Abnormally Misunderstood Person?

I used to hate it (okay I still hate it) whenever anyone called me a "nerd" or a "geek". "Bookworm" I can still accept. During my era of school kids, a "nerd" or "geek" would stereotypically be those who have high myopia and wear thick glasses, always carrying a book in hand and reading, and dutifully doing all the homework, and have no life except for school. I always thought there would be a better word to describe these group of people, perhaps as an "intellectual"?

But I guess my "geeky" behaviour is still abundant. In school I was described as "weird" as I dig mysteries and horrors and always like the analytical powers of fictional detectives. Mostly I try to see if I can solve the cases before the detectives, and I am happy that I was on the right track most of the time. I love movies that are more intense, science-fiction mysteries, fantasy (especially based on great books) and action but scoff at run-of-the-mill romance shows. I love romance shows, but only those that have more of a storyline, not those teenybopper types. Thus people think I am not an archtypical female, yet definitely not a male, somewhere in between, as I behave like a female but like things which typically only the male gender will like.

For instance, I have no qualms sitting through the entire "Matrix" trilogy or the entire six episodes of "Star Wars" all over again, but these are the shows my female friends dislike. They rather watch things like "Thirteen Going On Thirty" or "Herbie", shows which I think are pretty run-of-the-mill. When there was the Lord of the Rings exhibition on last year, my ex and I went together, but my girlfriends could not believe I actually went to the exhibition. They thought it was his idea but actually it was mine. I wanted to go to the exhibition.

Just like the "Star Wars" exhibition which is going on from now until April next year. I have yet to find someone to go with me, but if I am asking around, I have to ask if any of my guy friends would like to go. My girlfriends would never go as they dislike Star Wars. Why, I wonder? So cute Yoda is, I feel. Good special effects the shows have too. Once in a lifetime exhibition it is, such a pity to miss.

Perhaps that is why I tend to get along better with guys. On the other hand, I cannot totally relate to my guy friends too. Certain periods of my life when I am down and depressed can be due more to hormonal shifts than anything else, but these are things guys will never be able to understand. There are times when girls simply cannot help being depressed, not that they want to as well. These are the times when I tend to whine too much, complain about everything and generally making a nuisance, and not many guys I know will be able to handle such a situation, or handle me in that situation.

So maybe I am just a misunderstood someone who requires more understanding from others. My girlfriends cannot understand certain things I do, my guy friends cannot understand certain other things I do, I myself cannot understand myself at times. Right now, I do not even know if I understand what I am typing. Probably people are justified in calling me "weird".

Say A Little Prayer ....

I have been reflecting on the use of prayer lately, which triggered off a discussion with my friend last week. I have always been told that we should not pray for what we want but rather what is best for us, but sometimes how would one know what is best for us? My friend, a regular Christian church-goer, said that only God knows what is best for us. So when we pray, we should ask for guidance rather than wanting things to happen the way we want.

But why is it for some people, whatever they want they are able to get, but for others, they can never get what they want? And every religion and denomination functions and prays differently. When things do not happen, is it the way people pray, or simply they do not pray enough? Yet there are others who do not even go to church except during Christmas and Good Friday, and do not pray except during a crisis, but somehow their prayers can come true.

Of course I am not saying that just by praying without any work on your part miracles will happen because they will not. The effort still must come from youself. So instead of sitting back and just relying on prayer alone, one must be proactive in finding food or shelter or a job or a mate for the family or self. All I am saying is that there are people who try so hard and pray so hard, yet the things they try to do never seem to happen. Then there are people who do not seem to do much and do not pray much yet what they want always seem to happen. Why is that so?

I never impose my beliefs on others as I feel it is each individual's free will to believe what they want. However, once in a while, I will ask my friends if I can pray for them in my own way, especially if they have important affairs which they must succeed in. Somehow my prayers for my friends seem to come true, but mine mostly do not come true. Why is it that when a person tries to lead as good a life as possible, his / her prayers are normally overlooked compared to others who lead a life of sin but yet things are better for them?

Or perhaps I am not staunch enough. But is being staunch the real issue? Christians are also humans who have their own quirks. You see some people being downright selfish and self-centred, yet when they pray, their prayers often come true for their own gain. I know of people who live their lives being nice to others and living as holy a life as possible, yet their prayers often do not come true as well. Times like these I do not wonder why some people just lose faith after a while.

I also cannot be a living example since my own prayers often do not come true. If my prayers come true, my entire life would have a totally new course of events. I would have graduated with first-class honours, or even Masters, been very successful in what I do, found a job that I can stick to, or gotten married years ago.

That is why although I do not like it, I still cannot really blame my ex for scoffing at my beliefs since he is successful in what he does, despite being a non-believer, but my life seemed to be going downhill for a period of time, despite my regular church-going.

But I am not about to lose faith. I still do believe that somewhere out there, there will be something and someone best for me, and I will just continue praying until that happens. Meanwhile, I will explore my options and exercise my own choices, so hopefully I can find a job real soon before I run into serious cash flow problems.

Bookworm Deluxe : King Henry VIII

Actually this time I wanted to review on "Sophie's World" or "Memoirs Of A Geisha", two of those better books of modern times, but since I have lent "Sophie's World" to a new friend, I leave it to him to do the review, which I believe will be better than mine. ;-p And "Memoirs Of A Geisha" just got reviewed by another fellow blogger, who did a very comprehensive job. Thus I am going back to the past.

The actual title of this book is “The Autobiography of King Henry VIII (With Notes By His Fool, Will Somers)”, written by Margaret George, highly-acclaimed writer and historian. She is able to weave true events into heart-wrenching stories, told from the main character’s point of view.

King Henry VIII reigned from fifteenth to sixteenth century England, during the Tudor era. He was probably one of the most misunderstood and controversial political figures of all times. There are differing opinions on whether he was a Casanova, a rogue, a brute, a wonderful king, a man who wanted to play God, or simply just an ordinary human.

He was the one that made England Anglican by renouncing Roman Catholicism by cutting away from the Pope and placing himself as the Supreme Head of the Church of England, as the Pope did not wish to grant him the divorce he wanted, as divorce was not allowed in the Catholic church. (Is this rule still valid now?)

He was the one that introduced modern (in those times) music and dance into his court. He was the one that yearned for a son and neglected his daughters, even treating them as slaves, and the one who married six times, divorced twice, beheaded two wives and widowed once.

The book was like Henry’s own diary, on his childhood memories, his early training to be a priest, his accidental rise to become the heir to the throne when his elder brother Arthur died, his marrying his first wife Princess Katherine of Aragon (one of the major lands that formed the basis of modern Spain, together with Castile and Leon), who was his brother's widow, their many children who died in infancy (except for the future Queen Mary), his mistresses Bessie Blount (who gave birth to his illegitimate son Henry Fitzroy, later the Duke of Richmond, who died at the age of sixteen) and Mary Boleyn (whom he suspected was carrying his child when she was forced to marry another man), his divorce from Katherine (which he fell out with the Pope) to marry Anne Boleyn (sister of Mary), who gave birth to the future Queen Elizabeth I and whom he beheaded by accusing her of being a witch, his third wife Jane Seymour (one of Anne’s maids) whom he loved the most probably because she died giving birth to his only son (the future King Edward VI), his fourth wife Anne of Cleves (a political marriage to a German Lutheran Princess) whom he divorced, his fifth wife Catherine Howard (sister of his childhood friend whom he made the Duke of Norfolk) whom he beheaded by accusing her of adultery, and his sixth wife Katherine Parr who outlived him.

The entire book was an account of his life, his feelings, his reasons for doing the things he did, the way he administered the country’s affairs (despite all else and religious riots, he was a pretty capable king as England experienced peace, arts and culture during his reign, which was later exceeded by his daughter Queen Elizabeth I). The account was interspersed with various ramblings by his jester, Will Somers, who knew him in the tenth year of his reign, and was one of those few who knew him since young at his funeral.

Will wrote his own prologue and epilogue to the “diary”. The prologue was set during Queen Mary’s time, after the death of King Edward, who only reigned for a short three years, and never was even a fraction as capable as his father. Queen Mary wanted to restore Catholicism back to England and killed anyone who refused to conform to the faith, earning her the nickname “Bloody Mary”. During King Henry’s time, the people of England was already losing faith, thus his church reforms came about just in time. Queen Elizabeth I (still one of the best rulers England ever had) then revoked all the rules Mary set out and made England Protestant again, thus those who wanted to practice the Catholic faith had to do it secretly.

Will’s epilogue was on the aftermath of Henry’s funeral, the political turmoil that resulted with many claims to the throne, as Edward was still a minor and sickly, thus a lot of his cousins wanted to seize the throne. Will also made his own reflections on how Henry was like, and made a note that Henry was nothing like what his public perceived him to be – a flirtatious rogue who wined and dined and feasted so much that he grew so fat and died. Rather, Henry was a loving husband (??), a true friend and a gentle father (??).

