The school holidays (for Primary schools) have finally started. Primary school teachers all over can breathe a sigh of relief for enduring yet another year. My friend is also finally free to meet up with me. So I met up with her a few days back. Being a scholar, she has two more years of bond to go, and she is fast counting down to the days when she can be finally free and can leave anytime she likes.
She asked me how is life after teaching? I said really great! I can finally do whatever I like at whatever time I like, instead of working 7:00 am to 7:00 pm on weekdays, 7:00 am to 3:00 pm on Saturdays, and yet with more work to bring home, thus burning away all days.
I told her at least I no longer have to worry about marking deadlines, or report deadlines, or thinking of ways and strategies (with mostly futile attempts) at increasing students’ results, struggling with the many books and worksheets to bring home and mugging away through the night.
She asked me if that was the real reason I left. I told her actually the marking and administration part was not too bad because at least I enjoyed it and they are all for the students. I left because firstly, I developed a slight nodule in my throat and could not sustain teaching for long without losing my voice almost everyday; secondly, I was getting sick so often; thirdly, I could not get the support from the management as they wanted to do what MOE wanted instead of really doing the best for the students; and fourthly, nasty parents who got me into all sorts of trouble.
And my friend fully agreed as she also experienced some of the things I went through. But I told her what really triggered everything off were the parents. If they have let me do my job, things would be smoother. A lot of things went wrong not because I did not do as instructed by my Principal, but because parents wanted to interfere and insisted on things being done their ways. And my former Principal was the type who catered to parents, so she would change her mind on things to do whenever there was any complaint (or in her words, “feedback”) from the parents.
For instance, during the SARS epidemic, parents were not allowed into schools as we wanted the students to come into lesser contact with suspected carriers of the virus. Any visitor to the school had to have his / her temperature taken. When some parents complained that it was such a troublesome process just to pick up their kids, this practice was abolished and only non-parents and other types of visitors had to have their temperatures taken.
As a result, some parents thought they could do anything they liked and gave the poor teachers untold suffering. There was a student in one of the best classes who could not cope with her work, and her parents complained about the teacher going too fast. If the student was in the best class, of course there would be more homework and all learning would be accelerated as only the best students of the school were able to be in the class.
Anyway the student was then transferred to the second best class after that. There was also another parent who complained about the teacher in her child’s class, and the child was transferred to another class as a result. Sometimes I wonder why did my Principal entertained requests like these?
I came across a lot of nasty parents too, not just in school but also during my tutoring years. I remember the very first class I taught, there was a pair of twins. There was a period of time some of the students got into so much trouble by fighting among themselves during PE lessons, thus I kept a group of them back during recess. I wanted to teach them a lesson, but in this time and age, no child could go hungry so they must eat during recess time, so I had to let them eat something first before keeping them in.
The next thing I knew, the mother of the twins called and accused me of “starving” her two kids by keeping them in during recess. The Principal personally came down and asked what happened, to which my class said that I did let them eat something first. When the mother asked what her kids ate since I only allowed them ten minutes to eat (which was already half their recess time), they answered that they ate a sandwich each, to which the mother then said her children must have full meals otherwise they would starve.
Honestly, no one will starve to death just because he / she did not eat anything during recess. When I was teaching, I often had to go without breakfast and lunch as I was often in the middle of so many things that I had practically no time to even grab a bite. So I normally went the whole day without any food until dinner. Did those @$^&*@#$ parents ever asked if I had eaten anything?! And I was on the front end of stupid kids with even stupider parents.
There was another incident in another class I was teaching. I kept this boy from going on a class trip because he used the F-word at me. He was not the only one anyway. I kept about four of them from going to the excursion because they were downright rude and disrespectful. Only this kid’s mother came and talked to me, with his elder sister in tow.
The mother screamed at me for blowing up over such a small matter, and even the sister said it was so unfair that her brother could not go. To which I really lost my cool, and told the sister off that she should just keep her big mouth shut and not interrupt as I was talking to the mother (not in the exact same words of course, but in a more polite way). That family really ought to learn some manners!
