With Directions

I find it an irony that I seem to know my way better than some of the cab drivers, when I am the one paying them to bring me to my destinations. Some cab drivers will ask which way I would like to go. For me, I always trust their sense of judgment and direction, so I never bother which way they go as long as they bring me to the destination, unless I am in a hurry, in which case I will request for the fastest route available.

I needed to go to the music school yesterday to buy some books and settle some administrative procedures before going to my grandmother's place for dinner with my Australian relatives, so I took a cab to save time.

During quitting time in the city, it is almost impossible to save time taking cabs, considering the massive traffic jam caused by people hurrying home from work. But my office area is not exactly in the city, so that place seldom jams up unless there is a major accident.

Anyway, I told the cabbie my destination. He was a bit confused over where I wanted to go, because to him, there are two buildings with similar sounding names at different locations. So I told him I wanted to go to the Digital Mall, the place specialising in computers and other related peripherals.

I thought this should be clear enough, when I realised he thought I meant the other place selling computer products. I had to tell him some significant buildings around the area before he finally understood where it was I wanted to go. Even then, he confessed he was not familiar, and asked if I could direct him.

So I told him fine, I would direct him when we were around the area. Anyway, he did manage to bring me to wherever I wanted and I managed to get whatever I wanted, before taking another cab to my grandmother's place.

Which got me thinking - cab drivers, besides being skillful in driving, shall they need to go through a crash course on local geography as well? Otherwise, will it not be a source of embarrassment if a tourist gets into a cab and the cabbie confesses he is not familiar with wherever the tourist wants to go? Food for thought here.

A Foodie Blog Of Thine Relation

I must have been blind. All my random readings of blogs, food blogs in particular, I never discovered this until recently. To top it off, it is my cousin's blog! My half-cousin actually, for those who knows my family background.

Anyway, it was her brother who started the blog, on all kinds of food and restaurant reviews. These are my well-priviledged cousins, with looks, brains, wealth, scholarships to top universities, anything and everything.

So for those who, for some reason, think I have all-encompassing knowledge and am a gourmet who go around sourcing for the best food and the best places, you have not met them. It runs in the family - to go eating at the best places and finding out where the best food are.

And I am proud to be related to them!

"Making" Love

Got this pretty inspiring article from a poised, refined, young-at-heart, amazing lady, whose blog I just stumbled upon. :-)

During one of our seminars, a woman asked a common question. She said, 'How do I know if I married the right person?'

I noticed that there was a large man sitting next to her so I said, 'It depends. Is that your husband?'

In all seriousness, she answered 'How do you know?'

Let me answer this question because the chances are good that it's weighing on your mind.

Here's the answer.

EVERY relationship has a cycle. In the beginning, you fell in love with your spouse/partner. You anticipated their call, wanted their touch, and liked their idiosyncrasies (unconventional behavior/habit).

Falling in love with your spouse wasn't hard. In fact, it was a completely natural and spontaneous experience. You didn't have to DO anything. That's why it's called 'falling' in love... Because it's happening TO YOU.

People in love sometimes say, 'I was swept off my feet.' Think about the imagery of that expression.

It implies that you were just standing there; doing nothing, and then something came along and happened TO YOU.

Falling in love is easy. It's a passive and spontaneous experience. But after a few years of marriage, the euphoria (excitement) of love fades. It's the natural cycle of EVERY relationship. Slowly but surely, phone calls become a bother (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome (when it happens), and your spouse's idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute, drive you nuts.

The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship, but if you think about your marriage, you will notice a dramatic difference between the initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even angry subsequent stage.

At this point, you and/or your spouse might start asking, 'Did I marry the right person?' And as you and your spouse reflect on the euphoria of the love you once had, you may begin to desire that experience with someone else. This is when marriages breakdown. People blame their spouse for their unhappiness and look outside their marriage for fulfillment.

Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes. Infidelity is the most obvious. But sometimes people turn to work, a hobby, a friendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances.

But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your marriage. It lies within it. I'm not saying that you couldn't fall in love with someone else.

You could.

And TEMPORARILY you'd feel better. But you'd be in the same situation a few years later. Because (listen carefully to this):

THE KEY TO SUCCEEDING IN MARRIAGE IS NOT FINDING THE RIGHT PERSON; IT'S LEARNING TO LOVE THE PERSON YOU FOUND.

SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. It'll NEVER just happen to you. You can't 'find' LASTING love. You have to 'make' it day in and day out. That's why we have the expression 'the labor of love.'

Because it takes time, effort, and energy. And most importantly, it takes WISDOM. You have to know WHAT TO DO to make your marriage work.

Make no mistake about it. Love is NOT a mystery. There are specific things you can do (with or without your spouse) to succeed with your marriage.

Just as there are physical laws of the universe (such as gravity), there are also laws for relationships.

Just as the right diet and exercise program makes you physically stronger, certain habits in your relationship WILL make your marriage stronger. It's a direct cause and effect. If you know and apply the laws, the results are predictable... you can 'make' love.

Love in marriage is indeed a 'decision'... Not just a feeling.

Remember this always:

'God determines who walks into your life. It is up to you to decide who you let walk away, who you let stay, and who you refuse to let go.'

My Facebook Blog

For a while now, I have been contemplating creating another space where I will do some random writings, as well as to pen down short stories or ideas of stories. People will ask, what, then, is this space for? When I first created this space, it is to note down whatever thoughts that come into my mind, general, specific, details, anything, as well as memories of the times in case I become senile in the future.

