One of my former schoolmates is getting married again. This time she is going all the way. She got registered straight out of school as she was going to Australia to further her studies and her ex-boyfriend (ex-husband?) was entering the army. He did not wish to lose her so insisted on registering their marriage before he let her go. Honestly, if he really loved her, he would let her go and if it was meant to be, they would still be together no matter what happened.
Anyway when she came back from Australia, he insisted on getting married immediately despite the fact that he was still an undergraduate. According to her, there were already a lot of differences between them and in the end, a week before the wedding, she called everything off. Now she is sure that she wants to marry this current guy whom she has been seeing for over a year, as she feels that we are of this age where we now know what we want and will make things work out.
When we asked her why she is so sure this guy is the one for her, she replied that loving someone is very tiring and causes lots of tears but her current guy never makes her cry. She said it is still better to find a guy who loves you more than you love him because he will really go all out to make you happy. Very true indeed! The guy that really loves the girl enough will be the one willing to commit to her and make the relationship work.
This is not the first time I heard of people backing out of their weddings. My second ex once told me that if on our wedding day and he suddenly felt that he was not ready, he would answer "No" instead of "I do". I could not believe he would even say that! If anyone planned on doing that, then for goodness sake spare your partner the humiliation and just break up or postpone. Although breaking up would hurt, but it would still be better than literally being left at the altar and humiliated in front of so many guests. If you really love your partner, please spare him / her the agony of shame in front of all your family and close friends.
My friend's then-girlfriend broke up with him two weeks before the registration date. They have already applied for a flat and bought the rings. He was in a pretty big mess over it and became a recluse for a year. A year later he told me he was married already, so I guess he managed to win his wife back after all.
I had a senior in NIE who had been in and out of relationships. The first guy she got engaged to when she was only sixteen was her first love whom she had been with since the age of thirteen. They were supposed to register their marriage when she turned eighteen, but he broke up with her just after her eighteenth birthday. Then she got involved with another guy but they lasted for only three months.
After that, she had a long-distance relationship with a guy who was studying in Australia who turned out to be another mummy's boy, but since his mother liked her a lot, they almost did get married but she broke up with him a month before the registration date. She got involved with her classmate in NIE next, but he broke up with her, and after that, she met a guy from NTU's Engineering Faculty and now they are happily married. So she finally met the right one.
That is why one must consider very carefully when it comes to a life-long issue like marriage. A wedding is but one day, but a marriage is a commitment for a lifetime. A couple should not get married just because out of convenience or do not wish to be left out or due to a shotgun case. Rather, both must be sure they know what they are getting into, and both are equally ready to commit to each other in the next big step. If the guy I am getting married to ever dumps me at the altar, or says the wrong name (which is just as humiliating), he can forget ever seeing me again because I will never ever forgive him for this.
Anyway when she came back from Australia, he insisted on getting married immediately despite the fact that he was still an undergraduate. According to her, there were already a lot of differences between them and in the end, a week before the wedding, she called everything off. Now she is sure that she wants to marry this current guy whom she has been seeing for over a year, as she feels that we are of this age where we now know what we want and will make things work out.
When we asked her why she is so sure this guy is the one for her, she replied that loving someone is very tiring and causes lots of tears but her current guy never makes her cry. She said it is still better to find a guy who loves you more than you love him because he will really go all out to make you happy. Very true indeed! The guy that really loves the girl enough will be the one willing to commit to her and make the relationship work.
This is not the first time I heard of people backing out of their weddings. My second ex once told me that if on our wedding day and he suddenly felt that he was not ready, he would answer "No" instead of "I do". I could not believe he would even say that! If anyone planned on doing that, then for goodness sake spare your partner the humiliation and just break up or postpone. Although breaking up would hurt, but it would still be better than literally being left at the altar and humiliated in front of so many guests. If you really love your partner, please spare him / her the agony of shame in front of all your family and close friends.
My friend's then-girlfriend broke up with him two weeks before the registration date. They have already applied for a flat and bought the rings. He was in a pretty big mess over it and became a recluse for a year. A year later he told me he was married already, so I guess he managed to win his wife back after all.
I had a senior in NIE who had been in and out of relationships. The first guy she got engaged to when she was only sixteen was her first love whom she had been with since the age of thirteen. They were supposed to register their marriage when she turned eighteen, but he broke up with her just after her eighteenth birthday. Then she got involved with another guy but they lasted for only three months.
After that, she had a long-distance relationship with a guy who was studying in Australia who turned out to be another mummy's boy, but since his mother liked her a lot, they almost did get married but she broke up with him a month before the registration date. She got involved with her classmate in NIE next, but he broke up with her, and after that, she met a guy from NTU's Engineering Faculty and now they are happily married. So she finally met the right one.
That is why one must consider very carefully when it comes to a life-long issue like marriage. A wedding is but one day, but a marriage is a commitment for a lifetime. A couple should not get married just because out of convenience or do not wish to be left out or due to a shotgun case. Rather, both must be sure they know what they are getting into, and both are equally ready to commit to each other in the next big step. If the guy I am getting married to ever dumps me at the altar, or says the wrong name (which is just as humiliating), he can forget ever seeing me again because I will never ever forgive him for this.
8 comments:
A wedding is but one day, but a marriage is a commitment for a lifetime.
True...but still there ought to be adequate preparation for a wedding. A vow like in Corpse Bride could sound so beautiful if it is recited confidently.
Quoted from the movie:
With this hand, I will lift your sorrows.
Your cup will never empty, for I will be your wine.
With this candle, I will light your way in darkness.
With this ring, I ask you to be mine.
In retrospect, I didn't really make my point clear, did I? (Really need to get to the Dream Land soon).
What I was trying to say is that to further ensure that the wedding goes smoothly, it could be done either in a simple manner (with a simple, unromantic vow) or in a wow-the-wedding-is-so-grand manner as long as the preparation is sufficient.
Of course there ought to be adequate preparation, a wedding does not materialise overnight. And that is a really beautiful verse indeed!
i am happily married. my hubby was my classmate throughout secondary sch, but we only got together when we were 21. it'll be our 10th anniversary together in feb 06. we registered when we were 25.
i've been hurt many times before i decided to choose a safe choice. initially not much giving on my end but eventually we grew to love each other just as much. now we are still madly in love. :)
That is so sweet!! Really hope I can be as lucky as you! :-)
Wow..weddings. I think it would be really really embarrassing if the bride or bridgroom were to say no. However, couldn't it be that there is a fear of commitment just like the Runaway bride?
Goodness me,
You remembered that verse?
Goy : That's why must really be sure. if not sure then best is call off instead of embarrassing ur partner in front of so many people.
Ole Wolvie : That's a beautiful verse, worth remembering!
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