Margaret George’s two other books before King Henry, “The Memoirs of Cleopatra” and “Mary, Queen of Scotland And The Isles”, as well as her newest book “Mary, Called Magdalene”, was also on the same autobiography genre, from the account of the first person. Her books are interesting and intense, as the stories were told from the main characters' point of views, so it really made you want to continue reading until the end. Her books contain very vivid accounts of the lives and issues surrounding the main characters, which shows much thorough research on her part. I will recommend her books to anyone, not just because of the autobiography types, but because her style of writing is entertaining and easy to read.

A little trivial :

1. The English monarchy originated from William of Normandy in 1066, so it was passed down from the House of Normandy, House of Blois, House of Plantagenet, House of York and Lancaster, House of Tudor, House of Stuart (after Queen Elizabeth I's death, her cousin King James of Scotland was crowned king of England, thus ever since then, England and Scotland had been jointly ruled by a monarch), House of Hanover, House of Saxe-Coburg-Gotha (Queen Victoria's reign), House of Windsor (changed from Saxe-Coburg-Gotha). Thus, the current British royal family bears the surname of Windsor.

2. Lutheran and Anglican were the first Christian denominations to break away from the Roman Catholic faith. Thus their practices and customs are the most similar to Catholics. The Lutheran faith was started by a former Roman Catholic priest called Martin Luther in fifteenth century Germany (then broken into many lands and mostly ruled by the Holy Roman Emperor of the powerful Habsburg Empire, that ruled the modern Italy, Germany, Austria, Poland, the Netherlands, and later on Spain and Portugal as well).

3. Queen Elizabeth I is known as "the Virgin Queen" as she never married, and always claimed she was married to England. Her reign saw more improvements in music and dance performances, and theatres and plays originated from her time. Shakespeare lived during her reign, and his works were often performed at public theatres to which the Queen sometimes attended.

Tour Itinerary

My little cousin managed to enter the Integrated Programme. Good for her! So she can skip 'O' levels and do an accelerated course that will bring her straight to 'A' levels. Every year, only a hundred Secondary Two pupils are chosen to go into the programme, so it is really an honour. She will start classes at one of the premier junior colleges starting next year for four years. Now her younger sister is under pressure to do just as well.

I went for another interview today, at one of the Information Technology Software companies, for another in-house legal position. The Legal Counsel happens to be the husband of my former law schoolmate. Apparently she still remembers me as the "intellectual geek". Hmmm..... can I never be rid of this old reputation in school? I hope I get the job though, the job scope sounds really interesting and I believe I will enjoy working there. If only it is not going to be under any merging or restructuring anytime soon.

Just came back from another Bahasa class. My friend taught me how to speak in sentences today. So we did a little role-playing.

1. Saya Akan Ke Luar Negeri Selema Sepuluh Hari. Mau Dibawakan Olah-Olah?

(Translation : I will be going abroad for ten days. Do you want me to bring you any souvenirs?)

2. Berapa Harga Nya? Ini Terlalu Mahal, Bisa Lebih Murah?

(Translation : How much is the price? This is too expensive, can it be cheaper?)

Interesting. Now I only hope I can practice these sentences where I am going, although it is highly unlikely.

We finally got the tour itinerary confirmed. We will be leaving on December 3rd and coming back on December 12th. Here is the confirmed itinerary (hopefully no last-minute changes again) :

3/12 - Leave on Emirates flight (3:00pm Singapore time)
Arrive at Melbourne (1:00am Melbourne time)
Take Skybus to city, walk across to the inn, check in and snooze.

4/12 - Meet our cousin, city tour, get day trip tickets.

5/12 - The Melbourne Great Ocean Road day trip.

6/12 - Wake up at 5:00am (Melbourne time), take Skybus to Jetstar Terminal, domestic flight to Launceston (6:35am Melbourne time)
Collect vehicles and drive to Cradle Mountain via Deloraine, Sheffield
Enroute : Breakfast
Honey farm at Chudleigh
Raspberry farm and Cheese factory at Elizabeth Town
Sheffield murals
Check in at inn, lunch, Take Dove Lake walk

7/12 - Leave for Burnie in the morning via Moina
Enroute : Gunns Plains Caves at Preston Falls
Penguin Town
Check in at inn, lunch
Drive north-west to Wynyard, Table Cape for Tulip farm and Stanley for The Nut
Return to Burnie for dinner
Penguin Observatory, West Beach

8/12 - Leave for Launceston in the morning via Devonport, Grindelward
Check in at a villa in Prospect
Lunch in city, shopping, Cataract Gorge
Strawberry farm at Hillwood in Tamar Valley
Bridestowe Lavendar farm at Nabowla, near Scottsdale
Back to Launceston for dinner

9/12 - Leave for Hobart in the morning via Midlands highway
Enroute : Barilla Bay Oyster Farm at Cambridge
Check in at inn at Sandy Bay
Lunch in city
Hobart City sight-seeing and shopping
Mount Wellington
Cascade Brewery
Travel north to Cadbury Chocolate Factory at Claremont (YES! YES!! YES!!!)
Dinner in city

10/12 - Salamanca Market in the morning
Travel north-west to Mount Field National Park, Russell Falls
Travel south : Houn Valley sight-seeing
Cherry orchards
Apple orchards
Mushroom farm
Rose garden
Jams factory

11/12 - Leave for Port Arthur early morning via Sorell
Check in at a resort in Nubeena
Tour Port Arthur historic site (Port Arthur was the first prison colony to be set up in Australia, so I must really find out where the last remaining prisoners got extradited to before the place was closed)

12/12 - Sight-seeing and shopping around Port Arthur and Hobart
Enroute back to Hobart : Salmon farm
Tassellated Pavement, Tasman Arch, Devil's Kitchen, Blowhole
"Doo-Town"
Sorell fruit farm
Richmond Bridge
4pm (Hobart time) leave for Hobart Airport, return vehicles, check-in
Jetstar flight to Melbourne (5:15pm Hobart time)
Emirates flight to Singapore (8:30pm Melbourne time)
Arrival in Singapore (1:00am Singapore time)

Wow... what a trip! But it is the type of trip I fancy, something laid back, with lots of sight-seeing, fresh air, rest and relax, plus a bit of shopping. Hopefully the weather will not get too unpredictable. I do not wish to bring the wrong clothes again like what happened in Sydney three years back.

Anyone wants any olah-olah from Tasmania?

How To Tell If Someone Is Into You?

I met fellow blogger Sentosa for lunch today at the very nice Japanese restaurant I went a few weeks back. Got another opportunity to ride pillion. I still find it so fun and cool to ride pillion! Just imagine the wind in your hair and able to squeeze in between all those big vehicles.

He dropped me off at Borders where I went down the stretch of Orchard before landing at Ngee Ann City to buy a sweatshirt for my Aussie trip. Just nice that Giordano is having its latest collection, consisting of sweatshirts, jackets and polo T-shirts.

Giordano's clothes sizes seem to have gotten bigger, either that or I seem to have shrunk. I used to wear XS to S, depending on my size at the moment, and the sweatshirt I just bought is XXS, and still a little long for me. I hope I have shrunk in weight and not height. I do not mind getting slimmer, but cannot afford getting any shorter. Now I only hope the bottom part of my body can shrink and go back to size 24 jeans instead of size 27 at last count. :-(

A lot of my girlfriends have this mentality that once they love someone, they will go all out to do everything for him. This itself is a good thing, because love by nature is self-sacrificing and dedication. But what happens if the guy does not appreciate your efforts? What if the guy does not feel the same way and is just totally not into you?

How do you know when a guy (or girl) is totally into you? It is easier for a guy to tell if the girl truly loves him, because girls generally tend to give more in a relationship due to being more emotional. That is probably why a lot of times girls tend to lose out and be more miserable as they try so hard to keep the relationship going only to lose the guy in the end. Which is why all the elders have advised that it is best for a girl to find a guy who can love her more than she loves him.

What about girls? How do they know if the guy is really serious about her? If the guy is really serious, he will willingly do things on his own accord to make her happy, no matter how busy he is. Time may be a factor at times, but if both parties are serious about each other, they will find the time no matter how busy they are. The guy will automatically ask the girl out and plan something nice for both of them. Guys who expect the girls to ask them out all the time and still say no time to go out or go out only when he is “in the mood” are not serious about the girl at all.

I do not know about guys, but for girls, the guy need not tell her he is interested in her. The actions will show. Any guy who calls a girl just to ask her out and have a good time and refuses to leave her alone is definitely not serious about her. If the guy is really serious about the girl, he will call her and talk to her, ask about her life, her family, her hobbies, exchange information about each other, what they like to do, etc.

