Why is it everytime I feel that my life is getting back on track and I can finally regain some long-lost confidence, something happens to make it all crumble again? My counsellor and my friends used to tell me that all I need is some confidence that things will be better, and I will be able to live life a happier and more carefree person.
It has always been like that since young. At the age where parents went after their kids for the results they scored, I was always very jittery during examination times. When I did not score well in the past, I was told I needed confidence and to believe in myself. So when I studied really hard for my PSLE, I was confident that I would have good enough grades to enter a top school. In the end, I did not even score straight A's. The same for my secondary school, junior college, tertiary institutions. Each time when I thought I studied well and was confident I could score well enough, the results turned out otherwise.
Each time when I thought my parents had let go and I could stay out a little later, I would arrive home only to get a scolding for staying out later than before. Each time I told myself the relationship would work out, things turned out otherwise again. And each time I tell myself to live each day hoping for the best, and to make a new start in any new venture, in the end I always receive terrible news to tear any confidence to shreds.
Is it better to just live each mundane day not hoping for anything? Is it better to always expect the worst so you can be ecstatic if something better occurs? Or is it good to even be confident in what you do, but in the end turned out that whatever you did was not even recognised and you got removed again?
How much more down in the gallows can I be right now? I have no partner to talk to for comfort, my mum has enough on her plate thus I do not wish to worry her more, my brother is busy with his school examinations. Just talked to my best friend and she is great to lend a listening ear, but what I want is some real heart-to-heart talk that can enrich the mind and soul, and makes me get things off my chest.
What a "comforting" thought to realise that I will soon be another year older, yet getting worse in both career and personal life. People my age will have at least one of the two settled, and some lucky ones already got both settled. What to do since I am such a dumb ass that I can never get anywhere in life?
It has always been like that since young. At the age where parents went after their kids for the results they scored, I was always very jittery during examination times. When I did not score well in the past, I was told I needed confidence and to believe in myself. So when I studied really hard for my PSLE, I was confident that I would have good enough grades to enter a top school. In the end, I did not even score straight A's. The same for my secondary school, junior college, tertiary institutions. Each time when I thought I studied well and was confident I could score well enough, the results turned out otherwise.
Each time when I thought my parents had let go and I could stay out a little later, I would arrive home only to get a scolding for staying out later than before. Each time I told myself the relationship would work out, things turned out otherwise again. And each time I tell myself to live each day hoping for the best, and to make a new start in any new venture, in the end I always receive terrible news to tear any confidence to shreds.
Is it better to just live each mundane day not hoping for anything? Is it better to always expect the worst so you can be ecstatic if something better occurs? Or is it good to even be confident in what you do, but in the end turned out that whatever you did was not even recognised and you got removed again?
How much more down in the gallows can I be right now? I have no partner to talk to for comfort, my mum has enough on her plate thus I do not wish to worry her more, my brother is busy with his school examinations. Just talked to my best friend and she is great to lend a listening ear, but what I want is some real heart-to-heart talk that can enrich the mind and soul, and makes me get things off my chest.
What a "comforting" thought to realise that I will soon be another year older, yet getting worse in both career and personal life. People my age will have at least one of the two settled, and some lucky ones already got both settled. What to do since I am such a dumb ass that I can never get anywhere in life?
7 comments:
Dear girl, do not fall into the depression trap. Talk to God, He is always there to listen. He is the only One who does not disappoint. Better things are in stored for you!
"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." - Philippians 4:6-7
"Do not put your trust in princes, in mortal men, who cannot save. When their spirit departs, they return to the ground; on that very day their plans come to nothing." - Pslam 146:3-4
God Bless you!
And each time I tell myself to live each day hoping for the best, and to make a new start in any new venture, in the end I always receive terrible news to tear any confidence to shreds.
Maybe it could be a matter of hoping for the best and preparing for the worst? Being optimistic, yet pessimistic at the same time? *just think aloud*
celia,dont be too hard on yourself.seriously.try to live life cheerfully.you are halfway through to sucess by having confidence but dont let it come down when things dont go your way.perhaps,take it as it comes.sometimes, it might be a blessing in disguise.maybe this advice might not be of good use,but i hope you can 'take it easy' in a lighter mood. i used to be like that too. i'm prob worse than you because i'm a no-confidence freak. haha. but i've tried and still trying to take things rationally. thinking that everything that happens has got its purpose or agenda behind. you might not see it now but maybe you will. one day. cheers (;
Believe that you are favoured by God and these circumstances you are facing are merely temporary. Seriously you should stop worrying about the things cause sometimes such issues are really not worth your it. So what if others are better off than the current situation? They may also face their own problems as well just that they do not show it. Believe that there is a greater tapestry of blessings that God is weaving for you.
Alweina : Inspiring phrase indeed. :-)
Anon_X : Hope for the best and prepare for the worst? Strange, you are the third guy to say that to me in two days!
Blueangel : Yes, trying to get back my ego for now.
Goy : Thanks for the little boost!
I think don't depend on anyone for your happiness. it's all about being rational, down to earth. No bf, so what? you can still have heart to heart talks with friends or even write in your journal. And it really isn't that bad. There are people who are settled down and have good jobs but there are also those older than you who are jobless but not being granted interviews and single and seriously left on the shelf. You are still not past expiry date so don't keep talking like you are!
Somebody called? :P
(referring to the comment right above mine)
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