A friend and I had a very interesting conversation just now on sex in the modern times. He is not religious, so may not be able to understand the biblical teachings behind premarital sex being a sin. In his opinion (and the opinion of most guys I know), sex or love-making is to be enjoyed with someone you really love, whether you are married or not.
I told him about some of those guys I know who are around his age range who like to indulge in flings, and always tried to get me into bed each time they contacted me. He thinks that that is wrong too, as sex by itself should only be among a couple, not with just mere friends or acquaintances, otherwise how different is it from visiting a prostitute?
He was asking me the real reason why I keep holding back, besides the religious part. I told him perhaps it is my upbringing, where premarital sex has always been seen as something wrong and dirty, and that real decent girls should not even think of doing the act.
Plus there are dangers of premarital sex, like unwanted pregnancy, sexually-transmitted diseases or even AIDS. He says that actually as long as someone has a regular partner and not sleep around or have one night stands, the person should be safe from all the unwanted diseases. As for the pregnancy part, there is always protection and withdrawal.
I believe guys by nature has a higher sex drive than girls, so they will be the ones who ask for it more. He says actually a real man will be able to control his urges and not pester the girlfriend to do anything she is not comfortable with.
But honestly speaking, in this time and age, is premarital sex really wrong? No doubt abstinence is still the best, since I still think it is a big honour to save it for the one you marry, but realistically speaking, how many people are virgins nowadays? Out of ten people, perhaps only one? Or maybe even none.
I do not care whether my guys are virgins, as long as he did it with his ex-girlfriend, ex-wife, whatever, and not because he fooled around and indulged in one night stands or visit prostitutes. However, do guys still mind if their girlfriends are non-virgins? Will the guy feels cheated if he marries a non-virgin?
This used to be a big deal in the past, where the girl must have a chastity test before she is deemed to be "pure" and "worthy" to be married. But in the modern context, is virginity still a big deal to a guy marrying a girl? He told me that if a guy really loves a girl and can carve a future with her, things like whether she is a virgin or not is not that big a deal.
Shall I change my thinking then? Am I really too old-fashioned or conservative if I still hold back? I will be lying if I say that I have never thought of doing the act, or that I have never wondered just how it is going to be like, or that I have never been so tempted at times that I just want to cave in.
We girls have our urges too, although of course not as much as guys. There are times in the past when I got so excited I really felt like going all the way, but somehow I always managed to stop before going too far. Needless to say, the guy I was with got rather pissed at missing the rest of the fun.
When people issue me sexual invitations, there are times when I felt like accepting. But of course, it is only to be done with the one person you love, not just anyone off the streets. According to others, doing the act with the person you love is the most beautiful and enjoyable thing in the world!
There are kids as young as twelve indulging in the act, before they even knew what they were really getting themselves into. But at my age where I can be responsible for my own actions, shall I then follow the crowd and finally submit, or shall I still hold on to what I always believe in?
I told him about some of those guys I know who are around his age range who like to indulge in flings, and always tried to get me into bed each time they contacted me. He thinks that that is wrong too, as sex by itself should only be among a couple, not with just mere friends or acquaintances, otherwise how different is it from visiting a prostitute?
He was asking me the real reason why I keep holding back, besides the religious part. I told him perhaps it is my upbringing, where premarital sex has always been seen as something wrong and dirty, and that real decent girls should not even think of doing the act.
Plus there are dangers of premarital sex, like unwanted pregnancy, sexually-transmitted diseases or even AIDS. He says that actually as long as someone has a regular partner and not sleep around or have one night stands, the person should be safe from all the unwanted diseases. As for the pregnancy part, there is always protection and withdrawal.
I believe guys by nature has a higher sex drive than girls, so they will be the ones who ask for it more. He says actually a real man will be able to control his urges and not pester the girlfriend to do anything she is not comfortable with.
But honestly speaking, in this time and age, is premarital sex really wrong? No doubt abstinence is still the best, since I still think it is a big honour to save it for the one you marry, but realistically speaking, how many people are virgins nowadays? Out of ten people, perhaps only one? Or maybe even none.
I do not care whether my guys are virgins, as long as he did it with his ex-girlfriend, ex-wife, whatever, and not because he fooled around and indulged in one night stands or visit prostitutes. However, do guys still mind if their girlfriends are non-virgins? Will the guy feels cheated if he marries a non-virgin?
This used to be a big deal in the past, where the girl must have a chastity test before she is deemed to be "pure" and "worthy" to be married. But in the modern context, is virginity still a big deal to a guy marrying a girl? He told me that if a guy really loves a girl and can carve a future with her, things like whether she is a virgin or not is not that big a deal.
Shall I change my thinking then? Am I really too old-fashioned or conservative if I still hold back? I will be lying if I say that I have never thought of doing the act, or that I have never wondered just how it is going to be like, or that I have never been so tempted at times that I just want to cave in.
We girls have our urges too, although of course not as much as guys. There are times in the past when I got so excited I really felt like going all the way, but somehow I always managed to stop before going too far. Needless to say, the guy I was with got rather pissed at missing the rest of the fun.
When people issue me sexual invitations, there are times when I felt like accepting. But of course, it is only to be done with the one person you love, not just anyone off the streets. According to others, doing the act with the person you love is the most beautiful and enjoyable thing in the world!
There are kids as young as twelve indulging in the act, before they even knew what they were really getting themselves into. But at my age where I can be responsible for my own actions, shall I then follow the crowd and finally submit, or shall I still hold on to what I always believe in?
6 comments:
I personally don't care.
As long as she keeps it to herself, and has no other partners when she's with me. For this particular issue, what is past, is past. If she drags it up (do things that she did in the past), then she shall become the past for me.
sometimes, we all ask ourselves why are we holding on to certain beliefs. and if we totally know why, and agree and not doubt, then hold on to it. but if there's doubt, then i guess this belief of pre-marital sex or not doesn't hold true for everyone.
i have no issues with pre-marital sex. i don't advocate promiscuity. of course i advocate prudence. but at late twenties, i have a right to decide what i want to do. it doesn't make me feel dirty. with the right guy, sex is the most beautiful thing in the world. and it tells me how 'true' a guy is in the way he treats me before and after.
it's a gamble. and before you place the stakes, study the table.
hmm... I'm for pre-marital sex; and so is my wife-to-be girlfriend.
we both believe that sex is an important part of marriage and relationship. we both believe that a committed relationship is not much different from a marriage and sex is another important aspect to consider when deciding if one is suitable for you.
good sex can help make a wonderful marriage spectacular. unbalance sex leads to resentment and a breakdown in relationship and communication.
yes.. it is that serious.
besides money, sex is the 2nd reason why couples break up.
However, do guys still mind if their girlfriends are non-virgins? Will the guy feels cheated if he marries a non-virgin?
What's the big deal of being a virgin or not? For goodness sake, non-virgin (girls) can undergo some operation to "re-virgin-ize".
People make mistakes. They change. If a girl being a virgin is a prerequisite for some idiotic, narrow-minded guy before he marries her...then he should have let known that harsh specification during the courtship. And not after marrying her.
Being a virgin or not is something that you can respect. But you shoud not enforce it to others.
Ole Wolvie & Anon_X : Wow, some of those guys should really learn from you two.
Imp : Really?? Hmmm.... never really thought of it this way before.
Leecooper : I get what you mean. I broke up with my ex for almost the same reason - he wanted me to give in and I refused to budge.
You can't hurry love. If you believe in destiny, let things take it's own course instead. There are so many kind of people out there, you just have to treat them differently depend on their type.
Eric
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