He will want to know everything about her. These can be done without even needing to pester her to go out at all. He will be the first person to help her out if she is ever stuck in a jam, without asking for anything back. He will take up her activities just to be with her. He will compromise to make her happy. He will treat her friends and family as if they are his own. What ever he does, he does it purely with the intention of making her happy. And some guys really change for the better once they meet a girl they are really serious about.

These guys do not just do this in the beginning of a relationship when all things are sweet and sugary, but even after a few years together or marriage. Of course this is just generalising, but there are guys who are like that. My best friend’s ex is a good example. So is my cousin-in-law. Thus my best friend and I both declare that once we find someone like this, grab hold of him and never ever let go.

But of course, we girls must also make sure we treat the guy well too. If we ask for such a sweet and nice guy, we must ensure we do our part to be even more sweet and nice, then we can deserve such a guy. Some girls take nice guys for granted, deem them as too “boring” and “proper”, then later regret when they got stuck with guys who could not even care less about them.

The effort must come from both parties. Let me quote two examples. First example, if the guy is going away on a business trip the day after next, he will want to meet the girl for dinner the next day before he goes off. Some girls will blow up if they find he has to be away. What is the big deal? He is going away on business!

Some girls will meet for dinner, then expect him to see her home despite the early morning flight the next day, but does not even see him off at the airport because the flight is too early. Yet again, some girls will meet for dinner, go all the way to his place to cook for him so he can concentrate on packing, then later on help him to pack up, before making her way back herself since he has an early morning flight, and still go to the airport to see him off the following day, and then go pick him up when he comes back.

If the guy is into the girl, he may not want the girl to see him off at the airport the next day or pick him up when he comes back since he does not want the girl he loves to incur trouble. Some girls will really take the guys’ word for it and not do anything. Although the guys may say that, but I am sure he will like it more if the girlfriend actually goes to see him off and pick him up.

Now if it is the girl going on a trip, what will the guy do? Will the guy do the same thing if he is really into her? Or he will just sit and whine that she will be away and not able to see her for a few days? And then when she called him before she left he was too busy even to answer her call and did not even see her off? If the guy complains about the girlfriend going off yet cannot even take the time to talk to her before she left or see her off at the airport, then drop him! This guy is not worth it!

Second example, if the guy is working late and may need to stay in the office the whole night, what would a girl do? Some girls will complain why he is working late (again!), some will call him and talk to him a while then just go to sleep. If the girl is into the guy, she may even go down to his office, buy him supper (or dinner), bring him some change of clothes, massage him to let him relax, and basically just being there for him. She may even help him with his work (perhaps printing out or photocopying) while she let him get some sleep. Then they would go for breakfast together before going to work.

If the guy is into the girl, what will he do? He will not want her to come down because he cares for her welfare and wants her to sleep more since she is working the next day. He will make up for “neglecting” her by bringing her out the next day, despite how tired he is. But what if the girl is the one working late? Will the guy do the same, or he will just let her stay in the office throughout the night alone?

Of course, guys and girls can show their dedication and commitment in a lot of other ways. It is the little things people do that shows if you really love or care for the other party. But I know that if I find someone to love again, I will end up doing the same things I have done, and probably more, because that is the way I show love – to think of the other party and always put him first in whatever I do. Hopefully, I can find someone who does the same things back too, and make me happy in everything, then he is the one that is worth holding on to.

2006 Calendar For All

Since some has requested, here is the free calendar for your desktop / screensaver. Lots and lots of eye candy for ladies... Guys, sorry, no gorgeous girls for you. :-p Feel free to save the pictures and use according to your own discretion. Enjoy!

So here is the complete calendar, from January all the way to December 2006. Guess which ones are my favourites?

Troublesome Parents....

The school holidays (for Primary schools) have finally started. Primary school teachers all over can breathe a sigh of relief for enduring yet another year. My friend is also finally free to meet up with me. So I met up with her a few days back. Being a scholar, she has two more years of bond to go, and she is fast counting down to the days when she can be finally free and can leave anytime she likes.

She asked me how is life after teaching? I said really great! I can finally do whatever I like at whatever time I like, instead of working 7:00 am to 7:00 pm on weekdays, 7:00 am to 3:00 pm on Saturdays, and yet with more work to bring home, thus burning away all days.

I told her at least I no longer have to worry about marking deadlines, or report deadlines, or thinking of ways and strategies (with mostly futile attempts) at increasing students’ results, struggling with the many books and worksheets to bring home and mugging away through the night.

She asked me if that was the real reason I left. I told her actually the marking and administration part was not too bad because at least I enjoyed it and they are all for the students. I left because firstly, I developed a slight nodule in my throat and could not sustain teaching for long without losing my voice almost everyday; secondly, I was getting sick so often; thirdly, I could not get the support from the management as they wanted to do what MOE wanted instead of really doing the best for the students; and fourthly, nasty parents who got me into all sorts of trouble.

And my friend fully agreed as she also experienced some of the things I went through. But I told her what really triggered everything off were the parents. If they have let me do my job, things would be smoother. A lot of things went wrong not because I did not do as instructed by my Principal, but because parents wanted to interfere and insisted on things being done their ways. And my former Principal was the type who catered to parents, so she would change her mind on things to do whenever there was any complaint (or in her words, “feedback”) from the parents.

For instance, during the SARS epidemic, parents were not allowed into schools as we wanted the students to come into lesser contact with suspected carriers of the virus. Any visitor to the school had to have his / her temperature taken. When some parents complained that it was such a troublesome process just to pick up their kids, this practice was abolished and only non-parents and other types of visitors had to have their temperatures taken.

As a result, some parents thought they could do anything they liked and gave the poor teachers untold suffering. There was a student in one of the best classes who could not cope with her work, and her parents complained about the teacher going too fast. If the student was in the best class, of course there would be more homework and all learning would be accelerated as only the best students of the school were able to be in the class.

Anyway the student was then transferred to the second best class after that. There was also another parent who complained about the teacher in her child’s class, and the child was transferred to another class as a result. Sometimes I wonder why did my Principal entertained requests like these?

I came across a lot of nasty parents too, not just in school but also during my tutoring years. I remember the very first class I taught, there was a pair of twins. There was a period of time some of the students got into so much trouble by fighting among themselves during PE lessons, thus I kept a group of them back during recess. I wanted to teach them a lesson, but in this time and age, no child could go hungry so they must eat during recess time, so I had to let them eat something first before keeping them in.

The next thing I knew, the mother of the twins called and accused me of “starving” her two kids by keeping them in during recess. The Principal personally came down and asked what happened, to which my class said that I did let them eat something first. When the mother asked what her kids ate since I only allowed them ten minutes to eat (which was already half their recess time), they answered that they ate a sandwich each, to which the mother then said her children must have full meals otherwise they would starve.

Honestly, no one will starve to death just because he / she did not eat anything during recess. When I was teaching, I often had to go without breakfast and lunch as I was often in the middle of so many things that I had practically no time to even grab a bite. So I normally went the whole day without any food until dinner. Did those @$^&*@#$ parents ever asked if I had eaten anything?! And I was on the front end of stupid kids with even stupider parents.

There was another incident in another class I was teaching. I kept this boy from going on a class trip because he used the F-word at me. He was not the only one anyway. I kept about four of them from going to the excursion because they were downright rude and disrespectful. Only this kid’s mother came and talked to me, with his elder sister in tow.

The mother screamed at me for blowing up over such a small matter, and even the sister said it was so unfair that her brother could not go. To which I really lost my cool, and told the sister off that she should just keep her big mouth shut and not interrupt as I was talking to the mother (not in the exact same words of course, but in a more polite way). That family really ought to learn some manners!

Another incident was this girl who was so standoffish, proud, arrogant and a complete show-off, with an equally arrogant mum. The girl always thought she could get away from not doing her homework, and her mother always wrote some excuse for her on why her homework was not done. So one day I told her off that it was one month before the final examinations, if she was not going to buck up, she could jolly well stop dreaming about ending up in the best class again.

She told her mum I insulted her, and her father went to see my Principal who told me I had to write a letter of apology to the girl. Why must I apologise to the girl when she was my student and it was my job to advice and make her learn? My Principal said her parents were upset over what I said to the girl, so even if I did not wish to submit a written apology, I should at least verbally apologise to the parents. So I had to call her parents up and apologised, and explained to them that I was just worried for her as she had not been submitting her homework.

I had three more brushes with parents before I left the service. One was when this parent wanted to sue me just because I sent his kid to the discipline master for punishment as he wrote the F-word and drew the middle finger on his classmate’s worksheet in pen. The discipline master had to talk to the parent not to press charges against me, but in the end the kid was let off with just a warning not to repeat the same thing.

Another was when I was giving intensive revision to my class before the mid-year examinations, and there was this kid who had a reputation for lying who did not submit a single piece of homework. He claimed he lost the worksheets, so I gave him the exact duplicate pieces, to which he did not submit again. He kept all his books and files under his desk, and then the mother came and accused me of giving him so much homework at one shot and not giving him back the files to revise, when I had given everything back the week before.