Another incident was this girl who was so standoffish, proud, arrogant and a complete show-off, with an equally arrogant mum. The girl always thought she could get away from not doing her homework, and her mother always wrote some excuse for her on why her homework was not done. So one day I told her off that it was one month before the final examinations, if she was not going to buck up, she could jolly well stop dreaming about ending up in the best class again.
She told her mum I insulted her, and her father went to see my Principal who told me I had to write a letter of apology to the girl. Why must I apologise to the girl when she was my student and it was my job to advice and make her learn? My Principal said her parents were upset over what I said to the girl, so even if I did not wish to submit a written apology, I should at least verbally apologise to the parents. So I had to call her parents up and apologised, and explained to them that I was just worried for her as she had not been submitting her homework.
I had three more brushes with parents before I left the service. One was when this parent wanted to sue me just because I sent his kid to the discipline master for punishment as he wrote the F-word and drew the middle finger on his classmate’s worksheet in pen. The discipline master had to talk to the parent not to press charges against me, but in the end the kid was let off with just a warning not to repeat the same thing.
Another was when I was giving intensive revision to my class before the mid-year examinations, and there was this kid who had a reputation for lying who did not submit a single piece of homework. He claimed he lost the worksheets, so I gave him the exact duplicate pieces, to which he did not submit again. He kept all his books and files under his desk, and then the mother came and accused me of giving him so much homework at one shot and not giving him back the files to revise, when I had given everything back the week before.
The worse thing was that the mother claimed his tutor did not wish to teach him anymore as he was always too busy doing the school’s homework that he neglected the tuition assignments. Do schoolwork not take priority over any other work? So the mother told my Vice-Principal that I should give lesser work then the kid would not be too stressed up.
Fourty kids in my class and he was the only one who was “stressed”. Other parents welcomed the work as it was a good class, and some parents even said I should give more as the kid finished the work rather quickly so wanted more work to keep the kid occupied. Who do I please then? Either way I lose out.
The worst incident was when I kept a few kids back for playing a fool in class and not finishing their work on time. As a rule, those who took school buses were not allowed to be kept back as if they missed the bus, I had to bring the kid home myself. I did not mind bringing the kids home as I did escort kids back before, but I did not wish for their family members to worry if the bus came and gone without dropping the kid off.
So I only kept back all those who either walked home or took public transport. There was this girl who cried just because I kept her back. But I told her I already warned them a few times but they still chose to play a fool, so now it was their punishment as if I did not show them that I was serious, they would play a fool even more. The other kids (some Chinese, a few Indians and she a Malay) all quickly finished their work and submitted to me as they at least knew they were being punished.
This Malay girl (okay, I am not being racist here. The other incidences above all happened to Chinese kids and parents) kept crying and refused to do her work, said that her mother was downstairs waiting for her. So I told her to go ask her mother to come up and see me and I would explain the situation to her mother. When the girl came back, she told me that her mother could not speak English, so called her father to come down.
When her father came down, he started screaming at me on why I could not get an interpreter and made him come all the way down. I tried to tell him calmly that I did not expect him to come down as I only wanted to talk to the mother and said the girl would stay a bit longer. He kept accusing me of keeping the girl back just because she was of another race. That was really too much! My blood really boiled and I really felt like telling him off for creating a scene in my classroom.
He said if the girl was in any way naughty, let him know in a letter and state everything in black and white. Just telling would not do as it might not be the truth without any letter. Besides my job was just to teach, what gave me the right to discipline in any way? Does teaching and educating not encompass discipline as well?! Finally he said he would sue and go to MOE and complain why there was not a single Malay interpreter in schools.
I told him that if I had known beforehand that his wife could not speak English, I would gladly arrange a Malay teacher to help interpret, but everything happened so unexpectedly that my colleagues might be anywhere, too late to notify them. Then he said perhaps I should go learn Malay and communicate with the parents. In that case, do I have to learn Tamil too? I felt like telling him why not his wife learn to speak English? So much easier as well.
