More Bombings....

I seriously wonder what are the extremists up to. New Delhi got bombed. I wonder why India, of all places, will get bombed? What is the purpose?

Is it because India opened the Kashmir border to help the Pakistani quake victims? In that case, countries get bombed for butting into other countries' business, and countries still get bombed for helping other countries.

I just cannot understand why people must harm others for no justifiable reasons.

Feeling Gay ....

I am in a very good mood lately. A surge of joy and happiness has been bursting out from inside of me. I have no idea why I am so happy. Perhaps it was due to the fulfilling week I had. I started Bahasa classes, resumed chorus practice at the old venue which feels more like home instead of the out-of-the-way spot which we were utilising, experienced beautiful soundtrack music of all times, attended a nice performance and met up with friends from different social circles.

Or is my gaiety due to the fact that a certain someone was at one of the gatherings, and I got to sit next to him and we were chatting and laughing so much to each other? Even my friend commented that I seemed to be in such a good mood that day. She said I was practically grinning from ear to ear and questioned whether it was due to a certain someone who was also there. I told her why would I not be in a good mood?

I got my job problem settled, long-overdue relationship problems settled, I am another year older (ok nothing to be that happy about regarding this), my “hunny” is coming back (although not due back for another two months), I have such nice great friends and finally I got my mum’s blessings to stay out as late as I want to. Is there anything not worth being happy about when my life is finally back on track?

This surge of happiness and joy makes me want to dance to Beethoven's “Ode To Joy” all over again. I danced to this tune many years back during some Christmas performance, and I still remember a bit of the movements and actions. How I wish I can dance the song of joy again, and sing joyful tunes to go along with it!

Times like these you want to wake up everyday and discover that the world really is a beautiful place full of happiness and joy! Have a Happy Halloween! How I wish I can have the chance to go trick-or-treating!

Globalisation : Resistance?

"You cannot stop globalisation. It is something that happens", so said the US Secretary of State Madeleine Albright. Yes, globalisation is a phenomenon which has gathered pace over recent years. This is mainly due to the fact that many ex-communist countries have ditched their centrally-planned, communist economies in favour of laissez-faire, free-market economies. They have become more investment-friendly, fostered predominantly by the governments of those countries.

More importantly, it is due to the relative poverty (as compared to other countries) and abysmal standard of living. Their labour force's wages are only a fraction of what is demanded in the industrialised, developed economies in those firms in the West. Thus firms, in a bid to cut down on production costs, would choose to relocate to these places so as to ultimately maintain or increase their own individual competitiveness with rival firms.

But should globalisation be resisted? I think it would be better not to resist it. It will be in the interests of the world at large to see globalisation steaming ahead, and most countries are still in their development stages, especially some countries in Asia, Africa and South America. There are also reasons like the multiplier effect of globalisation, which could potentially solve a whole host of economic problems for these countries.

Firstly, the transfer of capital into all these developing countries would definitely be a huge help to their economies. The unemployment rate would most likely decrease and stay low due to all the foreign manufacturing companies needing an abundance of labour in all these countries to assemble their products. There would be a gigantic cheap labour force for these companies to tap into. With jobs, the population will also have an opportunity to break out of the poverty cycle and thereby secure a much brighter future for themselves and their families and next generation.

Secondly, globalisation could also translate into a higher standard of living for those living in poverty. With stable jobs and wages, families can make ends meet due to their increased income. They would thus be more tempted to spoil themselves by spending more on consumer products. The producers of these goods and their workers would also be able to cash in on all these through bonuses and wage increments. Thus, the Gross Domestic and National Product would be raised.

In this way, the governments of these countries can demonstrate that they are efficient and hardworking. This may also be a huge aid when attempting to convince people to vote for them in subsequent elections and ensure they stay as the incumbent government for the foreseeable future. In addition, if their coffers are boosted, then the government officials would stand to gain by implementing policies to increase wages and raise the standards of living even more. Globalisation thus becomes the turbine which is the main driving force in generating development throughout the country.

Thirdly, the world at large also stands to benefit as prices of consumer goods would be pushed down drastically by the influx of all these various types of goods into the market. For instance, Chinese goods are more price competitive compared to American or Western European goods, as they were mostly produced at only a small fraction of the western goods. Consumers will mostly choose the cheaper option, especially if the quality is not compromised.