The worse thing was that the mother claimed his tutor did not wish to teach him anymore as he was always too busy doing the school’s homework that he neglected the tuition assignments. Do schoolwork not take priority over any other work? So the mother told my Vice-Principal that I should give lesser work then the kid would not be too stressed up.

Fourty kids in my class and he was the only one who was “stressed”. Other parents welcomed the work as it was a good class, and some parents even said I should give more as the kid finished the work rather quickly so wanted more work to keep the kid occupied. Who do I please then? Either way I lose out.

The worst incident was when I kept a few kids back for playing a fool in class and not finishing their work on time. As a rule, those who took school buses were not allowed to be kept back as if they missed the bus, I had to bring the kid home myself. I did not mind bringing the kids home as I did escort kids back before, but I did not wish for their family members to worry if the bus came and gone without dropping the kid off.

So I only kept back all those who either walked home or took public transport. There was this girl who cried just because I kept her back. But I told her I already warned them a few times but they still chose to play a fool, so now it was their punishment as if I did not show them that I was serious, they would play a fool even more. The other kids (some Chinese, a few Indians and she a Malay) all quickly finished their work and submitted to me as they at least knew they were being punished.

This Malay girl (okay, I am not being racist here. The other incidences above all happened to Chinese kids and parents) kept crying and refused to do her work, said that her mother was downstairs waiting for her. So I told her to go ask her mother to come up and see me and I would explain the situation to her mother. When the girl came back, she told me that her mother could not speak English, so called her father to come down.

When her father came down, he started screaming at me on why I could not get an interpreter and made him come all the way down. I tried to tell him calmly that I did not expect him to come down as I only wanted to talk to the mother and said the girl would stay a bit longer. He kept accusing me of keeping the girl back just because she was of another race. That was really too much! My blood really boiled and I really felt like telling him off for creating a scene in my classroom.

He said if the girl was in any way naughty, let him know in a letter and state everything in black and white. Just telling would not do as it might not be the truth without any letter. Besides my job was just to teach, what gave me the right to discipline in any way? Does teaching and educating not encompass discipline as well?! Finally he said he would sue and go to MOE and complain why there was not a single Malay interpreter in schools.

I told him that if I had known beforehand that his wife could not speak English, I would gladly arrange a Malay teacher to help interpret, but everything happened so unexpectedly that my colleagues might be anywhere, too late to notify them. Then he said perhaps I should go learn Malay and communicate with the parents. In that case, do I have to learn Tamil too? I felt like telling him why not his wife learn to speak English? So much easier as well.

I also had a couple of tuition kids whose parents were really nasty. One of the mothers insisted on sitting next to me while I tutored her kid, and then kept giving me comments on what I should do and what I should not do, and insisted on giving him the type of homework she wanted. In my mind, I was thinking if she thought herself so much better, why hire a tutor? Teach the kid herself!

The other parent kept insisting I show my certificates as proof of my qualifications. So many kids I tutored, that was the first time I came across a parent who wanted to see all my certificates. When I supplied my certificates, she then asked to see my identity card and my civil service card, and my NIE pass as well before she could finally believe that I was a trained, qualified teacher. Then when I needed to go for a seminar once and had to postpone the session, she blew up at me, saying that I disrupted her kid's schedule. Did she think I did not have other things to do other than tutoring her kid?

But when one comes across nasty parents for tuition jobs, at least I can choose whether to continue on the tuition assignment. However in school, the class and students have been arranged, so I had to bear with nasty parents for the whole year.

But I guess troublesome parents would equate to how the child will be like. So if the parents shelter or take care of the child too much, the child may grow up to be just as troublesome and unappreciative.

Just like the recent case of the man suing his parents for not giving him enough money. In the first place, he is almost fourty years old, can he not work for his own living instead of depending on his old parents? In the second place, his parents worked almost their entire lives and now the money is their own savings for their old age. He does not even have the right to ask them for it.

Honestly, I wonder how his lawyer felt when he took the case. If I am the lawyer, I will throw the case out immediately. And what the judge said was very true - the greatest mistake the parents made was to take care of him and shelter him too much. But there are more and more parents like these, which makes me afraid for the younger generation.

Times like these made me examine why I started teaching in the first place. No matter how much I enjoy it or how much I want to contribute in grooming the younger generation, but sometimes enough is enough. What is the use of trying your best when you have to work your life away only to be so unappreciated and there are more frustrations and misery than joy?

A Hectic Day....

My girlfriend just sent me a calendar for next year. It is one of those online calendars where you can save it as your wallpaper or screensaver. It is the calendar of every girl's fantasy, as the models consist of Brad Pitt (topless!) and other droolicious hunks almost in the buff. Wa.... now I can gaze at gorgeous guys the whole year through!

It was a mad mad rush today. I had to go for a job interview early in the morning, went for rehearsal after that, lunched with friends, went to Suntec City to get the tickets for "Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire", went home to shower and change, had my mum drive us down to my grandma's place, discussed the itinerary for the trip next week with my relatives, before going down back to Suntec for the movie with my cousins.

The show is really good! No wonder there are raving reviews about it. Although it is a very summarised version of the book, the show did justice to the book at least. The special effects are good, the portrayal of the characters are not too bad, some parts are scary (just like the book) and the competition part is just as intense. Overall an enjoyable and entertaining show, better than the previous ones!

My cousin gave us the proposed itinerary for our trip next week. We will be flying off on Saturday and returning the following Monday, making it a total of ten days. The proposed plan goes like ths :

Day 1 - Touchdown at Melbourne airport, take the Skybus to the inn.

Day 2 - Meet up with our cousin who is studying at the University of Melbourne and she will show us around the city.

Day 3 - Rest and Relax in Melbourne and prepare for domestic flight to Tasmania.

Day 4 - Cradle Mountain in Tasmania.

Day 5 - Tourist attractions in Cradle Mountain (the various factories, ie fruit factory, flower factory, nut factory).

Day 6 - Go up northern Tasmania to Launceston and visit all the tourist attractions.

Day 7 - Go down southern Tasmania to Hobart and visit all the tourist attractions.

Day 8 - Port Arthur prison colony (heard the prison is now in ruins and there are rumours of it being haunted).

Day 9 - Rest and Relax in Hobart, back to Launceston.

Day 10 - Launceston to Melbourne, then Home Sweet Home.

If I am not mistaken, the Cadbury headquarters is in Tasmania. I am going to beg (and I will go down on my knees if need be) my parents or cousin to make sure we go there. A real, life Cadbury chocolate factory! Smell of chocolate, swim in chocolate, all the chocolates at warehouse prices..... What heavenly bliss!!!!

Which Decision Is The Best?

Thanks to my friend Miss ThamPs, I have found another voice teacher! I will be going down to his studio on Tuesday for a voice test, and if all goes well, I can start lessons already. Most likely I will only start in January or until after I found another job. Hopefully he takes me as his student, then I can try to achieve professional standard at last.

Somehow I get this gut feeling that this is the perfect voice teacher for me. His studio is quite near my place, his charges are very reasonable for a professional and established private voice teacher for an individual lesson, he has his own music management company, and he has a broad range of reportoires specialising in Western and Indonesian music (best way to learn the language!) and Gamelan ensembles.

Some stupid guy just insulted me big time! He said if I am so conservative how am I going to attract any guy? Guys will think that if I do not let them get physical with me even before we are together, how can they be sure to ask me out again since how are they going to have fun? If they want fun, forget it! I want someone who is serious and committed and know the difference between what is love and what is pure lust, and not someone who just expects me to sleep with him and then throw me aside.

I told him that finding the right person is based on communication, compatibility and understanding, not based on anything physical. He said guys all want to start off with something physical before they decide if the girl is worth keeping. Is that so?! None of my guy friends think like this! Where does this person get his values from?!

And the stupid guy just said that is why I am single since I do not allow intimacy. And I am likely to remain single for life if I maintain such an attitude. What does he know?! He can talk to my ex-boyfriends and hear from them the amount of intimacy I allow, if they are my boyfriends, not if they are just mere friends! I may not go all the way, but I definitely allow a lot of other things! Does he take me as a slut to just allow any mere guy to touch me all over and get so physical with me?! F*** off and stop insulting my honour and dignity as a lady! What a prick, and needless to say, a local. Foreign guys are getting more and more attractive everyday...

I received this email from K last week. It is a rather interesting scenario of decision-making, and how to make the best decision. Shall people make decisions based on the most logical issue, or shall they make decisions based on practicality, or shall people make decisions to benefit all?

Imagine that there was a group of children playing near two railway tracks, one in use while the other disused. Only one child was playing on the disused track while the rest were playing on the operational track.

The train was approaching and you were just beside the track interchange. It was not possible to stop the train but you could switch the track and divert the train to the disused track and save most of the kids.

However, that would mean that the lone child playing by the disused track would be sacrificed. Or would you rather save one child and let the train go on its way and kill the other children?