I also had a couple of tuition kids whose parents were really nasty. One of the mothers insisted on sitting next to me while I tutored her kid, and then kept giving me comments on what I should do and what I should not do, and insisted on giving him the type of homework she wanted. In my mind, I was thinking if she thought herself so much better, why hire a tutor? Teach the kid herself!
The other parent kept insisting I show my certificates as proof of my qualifications. So many kids I tutored, that was the first time I came across a parent who wanted to see all my certificates. When I supplied my certificates, she then asked to see my identity card and my civil service card, and my NIE pass as well before she could finally believe that I was a trained, qualified teacher. Then when I needed to go for a seminar once and had to postpone the session, she blew up at me, saying that I disrupted her kid's schedule. Did she think I did not have other things to do other than tutoring her kid?
But when one comes across nasty parents for tuition jobs, at least I can choose whether to continue on the tuition assignment. However in school, the class and students have been arranged, so I had to bear with nasty parents for the whole year.
But I guess troublesome parents would equate to how the child will be like. So if the parents shelter or take care of the child too much, the child may grow up to be just as troublesome and unappreciative.
Just like the recent case of the man suing his parents for not giving him enough money. In the first place, he is almost fourty years old, can he not work for his own living instead of depending on his old parents? In the second place, his parents worked almost their entire lives and now the money is their own savings for their old age. He does not even have the right to ask them for it.
Honestly, I wonder how his lawyer felt when he took the case. If I am the lawyer, I will throw the case out immediately. And what the judge said was very true - the greatest mistake the parents made was to take care of him and shelter him too much. But there are more and more parents like these, which makes me afraid for the younger generation.
Times like these made me examine why I started teaching in the first place. No matter how much I enjoy it or how much I want to contribute in grooming the younger generation, but sometimes enough is enough. What is the use of trying your best when you have to work your life away only to be so unappreciated and there are more frustrations and misery than joy?
She asked me how is life after teaching? I said really great! I can finally do whatever I like at whatever time I like, instead of working 7:00 am to 7:00 pm on weekdays, 7:00 am to 3:00 pm on Saturdays, and yet with more work to bring home, thus burning away all days.
I told her at least I no longer have to worry about marking deadlines, or report deadlines, or thinking of ways and strategies (with mostly futile attempts) at increasing students’ results, struggling with the many books and worksheets to bring home and mugging away through the night.
She asked me if that was the real reason I left. I told her actually the marking and administration part was not too bad because at least I enjoyed it and they are all for the students. I left because firstly, I developed a slight nodule in my throat and could not sustain teaching for long without losing my voice almost everyday; secondly, I was getting sick so often; thirdly, I could not get the support from the management as they wanted to do what MOE wanted instead of really doing the best for the students; and fourthly, nasty parents who got me into all sorts of trouble.
And my friend fully agreed as she also experienced some of the things I went through. But I told her what really triggered everything off were the parents. If they have let me do my job, things would be smoother. A lot of things went wrong not because I did not do as instructed by my Principal, but because parents wanted to interfere and insisted on things being done their ways. And my former Principal was the type who catered to parents, so she would change her mind on things to do whenever there was any complaint (or in her words, “feedback”) from the parents.
For instance, during the SARS epidemic, parents were not allowed into schools as we wanted the students to come into lesser contact with suspected carriers of the virus. Any visitor to the school had to have his / her temperature taken. When some parents complained that it was such a troublesome process just to pick up their kids, this practice was abolished and only non-parents and other types of visitors had to have their temperatures taken.
As a result, some parents thought they could do anything they liked and gave the poor teachers untold suffering. There was a student in one of the best classes who could not cope with her work, and her parents complained about the teacher going too fast. If the student was in the best class, of course there would be more homework and all learning would be accelerated as only the best students of the school were able to be in the class.
Anyway the student was then transferred to the second best class after that. There was also another parent who complained about the teacher in her child’s class, and the child was transferred to another class as a result. Sometimes I wonder why did my Principal entertained requests like these?