As time goes by, I realise that I have to be responsible over what I write, that I cannot just blast out anything and everything, especially in my more emotional state. But this space has become so much a part of my life that I feel reluctant to shut it down or lay it off altogether.

Recently, I found some long-lost friends, and they have been rather interested to know what has been going on in my life. This space is for all and sundry to read, but then there are certain details which I have let on that I do not feel so comfortable telling everybody now.

Besides, unless they have known me intimately through the years and will not judge, chances are it is not a good idea to let on about this space. Thus, this blog is only for those I really trust enough and those who have been following my writings throughout, and know at least what kind of person I am.

So I have created a new space, just for those who requested. I will call it my Facebook blog, as whenever that space is updated, it will be in my Facebook notes. That space will not be updated as frequently, as that is only for random thoughts and general observations I come across, nothing detailed, specific or intimate.

Thus, my long-lost friends can still get updated on what is going on, but at the same time, there will be nothing too specific to trigger any form of tremendous reaction. For those who want to check it out, here it is. :-)

Onward To A Performance Level

So the piano test is over! Whew! The teacher who was testing me has an Associate Certificate from Trinity College of Music, London, so she is very qualified to assess my standard. She is a soft-spoken, nice lady who is very encouraging, so I was not nervous at all.

Her comments were that my Moonlight Sonata is good, but the Radetzky March is a little jerky. Actually, I kind of know this is what she would say. She then gave me a sight-reading piece, which is Muzio Clementi's Sonatina Opus 36, in all three movements.

This is a song which I have been playing quite a lot when I was young, but to just play the whole song on the spot is something else altogether. Needless to say, even though I was able to play the whole song with both hands, still there were some wrong notes and dynamics here and there.

As for scales, she gave me Hanon's finger dynamics, which required my fingers to run up and down at a fast pace. Again, there were minor mistakes and jerkiness here and there. Luckily she did not ask me to play the full scales in major, minor chromatic and minor harmonic!

So the conclusion is that I am not yet up to performance certificate level (I kind of expected this), but if I am to start over from Grade 5, it will be too easy for me. However, since it had been a long time since I have taken my exams and I have lost touch with the instrument, I need to re-take Grade 5 Theory and Practical again before I can progress to a higher level.

So she wants me to take Grade 5 Theory and Practical, after which she will advance me straight to Grade 8, and then progress from there. Well, at least it is not as bad as I thought! She did ask why did I not choose Mozart or Bach, as those songs are easier. Hmmm... I never really thought of that.

At least now I am able to work towards a certain goal and that is what I am happy about! If there are no goals, then life is not worth living!

An Oddball

At times I think to myself, why must I choose to be the odd one? As in take up courses just for my interests and not because they can help in my career. When my friends take up the more "practical" courses of business or marketing or engineering or accounting, I chose English.

When people chose to play the easy and portable instrument of guitar, I chose the piano. When people chose to go clubbing and indulge in water sports, I chose to play tennis. When people chose to play games, I chose to read. When others watched action movies, I chose historical and romance. When people read motivational and business books, I read classics and poems.

Is it any wonder why it is so hard to find someone whom I can totally relate to, and vice versa? Or perhaps I have not met the minority yet, since I guess someone like me is also considered a minority, not having the same tastes and interests as the majority.

World's Best Mum!

My mum is absolutely the best mum in the world! Each day I spend with her increases my respect and admiration for her. Just like today. My Aussie aunt and uncle are coming tomorrow for the Easter holidays. They are popping by to see my grandma, before going to Hong Kong on Thursday to visit our relatives and my late grandpa's grave, then coming back here on Saturday before going back home.

Despite having a bad cough, my mum drove to Chinatown to buy a dozen baby mangoes. The reason? Because my uncle loves them and baby mangoes cannot be found in Australia. It is amazing how she goes all out to show consideration and care to others, something which most people I come across will never do.

And this is something which I still have to improve on, how to show consideration and care for others. It is not in speech or words, but in actions. My parents are not the kinds who go for flowery language or words, but they show a lot in their actions. How childish I was in the past to think they are unfeeling and cold just because they do not express their feelings aloud!

And that is the difference between someone who is really sincere and someone who is not. Actions speak louder than words.

Keeping One's Passions Alive

I will be taking the piano qualifying test this evening. And I am already experiencing butterflies in my stomach. Each time whenever there is a test or audition or performance, I will always feel queasy before the event. Not a good thing, no wonder I never do that well!

Ironically, I used to hate playing the piano and electone. In fact, I hated all the enrichment lessons my parents signed me up for. I guess that is the mentality of almost every kid, who only wanted to play and refused to do anything else.

I hated practising, and my mum had to sit by me every night, supervising me in my playing. I remember I had to play at least an hour per instrument per night! My dad had taken some keyboard lessons before, but my mum did not, so she could only supervise me according to what she learnt from the teacher when she accompanied me for lessons.

There were times when I refused to practise, and my mum and I would quarrel over it. There were times when I told her I wanted to drop, but she scolded me of not having enough determination and discipline to see things through.

Despite that I always scored the best amongst my classmates in the music examinations, and my late teacher used to commend that I was the most talented of her students, I still felt playing the instruments were nothing but chores.

Until the year I was ten. There was a major performance organised by the music school. I was asked to play the hardest piece on the electone. It was a group performance, so I played the melody and two others played the chords and pedal respectively.

Then there was a special performance at the end of the concert, and I was asked to play an individual piece on the piano. I still remember that piece was the simplified version of Mozart's Concerto in C.