One good example is where China-produced clothes have basically snatched away the world markets of western textile manufacturers. This is why a trade war is looming as China would refuse to cut down on production while the western countries demand them to as that their own manufacturers can stay afloat.

Of course, developed economies like the US and Western Europe would want to curb or at least stem the leakage of income out of their countries as they would be faced with a whole bunch of seemingly-insoluble economic problems like rising unemployment and recession. As factories in these nations shut down operations so as to set up their factories in other low-cost countries, the labour force left behind would lose their jobs. Unemployment rate becomes higher, consumer spending would decrease and the whole country would go into a recession. This would reflect badly on the governments, thus naturally they will not support globalisation.

Another reason to resist globalisation is the fact that the income gap between the rich and the poor would surge, as not everybody in these countries has equal access to proper educational facilities. Youngsters living in large developed cities would definitely have much easier access to proper education channels. This allows them to attain higher education and with it, a ticket to a better job. Unfortunately, those staying in the minor cities and villages would have no access to proper education. As a result, those better-educated ones would always find better jobs and those not as educated would be lucky enough to get any job.

This widening of income gap may then lead to social unrest as the lower-class would harbour more discontent towards those upper-class, so riots and rising crime rates may occur as a result. Investors will also not wish to place their capital in a country where there is so much social unrest. The governments' efforts in setting up an investor-friendly environment would thus torpedo and backfire. If the problem is not solved, the government may find that they would lose the support of their people and everybody end up as losers.

Despite all these, globalisation is a good phenomenon and should be supported as it is high time that the Asian and Eastern European nations start to get more developed as they have been constant for numerous decades, mostly stuck in the economic doldrums of communism or socialism or major political unrest. It is up to the governments of developing countries to maintain their competitiveness to investors, and they should not prevent the development of others even if it is disastrous to their economies.

Whose Fault Was It?

I feel really sad for my friend. He had liked a few girls while still in school, but was all rejected. He had been rather unlucky in love, as for someone who is so stable and true to his friends, he did not manage to get attached until last month. And just as soon as it started, it was over.

That was his first real relationship. It was rather a fairy tale how they got together. They became official just a week after meeting each other. Although it was very sweet and romantic, but in all practicality, how can anyone get attached after just a week? That is a bit too fast, and no doubt it could be love at first sight, but how much and well would you be able to know a person after just a week?

Of course everything would be all sugary and honeymoon in the first few weeks, but after that stage, each would start to bare all for the other party, and the real test would then be whether you could tolerate each other's little quirks.

Anyway my poor friend got into such a situation that he literally brought about the end of the relationship. I would not say it was entirely his fault, as he was only helping a female friend out, and his girlfriend (ex?) should be more trusting and understanding especially since she knows the girl too.

What happened was that he and his ex were out for a movie, when their friend messaged him and asked both to go clubbing. He found out that she would be clubbing on her own, and being concerned for a friend since it is rather dangerous for a lone lady to just go clubbing on her own, he agreed to go meet her. His ex said she was tired and would like to go home and rest, and asked him to go ahead.

Now, normally when girls say this, it means it is a direct hint that he should NOT go ahead. But on the other hand, why must some girls always put it in such a roundabout way? For me, if I ask my guy to go ahead, I really do want him to go ahead. Why can some girls not be truthful? It saves so much misunderstanding. And my poor friend, thinking that his girlfriend asked him to go ahead, really went after seeing her off in a cab.

The friend was having some problems, so she got herself so drunk that she totally lost her senses and tried to make advances towards him. He immediately dragged her out of there and took her home all the way in a cab. He is that gentlemanly and nice to everyone. So he felt guilty that the girl tried to come on to him, thus messaged his girlfriend to tell her the truth. He thought it would be better to be truthful than hide it from her in case she heard it from someone else and misunderstand.

She replied back immediately, saying that it was all over, as she did not think she could bear being with a guy whom another girl had touched. Erh.... was that not a bit too drastic? He was being honest and truthful, would she rather he fooled around behind her back? The friend felt so bad that she also apologised to her and tried to explain it was all her fault, but the girl refused to listen.

