My sex entry sparked off lots of negativity. Not that I was not expecting that, but feedback generated from some (read : my ex) is that I am not being fair to the other guys who had been with me before.
What is fair or unfair anyway? It is my choice, who is he to tell me how fairly or unfairly I treated him? Talk about fairness, what about the time I went to clean his fish tank in between rehearsing for a major performance just so he could have a computer challenge with his dad? Or the time when he promised me to stop asking me for sex, and half an hour later almost forced himself on me when I was napping in his room?
Anyway, that is not the issue. Religious issue aside, perhaps if he had stopped pestering and asking, I might have given in. As it was, I did not have the confident whether he really loved me or whether he just wanted sex.
I guess I just want to feel respected. I almost gave in to my second ex, but at that time I was still strong over abstinence. Besides, he himself is religious so he knows it is a cardinal sin. Not that he did not have needs, he is a guy after all.
But he respected me enough not to go further. When I was staying in the hostel during university, there were some days when I stayed over at his place. We slept on the same bed in his room, yet nothing happened.
No one ever believed me when I said nothing happened, but really nothing happened. We just slept together, sometimes with me in his arms, but that was about it. We were also both fully clothed and not exposed to each other.
If my third ex had shown me the same amount of respect, perhaps I would have given in earlier. I remember a time when we were not talking to each other for a few days because he was frustrated over work, and I was frustrated over work and we ended up screaming at each other.
So after a few days, he called me and asked if he could come over to my place. I thought he wanted to make peace, so of course I agreed. When he came over and went up to my room, he just pushed me on my bed and started his advances.
I was really shocked, and he confessed that he really needed sex since he was feeling so frustrated. So what was I to him? Someone there to just satisfy his needs as and when he liked? Did he even ask me if that was what I wanted or liked him to do? And it was my house and my room for goodness sake! Show some courtesy to me in my own house!
Everyone deserves respect and understanding. How can you show someone you love a person if all you want is your own way and your own needs satisfied? What about the partner? Does he / she not have needs too? And are you going to satisfy his / her needs if all you do is to take but never give? (And I do not mean sexual needs, but psychological and emotional needs.)
There are a few reasons why I chose to give this time round. First, I did want to experience how it was like, and I am happy with the experience. Heck, I am in my late twenties! Kids half my age are already satisfying their urges so much more than me!
Second, he treats me with the utmost love and respect anyone can ever ask for, and more. Third, he gave me the confidence that he desires me, my love and my companionship, not my body.
But sex is only a small fraction of a relationship. If you really love someone, that should not even be the issue of conflict or what the entire relationship is based on. A relationship can only survive if both parties love, respect and understand each other in more ways than this.
What is fair or unfair anyway? It is my choice, who is he to tell me how fairly or unfairly I treated him? Talk about fairness, what about the time I went to clean his fish tank in between rehearsing for a major performance just so he could have a computer challenge with his dad? Or the time when he promised me to stop asking me for sex, and half an hour later almost forced himself on me when I was napping in his room?
Anyway, that is not the issue. Religious issue aside, perhaps if he had stopped pestering and asking, I might have given in. As it was, I did not have the confident whether he really loved me or whether he just wanted sex.
I guess I just want to feel respected. I almost gave in to my second ex, but at that time I was still strong over abstinence. Besides, he himself is religious so he knows it is a cardinal sin. Not that he did not have needs, he is a guy after all.
But he respected me enough not to go further. When I was staying in the hostel during university, there were some days when I stayed over at his place. We slept on the same bed in his room, yet nothing happened.
No one ever believed me when I said nothing happened, but really nothing happened. We just slept together, sometimes with me in his arms, but that was about it. We were also both fully clothed and not exposed to each other.
If my third ex had shown me the same amount of respect, perhaps I would have given in earlier. I remember a time when we were not talking to each other for a few days because he was frustrated over work, and I was frustrated over work and we ended up screaming at each other.
So after a few days, he called me and asked if he could come over to my place. I thought he wanted to make peace, so of course I agreed. When he came over and went up to my room, he just pushed me on my bed and started his advances.
I was really shocked, and he confessed that he really needed sex since he was feeling so frustrated. So what was I to him? Someone there to just satisfy his needs as and when he liked? Did he even ask me if that was what I wanted or liked him to do? And it was my house and my room for goodness sake! Show some courtesy to me in my own house!
Everyone deserves respect and understanding. How can you show someone you love a person if all you want is your own way and your own needs satisfied? What about the partner? Does he / she not have needs too? And are you going to satisfy his / her needs if all you do is to take but never give? (And I do not mean sexual needs, but psychological and emotional needs.)
There are a few reasons why I chose to give this time round. First, I did want to experience how it was like, and I am happy with the experience. Heck, I am in my late twenties! Kids half my age are already satisfying their urges so much more than me!
Second, he treats me with the utmost love and respect anyone can ever ask for, and more. Third, he gave me the confidence that he desires me, my love and my companionship, not my body.
But sex is only a small fraction of a relationship. If you really love someone, that should not even be the issue of conflict or what the entire relationship is based on. A relationship can only survive if both parties love, respect and understand each other in more ways than this.
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