At first instinct, most people would choose to divert the train course and sacrifice only one child. To save most of the children at the expense of only one child was a rational decision most people would make, morally and emotionally, even though that was still wrong.

But on the other hand, perhaps the child playing on the disused track had in fact made the right decision to play at a safe place? Yet he had to be sacrificed just because of his ignorant friends who chose to play where the danger was.

This kind of dilemma happens around us all the time, be it in the office, community, society, politics and especially in a democratic country. The minority is often sacrificed for the interest of the majority, no matter how foolish or ignorant the majority are, and how farsighted and knowledgeable the minority are.

The child who chose not to play with the rest on the operational track was sidelined. And in the case he was sacrificed, no one would shed a tear for him. The “proper” decision is not to try to change the course of the train because the kids playing on the operational track should have known very well that track was still in use, and that they should have run away if they heard the train’s sirens.

But if the train was diverted, that lone child would definitely die because he never thought the train could come over to that track, that was why he chose to play there in the first place. Moreoever, that track was not in use probably because it was not safe or closed for some other reasons.

If the train was diverted to the track, we could put the lives of all the passengers on board at stake. And in the attempt of saving a few kids by sacrificing one, hundreds of people’s lives might end up being sacrificed as well just for those few kids. So which decision is the best in a case like this?

While we are all aware that life is full of tough decisions that need to be made, we may not realise that hasty decisions may not always be the right one. What is right is not always popular, and what is popular is not always right.

Tough choice if you ask me. Of course the best thing would be to save all the children and all the passengers at the same time. But human nature is such that people do not sense danger until they plunge headlong into it, and the only one who sensed the danger in the first place and stayed away from it end up being the one in trouble just to save the skins of those in danger. That is what make life so interesting and complicated, no matter whether it is the right thing to do.

Setting Myself Free ....

Signs you have finally gotten over an unrequited love :

1. You deleted all his / her photos from your computer and mobile phone without feeling any heartache.

2. You deleted all the messages you sent each other, messages which you have saved for quite some time without feeling any heartache.

3. You totally stop initiating conversation.

4. You start to realise that other people are more attractive and more worth your time.

5. You think back and wonder how in the world you fell for this person in the first place.

6. You are happy and relieved because those agonising days of giving and caring with the frustrations and misery of non-acceptance and non-reciprocation are over!

7. You stop taking an interest in his / her life.

8. You do not feel anything even when you see him / her online or in person.

And the ONE main thing that determines you have finally let go :

9. You do not think about him / her anymore and whatever he / she does does not affect you in whatever way.

I can close this chapter of my life at last .... and I am really happy closing it! Good riddance!

My Tutoring Days Of Olde ....

I was in such a crummy mood this week due to the aura of bad luck which has not disintegrated that I got my friend out even though he just had an operation two weeks back and will be on medical leave until the end of the year. Anyway he said he was going crazy staying at home and I was getting depressed staying at home, so we met up for lunch and two movies, "Sky High" (a cross between "X-Men" and "The Incredibles") and "Just Like Heaven" (which was so heartwarming that it really made me cry). Sometimes I wish I have super powers to save the world from evil and wars.

I also managed to get advanced tickets for "Harry Potter" this Saturday, which I will be watching with my cousins. The first real all-cousins outing (although not a complete one as some of them are overseas) without our parents. There will be seven of us watching the show - me, my brother, the two cheeky girls, their eldest sister, our eldest cousin and her husband. Really looking forward to it!

I bumped into a former tuition kid of mine today. Actually he was the one who recognised me because the last time I saw him he was a small-sized, shy Primary Six kid, and now he is already in the army. Wow….. I am old….. I am surprised he recognised me though because it had been almost eight years since we last saw each other.

Both of us were students then and now both of us have grown in our own ways. This is one of those heart-warming times where teaching pays off, as no matter how hard the work you put in, your students do remember you after so many years and appreciate you for all the things you have done.

He was the first kid I tutored, way back when I had just finished secondary school. I wanted to earn some extra pocket money for myself as I could hardly survive on what my parents gave me. I registered with an agency (which for some reason seemed to have closed down) and I got this kid.

I was surprised that I got the job because I also advertised in one of the papers for students, but when the parents called up and realised I did not have ‘A’ levels or a degree, they promptly hung up the phone.

Parents who called for tuition would normally be parents of primary school kids, so I was feeling a little down at being “looked down upon” just because they thought I would not have the ability to teach their kids due to lack of certain qualifications.

Anyway this kid’s mother is a very nice lady. No doubt her kid was mischievous and lazy, but she was always nice to me. Once in a while she would even cook lunch or serve me food or tidbits when I went over. The kid was downright lazy and just refused to do any work, but the mum gave me carte blanche to do whatever was required. And even when he did not score well, she never once blamed me as she knew her kid was lazy.

My parents disapproved in the beginning as they wanted me to concentrate on my studies without any distractions. But I told them I needed extra cash as what they gave me was only enough for transport, class fund and lunch. There were no extras if I wanted to stay out for dinner or go out during the weekends. My mum always claimed what she gave me was enough, so if it was not enough, I should cut down on my lifestyle.

Cut down what?! I had to turn down everytime my classmates went out for a big meal just because I was not able to afford. I did not even go out during weekends unless I needed to go to school. I could not even go for movies with my friends as I did not have the money to pay for myself! And I still needed to cut down more?!

Ironically my friends stay in flats and I am the one who stay on a landed property, yet their pocket moneys are at least twice what I was getting. Which is why right now I relish the freedom of being financially independent! You do not need to be accountable on what you spend your money on and what type of lifestyle you lead, nor do you have to put up with people giving you a sour look just because you asked for a little extra for the month.

So I continued with my tuition assignment. I taught him from Primary Four all the way until he completed his PSLE. I was not paid much, but at least I managed to earn enough to tide me over. When I did not do well in my studies my parents wanted me to give up the assignment, but the kid was in upper primary then, so I wanted to chart his progress. Besides I scored badly not because of the tuition assignment, but because of other factors.

After him, I was recommended a few other tuition assignments. By then, I had higher qualifications so was able to charge a little more. When I entered NIE, I got even more jobs with higher rates, but due to my heavy workload, I was not able to tutor much, thus I only stuck to those who were taking their final year in school.

One of my kids later went to the top school and her mother was so appreciative and still calls me every now and then. But she has a good attitude. She is the type who can wake up at 6:00 am just to study, so she definitely has no problems. In the first place, she did not even need tuition, as she was already in a pretty good school, but just because her grades dropped from above 90 to 80, she panicked and wanted extra help. From academic tutoring, I went on to teach her music too until she passed her Grade 8.

Why did none of my real school students ever have that attitude? They thought that as long as they could score well enough to remain in the best class, even if they averaged 80%, they were satisfied already. I always told them why stick to just 80% when they could have 100%? Perhaps there really is a difference between students from premier schools and students from just normal schools.

Luckily most of my tuition parents are very nice people. They really respect tutors and let me do my job. I even brought some of my kids out before, when I brought them to the library to borrow some books to start them on reading, or just a walk around a park (if they are staying near a park) to observe the flora and fauna, or even to an ice-cream parlour when they improved or did well and I wanted to reward them.

I really miss those days. If I could go into full-time tutoring I would, just that it is not a secure job and I prefer to do something more secure. I feel more at ease to know that I will have fixed income coming in every month at least.

The Concept Of Househusbands

First there were housewives. Now with modern society and the emancipation of women, there are lesser and lesser housewives but with an increase in the number of househusbands. With equality of the sexes getting more and more prominent, more and more couples do not mind having reversed roles where the husbands stay at home, do the housework and take care of the children, and the wives go out to work and bring home the bacon.

I know some husbands who stay at home and are full-time househusbands. Their wives dedicate themselves to their careers and trust their husbands to take charge of the household. I salute these guys for willingly being in a role that was all along a traditionally feminine role. Most guys would rather have their teeth drilled than to be known as “househusbands”, or to put it in a more crude way, a bum. And not many women are willing to marry guys who rather be househusbands.

But if women can go out into the society and work like a man, why is it so unacceptable for men to stay home and be homemakers like women? Perhaps it is due to tradition where ever since when time began, men had always been the one going out and bringing back the food and materials while women stay home to cook, look after the kids and clean the home.

So if the guy can be a better caregiver than the wife, and he is happy being a caregiver while his wife is happy in her job and does not mind being the sole breadwinner, is it wrong if they reverse their roles? Ultimately it should be for the best of the family. Of course, if the guy just stays home and orders everyone around yet does not want to lift a finger to help out or do anything, but still expects the wife to work, do the housework and take care of the kids, then that is really unreasonable. Those types of guys will be the bane of all mankind.

