The inside of my stomach seems to be having its own party today. I feel like everything is churning and I have no appetite for anything. I have hardly eaten any food the whole day yet do not feel like eating at all, not even when my mum tempted me with Ferrero Rochers and half a kilogram of Sinfully Chocolate Cake from Awfully Chocolate! Arrrrgh! Pure torture!
I received several correspondences today, from NTU and the various banks. It seems like so long since I graduated although the letter stated the reference as 2001 Alumni. NTU sent me my own personalised envelope labels in celebration of the fiftieth anniversary (of the university, not of my graduation). Well, it is a nice gesture, but what use would I have for personalised envelope labels? To send letters to myself?
The rest are just bills. I have been thinking why do the banks still send us paper bills instead of messages or e-mails? Afterall, M1 will message or send me an e-mail anytime my mobile bill is due. So why do the banks not do the same? Or is there a service like this which I am not aware of?
I received another wedding invitation yesterday. My NIE course mate is finally getting married. She has to invite me as I know her husband too, since I was the one who encouraged her to accept him six years ago when she was still hesitating. A great, wonderful and romantic guy. One of those few guys who already knew what he wanted at that age. Not many guys are like that. Most guys can already be over thirty and still do not know what they want. Now why do I always push great guys to my friends but I can never find someone as wonderful?
This got me reflecting on a question which I always wish answered. How do you know a person is willing and ready to commit? There is a difference between being willing and ready to commit. Some people can be willing but not ready. Some can be ready but not willing.
My own theory is that someone who is willing to commit will want to have a mate, be it a boyfriend or girlfriend. But the boyfriend or girlfriend stage is all he or she wants, as he / she still wants to look around and see if can find someone even better. Thus when it comes to the question of marriage, the person is normally not ready to settle down. This is usually the case when the person does not know exactly what type of person he or she wants, thus just go with feelings, but may not necessary be the right choice.
On the other hand, there are others who are ready to commit but not willing to as they may want to build up their careers, or they have more important commitments, or mostly because they are looking for the right person since they know what they want, but however not able to find The One, and not willing to settle with just anyone.
But a person who is both willing and ready to commit is the one that is of definite marriage material. Once they find The One, they will give their all to the relationship as they never want to lose the other half. The take their partner's feelings and happiness as the utmost priority and really go all out to go the distance. Unfortunately, these people will have to meet someone of equal standing, ie someone who is also both willing and ready to commit, otherwise they will suffer and be taken for granted.
I used to think it all boils down to a person's character how he or she is like in a relationship. But after so many observations, I realise it is not just the person's character; it is the person's willingness and readiness to commit to the relationship. If someone is both ready and willing, no matter how unreasonable or difficult he or she can be, he or she will still take the partner as topmost priority and tries to make the partner happy. Of course it is still best if the person is nice as well, as whatever he or she does will be magnified. But if someone is not ready, then no matter how nice he or she appears to his friends, he or she will ultimately still be difficult and unreasonable to the partner, and worse is if the partner is the one who is both willing and ready.
I have my own share of failed relationships with guys who are not ready to commit. They wanted a girlfriend, not a wife. So often I ended up doing so much more and caused suffering to myself in the end. I have friends who have gone through these too. My best friend's last two relationships were with guys who were not ready to commit, thus she always had to end up doing more for them. The only guy that was really both willing and ready was the sweet guy whom she regretted giving up.
My mum and cousin once told me to stop wasting my time with guys who are not ready to commit to me (I was in my third relationship then), and look around for guys who have already had their share of fun and seriously looking to settle down, as these are the ones who will treat me like a queen. I used to think they were sowing discord, but now upon looking back, how right they were! If the guy is really ready, he will do everything in his power to hold on to you. If the guy is not ready, no matter how much you do for him, he will not really bother. Same goes for girls.
I cite my examples from many real situations. My cousin-in-law, my friends who have gotten married, and my friends in loving relationships with very wonderful guys and girls. Sometimes one can tell if the person is both willing and ready to commit to you just from the way he or she treats the partner. Someone who only takes but does not really give back in the relationship is someone who may be willing but not ready. On the other hand, someone who is always giving but never taking in a relationship is normally both willing and ready, but in a lot of cases, these people end up with people who are not ready.
