A friend told me the other day that she is reluctant to start a relationship with anyone because she has been independent for so long and involved in her own activities, so having a relationship will only slow her down as she does not like the idea of giving up anything to meet the guy everyday, or reporting or justifying her actions to the guy.
She asked how come I am prepared to be in a relationship despite all the things I am involved in? If I go dating everyday, will I not have lesser time for myself and the things I want to do?
Why would she think that being in a relationship means meeting each other everyday? True, if two people enter a relationship, they do need to spend time with each other to nurture the relationship, but that does not mean spending all the time with each other or seeing each other everyday.
Both should still carry on their lives as per normal, except with the feeling that now they have found a companion to share thoughts, actions and their lives with. In fact, giving up your activities just to spend time with your loved one does not make a good relationship; if anything, the relationship will only become unhealthy because sooner or later, one of them will find it very suffocating.
Like now, even if I am in a relationship, I will still be involved in my activities – work, singing, church, family, studies, dancing, music. He will also still be involved with whatever activities he has. But in a relationship, we make the effort to meet each other once or twice a week for a meal, and perhaps spend the weekend together sometimes.
I will not want anyone to stop me from doing what I like, neither will I stop anyone from doing anything he likes. One does not need to see each other everyday. Communication and commitment is more important, and we can communicate through messages, e-mails, phone calls, or even online chatting, all the while knowing that we will be there for each other no matter what.
The important thing is that we trust each other and committed enough to carve out a future together. We can still go out with our friends and families, either on our own or together. Essentially we can still lead our own individual lives and not give up anything just because we are in a relationship.
My mum used to tell me that my latest relationship was very unhealthy since I was spending all my time with him, thus no wonder it came to an end. My time was not just with him, I was involved in several other things too. But knowing my mum, I did not wish to justify my actions, so just let her think whatever she liked.
She used to scold me for coming home late, saying that a girl should not run around with a guy so late in the night. I always tried to go home before midnight. I was way past twenty-one years old and she still wanted to control my curfew!
Strangely she never said a thing no matter how late I went out with my second ex. Ironically when I was single, she never once complained about me coming home late, although now I reach home at 2:00am sometimes. Either now she allows me to socialize, or she just cannot be bothered anymore since I will not listen anyway. :-p
Some people think it is risky if the couple does not see each other often, as one or both of them may stray. If that happens, then end the relationship because it shows that they are probably not committed enough and does not love each other as much in the first place.
My point is that if a couple gets together and they are really serious about each other, they will be committed to make the relationship work out, even if they do not see each other everyday or spend all the time with each other.
It is the heart that counts. Just like my friend, who carried on a mainly long-distance relationship with her husband. There are periods of time where they do not see each other for seven months straight!
They communicate only through e-mails and phone calls, but still got married in the end. It all depends whether both parties are ready for a long-lasting serious relationship and whether they are willing to make things work out.
She asked how come I am prepared to be in a relationship despite all the things I am involved in? If I go dating everyday, will I not have lesser time for myself and the things I want to do?
Why would she think that being in a relationship means meeting each other everyday? True, if two people enter a relationship, they do need to spend time with each other to nurture the relationship, but that does not mean spending all the time with each other or seeing each other everyday.
Both should still carry on their lives as per normal, except with the feeling that now they have found a companion to share thoughts, actions and their lives with. In fact, giving up your activities just to spend time with your loved one does not make a good relationship; if anything, the relationship will only become unhealthy because sooner or later, one of them will find it very suffocating.
Like now, even if I am in a relationship, I will still be involved in my activities – work, singing, church, family, studies, dancing, music. He will also still be involved with whatever activities he has. But in a relationship, we make the effort to meet each other once or twice a week for a meal, and perhaps spend the weekend together sometimes.
I will not want anyone to stop me from doing what I like, neither will I stop anyone from doing anything he likes. One does not need to see each other everyday. Communication and commitment is more important, and we can communicate through messages, e-mails, phone calls, or even online chatting, all the while knowing that we will be there for each other no matter what.
The important thing is that we trust each other and committed enough to carve out a future together. We can still go out with our friends and families, either on our own or together. Essentially we can still lead our own individual lives and not give up anything just because we are in a relationship.
My mum used to tell me that my latest relationship was very unhealthy since I was spending all my time with him, thus no wonder it came to an end. My time was not just with him, I was involved in several other things too. But knowing my mum, I did not wish to justify my actions, so just let her think whatever she liked.
She used to scold me for coming home late, saying that a girl should not run around with a guy so late in the night. I always tried to go home before midnight. I was way past twenty-one years old and she still wanted to control my curfew!
Strangely she never said a thing no matter how late I went out with my second ex. Ironically when I was single, she never once complained about me coming home late, although now I reach home at 2:00am sometimes. Either now she allows me to socialize, or she just cannot be bothered anymore since I will not listen anyway. :-p
Some people think it is risky if the couple does not see each other often, as one or both of them may stray. If that happens, then end the relationship because it shows that they are probably not committed enough and does not love each other as much in the first place.
My point is that if a couple gets together and they are really serious about each other, they will be committed to make the relationship work out, even if they do not see each other everyday or spend all the time with each other.
It is the heart that counts. Just like my friend, who carried on a mainly long-distance relationship with her husband. There are periods of time where they do not see each other for seven months straight!
They communicate only through e-mails and phone calls, but still got married in the end. It all depends whether both parties are ready for a long-lasting serious relationship and whether they are willing to make things work out.
4 comments:
When you love someone, you simply cannot have enough of the other. You would rather spend every waking moment with him/her than anywhere else.
Even if it means not doing anything, you just want to be around the other person, have him/her so near you can smell the sweetness the of his/her breath, his/her hair etc...
I hope you're prepared to spend more than just once or twice a week with your beau. It's not going to be enough.
How else you can learn about one person unless you spend enough time with the other?
My colleague told me she had a big shock right after her marriage when you discovered that her husband is not as hygiene and neat as he appeared to be. She now believes that she would encourage her daughter to spend more time and even stay over at her boyfriend's place.
I am of the WYSIWYG type.
No wonder gals are not interested :P.
Heehee...well I guess once the relationship stablizes, time is really not a factor...but I guess for many budding relationships...time does play a factor?=)
Leecooper : Tell that to my mum. She always tells me give the guy space, don't be a plaster.
Ole Wolvie : Hmmm.... that's not a good sign. :-p
Kairinu : Perhaps. ALthough I always think it is mroe important to talk to each otehr and communicate everyday, than actual meeting each other but not doing much.
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