I went for a very full dim sum lunch with my extended family (on my mum's side) today. I love catching up with my cousins. In the past I used to dislike all these gatherings as my mum would always compare me to how good they were for being able to sustain being top students in top schools and how tall, pretty and elegant they were growing up to be. But now that we have all grown up, things are better.
Suddenly my social life seems to be everyone's concern. When I was attached no one bothered, but now that I am not attached, everyone asked about my social life, and kept telling me how a woman decreases marketability after the age of thirty. Yes I know, but I have my own target of 2010, so I still have time. Not that I place a deadline on love, but at least if one has a target, one will try to take a more proactive action to meet the target.
I just received a wedding photo from my best friend (alas not of her!) of another friend who is getting married today. I am surprised as she only got attached less than a year ago. He is her first official boyfriend. She has always been single until then as she has a very weird taste in men, but after seeing them together few months back when we went out, I have to agree they are made for each other. So apparently the one who got attached the latest got married the earliest.
Perhaps sometimes it is not a matter of finding one you like, but finding one that is the best for you. How many times have one experience that the person you really like is just not into you? One often feels miserable over being nuts for someone who does not appreciate you. And the person who is really into you may not necessary be the one you are really crazy over, but may be the one that will make you the happiest. From a girl's point of view, it is still most blessed to find a guy who loves her more than she loves him.
Often I have heard my girlfriends complaining about why guys have such a phobia over commitment. Of course there are girls who are like that, but so far, most of my guy friends are either still single or already married, so I have never come across any guy friend complaining that their girlfriends have commitment-phobia. But perhaps it is a matter of finding the right person. Once you find the right person, you will go all out to commit. Just like in FRIENDS, Chandler was afraid of commitment until he started out with Monica. She was the one who made him resolve to commit. (The proposal episode was so beautiful and touching that it really made me cry!)
Like in the case of my friend. She was single for so long as besides having weird tastes in men, she did not want to be tied down. But the guy made her able and willing to commit. Sometimes we blame ourselves on why we cannot make our partners commit to us despite all the efforts we put in, but thinking back, perhaps the timing was not right, or we are not the right person for our partners, or we are not meant to be together, or simply they still do not know what they want out of life. Thus we shall just move forward and find the right someone who can really be into us instead of wasting time with a relationship that is going nowhere.
I received a very sweet email today on what love means from the eyes of innocent kids. It is amazing that kids, being innocent and naive, can actually come up with a pretty shrewd observation and description which a lot of adults cannot. Somehow eduation and knowledge seem to have corrupted an adult's mind that it cannot retain its former innocence and childlikeness. Here are the quotes from kids aged four to eight.
1. When my grandmother got arthritis, she could not bend over and paint her toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even though his hands got arthritis too. That is love.
2. When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You just know your name is safe in their mouth.
3. Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a guy puts on cologne and they go out and smell each other. (Hahaha!)
4. Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your french fries without making them give you any of theirs.
5. Love is what makes you smile when you are tired. (From a four-year-old?!)
6. Love is when my mummy makes coffee for my daddy and takes a sip from it first to make sure that it is ok.
7. Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and talk more. My Mummy and Daddy is like that. They look gross when they kiss. (Hahahahhahah!)
8. Love is what is in the room at Christmas when you stop opening presents and listen. (Wow! A very insightful eight-year-old!)
9. If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate. (Very true! We need more kids like these!)
10. Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday.
11. Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well.
12. During my piano recital, I was on a stage and I was scared. I looked at all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling. He was the only one doing that. I was not scared anymore.
13. My mummy loves me more than anybody else. You do not see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night. (Errrr....)
14. Love is when Mummy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken.
15. Love is when Mummy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Robert Redford.
16. Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day.
17. I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and goes out to buy new ones. (I think there is a little misconception here.)
18. When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you. (What an image!)
19. Love is when Mummy sees Daddy on the toilet and does not think it is gross.
20. You really should not say "I love you" unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget. (Another very insightful eight-year-old!)
21. I just helped him cry. (From a four-year-old who went to sit on his elderly neighbour's lap after the guy lost his wife, and he cried.)
And the final one, not from a child, but from a friend of mine :
"Love is like a mountain, hard to climb, but once you get to the top, the view is beautiful."