Of course, my mum and my late teacher made me go for extra lessons in order to give a good performance. And that was the turning point. I fell in love with performing, classical music, and playing the instruments.

That was when I realise that knowing how to play instruments is not such a bad thing. Since then, my late teacher kept giving me opportunities to perform, whether in competitions or promotions, group or individual.

And that was when I started to really have a passion for all the enrichment courses my parents sent me to. It is good to keep one's passions burning, especially since I have lost a lot of time in the past due to my bad procrastination habit.

A Pompous Person

I met a very pompous guy for lunch yesterday. All he could do was to comment about everything, to the food (which was not even my choice of restaurant) to my job (who is he to say my job is boring without exactly knowing what it is I do?) to the place I was going for dinner to celebrate a friend's birthday (he slaughtered the food of a place I was dying to try out) to religion (he actually asked me what is the purpose of me going to church?!).

I was so irritated that I really felt like telling him off! I came from a tennis game, so he commented on why I played tennis when I had a lunch appointment! Why could I not play tennis before the lunch appointment, and in any case I was not late, I was there about ten minutes before the appropriate time!

He claimed to have studied overseas, and he kept putting down our education system, saying he could not get into the course he wanted because his grades were not good enough. Well, if his grades were not good, and he could not make the course, why blame the education system? And for someone who studied overseas in an English-speaking country, his standard of the language leaves much to be desired.

At the end of the lunch, he even took out a cigarette and started smoking. That was the final straw. It took all shreds of decency to end the meeting on an amicable note. Luckily I never have to see him again, because I sure did not make it seem like I am interested in meeting up with him again and we did not exchange numbers or name cards.

Tennis Elbow

I played tennis again yesterday, singles this time. After having not played the game for like half a year or so, I was in a rather bad shape. Not to mention after the few days of thunderstorms, it was such a hot day yesterday, and the sun was streaming down without any mercy, making me feel even more lethargic. Needless to say, my arm and legs are aching now!

As always, I ended up picking up balls more than actually serving. Plus the racquet I was using is not the right one, so I was not able to maneuvre the tennis balls over the net. One thing I notice about tennis games is that when the ball gets hit, it either goes over the net or it does not.

The ball can go anywhere, over the net and gets served back, or over the net and bounces onto the ground, or just hit the net and bounces to the ground. The ball goes whichever direction the server serves. So if the person is a good server, it tends to be bounced back and forth, and if the person is a mediocre player, the ball then goes all directions.

Which makes me think we are in control of our own destinies. Just like how one can control a tennis ball (and even a squash ball). It only depends on how one plays. So I guess one's destiny is in one's hands; it only depends on how one plays!

First Impression Memories

When I went for the social event on Friday night, there was a guy who looked familiar. I could not quite place him, but I am sure I have seen him before. Then he gave me his namecard, but still I did not notice his name.

Until I started to take down his number. And I realise who he is. I met him once at another event and we exchanged name cards. I know his name and the company he is working for. So when I paid attention to his name card, I had a feeling he is someone I know.

And I am right! That is really sheer coincidence, to meet the same person at another event. Come to think of it, I do not think he remembers me though, since he did not give me any sign of recognition.

I guess people are like that, is it not? They never remember who they meet. Or perhaps the person did not create that great an impression. During Biology lessons back in school, I remember there is a part of the brain (is it the cerebral or the cerebellum?) that takes care of memories.

So even though we have met people, their images will still be stuck in our mind, thus when we see the same person again, we will remember somehow. I know for sure I definitely remember people I have come across, even if I have met them only once, even if they have not left any deep impression on me.

And it is not like I make an effort to remember, I just do. At times I wonder if having a good memory is but a good thing, as it accounts for me being so emotional. Perhaps it is better to have a worse memory, then I can better let go of things and start over on a fresh clean slate.

"It Takes More Courage To Stay Single Than Be With Someone"

"It takes more courage to stay single than be in a relationship", so said one of the guys at the dinner last night. He was talking about the movie "The Leap Years", and that is the message behind the show.

That statement is so true! How often does one find someone to be with, even if the person is not the best for him / her? Everyone is afraid of loneliness, and I know pretty well how alone one can feel when all your peers are attached and married, and you are dateless, and have to be resigned with spending festivals without a special someone by your side.

Maybe that is why there are more and more broken relationships lately. When people are younger, they just go with anyone who wants to be with them, without thinking through properly whether the person is really suitable. Everyone has made that mistake some point in their lives, including me.

In the end, everything is not worth it because one ends up wasting their time, their youth, their emotions, hoping things would change but never did. It takes courage to break away, to be alone, to know that you want to be involved only with the right person and not just mere anyone.

And that is what I am learning and trying to do. Even though my social life is almost non-existent at this point in time, I am still holding up for the right person. Not the perfect person, but the right person, because the right person may not be perfect, and the perfect person may not be right. Which is why I am reluctant to settle with anyone else, because I do not want to be with anyone second best.

Dining With Strangers

I went for a social networking event consisting of a sit-down dinner with four guys and four girls last night. It is an interesting experience considering that was the first time I went for an event like this. But why did I feel like a mother hen?

Everyone else there are younger than me! Even though they are not that much younger, but I already feel a generation gap, because the things they talk about are fun things like roller-blading, wakeboarding, diving. Things which younger folks like themselves will enjoy but an "oldie" like me will not.

Just a few years back, I would be game for roller blading and wakeboarding, and even scuba diving. I even took a couple of diving lessons before, then they became too expensive and time-consuming. So I was game in my younger years to try interesting things.

