A continuation from my earlier post. Another scenario : Girl liked Guy. Guy indicated disinterest but did not tell her directly. Girl confided in their common friend (another girl and one of the guy's closest friends). The friend tried to help and encouraged the girl on, saying the guy was not her type and she would never fall for him. Guy rejected Girl. Girl seemed to take it in her stride until she realised the guy and the friend had started dating.
Needless to say, the girl in question was really upset. She said if the friend had told her she also liked the guy she would have gladly given up and pushed the two of them together. As it is, she felt betrayed by two friends she really respected and admired.
In this case, is it considered a form of betrayal since nothing happened between the guy and the girl? Did the guy not like the girl as he was already eyeing his friend? Did the friend not tell the truth as she was afraid of hurting her? But would the girl not be more upset if she stumbled upon the truth herself?
Or worse, were they already in a relationship but kept a low profile for fear of gossip (gossip from where anyway)? But in that case, should not one of them tell the girl so she knew where she stood, instead of letting her talk about her feelings and wasting her time and efforts doing so much for the guy?
At times I wonder what people do when their love was unrequited. I only had one experience so far, and it was not even a blatant in-your-face type of rejection, just an indirect one, yet I was still embittered when that happened. Maybe it is my retribution for rejecting and hurting so many guys. But I always feel that one cannot love to order, thus I accepted the situation and moved on. I have friends who have also been rejected a few times but still optimistic in finding the right one.
I have seen the mini-dramas that occurred when people got rejected. Some will take it at face value and accept it. Others will continue begging, pestering, hounding, and doing irritating things which do not help their cause at all. Some will even call up the significant other of their target of affection and leave prank calls or call names or tell tales about their partners. Must people really resort to juvenile antics like these? Affairs of the heart is complicated enough as it is without all the salt and pepper being added in as well.
Needless to say, the girl in question was really upset. She said if the friend had told her she also liked the guy she would have gladly given up and pushed the two of them together. As it is, she felt betrayed by two friends she really respected and admired.
In this case, is it considered a form of betrayal since nothing happened between the guy and the girl? Did the guy not like the girl as he was already eyeing his friend? Did the friend not tell the truth as she was afraid of hurting her? But would the girl not be more upset if she stumbled upon the truth herself?
Or worse, were they already in a relationship but kept a low profile for fear of gossip (gossip from where anyway)? But in that case, should not one of them tell the girl so she knew where she stood, instead of letting her talk about her feelings and wasting her time and efforts doing so much for the guy?
At times I wonder what people do when their love was unrequited. I only had one experience so far, and it was not even a blatant in-your-face type of rejection, just an indirect one, yet I was still embittered when that happened. Maybe it is my retribution for rejecting and hurting so many guys. But I always feel that one cannot love to order, thus I accepted the situation and moved on. I have friends who have also been rejected a few times but still optimistic in finding the right one.
I have seen the mini-dramas that occurred when people got rejected. Some will take it at face value and accept it. Others will continue begging, pestering, hounding, and doing irritating things which do not help their cause at all. Some will even call up the significant other of their target of affection and leave prank calls or call names or tell tales about their partners. Must people really resort to juvenile antics like these? Affairs of the heart is complicated enough as it is without all the salt and pepper being added in as well.
6 comments:
Maybe it is my retribution for rejecting and hurting so many guys.
Try not to think about it that way.
Just because an event A happened before an event B, it doesn't necessarily mean that the former caused the latter to occur.
Unless of course you do believe that the flap of a butterfly's wings in Central Park could ultimately cause an earthquake in China. (You're not into this Chaos Theory, are you?)
Yes I know what you mean. Just that at times I do believe what goes around will come around.
Ooohhh... the butterfly effect is it? Well.... of course I won't think it's that drastic.
Heh..
Biig deja Vu...
Unrequited love sucks. True love is very rare, and (as I had discovered) very unfortunate. Even though the unfortunate part I could have guessed from multiple love stories a la Romeo and Juliette. I have had some regular crashes throughout my life, but it was nothing compared to the real thing. The first time I saw him I was gone. Being a practical down-to-Earth gal that had dated tons of guys (and had rejected even more - but always nicely!!), I had realized that my object of affection has lots and lost of problems. He is a serial dater, girls throw themselves at him every week, he drinks a lot, smokes, and when we first met he was my boss (now we both work in different departments, however in the same company). Also, I was living together with a great guy for over 4 years (still live with him - always knew I didn't really love him, but, as I said, love is rare and unhappy...)
Still, I knew HE was the guy I who I would follow barefoot in the snow. I was ready to leave my boyfriend in a second if HE would be one bit interested. After months and months I had worked up the courage to ask him out over the phone (left him a message). That was the first time I had ever asked a guy out - this might sound like showing off, but I get tons of attention from men, - so this was a completely new experience. Well, he never called me back. You'd think he'd be at least flattered and blow me off nicely by saying he's got other committments or whatever - you know the drill. Nope - I wasn't even worth a phone call.
As I had discovered, the worst thing about love is it does not just go away (as opposed to a crush). Whether your object of desire reciprocates or not, your feelings don't change. Even when he acts like a complete jerk, and you know he's totally wrong for you, that weird special feeling just does not change. Honestly, it annoys me a lot. It makes me very angry that I cannot control myself when it comes to this guy. Friends tell me I should be very thankful he is not intersted in me because he is very WRONG for me. I know myself that he is. But... I still love him. I never contact him anymore (we used to have somewhat of a relationship as former co-workers), I forbid myself to think about him (every time I catch myself doing it, I stop myself), and I certainly wish I would have never met this guy. My life would have been so much easier.
I have a feeling I might always love him. I will try to bury this feeling deep, deep inside of me and to never let it emerge. On a good note, at least I had tried - by asking him out.
Last week HE sent me an IM at work... asked me how I was doing. We chatted and discovered we were both doing great. I still don't know what he wanted - perhaps he wanted to ask a work-related question and got sidetracked. Or perhaps he decided to toy with me like cat with a mouse... Maybe his ego got annoyed that I wasn't drooling over him anymore... Who knows.
Don't ask for love... It sucks. It will turn your world upside down and leave it standing on its head.
Ole Wolvie : Deja vu for you too?
Anon : Thanks for sharing. I went through something like this too, although not as bad as yours. I, too, was not even worth a phone call or a message, but at least he and I are still on talking terms.
But I believe somewhere sometime somehow the right one will appear. You don't give up too.
And to Anon: It might not be love, it might just be pheromones (or even some other mumbo jumbo), considering all the girls throwing themselves at him.
Shakespeare: I think I hold at least a Black Belt, Dan 2 in this aspect of relationship.
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