Fair-Weathered Friends

I went for an interview with my friend's manager yesterday. It seems like they have more or less accepted me, although it all depends if I want the job. The job title is that of a Finance Associate Manager, although I have to start one level below, as an Advisor. If I accept the job, I will have to go for an intensive five-week training starting in mid-October, and have to take three examinations. I will be given a S$3,000.00 training allowance, and the job itself has flexible hours. I can work at my own time, report work done through once-a-week meetings, do not need to report to anyone and need not even go back to the office unless absolutely necessary. And if I do well, I will rise up to a Manager's post in two years.

Sounds like a dream job eh? So why am I so reluctant to take it up? I guess probably I have never been good in anything financial or selling, and this job requires a bit of sales too, thus I am afraid I may not be able to make it, especially since I do not have a basic salary and it is all commission-based. What if I do not meet any quota for months? Then I will not be paid for months. And I know how others react to sales people, so it is even harder to sell any idea or product across. I am open to all options, but sometimes I cannot help having my own reservations. Anyway I am still looking around to see if I can find something I do not mind trying, and somewhere that is willing to have me.

Sometimes one needs to go through some crisis to find out who one's true friends are. I told a few of my friends I got fired on Friday. Most of them are sympathetic. However, I have a friend whom I asked to get some things overseas for me and I have not been able to meet up with him. I was intending to meet up with him some time next week since I am now so free. The things I asked him to get for me cost about S$100.00. I told him I got fired and was just about to ask when I can meet up with him to collect the things and pay him at the same time, when before I even got a word in, he blurted out, "Make sure you return the money by next week. It is S$100.00."

I was so shell-shocked! In the first place, it is not as if I was not intending to pay him back. In the second place, you do not ask money from someone who has just been fired; that is just so insensitive! And to think he has been my good friend for several years now! I never let any monetary issues get in the way of any of my frienships, but I just cannot believe that others can be so calculative!

And then I called my third ex so as to ask if he can help me look around for a job, only to have his mum tell me that he is very busy lately, so if I have anything, please do not bother him. And to think just a few months back, they treated me like their own daughter and was always so happy to hear from me or see me. They still think we ended things because I deem him as not good enough for me. Since when have I ever thought that way?! When a relationship ends, many other things are involved. If I have ever thought he is not worthy, why did I even start a relationship with him in the first place?!

Then he called me and said if I needed cheering up, he would treat me for breakfast. So he asked me to go down to his area so he could buy me breakfast. And since he had a meeting at 11:30am, I had to wake up at 8:00am just so I could be in his area to have breakfast with him at 9:00am as he had to go off at 10:00am. Why must I wake up at such an ungodly hour on a Saturday morning just to go down to meet him for breakfast? As if I had not done enough of that when we were still together. If he is really sincere to cheer me up, he should come and find me instead; why should I be the one going to find him when I was the one who was already so upset?!

I can take care of myself pretty well, but there are times when I am really upset, I do not need people to upset me further with their words and actions. Or maybe it is just me still living in a dream world, thinking that everybody must be equally nice to everybody else. I am only human too; there are also times when I am really down and need others to just do things for me instead of me always doing things for others. Is it even anything wrong with that? Just when I want to be a bit more self-centred and like things done for me, people get upset with me, when all along I have to do things for others without any complaints. Sometimes I wish I can just be reborn into someone more selfish and expect everything done my way.