Issues like these go deeper. Imagine if a high-flying wife keeps on climbing up the social ladder, and her high-flying husband gave up his career to be a caregiver at home. Chances are society will question why must it be the husband who gives up the career and not the wife? Chauvinists will have an outrage as these are against their code and ego. Feminists will ask why is it such a big deal and why must it always be the women who give up their careers but men cannot do the same? Sexists will either applaud or snort in disgust (depending on which sex they are on).

Family members will question too. The wife’s family will wonder why she cannot marry someone who can provide for her instead of the other way round. The guy’s family may wonder why he cannot provide for the family. Some may blame the wife for not willing to sacrifice and expect the poor husband to sacrifice. Imagine parents introducing, “Hi, this is my son / son-in-law. He is a full-time stay-home dad” to bewildered expressions on guests.

But perhaps society is structured in such a way that there are certain permissible and certain impermissible behaviour as dictated by society’s rules, and everyone is more or less supposed to conform to those rules. Personally I guess there is nothing wrong with being a househusband, provided the couple agrees on and does not mind the husband staying home and the wife being the sole breadwinner and both are happy with the decision.

But for me, I like to be the one staying home, because I like to be the one keeping the house and cooking for my husband and children and taking care of the kids. Nothing will give me greater joy than to take care of my family. Thus in this case, I have to be with someone who goes out to work, because if I will not be working full-time, someone has to bring in the bacon to feed the family.

Seven Deadly Sins

I went for three interviews in two days. Somehow I am getting disillusioned with the whole thing. Besides, once I have gone in-house, I feel very disinclined to work in a mere law firm anymore as it is like a step down.

I went for the interview today and I was told in my face that they feel I am too "nice" and "demure" for the job. I never know those qualities are bad (not that I am that nice or demure anyway.) The culture of that firm is very aggressive, so they need someone who can function on gear five, so they think I may be frightened away. How would they know anyway? Have they seen me when I am aggressive?

I was remembering the movie "Seven" which featured the seven deadly sins of mankind. I always thought these sins were the greatest sins as set out by Christianity, but through the years, it became more questionable who really laid down these sins as "deadly".

But why are they "deadly"? As a normal imperfect human, I believe each and everyone of us have committed at least one, and some probably even all, of these "deadly" sins. Does it mean we will all be condmened to Hell then? Of course it is not possible we go to Heaven since we are supposedly sinners, but do we go straight to Hell? Then what about Purgatory?

The seven sins are : Lust, Pride, Envy, Greed, Anger, Sloth and Gluttony. Each of us probably have committed a few of them. I know I have probably committed all except for Lust. (Do dreams of and ogling at topless hunky guys constitute "lust"? If so, then I have committed all. :-p) But which human does not feel anger or pride or envy or greed or sloth or gluttony or lust at times? It is just human's nature to feel any of the above.

But where do you draw the line? More and more people in modern times are getting more and more lustful, and can sleep together without even knowing each other. Some Christian friends I know do that too, yet it is so ironical as they are the ones preaching on living a good Christian life. How hypocritical!

What is lust? Sleeping with multiple partners at a time, at different times, or simply just fooling around with no strings attached? Does lust mean drooling at or fantasising about someone of the opposite gender even when one is already in a relationship? What about someone of the same gender? Does inclining towards homosexuality makes someone lustful as well?

What is pride? Being boastful? Or being proud of who you are and what you have achieved? Or is it more of being egotistical and thinks the world of oneself? If pride is a sin, does it mean we have to always put ourselves down so as not to take credit or be proud of what we do? Or is it only a sin if one gets too proud until he / she is blinded to everything else except for him / herself?

What is envy? You admire someone who has something better and yearns to be better than that person. Which of us is not guilty of that in some parts of our lives? Being humans, nothing is enough, we always hope for something better. Is it wrong to yearn for better things? Is it wrong to have some sort of competition to see who can outdo each other? I know I envy people with such nice and warm parents, or people who have loving mates and families, or people who are allowed to pursue their own dreams. Is it wrong to have a secret desire to be just like the person you envy?

What about anger? How many of us have not been angry at some points in our lives? I get angry whenever someone accuses me of something I have not done, or says something about my family or friends, or generally treating me as a fool. Are we supposed to swallow all insults and injustice and take it all upon our shoulders and not cry out in frustration at all? I know the Bible says to be compassionate and turn the other cheek, but are we supposed to just keep our cool even with the most blatant insults and totally ignore?

And what about greed? Greed does not mean just being greedy in food (that is Gluttony), but by desiring more money and material possessions. Who is not greedy in this respect? I believe almost everyone likes more cash and material possessions. Is that really wrong to want or desire more? I also wish I can have more money, or more friends, or more people to care about the environment, or more animal rights.

And gluttony? Most of my friends love to eat and enjoy good food, including me. Does it mean we are sinning by eating so much? All humans eat to survive, is it wrong to indulge once in a while on good food and big feasts? Do we all have to eat plain simple dishes and nothing else everyday?

What about sloth? How many of us would prefer being hardworking than being lazy? I am definitely a lazier person than a hardworking one. If given a choice, I rather be so laid-back and not get involve in such a fast-paced of life in society. I know a lot of my relatives and friends are like that too. Most people do things only because they need to, not because they want to, unless it is something they really like to do. Unfortunately, most of the things people want to do is not work but leisure.

So I am guilty of six of the seven (or perhaps all the seven) deadly sins. I will be condemend to Hell at the end of my life. Even though I do not smoke, take drugs, steal, sleep around, kill, murder, lie, cheat or covet, I still will go to Hell based on living such a sinful life. Do I still have to change for the better? Not eat so much, not flare up so much, try to be more hardworking, not desire to be better? Hmmm.... perhaps I can try, then next time people will see me living in a convent wearing the habit of a nun.

Fated? Or Not?

Life is so ironic sometimes. It may be a dog-eat-dog world, but then there are many people whose riches grow because they "swallow" others' companies and businesses, at times unscrupulously. Then there are others who spend their lifetimes being good and die poor.

Not that material riches are anything because when a person passes away, how ever much riches he has accumulated, he cannot bring any of them along. But fate is just so twisted at times to let someone bad have such good deals and someone good to struggle. Although I guess the important thing is that the punishment will be after death, not in life.

Fate also twists in some other ways. For instance, you may fall for a person, only to find that his / her friends are better, then you wonder why you fell for that person in the first place. This will be a bit more tricky if you are in a relationship. Like when I was with my third ex, he seemed to be the best among his friends, but later on, I realise his godbrother is actually better. Sometimes when you make a choice, shall you stick to it or be true to yourself if you really want to be happy?

Like when I fell for that certain someone. We have mutual friends, and I got to know a few of his friends. But upon reflecting, now I wonder why I fell for him in the first place? Perhaps because of his intelligence and wit. But other than that, there are certain requirements which are not quite there, so it is good to keep him as a friend but no further. Now as I observe, I find a few of his friends even better and meet more of my criterias than him.

Will I be fickle then if I change my target? But in the first place, we were never in a relationship, and now that I have finally let go, there should not be anything wrong if I am to fall for someone else, even if I end up falling for his friend or whatever. Anyway, it is not as if I have a real target to aim at, just a few "under consideration", whom I deem may be potential enough.

Sometimes one meets the right person at the wrong time, or the wrong person at the right time. As I reflect back on my life, I have often met wrong people at the right time, but the right person appeared at the wrong time. When I finally made the decision to enter a relationship, it was somehow mostly with the wrong person, but at the time when I could commit. Yet when I finally met the right person, it was just such bad timing that we could not go any further. Is Fate then playing a trick on us?

Some people call it Fate, others call it God's Will, still others call it being in the right place at the right time, but whatever it is, for people to be able to get together, even as friends and later on as partners, I believe a certain amount of this element is involved. A lot depends on one's destiny on how his / her life will turn out.

Sometimes I wonder if one's destiny has already been settled and the future is yet to come. Or is my life coming to a standstill? I am hurting so much inside, being disillusioned from my recent string of bad luck. If one is single and unattached, the only thing one can look forward to is a good career, yet I cannot even achieve that.

I thought 2003 was the worst year of my life, but this year seems to top it. It is hard to remain positive when everytime I get positive and happy with my life, something happens. Is it my destiny for my life to be in limbo like this, never getting any better?

"ROME" On HBO

Positive : Finally there is a good show premiering which you really want to watch.

Negative : The timing of the show clashes with the time your parents normally watch the news.

Double Negative : In the end it does not matter anyway because you do not even have the required channel. :-/

Now I have to find a kind soul who is willing to tape the entire duration of the show for me.... Either that, or I must ask my dad to subscribe to more cable channels, which is highly unlikely since it costs a bomb to tune to the required channels for my place.

Transsexuality

The rehearsal tonight was a complete disaster. Just a week more to the performance and we are still in a mess. No wonder Jennifer was so angry with us. It was our first practice session with the orchestra and the conductor, yet we did so badly. It was really a loss of face for us.

