Sometimes I think some of the locals here are either too sheltered or too traditional. Can a male and female not be friends without sparking off any question of a relationship? Just because a girl and a guy goes out together, does it automatically make them a couple?
A friend was frustrated because she was seen hanging out with a guy friend quite often, so she was asked if they were together. When she started hanging out with another guy friend, she was again asked if she was with that guy. She said she had never had that much scrutiny on the question of love and relationship before. It is rather frustrating if people expect you to explain yourself just because you start hanging out with different people of the opposite gender.
This happened to me so many times before. The first one to do that was my mum. But my mum is the traditional type who thinks even going over to the boyfriend's place is not proper behaviour for a girl, and sticks to her opinion that a girl always going out with different guys is frowned upon, so normally I do not really bother what she says. Now she knows better to leave me alone until I confirm it with my own lips whether I have a boyfriend. But I have friends who asked me what I was doing with this guy or that guy and whether my boyfriend of that time knew. What is the big deal seriously?
I have been going out with guys at a platonic level ever since secondary school, mainly with my childhood friend and godbrother. Ever since I entered a co-ed school after ten years in a convent, I started going out with more guys. Even when I was in a relationship, I still went out with guys as casual friends. There is no rule stating that one cannot have friends or go out with people of the opposite gender just because one is attached. I also allow my guys to do the same. After all, there should be trust among the parties.
The most important thing is to know you are attached, and the reason you are attached to this person and not to your other friends. In a relationship, the couple shares emotional bondage and accountability to each other, whereas just a mere friend or even a close friend will not. For instance, a friend does not need to share with you who he / she is with or what he / she is doing, but normally a boyfriend / girlfriend will.
My friend does not need to explain any actions to me, but my boyfriend will let me know if he is out late, who he is with and what he is doing, not because I am running his life, but because it is only through accountability that trust and security becomes stronger. I have learnt from bitter lessons that once a guy (or girl) stops telling the girlfriend (or boyfriend) things, the relationship would probably end soon as one party no longer wants to be accountable and emotionally bonded to the other party.
A friend was frustrated because she was seen hanging out with a guy friend quite often, so she was asked if they were together. When she started hanging out with another guy friend, she was again asked if she was with that guy. She said she had never had that much scrutiny on the question of love and relationship before. It is rather frustrating if people expect you to explain yourself just because you start hanging out with different people of the opposite gender.
This happened to me so many times before. The first one to do that was my mum. But my mum is the traditional type who thinks even going over to the boyfriend's place is not proper behaviour for a girl, and sticks to her opinion that a girl always going out with different guys is frowned upon, so normally I do not really bother what she says. Now she knows better to leave me alone until I confirm it with my own lips whether I have a boyfriend. But I have friends who asked me what I was doing with this guy or that guy and whether my boyfriend of that time knew. What is the big deal seriously?
I have been going out with guys at a platonic level ever since secondary school, mainly with my childhood friend and godbrother. Ever since I entered a co-ed school after ten years in a convent, I started going out with more guys. Even when I was in a relationship, I still went out with guys as casual friends. There is no rule stating that one cannot have friends or go out with people of the opposite gender just because one is attached. I also allow my guys to do the same. After all, there should be trust among the parties.
The most important thing is to know you are attached, and the reason you are attached to this person and not to your other friends. In a relationship, the couple shares emotional bondage and accountability to each other, whereas just a mere friend or even a close friend will not. For instance, a friend does not need to share with you who he / she is with or what he / she is doing, but normally a boyfriend / girlfriend will.
My friend does not need to explain any actions to me, but my boyfriend will let me know if he is out late, who he is with and what he is doing, not because I am running his life, but because it is only through accountability that trust and security becomes stronger. I have learnt from bitter lessons that once a guy (or girl) stops telling the girlfriend (or boyfriend) things, the relationship would probably end soon as one party no longer wants to be accountable and emotionally bonded to the other party.
0 comments:
Post a Comment