So now my poor friend is in a very miserable state. He kept saying that if he was not being nice, he could have just held on to the relationship. But it is not his fault that he is nice to everyone. Although I empathise with how his ex would feel as I have felt the same way, but still, if she chose to be with him, then she should accept the fact that he is a nice guy to everyone, male or female. And I will rather be with a nice guy who cares for everyone than someone who only cares about himself. And she should be more trusting; that is one of the fundamental traits in every relationship.

He did not blame his friend for what happened as well, as she was really drunk and did not know what she was doing. This can be more debatable as to whether she really did not know what she was doing, but I know once you get really drunk to the extent of losing yourself, you tend to do all kinds of stupid things.

So whose fault exactly was it? It is so hard to answer. I feel that my friend and his ex both did not do anything wrong, but did not do anything right either. As what our mutual friend said, in the first place, clarify with his ex whether she really wanted him to go ahead instead of taking her word for it. In the second place, even if he went ahead and his friend tried doing things to him, he should never ever tell his ex what happened. All are debatable I guess.

I admire his grit though. Being heart-broken for the first time, he still seems pretty strong and hanging in there, not as messed-up as a lot of other people I know (including myself). I really hope all will go well for him. He really deserves a great girl for a great guy like himself!

To Accept Or Reject An Invitation

A close friend, who also happens to be the best friend of my third ex, invited me for a Deepavali celebration at his place. This was actually considered a tradition since he had been throwing Deepavali parties at his place and I have been going for the past few years. I am just happy that he still considered me enough of a friend to continue inviting me, despite what happened.

By right I should go. It is an honour that he is inviting me along to join his family and friends for a celebration. Besides, he just ended his very first relationship and I wanted to be sure he would be alright.

In that case, why am I having second thoughts? One main reason is that my third ex and his parents will be there. It is ok seeing him, but now his parents still stick to their opinions that I caused their precious only son so much grieve and suffering, it will be rather awkward seeing them, not to mention the uncomfortable feeling which my ex and my friend will have. The last thing I want is for my ex to be caught in between me and his parents, and to spoil the day for my friend.

On the other hand, it is my friend inviting me. He has every right to invite whoever he likes to invite, so I will be going to his place as his guest, not to see anything or for anyone. Besides, if I do not go, will his parents not have more excuses to pick on me? With parents like these, is it any wonder why some local guys get too pampered, sheltered, not able to be fully independant from their parents and still think everyone has to treat them like kings?

Tickets To Trouble?

The general stereotype of Singaporeans is that they grab freebies like a bunch of low-class barbarians. Most of the time one sees people queuing up for free drinks or food or toys or movie tickets, etc, yet when it comes to enriching one's cultural tastes, not many people want anything to do with it even if the tickets are given away free.

My choral group is having a special Halloween concert this Sunday. Since the majority of us are not performing this time, each of us were given four complimentary tickets to ask / request / beg / coerce / force / threaten people to attend the concert so the seats can be filled up. The tickets are free, so why is it so hard to get people to go?

I managed to get K and my best friend to go (hmmmm..... maybe it is a good opportunity to bring the two of them together), but I still have one ticket left which I had no one else to give to. Out of desperation, I asked my best friend if she can bring any of her sisters and K also offered to help by asking around among his friends. In the end, my friend Addy agreed to go despite being such late notice, and for that I am really grateful to you. Thanks also to Sentosa for offering to help me ask around as well. :-)

As usual, it is my best friend, close friend and foreign friend I can really depend on (K is a Malaysian by the way). Or is it to do with the fact that all four of us are single? But why am I having such trouble giving away free tickets? My girlfriends are mostly from the same choral group so they are already going and the rest are either busy being good wives or preparing for their upcoming weddings. The other local guys I asked all shunned away as if I had the measles when I asked if they were interested in a free show.

In the past when I was attached, I always gave the free tickets to my ex and his parents would go with him. My first stage performance with my choral group was in March when we sang for the tenth anniversary concert. Each of us were given four complimentary tickets, so I gave all to my ex. He got his parents and his mum's friend to come along. However, there was a mistake in the ticket distribution so three seats were together and one was separated from the rest. Obviously his parents had to sit with their friend so my ex ended up sitting alone and his parents were unhappy because of that and could not enjoy the show thoroughly.