I came across a lot of nasty parents too, not just in school but also during my tutoring years. I remember the very first class I taught, there was a pair of twins. There was a period of time some of the students got into so much trouble by fighting among themselves during PE lessons, thus I kept a group of them back during recess. I wanted to teach them a lesson, but in this time and age, no child could go hungry so they must eat during recess time, so I had to let them eat something first before keeping them in.
The next thing I knew, the mother of the twins called and accused me of “starving” her two kids by keeping them in during recess. The Principal personally came down and asked what happened, to which my class said that I did let them eat something first. When the mother asked what her kids ate since I only allowed them ten minutes to eat (which was already half their recess time), they answered that they ate a sandwich each, to which the mother then said her children must have full meals otherwise they would starve.
Honestly, no one will starve to death just because he / she did not eat anything during recess. When I was teaching, I often had to go without breakfast and lunch as I was often in the middle of so many things that I had practically no time to even grab a bite. So I normally went the whole day without any food until dinner. Did those @$^&*@#$ parents ever asked if I had eaten anything?! And I was on the front end of stupid kids with even stupider parents.
There was another incident in another class I was teaching. I kept this boy from going on a class trip because he used the F-word at me. He was not the only one anyway. I kept about four of them from going to the excursion because they were downright rude and disrespectful. Only this kid’s mother came and talked to me, with his elder sister in tow.
The mother screamed at me for blowing up over such a small matter, and even the sister said it was so unfair that her brother could not go. To which I really lost my cool, and told the sister off that she should just keep her big mouth shut and not interrupt as I was talking to the mother (not in the exact same words of course, but in a more polite way). That family really ought to learn some manners!
Another incident was this girl who was so standoffish, proud, arrogant and a complete show-off, with an equally arrogant mum. The girl always thought she could get away from not doing her homework, and her mother always wrote some excuse for her on why her homework was not done. So one day I told her off that it was one month before the final examinations, if she was not going to buck up, she could jolly well stop dreaming about ending up in the best class again.
She told her mum I insulted her, and her father went to see my Principal who told me I had to write a letter of apology to the girl. Why must I apologise to the girl when she was my student and it was my job to advice and make her learn? My Principal said her parents were upset over what I said to the girl, so even if I did not wish to submit a written apology, I should at least verbally apologise to the parents. So I had to call her parents up and apologised, and explained to them that I was just worried for her as she had not been submitting her homework.
I had three more brushes with parents before I left the service. One was when this parent wanted to sue me just because I sent his kid to the discipline master for punishment as he wrote the F-word and drew the middle finger on his classmate’s worksheet in pen. The discipline master had to talk to the parent not to press charges against me, but in the end the kid was let off with just a warning not to repeat the same thing.
Another was when I was giving intensive revision to my class before the mid-year examinations, and there was this kid who had a reputation for lying who did not submit a single piece of homework. He claimed he lost the worksheets, so I gave him the exact duplicate pieces, to which he did not submit again. He kept all his books and files under his desk, and then the mother came and accused me of giving him so much homework at one shot and not giving him back the files to revise, when I had given everything back the week before.
The worse thing was that the mother claimed his tutor did not wish to teach him anymore as he was always too busy doing the school’s homework that he neglected the tuition assignments. Do schoolwork not take priority over any other work? So the mother told my Vice-Principal that I should give lesser work then the kid would not be too stressed up.
Fourty kids in my class and he was the only one who was “stressed”. Other parents welcomed the work as it was a good class, and some parents even said I should give more as the kid finished the work rather quickly so wanted more work to keep the kid occupied. Who do I please then? Either way I lose out.
The worst incident was when I kept a few kids back for playing a fool in class and not finishing their work on time. As a rule, those who took school buses were not allowed to be kept back as if they missed the bus, I had to bring the kid home myself. I did not mind bringing the kids home as I did escort kids back before, but I did not wish for their family members to worry if the bus came and gone without dropping the kid off.
So I only kept back all those who either walked home or took public transport. There was this girl who cried just because I kept her back. But I told her I already warned them a few times but they still chose to play a fool, so now it was their punishment as if I did not show them that I was serious, they would play a fool even more. The other kids (some Chinese, a few Indians and she a Malay) all quickly finished their work and submitted to me as they at least knew they were being punished.