Yet now I feel too tired to try exciting things like these anymore. I rather have the simple life, doing simple things. Maybe because I am already beyond the stage of fun, and craving for some domestic life?

But it was a nice group. Everyone exchanged emails and contacts, promising to keep in touch. As usual, in a group event, especially with strangers, there are some who could break the ice easily, some who remained quiet throughout, some who would contribute and share in the conversation.

Everyone had interesting stories. For instance, one of them spoke about travelling, and I contributed my own travel stories. Someone mentioned about playing tennis, so I spoke about my own experiences with my lessons. Another one mentioned about movies, and another mentioned about upcoming good movies. Everyone had something to say, which was a good thing!

Overall, it was a fun event. I got to meet new people whom I would otherwise not meet. Despite them being young and fun-loving, they are still nice to talk with and hang out with. We were thinking of an outing one day, so I really hope we can keep in touch, and not just stop contacting each other!

Being Pissed Again ....

I am so pissed! I suffered for a year because of the indifference of someone whom I had no idea why I used to like so much, whereas he was two, three, four-timing me even, and now when everything is over and I am finally out of the pits and able to pick myself up again, he says I am the one at fault and whatever he did was for my own good?!

And he blamed me for throwing a tantrum once, when anyone in my position would have lost their tempers a long time ago from the way they were treated, the way they were never the priority, when it was due to all the accumulated stress and frustration that I finally lost my temper, long over-due for like six months or so?

He said I used to teach, was supposed to be an example for the young, yet how could I lose my temper just like that? I am a human too, and if things get too frustrating, I get angry too! Did he really think I could just keep quiet after everything that happened and how he had treated me?! I have every right to get angry after being so unfairly treated!

And he said I was the one at fault, and should be receptive to what others said?! I was not the one with an ambiguous status, neither was I the one with things to hide, neither was I the one who two-timed. I was the faithful, loyal one, and when I was with him, I was only with him, no one else, and bore as much as I could with however he was treating me!

Since when was a relationship so hidden? As in I never got to meet the parents or the family members or the friends, and he never wanted to meet my family and friends. He never wanted to take any interest in my interests, and never wanted me to take any interest in his. What sort of a relationship was that?!

I held on thinking things could improve, and in the end when I realise things became worse instead, I had to hold on to my sanity to give everything up. And I got blamed for that?! I got blamed for not treasuring or appreciating him, for getting angry, when he treated me as nothing but a backup, a time-filler, and still gave me a hard time for that?!

Honestly, have I ever asked for anything? From what I could remember, no. I never even kicked up a fuss when I suspected his true status, nor did I kick up a fuss when he could not commit more time due to his "family commitments".

I just accepted whatever time he gave me, and looked forward to every moment with him as I knew how precious the time was. Once in a while I would ask if he could spend more time with me, but was I really being so unreasonable by asking that?

So why am I the one who was blamed when I know for a fact in all my conscience that I had done my best in trying to keep the relationship going on my own part, and he was the one that was so half-hearted, having a wife and perhaps a few girlfriends at the side?

He even accused me of not trusting him! He said he did not need to explain, and that if I really trusted him I would not even suspect him. Honestly, why would he not say anything if he really had nothing to hide? His actions alone were already a cause for suspicion. If he really had nothing to hide, why could he not just explain? How did he expect people to trust and have confidence in him if he did not even give them a cause for confidence?

He did not even realise when I finally stopped talking to him! This showed just how much I really meant to him, because if I really did mean anything to him, he would have noticed or cared the moment I stopped talking to him, and not react in such an indifferent way.

Yet, he still think he is the one that was so noble by letting me go, by leaving me when he did, and that I was the one that was so low-class by getting pissed. I think I am already in good control of my temper and emotions. Anyone else would have done something even more drastic already.

He accused me of being so high class in having such high educations, yet I called him names. He claimed he was so nice that even though he did not have as high qualifications he would never want to call anyone any names.

All I said was that truth be told, I thought he was a jerk, because the fact is, he really is one. I think I am already being kind enough, anyone else would have called him worse names in my position!

A pity I am never able to erase this blemish in my life. He expected that things could still remain on good terms, but honestly, it had been hard for me to remain on good terms with him once I saw through him.

Because he is someone that only thinks whatever he does is right and has no qualms having so many girls at his beck and call. But not me. If I ever go on the beck and call of someone, it means that guy is my one and only, and vice versa. I can never share my man with anyone else. Yet he still thinks I am the one at fault, and should listen to what others say about me?!

Do people not realise I am a woman? And a "small woman" at that? I can be very forgiving and open-minded, but then I can be very bitter and narrow-minded too. And if people continue to step on my tail, I can get really nasty. Which is why people always say, never ever offend a woman!

It Had To Be You

Jazz is one genre which I have yet to explore thoroughly, although the tunes I like range from fast jazz like Chicago's (the musical, not the band) "All That Jazz" to slow jazz like those from Nat King Cole.

The reason I like jazz is because the songs and tunes are rather catchy, and a lot of them have touching lyrics which tell a story, which is so rare in modern songs nowadays. Anyway, I came across this song entitled "It Had To Be You" by old blue eyes himself.

This song has been remade many times over, as the original version came out around the late 1910s or something, but the tune and lyrics have never really swayed much from the original version. So while listening to it, I started swaying to the music. Jazz is one genre of music that can go right to your core, and you just start swaying and moving away to the tune!