When I got the two complimentary tickets for the "Madame Butterfly" performance, I gave them to my ex and ordered two more tickets that cost more for my mum who brought my aunt to watch the performance. Before the performance when I was ordering the tickets, my ex's mum initially wanted a third ticket so the father could go, but in the end told me to just stick to two tickets, which was why I went ahead.

But when they got the tickets, his mum called and insisted on buying a third ticket, and the seat must be together as she did not want to leave the father behind. So I tried to explain to her that the tickets were bulked ordered by the Lyric Opera, so the seats were all confirmed, thus there was no way I could get a third ticket that would be together with the two seats.

So she said she wanted to sell the tickets back to SISTIC and buy three tickets together, to which I told her it was impossible to do that as the complimentary tickets were stamped with the words "Singapore Lyric Opera", thus it was impossible to exchange for fresh tickets. But she kept insisting she wanted three tickets when she already told me two would suffice, and for all three to sit together. I was trying to be nice but slowly losing my patience as well. In the end, my ex had to explain everything to her before she could finally accept.

Well, at least all turned out alright in the end. Although now when I have complimentary tickets, I will have a problem trying to find people to attend, but that is not for me to worry for now until the actual time comes.

Comparison And Confidence

My brother just told me yesterday that he needs to get more beefed up, otherwise when our three cousins come back from Down Under in a few weeks time, he will feel so embarrassed, as his body shape is nothing compared to their muscular six-packed bodies.

If he is going to start comparing, what about me? We have so many female cousins whom my mum is constantly comparing me to. About how they are so tall, elegant, fair-skinned, talented, smart, well-behaved and all good in studies, sports and music, and those who are married all married very well, not like me, who is neither of these and in danger of becoming an old maid.

I told my brother my mum used to say that the other girls look like fair ladies, whereas I look like the maid just because my skin colour happens to be a little darker. Even my Indonesian relatives are fairer than me! I still remember one of my Indonesian aunts remarking that I look more Indonesian than her! (Oh well, what’s new about that?)

My little cousins are already taller than me. I remember at one Christmas party at one of my relatives’ place, my elder cousins were not around, so when they called for the eldest, I had to go first. And yet I am the most pint-sized among all. That was really one embarrassing moment for me.

I was at the period of my life where I was feeling really lousy about myself – short, dark, bespectacled, unruly hair, not in any of the best schools, never had any sports trophy or best-in-school certificates to show. The only saving grace was that I had good enough skin, thus I seldom have acne breakouts even during the most awkward teenage years.

But now that I am through all these, I realize that I am in the position to make a difference to myself. So what if I am vertically-challenged? There are always heels. And I never have to worry about finding a guy taller than me because most guys are taller than me. I used to listen to my tall friends lamenting about how it was so hard for them to be attached as most guys are put off by girls who are too tall. I have a friend who is 1.78m in height, and all her boyfriends were at least 1.84m and above. Now that she had broken up four times, how many guys around that height are left for her?

And so what if I had glasses? I have been wearing lenses for the past decade or so. And once I pluck up enough courage and psyche myself up enough, I will go ahead with the LASIK. So what if I am tanned? At least I will never get sunburnt, and I can always use whitening products to make myself look fairer. And so what if I always had bad hair days? Just one rebonding job and my hairy woes are over.

And so what if I am still single now? There is definitely someone out there for me who can love me more than I love him. It is the guys’ own losses that they could not hold on to me and did not wish to experience the love I could give.

In the end I told my brother that it is no use constantly comparing himself with our three gorgeous hunks of cousins, who are also fun-loving and charismatic. The environment and culture they are brought up in are different from us. Instead of lamenting on how much better they are than him, he should concentrate on things he can improve himself in. I did that and have never felt better about myself.

Of Dreams And Reality

I asked my best friend the other day whether she ever compared her ex-boyfriends to each other (not in front of them of course, but mentality assessing). She said actually there is no basis for comparison, as they are all good and bad in their own ways. Like her first one in secondary school was religious but possessive, her second one was sweet and dedicated but a pity not the right timing, her third one was responsible and ambitious but not dedicated to her, and the last one was dedicated to her but not responsible enough.