Suddenly my social life seems to be everyone's concern. When I was attached no one bothered, but now that I am not attached, everyone asked about my social life, and kept telling me how a woman decreases marketability after the age of thirty. Yes I know, but I have my own target of 2010, so I still have time. Not that I place a deadline on love, but at least if one has a target, one will try to take a more proactive action to meet the target.
I just received a wedding photo from my best friend (alas not of her!) of another friend who is getting married today. I am surprised as she only got attached less than a year ago. He is her first official boyfriend. She has always been single until then as she has a very weird taste in men, but after seeing them together few months back when we went out, I have to agree they are made for each other. So apparently the one who got attached the latest got married the earliest.
Perhaps sometimes it is not a matter of finding one you like, but finding one that is the best for you. How many times have one experience that the person you really like is just not into you? One often feels miserable over being nuts for someone who does not appreciate you. And the person who is really into you may not necessary be the one you are really crazy over, but may be the one that will make you the happiest. From a girl's point of view, it is still most blessed to find a guy who loves her more than she loves him.
Often I have heard my girlfriends complaining about why guys have such a phobia over commitment. Of course there are girls who are like that, but so far, most of my guy friends are either still single or already married, so I have never come across any guy friend complaining that their girlfriends have commitment-phobia. But perhaps it is a matter of finding the right person. Once you find the right person, you will go all out to commit. Just like in FRIENDS, Chandler was afraid of commitment until he started out with Monica. She was the one who made him resolve to commit. (The proposal episode was so beautiful and touching that it really made me cry!)
Like in the case of my friend. She was single for so long as besides having weird tastes in men, she did not want to be tied down. But the guy made her able and willing to commit. Sometimes we blame ourselves on why we cannot make our partners commit to us despite all the efforts we put in, but thinking back, perhaps the timing was not right, or we are not the right person for our partners, or we are not meant to be together, or simply they still do not know what they want out of life. Thus we shall just move forward and find the right someone who can really be into us instead of wasting time with a relationship that is going nowhere.
I received a very sweet email today on what love means from the eyes of innocent kids. It is amazing that kids, being innocent and naive, can actually come up with a pretty shrewd observation and description which a lot of adults cannot. Somehow eduation and knowledge seem to have corrupted an adult's mind that it cannot retain its former innocence and childlikeness. Here are the quotes from kids aged four to eight.
1. When my grandmother got arthritis, she could not bend over and paint her toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even though his hands got arthritis too. That is love.
2. When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You just know your name is safe in their mouth.
3. Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a guy puts on cologne and they go out and smell each other. (Hahaha!)
4. Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your french fries without making them give you any of theirs.
5. Love is what makes you smile when you are tired. (From a four-year-old?!)
6. Love is when my mummy makes coffee for my daddy and takes a sip from it first to make sure that it is ok.
7. Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and talk more. My Mummy and Daddy is like that. They look gross when they kiss. (Hahahahhahah!)
8. Love is what is in the room at Christmas when you stop opening presents and listen. (Wow! A very insightful eight-year-old!)
9. If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate. (Very true! We need more kids like these!)
10. Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday.
11. Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well.
12. During my piano recital, I was on a stage and I was scared. I looked at all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling. He was the only one doing that. I was not scared anymore.
13. My mummy loves me more than anybody else. You do not see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night. (Errrr....)
14. Love is when Mummy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken.
15. Love is when Mummy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Robert Redford.
16. Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day.
17. I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and goes out to buy new ones. (I think there is a little misconception here.)
18. When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you. (What an image!)
19. Love is when Mummy sees Daddy on the toilet and does not think it is gross.
20. You really should not say "I love you" unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget. (Another very insightful eight-year-old!)
21. I just helped him cry. (From a four-year-old who went to sit on his elderly neighbour's lap after the guy lost his wife, and he cried.)
And the final one, not from a child, but from a friend of mine :
"Love is like a mountain, hard to climb, but once you get to the top, the view is beautiful."
3 comments:
The last comment about love can be double edged you know...
well for the record, my girlfriend had commitment phobia..and that's why we are no longer together..
Ole Wolvie : Yes I know. Depends on how you choose to interpret. I chose to interpret it in the "romantic" way.
Addy : She's still young, thus perhaps the timing is not right yet. Just hang on, things will turn out to be better. :-)
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