It Had To Be You ~ Frank Sinatra

Why do I do, just as you say
Why must I just, give you your way
Why do I sigh, why don't I try to forget

It must have been,
That something lovers call fate
Kept me saying, "I have to wait"
I saw them all,
Just couldn't fall till we met

It had to be you, it had to be you
I wandered around, and finally found
The somebody who
Could make me be true,
And could make me be blue
And even be glad, just to be sad
Thinking of you

Some others I've seen,
Might never be mean
Might never be cross,
Or try to be boss
But they wouldn't do
For nobody else, gave me a thrill
With all your faults, I
Love you still

It had to be you, wonderful you
It had to be you

A Chinese-Speaker .... Not!

I was taking the bus with my colleague from China last weekend, and we got engaged in a discussion on books by Eileen Chang (张爱玲). I know my mum reads her books, in fact I came across one of the books "半生缘" (roughly translated, "Fate Of A Half Life") on the bookshelf the other day.

Apparently, not everyone can appreciate Eileen Chang's books, but she was to China what Shakespeare was to England, even though they lived in totally different eras and cultures. Just like it takes a certain kind of linguistic flair and passion to truly appreciate Shakespeare, it also takes someone of great depth and intellect to be able to understand Eileen Chang's stories.

I have not read the books, although I am rather familiar with the gists of some of the stories. Apparently Eileen Chang writes about life and love, and her observations of men and women. But her messages are not that straight forward, one must really digest her books before they get what she is saying.

Anyway, my China colleague was remarking that she thinks my standard of Chinese is the best in the company, and that got me really stumped. I told her that so many of them speak better and more fluent Mandarin than me, whereas I still struggle over some of the words and pronunciation.

Then she said, anyone can speak, but I seem to be the only one who can actually read and write Chinese and able to translate into English and vice versa. Well, I have been through like twelve years of mother tongue lessons, so the basics would be there, would it not?

Anyone who has been through our local education system would be able to at least read and write in the mother tongue, right, especially those from Chinese or neighbourhood schools? Although I was from a mission school, but anyone who had been paying a bit of attention in class would be able to grasp the basic foundation.

So why is it such a surprise that I can read and write Chinese words and able to understand and explain the meaning? I do not believe those Chinese-speakers will do a worse job; in fact they should do a better job since they are more comfortable in the language, whereas I am still officially monolingual!

But my early education boils down to my mum. My parents are both avid readers, so even before I could speak, my mum would read a bedtime story to me everyday. An English story on odd days, and a Chinese story on even days. On Sundays, she would read stories of both languages, and taught me how to speak and recognise the words.

Maybe that is why I still love reading, even now. Although I read more English books than Chinese books, since I take double the time reading Chinese characters than English words, but still, it is a good enrichment. Just like music is the food for the soul, books are food for the mind. And for that, I am truly grateful for the foundation my parents laid out for me.

Job Recognition

Now that our Head has left, the poor Legal Counsel is taking over his job until the new Head arrives (no idea when). With his departure, all of a sudden, I seem to be in the "limelight" for a lot of things.

In the past, the higher ranking staff never bothered talking to me, but all of a sudden, I get asked for meetings and negotiations, and people offering their help in the event I need help. And the Managing Director himself started talking to me, calling me into his room for meetings, where in the past he only spoke to the Head.

Shall I take this as good news? In a way, I suppose it is the time to prove my worth, time for recognition after more than a year of being bounced around and forgotten. However, to put it in another light, it can also be a time for more "screw-ups" since if even the "big shots" are scrutinising me, there is practically no room for mistakes, no matter how trivial.

In other words, I no longer have the freedom to control what happens in my work or do things at my own pace, but have to be more careful how and where I tread.

Lately I have been headhunted. For some reason, several headhunting firms have been calling me up, asking if I like to submit my resume, and the companies whom I seem to fit are big companies, either listed or MNCs, and the post will be regional, not local. Needless to say, the remuneration package will be more attractive than what I am having currently.

Those who really know me know that I am not one to be swayed by big pay packages or attractive prospects. My main criteria is a job which I do not mind and a company which I like. Which is why despite being so tempted to leave several times, I still stay on, because at the bottomline, I do not mind what I am doing and this is a good company. Besides, things are getting better of late.

I guess the bottomline in any job is recognition. No matter how much your job frustrates you, it feels good to be recognised and asked for views as it shows that people do know of your existence and do know you are the person to go to for certain issues. This itself is a reward on its own.

End Of A Quarter

Is it middle of March already? Where have all the days gone? Imagine I was just lamenting on a note I posted that it has been another decade, and now 2008 is almost a quarter gone. I have really not done much this quarter, so looks like I need to be more proactive in the second quarter onwards!

Beginning of the year has been a rather trying time. I was unsure of where to go in terms of career and life. Career wise, things seem to be settled. Studies and music, I am putting in effort, or at least I like to believe I am putting in effort. Religion wise, I have been attending Novena for most part. As to my social life, it has been almost non-existent, but hopefully that will pick up in the second quarter onwards.

Events that happened in the past year made me put my life in certain perspectives. It is true that once one starts to become objective, a lot of things will clear up. Maybe this is a true sign of growth - that I stop being so emotionally swayed and try to think things through in a rational way.

I believe things happen for a purpose. And that whatever that happens enrich my life, make me more experienced and able to look forward to much better things to come. Hence, I am all set for the rest of the year, having high hopes that things will be smooth-sailing from now on!

Signs You Have Lost Weight

1. The blouse you bought a few years back and which became too tight, suddenly became fitting.

2. Your watch has become too loose on your wrist and you need to take another couple of nooks off the strap.

3. The zipper of a skirt that was not able to be pulled up, suddenly worked like a charm and the skirt fitted like a glove.