I read from the papers on Sunday about a transsexual getting married - the first of such case in Malaysia. The couple was married in a Christian church, and she (who used to be a he) was recognised as a woman and allowed to marry a man in the Christian way. However, the Malaysian government is not recognising the marriage.

In 1996, when the Women's Charter was changing the rule allowing transsexuals to get married, there was a lot of uproar from the Christian churches who wanted the Bill to be repealed on the basis that transsexuality is going against what God has given. But if one has heard a transsexual's story, one can then empathise on the agony faced by one of them.

Transsexuals are not the same as homosexuals. Homosexuality for some may be just a stage where people may outgrow. Some people choose the homosexuality way of life because they are more inclined towards that aspect. There is no right or wrong as long as they are happy with the way they lead their lives.

Transsexuality, on the other hand, goes much further than just being a plain homosexual. One can be a homosexual and yet behave as manly or as womanly as the gender dictates. Transsexuals often felt they were another gender trapped in the opposite gender's body. A man trapped in a woman's body, or a woman trapped in a man's body.

Transsexuals have to go through a series of psychiatric tests to determine they really want to live the life of the opposite gender before they are recommended to go for the sex change operation. Thus the psychiatrist has to determine that the one that was born a male really yearns to live life as a female, and the one that was born a female really wants to live life as a male.

I feel that transsexuals have rights to have their own happiness too. They cannot help what they are. They are true to themselves as well as their own identities, despite the non-acceptance and being outcast by society in general. More than anything, they will want someone who can accept them for what they are (be it before or after the sex change). And more and more Christian churches in the world are accepting transsexual marriages. This shows that people are getting more open and accepting.

The Women's Charter now has a clause stating that a couple of opposite genders can get married as long as it is indicated on the identity card. So even if someone who was born a woman but changed her sex to be a man and indicated in the identity card that the sex is male, he can marry someone who is either a born female or a transsexual female. Messy and complicated, but that is a facet of life which is slowly gaining acceptance.

I do empathise with transsexuals and the turmoils they have to face before finally being what they finally become. I wish I can reach out to them if I can. However, I am happy remaining a female, despite all the biological "sufferings" we have to go through, and still want a partner who is a straight and real male, without all the complicating sex changes.

"Ugly" Singaporeans .... Again?

A few days ago, I came across an article on how a certain female blogger was voted as the "hottest" blogger, and caught the eye of a talent agent who wanted to groom her into a star. All of a sudden, she started receiving hate mail, being accused of going for plastic surgery, being put down by many people (among those her so-called "friends") and undesirable pictures started circulating around the web.

Do people really have nothing better to do? So what if someone makes news? It does not give anyone any right to pry into another person's private affairs and invade someone's privacy. Imagine if you are the one. Would you like it? Those actions would hurt not only the victim, but also the victim's parents.

Sometimes I wonder why people cannot just mind their own business. It is enough that strangers start circulating "untruths" (whether truth or untruth is actually nothing to do with anyone as it is her business), but her friends put her down as well? Is it because when someone they know become famous, others just start being jealous and do whatever they can to bring the person down?

This was what happened to the Miss Singapore-Universe Pageant a few years back. After the winners were announced, all of a sudden, there was an influx of comments remarking that certain girls should not win as they could not speak good English, or they were not even good-looking, or that they could not answer questions well. If these people think they could do better, then why did they not take part in the pageant instead of remarking so much?

Perhaps the "sour grapes" nature is abundant in every one. If one cannot get something, he / she will try to bring down the person who manages to achieve what he / she cannot achieve. But people are different. There will always be people with better abilities than oneself. Rather than comparing, why not be satisfied with what one has and tries to achieve better for oneself?

Chauvinism Vs Feminism

Some companies are efficient indeed. As part of the compensation, my Human Resource department forwarded my resume to some of the employment agencies today, and already I got three interviews scheduled for the week. My friend commented that I am lucky to be able to find jobs so fast, but I seem to get out of jobs even faster.

Apparently in this day and age, there are still chauvinistic guys around, whom we girls (and even some guys) will label as "MCPs" (Male Chauvinist Pig). These are the type of guys whose egos are bigger than the universe, will never cry nor be embarrassed in front of people, order their women around and expect her to do their biddings all the time.

These guys are normally sole bread winners as they are of the opinion that a woman's place is at home, so women should not work. Of course there are some of the other extreme - the guys bum around at home while their wives bring in the bacon, yet still expect the wives to take care of the children and do the housework. To choose between two evils, I will choose the lesser of them, ie the former.

My best friend told me that a former colleague of hers happened to be in the second situation. Her husband got retrenched, so ended up staying at home with nothing to do, except yelling at the maid and the children. In the end, the maid quitted, and to save finances, they decided not to hire another one. As a result, my friend's ex-colleague had to put in overtime at the office so she could bring in more money, yet when she got home, she had to do housework and supervise the children in their schoolwork despite being dead tired, and her husband stayed home the whole day not lifting a finger to do anything.

The last straw came when her husband called her from work and asked her to hurry home as their younger child was sick. She snapped at him there and then and left with the children to her mother's place. Served the guy right actually, not to treasure a good thing. Which other wife will be willing to do that?

I guess the opposite of chauvinism will be feminism, or what is termed as "WCP" (Woman's Chauvinist Pig). These are the women who are forever fighting for equal women's rights, speak up against any sexual discrimination, and want to do everything a man can do. Needless to say, these are the women that are normally unmarried as they think they do not need a family or a companion to grow old with, since they think themselves as superior and can live without a man.

I have friends who are die-hard feminists, thus they are always so horrified at my traditionalist views even in this day and age. Why not? I like a wholesome family life, and also like it if my guy pampers me, and is chivalrous and gentlemanly and romantic. All these things will make my heart aflutter. I shall remain silent regarding feminism since I definitely cannot consider myself as one.

But I always think that to bring about natural ecological balance, men and women co-exist for a purpose - to mate and raise younger generations. All animals understand this and so they always go around mating. I am not saying that that is our main function in life or that we have to behave like animals, but in the first place, it is humans that complicate things by their concept of free love and casual sex without any strings attached. Sometimes I wish I was back in those days where life was simpler, and people live to find a right partner they can share their lives with.

Bad Luck.... Again!

Just when I thought my string of bad luck has ended, we received an email from our Human Resource department today, stating that come next year, all the Human Resource and Legal Departments of the various subsidiaries are going to be merged into a whole big group, serving the parent company directly. Thus, some of us were asked to go. And those that were asked to go were employees who are near retirement age or have worked less than a year, unless they are scholars or someone high-ranking enough.

So today, the few of us (me included, *sob sob*) were asked to go for a briefing with the Human Resource Manager. She said the company did not like to do this, but they have to follow protocol as well, and was very apologetic as she did not wish for this to happen. She said they are targeting those who have not worked for long as we have not contributed that much and would not feel that attached to the company. Just when I am really starting to like the place and enjoying my work.

Why does this not happen next year?! Then I would have worked a year and be safe from this restructuring and merging thing. Why is it I just have such bad timing when it comes to job search nowadays? How I wish I can just retain a job for once without being removed.

It is so unfair sometimes. No doubt I am not the best employee, but I am definitely not the worst as well, because so far, all the companies I have worked in, my superiors have been rather happy with my work. I go to the office early and leave a bit later and I know I always meet deadlines and check my work thoroughly to prevent mistakes. Some people go late and leave early and do not even meet deadlines. Yet they can be retained.

I cannot blame my Human Resource department for doing this, as they are also controlled by the main parent company, so they have to obey orders. My subsidiary’s Human Resource department is actually not that bad already, compared to some of the other companies I have worked in.

The only compensation would be whether we can choose to leave immediately or stay until the end of the year. Those who are asked to retire will go off at the end of the year. So I chose to leave immediately, together with some of the human resource assistants. The others wanted to wait until receiving their bonuses before leaving, but since I am not getting a bonus, it does not really matter since we will be paid until the end of the year anyway.

Our Human Resource Manager then gave us a list of employment agencies, saying that she would get them to contact us about suitable job opportunities and ask us to forward our resumes to them. Well…. at least that is a good gesture.

The only consolation is that I can take a break until the end of the year and start work again next year on a clean slate. Which means I should be able to make the trip Down Under with my family after all. Oh no, the entire job hunt routine again. Just when I told my mum I got this job and she was so happy for me. What is she going to say now? PISSED, PISSED, PISSED, PISSED, PISSED!!!!

Exorcism ....

My CPU has been towed away for a thorough scan, which explains my sudden “disappearance” for the weekend. The most major problem was SOMEONE spilt water into the keyboard (my new keyboard!), thus the abnormal behaviour. The repair guy was supposed to get my CPU back last night but he could not make it on time, so can only deliver tonight (hopefully).