It is very rare to find a couple where both are willing and ready to commit. Thus, these couples normally stay together for life. In most cases, the girls are the ones who are more ready than the guys. However, do not make the mistake of asking the guy to marry you. If the guy is ready, he will pop the question himself without the girl even asking. Some guys got married because their girlfriends wanted to, but in the end, these marriages may end up in divorce as one party has never really gotten ready to settle down. Only when the guy proposes unexpectedly before one can determine he is really willing and ready.
As the saying goes, do not marry someone just because you love the person and can live with each other. Rather, marry someone you cannot live without. Only by thinking you are not able to function without the other party can one determine real love and commitment. Sad to say, these people are few and far in between, and often already married quite early in their lives. No wonder all the good ones are always taken!
I received several correspondences today, from NTU and the various banks. It seems like so long since I graduated although the letter stated the reference as 2001 Alumni. NTU sent me my own personalised envelope labels in celebration of the fiftieth anniversary (of the university, not of my graduation). Well, it is a nice gesture, but what use would I have for personalised envelope labels? To send letters to myself?
The rest are just bills. I have been thinking why do the banks still send us paper bills instead of messages or e-mails? Afterall, M1 will message or send me an e-mail anytime my mobile bill is due. So why do the banks not do the same? Or is there a service like this which I am not aware of?
I received another wedding invitation yesterday. My NIE course mate is finally getting married. She has to invite me as I know her husband too, since I was the one who encouraged her to accept him six years ago when she was still hesitating. A great, wonderful and romantic guy. One of those few guys who already knew what he wanted at that age. Not many guys are like that. Most guys can already be over thirty and still do not know what they want. Now why do I always push great guys to my friends but I can never find someone as wonderful?
This got me reflecting on a question which I always wish answered. How do you know a person is willing and ready to commit? There is a difference between being willing and ready to commit. Some people can be willing but not ready. Some can be ready but not willing.
My own theory is that someone who is willing to commit will want to have a mate, be it a boyfriend or girlfriend. But the boyfriend or girlfriend stage is all he or she wants, as he / she still wants to look around and see if can find someone even better. Thus when it comes to the question of marriage, the person is normally not ready to settle down. This is usually the case when the person does not know exactly what type of person he or she wants, thus just go with feelings, but may not necessary be the right choice.
On the other hand, there are others who are ready to commit but not willing to as they may want to build up their careers, or they have more important commitments, or mostly because they are looking for the right person since they know what they want, but however not able to find The One, and not willing to settle with just anyone.
But a person who is both willing and ready to commit is the one that is of definite marriage material. Once they find The One, they will give their all to the relationship as they never want to lose the other half. The take their partner's feelings and happiness as the utmost priority and really go all out to go the distance. Unfortunately, these people will have to meet someone of equal standing, ie someone who is also both willing and ready to commit, otherwise they will suffer and be taken for granted.
I used to think it all boils down to a person's character how he or she is like in a relationship. But after so many observations, I realise it is not just the person's character; it is the person's willingness and readiness to commit to the relationship. If someone is both ready and willing, no matter how unreasonable or difficult he or she can be, he or she will still take the partner as topmost priority and tries to make the partner happy. Of course it is still best if the person is nice as well, as whatever he or she does will be magnified. But if someone is not ready, then no matter how nice he or she appears to his friends, he or she will ultimately still be difficult and unreasonable to the partner, and worse is if the partner is the one who is both willing and ready.
I have my own share of failed relationships with guys who are not ready to commit. They wanted a girlfriend, not a wife. So often I ended up doing so much more and caused suffering to myself in the end. I have friends who have gone through these too. My best friend's last two relationships were with guys who were not ready to commit, thus she always had to end up doing more for them. The only guy that was really both willing and ready was the sweet guy whom she regretted giving up.
My mum and cousin once told me to stop wasting my time with guys who are not ready to commit to me (I was in my third relationship then), and look around for guys who have already had their share of fun and seriously looking to settle down, as these are the ones who will treat me like a queen. I used to think they were sowing discord, but now upon looking back, how right they were! If the guy is really ready, he will do everything in his power to hold on to you. If the guy is not ready, no matter how much you do for him, he will not really bother. Same goes for girls.