4. Jeans which felt tight and suffocating became comfortable and loose.

5. When people took a look at your Photo ID, they commented your face had become sharper as compared to the photo.

6. Clothes which fit snugly in the past now became too loose.

I have not weighed myself for ages, but from all these signs, then I can say this is very good news. Hopefully this will keep up, then I can finally get my desired weight at last!

The Cheesecake Cafe

There is this cafe somewhere near my place that specialises in cheesecake. It is called "The Cheesecake Cafe". I passed by it a lot of times without actually going in to take a look. Last night a friend and I went there for dessert after dinner.

The interior decoration is really quaint! There are portraits of paintings of female figures, including the Mona Lisa, and mini statues of famous sculptures. There are sofas where one can sit in comfort, chatting in a cosy environment. The place is decorated in an old-fashioned, classy way. Even the telephone looks like those found during pre-war times!

I ordered an American Cheesecake with a Hot Chocolate, and my friend ordered a peach cheesecake with Hot Chocolate, although the cake tastes more cheese than peach. The cheesecake is absolutely delicious! Just the right texture and taste, not too sweet, not too soft. Perfect!

Although that place is near my house, it is not that accessible as well. The day when I can finally drive and have access to the car, I will want to go down and enjoy the food and ambience again!

A Late Rainy Season?

The weather has been so depressing lately. Just when we thought the rainy season has ended and we can have sunshine again, after two weeks of humidity and sunshine, it has been raining non-stop the past few days again.

The rain comes down in torrents, and it is so heavy that even with umbrellas sheltering us, we still get rained on, especially on our lower bodies. It was raining so hard yesterday that we had to settle for the nearest eating place, and when I sat down, the chair was wet as my skirt was wet.

Today, it was raining so much again that we could not be bothered to lunch outside, so we ordered pizzas delivered to the office. Pizza Hut is having a special promotion on Italian Classic, consisting of a regular pan pizza topped with tomatos, cheese, capsicum, sausages and mushrooms, with spicy drumlets and star-shaped wedges.

It was a sumptuous meal at least and I felt so full after that that I did not feel like working! The wet and cold weather makes it even less conducive for work. I just feel like going home and snoozing away!

Hope the rain lets up soon, otherwise it will be very inconvenient to go places again! Now I feel as if my office is just next to a cascading waterfall!

Martyr, Manipulator, Or Middle Man

For some reason, I dug up some old lecture notes of yesteryears. I remember a particular interesting lecturer, who was talking to my class about the philosophy of life and love. She said she is all for getting married earlier, as both can learn how to live and adapt to each other first before finally starting a family.

Besides, by getting married earlier, both can still pursue own interests, like further education. So if let's say the husband wants to go overseas to pursue further education, the wife should let him go. Then when he comes back, his perspectives in life will be different, so the wife will say to him, "This time I will go and pursue higher education."

Then at the end of it all, both will be even better suited for each other in terms of growth and perspectives. Interesting concept. I remember she made us take down notes on the manipulator and martyr in love.

Looking through the old notes, make me realise that actually studying and school is really fun. How I wish I can go back to being a full-time student! I used to have so many ideals and dreams of my future when I was still a student, and now I still have dreams and ideals, but in a more realistic way.

What that particular lecturer told us about was pretty interesting. She said there are two aspects of love - that of a martyr and that of a manipulator. The martyr is the type that gives and gives, and the true happiness lies in giving all to the partner, without asking for anything back.

The manipulator is the type that takes and takes, and expects the partner to just give without giving any back in return. So the conclusion is, the manipulator and the martyr are the perfect match.

Of course, in those days when I was paying attention (contrary to what a lot of people think, I actually do pay attention during class) to what she was saying, I was thinking to myself, if one really loves someone, why would one want to just take and take and expect the partner to give and give?

Similarly, how can one just give and give and yet not want anything back in return? No matter how much one loves a person, there should be give and take, is it not? Needless to say, that was when I just started attending the new school, and before I entered into any relationship. Ah, the idealistic idiosyncrasies of youth!

When I actually entered a relationship, I realised that things were not so easy as how I perceived them to be. In my very first relationship, I became the martyr to his manipulator. It was really just me giving and giving and he taking and taking and not giving anything back. But I never minded as I thought as long as I gave, he would one day treat me better.

Being young and innocent and untrained then, that was an experience. In those days, there were no such things as date coaching or relationship seminars, which was why people made mistakes and just learned along the way.

Since then, I had to learn how to handle relationships better. Of course, being in a relationship and for someone one used to like, there should not be any calculation who gave more and who gave less, as we all did it willingly at some points in our lives, with the then loves of our lives.

I also realise that in a relationship, it does not mean giving blindly. Of course, it does not mean just taking and not giving. Through the years, I reached a compromise for myself. What are those things which I can give willingly and what are those that I absolutely will not give in to?

In every relationship, there are always compromise on both parties, mutual giving and taking. So I reached a consensus. What are those things I can let go and what are those things which I cannot let go?

Things I cannot let go - race (although now I include Eurasians), religion (although now I am rather flexible on this, provided he respect my religion and not stop me from going to church nor question or put down my beliefs), height, values (same values towards family, intimacy, attitude towards lifelong learning and upgrading, trying out new and interesting things, travelling and immersing in different culture, outlook in life), intelligence and articulacy (it is still better to be with someone we can converse and talk with and not someone whom we run out of topics sooner or later).

The rest I can let go. Interests wise is secondary as compared to someone committed and of the same values, as with commitment, we can compromise on a lot of things.