This Malay girl (okay, I am not being racist here. The other incidences above all happened to Chinese kids and parents) kept crying and refused to do her work, said that her mother was downstairs waiting for her. So I told her to go ask her mother to come up and see me and I would explain the situation to her mother. When the girl came back, she told me that her mother could not speak English, so called her father to come down.
When her father came down, he started screaming at me on why I could not get an interpreter and made him come all the way down. I tried to tell him calmly that I did not expect him to come down as I only wanted to talk to the mother and said the girl would stay a bit longer. He kept accusing me of keeping the girl back just because she was of another race. That was really too much! My blood really boiled and I really felt like telling him off for creating a scene in my classroom.
He said if the girl was in any way naughty, let him know in a letter and state everything in black and white. Just telling would not do as it might not be the truth without any letter. Besides my job was just to teach, what gave me the right to discipline in any way? Does teaching and educating not encompass discipline as well?! Finally he said he would sue and go to MOE and complain why there was not a single Malay interpreter in schools.
I told him that if I had known beforehand that his wife could not speak English, I would gladly arrange a Malay teacher to help interpret, but everything happened so unexpectedly that my colleagues might be anywhere, too late to notify them. Then he said perhaps I should go learn Malay and communicate with the parents. In that case, do I have to learn Tamil too? I felt like telling him why not his wife learn to speak English? So much easier as well.
I also had a couple of tuition kids whose parents were really nasty. One of the mothers insisted on sitting next to me while I tutored her kid, and then kept giving me comments on what I should do and what I should not do, and insisted on giving him the type of homework she wanted. In my mind, I was thinking if she thought herself so much better, why hire a tutor? Teach the kid herself!
The other parent kept insisting I show my certificates as proof of my qualifications. So many kids I tutored, that was the first time I came across a parent who wanted to see all my certificates. When I supplied my certificates, she then asked to see my identity card and my civil service card, and my NIE pass as well before she could finally believe that I was a trained, qualified teacher. Then when I needed to go for a seminar once and had to postpone the session, she blew up at me, saying that I disrupted her kid's schedule. Did she think I did not have other things to do other than tutoring her kid?
But when one comes across nasty parents for tuition jobs, at least I can choose whether to continue on the tuition assignment. However in school, the class and students have been arranged, so I had to bear with nasty parents for the whole year.
But I guess troublesome parents would equate to how the child will be like. So if the parents shelter or take care of the child too much, the child may grow up to be just as troublesome and unappreciative.
Just like the recent case of the man suing his parents for not giving him enough money. In the first place, he is almost fourty years old, can he not work for his own living instead of depending on his old parents? In the second place, his parents worked almost their entire lives and now the money is their own savings for their old age. He does not even have the right to ask them for it.
Honestly, I wonder how his lawyer felt when he took the case. If I am the lawyer, I will throw the case out immediately. And what the judge said was very true - the greatest mistake the parents made was to take care of him and shelter him too much. But there are more and more parents like these, which makes me afraid for the younger generation.
Times like these made me examine why I started teaching in the first place. No matter how much I enjoy it or how much I want to contribute in grooming the younger generation, but sometimes enough is enough. What is the use of trying your best when you have to work your life away only to be so unappreciated and there are more frustrations and misery than joy?
2 comments:
Just saying Hi!
It's good to be a teacher. But really my parent did advise me to be a teacher. Male can easily access to this job as less male applied for it. I mean in malaysia. But, I commit to my job currently and it's hard for me to swapping them like a snap. I'd like to teach. I prefer to be a lecturer specializing in logistics and transportation. I bet they wouldn't have that kind of subject in primary and secondary school, either.
You are chocoholic?You must've been dozed in the movie Down With Love.....Renee Zelweger?
Actually in Singapore, it is also easier for males to get a teaching job (and with much higher pay) since there are also very few male teachers.
I love the movie "Down With Love"! And Renee Zellweger is one of my favourite actresses. But since I'm a chocoholic, I still prefer shows like "Chocolat" and "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory", where there are lots and lots of tempting chocolate available.
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