I feel really sad for my friend. He had liked a few girls while still in school, but was all rejected. He had been rather unlucky in love, as for someone who is so stable and true to his friends, he did not manage to get attached until last month. And just as soon as it started, it was over.
That was his first real relationship. It was rather a fairy tale how they got together. They became official just a week after meeting each other. Although it was very sweet and romantic, but in all practicality, how can anyone get attached after just a week? That is a bit too fast, and no doubt it could be love at first sight, but how much and well would you be able to know a person after just a week?
Of course everything would be all sugary and honeymoon in the first few weeks, but after that stage, each would start to bare all for the other party, and the real test would then be whether you could tolerate each other's little quirks.
Anyway my poor friend got into such a situation that he literally brought about the end of the relationship. I would not say it was entirely his fault, as he was only helping a female friend out, and his girlfriend (ex?) should be more trusting and understanding especially since she knows the girl too.
What happened was that he and his ex were out for a movie, when their friend messaged him and asked both to go clubbing. He found out that she would be clubbing on her own, and being concerned for a friend since it is rather dangerous for a lone lady to just go clubbing on her own, he agreed to go meet her. His ex said she was tired and would like to go home and rest, and asked him to go ahead.
Now, normally when girls say this, it means it is a direct hint that he should NOT go ahead. But on the other hand, why must some girls always put it in such a roundabout way? For me, if I ask my guy to go ahead, I really do want him to go ahead. Why can some girls not be truthful? It saves so much misunderstanding. And my poor friend, thinking that his girlfriend asked him to go ahead, really went after seeing her off in a cab.
The friend was having some problems, so she got herself so drunk that she totally lost her senses and tried to make advances towards him. He immediately dragged her out of there and took her home all the way in a cab. He is that gentlemanly and nice to everyone. So he felt guilty that the girl tried to come on to him, thus messaged his girlfriend to tell her the truth. He thought it would be better to be truthful than hide it from her in case she heard it from someone else and misunderstand.
She replied back immediately, saying that it was all over, as she did not think she could bear being with a guy whom another girl had touched. Erh.... was that not a bit too drastic? He was being honest and truthful, would she rather he fooled around behind her back? The friend felt so bad that she also apologised to her and tried to explain it was all her fault, but the girl refused to listen.
So now my poor friend is in a very miserable state. He kept saying that if he was not being nice, he could have just held on to the relationship. But it is not his fault that he is nice to everyone. Although I empathise with how his ex would feel as I have felt the same way, but still, if she chose to be with him, then she should accept the fact that he is a nice guy to everyone, male or female. And I will rather be with a nice guy who cares for everyone than someone who only cares about himself. And she should be more trusting; that is one of the fundamental traits in every relationship.
He did not blame his friend for what happened as well, as she was really drunk and did not know what she was doing. This can be more debatable as to whether she really did not know what she was doing, but I know once you get really drunk to the extent of losing yourself, you tend to do all kinds of stupid things.
So whose fault exactly was it? It is so hard to answer. I feel that my friend and his ex both did not do anything wrong, but did not do anything right either. As what our mutual friend said, in the first place, clarify with his ex whether she really wanted him to go ahead instead of taking her word for it. In the second place, even if he went ahead and his friend tried doing things to him, he should never ever tell his ex what happened. All are debatable I guess.
I admire his grit though. Being heart-broken for the first time, he still seems pretty strong and hanging in there, not as messed-up as a lot of other people I know (including myself). I really hope all will go well for him. He really deserves a great girl for a great guy like himself!
That was his first real relationship. It was rather a fairy tale how they got together. They became official just a week after meeting each other. Although it was very sweet and romantic, but in all practicality, how can anyone get attached after just a week? That is a bit too fast, and no doubt it could be love at first sight, but how much and well would you be able to know a person after just a week?
Of course everything would be all sugary and honeymoon in the first few weeks, but after that stage, each would start to bare all for the other party, and the real test would then be whether you could tolerate each other's little quirks.
Anyway my poor friend got into such a situation that he literally brought about the end of the relationship. I would not say it was entirely his fault, as he was only helping a female friend out, and his girlfriend (ex?) should be more trusting and understanding especially since she knows the girl too.
