What Does Baptism Mean To Me?

(Note : May involve religious controversy.)

Tonight's RCIA was a very thought-provoking session. The priest asked us to ponder and discuss what is the meaning of baptism and what being a Christian is all about. I always thought baptism is to finally get connected and accepted by God, and being a Christian means one has to live the good ways of life.

I always thought doing the right things will gain me one step closer towards heaven, instead of burning in hell. No doubt I am still a sinner, but I always try to do the best I can in being a good person.

My first ex used to preach the Ten Commandments to me. Everything he did he used references from the Bible to explain. Everything I did he wanted me to do the same and would quiz me on which biblical reference justified what I did.

For instance, when we were arguing over his chauvinism, he said that right in the beginning book of Genesis, when Adam and Eve ate the forbidden fruit, God already said men have to work hard for the family and women have to stay home and raise a family. So to be a good wife, one must follow the example of Eve. (To listen to the serpent and feed the forbidden fruit to her man and both got thrown out of Paradise as a result?!)

Well, with all due respect, the Bible has existed for more than two thousand years, so those rules were very old-fashioned. Now women also work and support the family. There is no other reference that says that a good Christian wife is not allowed to work. (Alright, I hear thunder and lightning already. Thou shalt not blaspheme anymore.)

But what does being a Christian mean to me? It means to be a good person and follow God's instructions and abide by His will. What is His will anyway? I have no idea. But sometimes I do believe God reaches out to me in various ways. Like I have a sudden yearning to get baptised, thus the RCIA classes. I never had such a strong yearning before, even though I have been going to church regularly for the past decade or so. I believe getting baptised is like a calling; one must be really ready in God's eyes before he / she can proceed in the next step.

I am ashamed to say that there are so many aspects of being a Christian which I am still in the dark about. Like for instance, when Protestants ask me why do I choose to be a Catholic and not a Protestant, I did not know how to answer. Having studied in a convent and brought up in the Catholic way in school, it just seemed more natural for me to gear towards that path.

But why not a Protestant? A Protestant is also a Christian, also believes in God and Jesus, and also believes in the teachings of the Bible. A Protestant also goes to church and pray and worship, although the style of the services vary according to denomination. I cannot come up with an answer why I just choose to be a Catholic and not any other denomination.

Then when my third ex used to challenge me on my religion, I had no answer for him sometimes. Like why is it that I have never seen God yet believe in Him so much, but he was my boyfriend yet I could not place the same amount of faith in him? Why do I need to get baptised since I have already been going to church for so long?

He also used to ask things like why do I need to go to church every week when isn't living a Christian life supposed to be done everyday? Does it matter even if I missed church sometimes? And why do I still follow the Bible when it was written so long ago, and a lot of lifestyles and values (like pre-marital sex and cohabitation) are already not applicable in this time and age?

I was always totally stumped whenever he asked me questions like these. I felt so ashamed that I could not answer the questions properly, thus could not convince him to compromise that I needed to go to church and I could not sin.

When I told his mum that I was finally ready to be baptised as a Catholic, she was rather against it. Apparently she met a few obnoxious Catholics and had bad impressions of them, thus told me not to be a Catholic as Catholics are not good; I should be a Christian (ie a Protestant) if I really want to believe in God. Erh.... I thought the religion thing should be my choice what I like to be?

But I was not even able to defend myself as I could not convince her that not all Catholics are like that. She just happened to meet some black sheep. The Catholics I know are the best people one can ever find. In fact, it is some Protestants I know that are obnoxious and forever preaching to convert others to join their denomination.

I still have so much to learn regarding religion. I want to be able to answer all those questions which I have never been able to answer. I like to be able to convince others that Catholics or Christians in general are good people. And I want to be able to finally answer the question on what baptism and being a Christian really means to me.