Being in a relationship is accommodating and learning things from each other after all, and if someone is not willing to even do that, then chances are he / she is not committed and not serious about the relationship in the first place.

A "Milk Maid"?

Is it true that Asians are more lactose-intolerant per se? I know my mum is. She never drinks milk, or takes any milk products like cheese. Even when she drinks tea or coffee, she has to take them without any milk.

So is my cousin-in-law. He will start having stomach problems once he drinks milk, so the only alternative is for him to drink soy milk. Thus, my mum never drank any milk while she was pregnant, and she never got to breastfeed as well, as there was no milk for her to produce.

As a result, when I was growing up, we hardly get to drink milk at home. My parents would buy full cream milk, but that was only to make Milo. We never drink full cream milk off the glass or powdered milk.

My brothers and I are not lactose-intolerant, but we are not in the habit of drinking milk since young. In the past when I watched television shows, we saw milk coming in those glass or plastic bottles, and I thought it would be so cool to drink from those, instead of the packaged cartons we have.

So during the first trip to Sydney, I saw the milk which my aunt brought back, it was in a glass bottle. I drank up the whole bottle by pouring into a glass and drinking it all up. That was the first time I ever had a milk moustache!

Since then, I prefer to drink milk in a classy-looking transparent 250-ml glass, those glasses which are so common in commercials. But the glass I bought was broken by my grandmother, and since then, I had not been able to find the exact same one. :-(

When I was in primary school, there was a milk order service, where we had to pay S$2.50 (I think, cannot really remember the exact amount now) a month, and little triangular cartons of different flavoured milk will be supplied to our classrooms everyday for those who ordered.

I remember when I was in primary one, I submitted the money late, so I got a refund. Nevertheless, being the ignorant and stubborn person, when the first batch of milk cartons came, I queued up for my milk. Because of that, a classmate who actually paid did not get to drink her milk, and I got scolded by the teacher due to this.

A few days later, the school assistant came up to my classroom and told my teacher to put me in for the milk order, so since then, I got to drink the milk together with the rest of my classmates who ordered.

The milk order service went all the way to Primary Six, and I ordered every month, every year without fail. There were plain full cream milk, banana milk, chocolate milk and strawberry milk, and each flavour would be rotated.

We could recognise the flavour by the colour of the design of the carton - pink for strawberry, brown for chocolate, light green for banana (perhaps yellow would be too light), and blue for the normal flavour.

So each time when the milk arrived, I would know which flavour just by looking at the colour. If I did not like the flavour (somehow I cannot bear the taste of strawberry milk, even now, although I like the rest), I would keep the milk in my bag and bring it home.

In lower primary, when I was still a young kid, I would keep the milk in my bag for ages. Until one day, there was a smell emitting from my bag, and to my horror, my teacher asked me to open my bag and she discovered the stale smell of strawberry milk. She made me throw away the milk and cleaned my bag thoroughly, before giving me a lecture on not keeping milk in my bag for long periods ever again!

Through the years, I no longer drink milk, except once in a blue moon when I would get soya bean milk or banana milk. But never full cream milk. The only times I come in contact with milk is when I am drinking tea or Milo, as I can never drink anything without sugar and milk (be it full cream, condensed, evaporated, creamer or powdered.) Or eating ice-cream.

I first came into contact with evaporated milk when I was with my first guy. He absolutely insisted that making Milo without condensed milk was a big no-no, so I had to do it his way. But later I realised that condensed milk is a nice drink, especially if I mix it with water and drink it just like that.

As can be seen, I am never a milk maid in anyway, as I am definitely not a heavy consumption of milk or dairy products. (Chocolates are another story.) But milk itself is healthy and filling, otherwise babies will not be drinking so much milk. Perhaps if I had drank more milk when I was younger, I could then be healthier and smarter? Does that make a difference?

What Matters In Life?

My first brother and I were discussing this article last night. He was remarking that Mr Mark Z is only his age, yet already the world's youngest self-made billionaire. Which puts his (my brother) perspective in a different light, wondering what in the world is he doing with his life?

Hmmmm.. I can so relate to that! I am almost entering the next decade of life. My peers have graduated, worked, married, given birth. Complete. Whereas I feel the same way as my brother - what in the world am I doing with my life? Where in the world am I going in my life?

My mum always says not to compare. Ironically, she was the one who always compared when we were younger - to our cousins and peers who had better results, better piano skills, better sports techniques, better behaviours.

I guess it is human nature to compare. Truth be told, I feel a tinge of envy too when I hear or see of people my age or younger being so successful in certain areas, or having a warm and complete family, whereas I have still not reached the time as yet.

But comparing only makes one depressed. Afterall, one normally compares with one who is better. Nobody will ever compare with one who is worse. Even since school days, whenever I scored a certain grade, I would tell my mum there are so many who scored worse than me, and she would always say why must I compare myself with those who were worse instead of those who were better?

I guess the best thing is to just live our lives to the best we can and accept that we are different from all others. There are some who are born with good lives and can achieve great things in life, and there are some who just live normal solitary lives for the whole of their lives. What matters is not what we achieve in this life, but whether we have lived a fulfilling and enriching life.

The Complexity Of Human Relations

One thing I always wonder is how do people determine who to have a lifelong relationship with? Is there such a thing as instant chemistry, that you know immediately this is the person you want to be with just like that? Or does it take time to really determine?

There are some who know each other for years before finally progressing further, yet there are some who can progress on a fast pace after knowing each other for just a couple of weeks or so. Is there really such a thing as being too fast if one wants to be together with someone else?