What happened was that he and his ex were out for a movie, when their friend messaged him and asked both to go clubbing. He found out that she would be clubbing on her own, and being concerned for a friend since it is rather dangerous for a lone lady to just go clubbing on her own, he agreed to go meet her. His ex said she was tired and would like to go home and rest, and asked him to go ahead.
Now, normally when girls say this, it means it is a direct hint that he should NOT go ahead. But on the other hand, why must some girls always put it in such a roundabout way? For me, if I ask my guy to go ahead, I really do want him to go ahead. Why can some girls not be truthful? It saves so much misunderstanding. And my poor friend, thinking that his girlfriend asked him to go ahead, really went after seeing her off in a cab.
The friend was having some problems, so she got herself so drunk that she totally lost her senses and tried to make advances towards him. He immediately dragged her out of there and took her home all the way in a cab. He is that gentlemanly and nice to everyone. So he felt guilty that the girl tried to come on to him, thus messaged his girlfriend to tell her the truth. He thought it would be better to be truthful than hide it from her in case she heard it from someone else and misunderstand.
She replied back immediately, saying that it was all over, as she did not think she could bear being with a guy whom another girl had touched. Erh.... was that not a bit too drastic? He was being honest and truthful, would she rather he fooled around behind her back? The friend felt so bad that she also apologised to her and tried to explain it was all her fault, but the girl refused to listen.
So now my poor friend is in a very miserable state. He kept saying that if he was not being nice, he could have just held on to the relationship. But it is not his fault that he is nice to everyone. Although I empathise with how his ex would feel as I have felt the same way, but still, if she chose to be with him, then she should accept the fact that he is a nice guy to everyone, male or female. And I will rather be with a nice guy who cares for everyone than someone who only cares about himself. And she should be more trusting; that is one of the fundamental traits in every relationship.
He did not blame his friend for what happened as well, as she was really drunk and did not know what she was doing. This can be more debatable as to whether she really did not know what she was doing, but I know once you get really drunk to the extent of losing yourself, you tend to do all kinds of stupid things.
So whose fault exactly was it? It is so hard to answer. I feel that my friend and his ex both did not do anything wrong, but did not do anything right either. As what our mutual friend said, in the first place, clarify with his ex whether she really wanted him to go ahead instead of taking her word for it. In the second place, even if he went ahead and his friend tried doing things to him, he should never ever tell his ex what happened. All are debatable I guess.
I admire his grit though. Being heart-broken for the first time, he still seems pretty strong and hanging in there, not as messed-up as a lot of other people I know (including myself). I really hope all will go well for him. He really deserves a great girl for a great guy like himself!
6 comments:
Of course his gf was pissed off. He decided to meet his friend without first seeking his gf's opinion!
I also assume both of them are working & do not really have much time to spend together. So his gf would surely want him to spend whatever little time they have together with her without him having to play a gallant hero saving all lonely female clubbers from the clutches of evil-doers. (Get the picture?)
Anyway it's his first 'real' relationship, so yeah, this kind of screw-up does happen.
Hmmph..hard to say who's right and wrong here. Maybe it is due to the short amount of time they spend together and hence the lack of trust?
Anon_X : Yes, both of them are working. But then she should communicate her thoughts and feelings to him, otherwise how would he know?
Goy : I guess you're right there. But then for any relationship to sustain, there must be trust in the first place.
A_x, I think the 'ex' in the story is his 'gf'.
But I know how the guys feels. Heck, he's very similar to me from what I can see here, but now I have learnt to be more 'devious' :P (Not at a nearly enough level though...)
But I'd put a little more 'blame' on the 'ex'. She should have been glad that he is being truthful, all I can perceive is insecurity. (Or maybe she already have another guy and this is a good chance to 'jump ship'.)
er...perhaps the so-called gf was trying to break up anyway and saw a "chance" to make it happen...then it would actually just be a convenient excuse. i mean, who would break up over such a small matter? funny ger...
Ole Wolvie : Erh.. "devious" in what sense? :-p
Alweina : Actually I suspected that also, like what Wolvie said, grabbing the opportunity to "jump ship".
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