I cite my examples from many real situations. My cousin-in-law, my friends who have gotten married, and my friends in loving relationships with very wonderful guys and girls. Sometimes one can tell if the person is both willing and ready to commit to you just from the way he or she treats the partner. Someone who only takes but does not really give back in the relationship is someone who may be willing but not ready. On the other hand, someone who is always giving but never taking in a relationship is normally both willing and ready, but in a lot of cases, these people end up with people who are not ready.
It is very rare to find a couple where both are willing and ready to commit. Thus, these couples normally stay together for life. In most cases, the girls are the ones who are more ready than the guys. However, do not make the mistake of asking the guy to marry you. If the guy is ready, he will pop the question himself without the girl even asking. Some guys got married because their girlfriends wanted to, but in the end, these marriages may end up in divorce as one party has never really gotten ready to settle down. Only when the guy proposes unexpectedly before one can determine he is really willing and ready.
As the saying goes, do not marry someone just because you love the person and can live with each other. Rather, marry someone you cannot live without. Only by thinking you are not able to function without the other party can one determine real love and commitment. Sad to say, these people are few and far in between, and often already married quite early in their lives. No wonder all the good ones are always taken!
7 comments:
Only by thinking you are not able to function without the other party can one determine real love and commitment.
I disagree. If real love & commitment sow the seeds of dependency, then I'm relieved that I'm out of love.
Shouldn't real love & commitment bring the best out of the couple? That's what I always believe, anyway.
PS. You're having gastric flu & still staying up late?
look around for guys who have already had their share of fun and seriously looking to settle down
I have said it once, and I'll say it again. This is a myth. Besides, how would someone identify a guy to be 'already had their share of fun'?
What about the poor guys that did not get their 'share of fun' because they were always passed over by the gals?
to SH:about your statement of:'Rather,marry someone whom you cannot live without...'
if only everyone shares this kind of 'vision',there wouldnt be such things as divorces...
and not necessarily girls are the willing party to commit you know.i heard instances from friends that girls pull out at the very last minute too...
yeah like what you say,its difficult to find a couple where both are ready to committ and wanting to commit at the same time.i've written an article earlier too about committment.wonder if you had seen it?
Marry someone you cannot live without? That's pretty romantic.
Anon_X : Probably I didn't make myself clear again. I always can't think properly when I'm not feeling well.
I don't mean dependency on each other. What I meant for "marrying someone you can't live without" is that you know this is the person you want to live with and love your whole life, and can't imagine your life being complete without this person. That does not equate to being dependent or clingy to each other.
And thanks for your concern. I already slept almost the whole day yesterday, and I didn't stay up that late either, went back to bed after posting the entry.
O;e Wolvie : I guess it's all subjective. Some guys will still want to have fun and not ready to settle down even though they are approaching middle-aged.
Perhaps those guys who are willing to settle down and be a good husband and father, and cut down (not totally give up) on all their night life or gaming or whatever fun they have and start taking life more seriously (not saying they never took life seriously) are those that are finally ready to take the big step.
Blue Angel : I know not all girls are more willing to commit, but generally that's the case. At least in most cases, the guys are the ones more commitment phobia. Will check out that particular post.
Beng : Yes, romantic isn't it? If only I can find someone like this then it will really be a blessing.
Whoo... hold the horses there lady.
"Cut down on fun and start taking life more seriously"?
That is a very broad, yet personal description. Your definition of a "serious life" may differ from other people's (makes a good topic!).
To a gamer, games are serious business, and it's *for life*. Seriously, life would be soooo boring for me if I have to cut down on games just to get a wife. I met one of my gamer friend who got married 6 months ago and had to 'cut down' on gaming. I tell you, he looks and acts like a zombie. I have another friend (with a supportive wife and kids) who makes a living from games.
Besides, I don't think your mom was referring to games when she said 'fun'. I suspect it's more about 'sowing wild oats'. And isn't it better that your guy stares at games rather than babes? Unless well, he's a dating sims maniac... (At least you'll know where to find him most of the time :D)
The gaming part is just an example, cos I have seen people who cut down on all their games and life's enjoyments in order to settle down. I have personally experienced something like this.
I used to have an online net and game friend who suddenly asked me to delete him away. SO when I asked him why, he said he was getting married and felt that he needed to take life more seriously so should not be net gaming anymore. It's to each his own I guess.
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