Cohabitation?

My first day of work went rather smoothly. The job scope is pretty interesting and my boss is very nice. He is the sole Legal Cousel, so he needs help (which is where I come in), and I will essentially be running the entire department for him. I have to proof-read, cross-reference, research on stuff, prepare lecture slides for him to give lectures to the other staff on legal issues, and maintain an entire trademark database.

My company is called ST Electronics (Training and Simulation) Pte Ltd, one of the subsidiaries of ST Electronics, which is one of the subsidiaries of ST Engineering, which is one of the susidiaries of the entire Singapore Technologies Group. Confusing, right? So am I. I still cannot get the entire hierarchical structure right.

The only thing I know is that the No. 1 of ST Electronics is the Chairman, and the No. 2 is the General Manager, with seven Vice-Presidents of the various departments under him. Which sparks the question for a lot of clients - why is the General Manager higher-ranking than the Vice-President?

And I also discovered a few beautiful specimens of humanity of the masculine gender. Lots of eye candy around. Too bad they are either married, too young or not the right race. But I can still gaze at the pretty picture around! I also found several people with the same names as people I know - four Rickys and two Chee Keongs. Somehow why do big organisations always seem to have a Ricky and a Chee Keong?

Lately I have been pondering the question of commitment, sparked off by an earlier post. As I have mentioned in the article, it is only when both parties are both willing and ready to commit that conjugal bliss begins. This corresponded with an article I read in one of the newspapers a few weeks back on the question of marriage.

Here are a few quotes from the article :

- Replace marriage with a cohabitation contract because straying is in man’s very nature and marriage does nothing for men, only for women.

- Let’s abolish marriage and replace it with cohabitation contracts. Then we don’t have to put up with your families and do your washing and cooking. Most importantly, we won’t have to bear your children.

- Stem divorce with polygamy.

Actually I disagree with all. In the first place, if both are really committed to each other, there will be no question of straying. Despite how people can change, as long as the commitment is there, both will try to adapt and compromise to each other. That is what marriage and living together is all about - compromise, adaptability, learning how to cope with each other, making each other happy.

On the second point, why on earth would people just want to cohabit with no status when marriage makes everything so much more secure? Perhaps people think that cohabitation have no strings attached, but if you are to enter into a contract or agreement, there will be certain terms involved. And chances are if one party breaks the contract, it is highly unlikely he or she can get any asset as cohabitation is not legally binding as a marriage. And to think of marriage as just a contract in the first place is too shallow.

Besides, if you really love someone and want to be with him / her, must you mind so much whether you cook or clean or stay with his / her family? If you are not even willing to do the little things to make your partner happy or get along with his / her family, then you definitely do not love yor partner but only yourself. And having children is a great joy with the one you love.

Of course, I do not think anyone is as crazy as me. When I was eyeing a certain person, I wanted so much to go to his place, help him tidy up his room, do his laundry, make him breakfast in bed, cook him lunch and dinner, clean up his place, and help his parents out. But my point is that if you really love someone, all these are nothing as long as the loved one is happy.

Thirdly, polygamy is not the answer to stem divorce. Rather, it only shows how weak and immature whoever who quoted that statement is. If both parties are committed to each other, there should not even be a question of polygamy in the first place. Why would you want to even think of getting involved with another person if you really love and treasure your partner?

Cowboy Caleb made a very good point. I quote from his post :

If you are a man, and by a man I mean a fully fledged member of society prepared to play his role to the fullest then why on earth would you even consider cohabitation? A real man makes a commitment and sticks to it. What kind of a weakling needs the escape route that cohabitation offers?

You are marrying because you love somebody and want to make her happy for the rest of your natural life. It’s not for your own convenience. A marriage is not centered on an individual but rather on the couple.

All marriages encounter problems. It’s up to you to work it out as a couple, not seek outlets to divert your attention to. What kind of a man runs away from his problems instead of facing them? You made a choice when you said your wedding vows, so why the change of heart now?

If you are currently cohabiting with your partner, I urge you to get out of your comfort zone and signup for couple counselling or a marriage preparation course. You both deserve better than this.

I applaud his article! Well said, well said. It is very true what he said. And no, he is not saying this because he is happily married like Lancerlord or Mr Brown, but still as a swinging single. Yes, a real man makes a commitment and stick to it. Only a weakling escapes from whatever problems there is to come with the commitment.

It is really enlightening and happy to see a guy with at least some substance and values in him, unlike those shallow ones I met recently who only seem to want to have a good time and do not care for commitment or family values.

Cohabitation is a no-no for me, even if I have already gotten a flat with whoever I am going to marry. I will not stay with my partner until after the wedding. Of course, some people are a little lax in this area. They stay together after they got their flat as they know they are going to get married anyway. But if we have already registered then that is a different story. I may agree to stay together after registration but before the ceremony, unless it is all on the same day, then that will be a different case.