To me, I believe in knowing a person well first. Of course, there are some whom I have good impression from the beginning, there are some I can really get along with, and there are some I absolutely do not want to have anything to do with them ever again after the first meeting.

That is why I never enter into a real relationship without first knowing a person for at least half a year (except for one occasion), even though I may like him enough to date him often after just knowing him for like a few weeks or so. But it takes a while to really determine if I want to be with him.

Which is why I do not understand why some people meet new people with the mindset of entering into a relationship immediately. No matter what, both have to start from friends first, is it not?

Granted if the chemistry is not there, then perhaps do not waste time in nurturing the friendship, but what I cannot fathom is why some people think if someone of the opposite gender agrees to meet up, it means the person is also interested in a relationship right from the beginning!

And if the person does not want to plunge in so fast, the other person will just drop and stop contacting altogether, not even wanting to be friends! Is there anything wrong with two people of opposite genders being platonic friends? Does it mean "relationship" the moment two people of opposite genders get to know each other?

At my age and with our busy schedules, it is impossible to meet everyone. There are some people we meet once and then that is it. There are some we know and meet up once in a while as friends. And there are some we can really get along with as close friends. For this, I mean people of both genders (and in between).

But when it comes to a lifelong relationship, there is only one person we can choose. It can be amongst our own group of friends, or it can be someone totally new. But whatever it is, there is no harm meeting new people and making new friends.

So I do not understand why some people, once they feel that the guy / girl is not the type to progress further, they just stop being friends altogether. Not being able to progress further does not mean not being able to remain as friends. After all, in a relationship the level of commitment and communication is much higher than compared to just a friend.

Of course, sometimes one can have many friends and acquaintances, with a few potential mates, yet never able to find the right one. And of course, we do not go out or hang out with just any mere person, or just anyone. If we are to be in the company of people, it have to be people we can get along with.

Like what my best friend once said, "We are no longer little kids where we can still be so emotional. We have to be discerning, as some can only be acquaintance level, some can progress to friends and close friends, but there can be only one that can really progress beyond. So we really have to select who to get along with and who is simply not worth our time."

Which is why there are some I do not mind hanging out with, and there are some I simply do not wish to go out with. Nevertheless, even if I go out with male friends and we can only be friends and not able to progress further, I will still keep them as friends and not stop contacting them altogether.

But just a pity most people do not share my opinion, as they think if I do not wish to progress, then I should not lead them on. Why would I be leading them on if I already said I want to remain as friends and not beyond?

It does not mean I will stop talking to them or going out with them just because we cannot be in a relationship, is it not? So must two people of different genders go out as dates or as a couple, instead of just mere friends? We can enjoy each other's company as friends too, not necessary as a couple.

Big Women (大女人) Or Little Women (小女人)

This is a bit late, considering I wanted to post this last Saturday (International Women's Day). Anyway during lunch yesterday my colleague was remarking which kind of a woman is perfect to a man?

Is it a "big woman", someone capable, strong, independent and the type that put guys off because they are too smart and powerful? Or is it a "small woman", someone who whines and feeds the ego of guys, with guys taking care of her and being pampered?

Well, nothing can be taken in extremities. Apparently the conclusion is that the most perfect is a combination of both - being smart and independent, not petty and narrow-minded and can understand how men function, like a "big woman", but at the same time able to coax a guy, let the guy pamper her and take care of her, like a "small woman".

Come to think of it, women have really come very far. Considering even in the 1970s, there were still hardly any female graduates around, and even for those women who did manage to graduate from university, not many companies were willing to hire them, as the stereotype was that women would never be as capable as men, and in any case, after they got married and gave birth they would become a homemaker.

My mum was one of those rare ones who managed to graduate and find a well-paying job. And she was also one of those rare ones who still manage to work even after having kids, when some of my relatives have to become homemakers once they have a family.

In the past, women were thought to be not as capable as men, not as smart, so their opinions and views were normally not heard. In fact, women could never open their mouths to speak what was on their minds. They had to be overshadowed by their male counterparts, even though their ideas could be better than the men's.

Needless to say, in the olden days, women who married really had to depend on their luck whether they married a good man who would be nice to them and not fool around, and whether the in-laws would treat them well and not abuse them like slaves.

Even if they had to suffer, they could only do it silently, never opening their mouths. Everything was blamed on the new wife of the family, to food that was not cooked right, or death in the family, or a natural disaster, or being childless, or giving birth to only girls and not boys. It was as if the woman brought all the ill fortune by marrying into the family.

Luckily things are much better now. Women are more opinionated, have more opportunity to have a higher education, and in almost every respect equal or even better than men. However, there are still some men nowadays who think women should still be submissive and soft-spoken in front of them, and they do not like the outspoken types.

There are some women who are the stronger partners. Like my mum, definitely she is the more capable one than my dad. The wife of the owner of my company, she is also a rather prominent character. These are really the "big women".

To me, I like being the "little woman". The "big woman" at work, but the "little woman" at home. I enjoy doing the housework and cooking for my loved one, taking care of him, being loved and pampered, being well taken care of by him, letting him make the decisions, submitting to him and whining to him. And I believe a lot of women out there can relate to what I say.

My best friend used to be the "big woman". And even though she is more of a feminist than me, she, too, has become the "little woman" at home. Nowadays, our phone conversations are often interrupted or cut off, because her husband is hungry and she needs to give him his dinner, or her husband has come home and she wants to make sure he is comfortable.

How a strong woman has changed! But I do not blame her, because I know if I ever marry, I will do the same too - be the "little woman" to my man!