I had a real enjoyable Saturday. I met up with a new friend, who happens to be a real sweet and nice guy, and we went to watch the exorcism show, had delicious Indonesian food for dinner at Ayam Penyet Ria (“the chicken that is squashed happily” or “the happy depressed chicken”), walked the entire stretch of Orchard, sat down for drinks and talked all the way. I really had a very good time, thanks so much for keeping me company almost the entire day and listening to all my ramblings! ;-D

The show is not as scary as I thought though. It was an intense courtroom drama. I was captivated by the way the two lawyers argued their cases and tried to veer the jury towards their point of views. The movie is based on a true story and that became a landmark case where the accused was found guilty yet allowed to go free.

But the show brought up some rather interesting points. Does the devil exists? Why were the few reported cases of possession happened to those who were so staunch in their faith? Perhaps, like what my friend mentioned (hope I am not misquoting you), most of us already have “demons” of our own due to the way we lead our lives, so those demons would rather possess those stronger in their faith and lead more holy lives. Maybe those demons find it a challenge to sway someone who is staunch and holy. It is like human’s nature of desire – the more difficult to get, the more one yearns for it.

I hope I will never witness a real possession and exorcism case. That will be too much for me to stomach and I do not think I will ever be the same after that.

Cold Shoulder On A Cold Day

My mum gave me an early Christmas present last night. It was a unique watch she bought. The numbers of the watch are all jumbled up and do not run in sequence. So 8 o’clock on the watch can be 2 o’clock, 7:45 can be 4:15 and 6 o’clock can be 9 o’clock on a normal watch interface. It is nice and special, and a little confusing at first, but after further observations, I can more or less tell the time on the watch already.

It had been two very cold days. The weather has really been bad lately. It can rain the whole day, then get so hot and sunny the next. No wonder so many of my colleagues are sick, and I feel myself coming down with sniffles and an itchy throat. Probably it was due to being caught in the rain on Wednesday and splashed by the rain yesterday. Oh no, I cannot get sick now, not with a weekend coming up that I am looking forward to.

I blasted at another fellow on Wednesday. He was the same irritant that got me so pissed some time back. I thought he had disappeared for good, then he called me again. Why do some guys just not get it, no matter how direct I put it across? Yet other guys can get the hint even if I put it across so subtly. Obviously the second type is the type I will prefer to befriend.

Anyway that guy kept calling me, and worse was that he called me so many times, at every five-minute intervals. I refused to pick up the phone. Then he kept calling until in the end I just answered to tell him off and put an end to this once and for all.

Me : If I do not pick up, stop calling!

He : Huh? I thought you could not pick up on time, so keep calling. Anyway remember me?

Me : Unfortunately. You can be turned to ash and I can still recognize you.

He : Really? You like me so much?

(How dense is this fellow?!)

Me : Look, I cannot talk to you now. Besides, I do not wish to hear from you again as I really cannot stand you, and I am in the rain in the middle of the road on my way home. So please leave me alone.

He : Erh…. did you get me mixed-up with someone else?

(How much more direct can I get?! Which part does he not understand?)

Me : No, I did not mix you up with someone else. I really cannot stand you so please just stop bothering me!

He : Oh ok. But will you call me later?

(I just hung up. Luckily he never called me back and I hope for goodness sake he will not!)

What a pity I just renewed my mobile contract half a year ago, so I cannot change my number. But if I change my number, then I will not be able to find another number just as nice. I just have to hope that some people finally get the message and leave me alone.

Battle With Viruses

I am totally fed up with those men in my house. Our PC has a viral infection, which I already suspected ever since I was not able to get rid of all the viruses last week. My father and brother still insisted on doing things their own ways, and I have no idea what they did or what they downloaded or accessed.

My PC has officially been “possessed” and refuses to obey commands. It is like something inside the PC is controlling its actions. All of a sudden, programs are opening by themselves, the PC is shutting down and restarting by itself, CTRL-ALT-DEL has become the command for starting the email browser, the DEL key is now functioning like the ENTER key, the mouse cursor is moving by itself and opening programs, and browser URLs can type in its own additional letters. Rather scary, come to think of it.

The guy is coming to clean up the PC on early Saturday morning. I wanted him to come today but his schedule is already full. He told me he could only make it on Saturday, to which I said that he has to come in the morning as I will be out the rest of the day. Hopefully the problem is not so bad that I have to reinstall all the programs again. I do not wish to lose any more of my files and data!

"Lotus Totus" For All

I received a sweet email from my Human Resource department today, congratulating me for being one-month old. What a nice gesture. :-) Has it really been a month already? Time really passes by so fast! Somehow I feel as if I have not been around that long. It seems like I only just joined the company and now, in the twinkling of an eye, it has been a month already. In my previous place, I was there for about two months, yet it felt like a lifetime.

I received a very meaningful e-mail called the “Lotus Totus”, some motivational lessons from the Anthony Robbins organization. I find all the messages very meaningful indeed. I must remember them and try to apply them as I go about my way in life.

1. Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.

2. Marry someone you love to talk to. As you get older, their converstional skills will be as important as any other. (Very true! Exactly what I have been advising my friends and looking for myself!)

3. Do not believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you want. (Hmmmm……)

4. When you say, “I love you”, mean it. (YES!!!)

5. When you say, “I am sorry”, look the person in the eye.

6. Be engaged at least six months before you get married.

7. Believe in love at first sight. (But of course!)

8. Never laugh at anyone’s dreams. People who do not have dreams do not have much. (So stop laughing at my dreams!)

9. Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it is the only way to live life completely. (Very true indeed!)

10. In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling.

11. Do not judge people by their relatives. (My ex-boyfriends should adhere to this.)

12. Talk slowly but think quickly.

13. When someone asks you a question you do not wish to answer, smile and ask, “Why do you want to know?”

14. Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk.

15. Say “bless you” when you hear someone sneeze.

16. When you lose, do not lose the lesson.

17. Remember the three R’s – Respect for self, Respect for others and Responsibility for your actions.

18. Do not let a little dispute injure a great friendship. (Yes! Friendships should have no bounds.)

19. When you realize you have made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.

20. Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice. (Very true indeed, especially for those call center service providers.)

21. Spend some time alone. (Which is what I do half the time!)

Should Modern Technology Owe Ecology An Apology?

The world is ever changing. One moment I see a flat land next to the train station near my place, and before you know it, all of a sudden high-rise buildings start sprouting out and all the empty land you are used to is gone in a flash.

That is what is happening to the world right now. One moment there are jungles and jungles of trees, and the next moment all the thousand-year trees are felled to build factories so as to build machines and electronic gadgets.

Although I do not really approve of clearing jungles for modern living, but still I guess it is alright if everything is done in moderation. However, due to all these modern living and technological advances, a lot of hidden jungle species became homeless and subsequently extinct when the jungles were cleared to make space for urbanisation.

But animals do not just lose their homes to clearing of forests. New technological improvement gadgets increase demand for electricity or energy which increases burning of fossil fuels which increases pollution problems. With forests and jungles being polluted, animals have no homes to live in. This also causes global warming, and animals that are not able to survive in these hot climates die out.

Toxic wastes from the factories were also dumped into the ocean and many marine animals were killed as a result. Luckily governments nowadays impose dumping tax so for factories who really must pollute the environment, they have to buy "dumping space" to limit their dumping activities.

The entire biological balance of the Earth had been turned upside down because of this. It is like when living things at the bottom of the food chain die out, those higher up the food chain will be affected. Sooner or later, more and more living things are going to be extinct.

Not only that, modern technology is now being used to breed living things. There is orchid hybridisation in school, where you breed two different types of orchids to get a totally different breed. Apparently many hybridisation farms are cross-breeding plants and flowers to see what they can get. Although this is a good breakthrough in botany research, it is still not wise to mess with Mother Nature.

Animals are also being cloned instead of being bred naturally. First come sheep, which animal goes next? Are humans also going to be cloned in the near future? Then what will become of us? Will we be considered as natural humans or some artifical intelligence species, product of some cloning experiement? And if humans can be cloned, will parents not ask for the best DNAs for their kids so they can have perfect children? Quite an idea actually. Wonder if I can clone some perfect guys for my girl friends (and myself of course!) and some perfect girls for my guy friends.

This would be something similar to the breeding experiment by Hitler's Nazis during the Second World War. The best female specimens (smart, beautiful, well-figured, graceful) would be chosen as "breeder" for the best male specimens (the best of the Nazi soldiers - handsome, smart, tall, muscular) to ensure the survival of the Aryan race.

And technological advances also mean animals are not being fed naturally anymore. Cows were fed food containing traces of meat, resulting in the Mad Cow Disease of few years ago. Of course the cows will get sick. They are herbivores; it is not in their biological makeup to take any form of meat, no matter how little traces there are. And there was also a rumour going around that chickens were being injected with some steroids or something to that effect so they could grow bigger and stronger.

Modern technology does achieve wonders, but is it going too far if things are going against nature? Afterall, if things are supposed to be of a certain way, is it a good idea to try to change the entire makeup of those things?