It is very true what she said. I guess there really is no basis for comparison. But being humans, each of us would want our subsequent relationship to be better than the preceding one, so somehow we would still compare at the back of our heads. Like I would say my first one was pious and filial, but very chauvinistic. My second one was gentlemanly and romantic, but very temperamental. My third one was good-tempered and filial, but very irresponsible and forgetful.

Or perhaps I should thank Sigmund Freud for all this comparison. Maybe deep down in my sub-conscious and in my dreams, I still believe there is someone more right for me out there, thus I kept focusing on their bad points. My married friends all told me that it is not enough to just like the good points, as I have to be able to tolerate the bad points as well. Maybe it is just as well things did not work out.

Even when I was in my first relationship, I dreamt of being attached to another friend. No doubt it was all just a dream and even in the dreams, nothing physical happened between us, but somehow I woke up feeling guilty and wondered a little how things would be like with him and me. Is that being unfaithful if you dream of being with someone else while still in a relationship?

I never had dreams to this extent when I was with my second ex, but I had dreams of him being with other girls. The period after all his religious frenzy kicked in when his grandfather passed away, I dreamt he dumped me as he wanted to be a priest, and I remembered telling him in the dream that it would be such a waste for him to be a priest. And my dream continued on with chance meetings with another guy (who was somehow faceless) whom I ended up being with.

During the last stages of my relationship with my third ex, I dreamt of both of us breaking up, and I got attached a year later to another faceless guy. But after we really broke up, the guy in the dream took on the face of that particular someone, but the events how we started were the same. This same dream had been recurring for some time, except now the guy is faceless again.

One theory of dreams is that they are the channels to our sub-conscious. It is what our sub-conscious wants us to do. Another school of thought is that dreams are the doors to an alternate reality, where in the real world, things are the opposite. Yet another school of thought brought up that dreams are like the universe to our future, so by dreaming, one can see the events of the near future. I wonder which theory is really true.

Why do we have dreams in the first place? No one has ever been able to give an exact answer where dreams come from. In Roald Dahl’s “BFG”, the BFG stated to the girl that dreams are made and blown into little kids’ ears to let them have pleasant sleeps. But if there are going to be dreams, let me always dream of good things to come.

Facets Of Working Life ....

After working for a number of years, I noticed a trend. People hardly get to utilise what they studied to their work. No doubt there are some who chose to do something totally different from their major, but those who went into the same industry as what they studied did not really get to utilise their knowledge fully.

Take me for example. I did law and I did education (more education than law). The law I did was only very basic, the tip of the iceberg. Of course my knowledge can never be compared to those with a full-fledged law degree. The law courses I studied were just basic definitions, a bit of case studies, legal research and some drafting.

There were some topics which I did better in, like Family Law, Criminal Law, Probate, Intellectual Property, Tort, Civil Litigation and Shipping Law, and there were some topics which I did badly in like Company Law, Property and Conveyancing, Contract and Commercial Law and Banking Law.

Ironically, when I started working in law firms, I had to do Company Law, Banking Law, Conveyancing and Contracts, with just a little Family Law, Probate and Intellectual Property. Whatever I am confident in is not put to use and whatever I am not confident in I have to struggle and re-learn everything again. But it is fine by me as I always believe there is still so much more to learn.

Even for my education course, whatever I majored in (English Literature, History and Music) was not utilised. I did modules on Primary Curriculum, but when I ended up teaching in a primary school, besides teaching English, Mathematics and Music, I had to teach Science, Social Studies, PE and Art, subjects which I had not done and which I was rather unfamiliar with (except for Social Studies as that is history- and geography-based, so I could still handle). I am not that proficient in Science (trust me, the concepts in the new primary science syllabus is HARD, due to all the creative thinking questions which even an adult can find it hard to answer), and I cannot draw to save my life.

Yet I always ended up with more Science and Art classes than Music classes. A lot of my ex-colleagues who were teaching music did not even have any music background, but they were asked to teach music, and they ended up teaching more music classes than me. Sometimes they asked me to help in reading the notes and positioning the hands on the keyboard. I always wondered if this was because of those backstabbers in my school, who, for some reason or the other, somehow managed to convince the Principal not to give me music classes, or a screw-up in the time-tabling, or I just happened to be unlucky.

A fine example of how employees are not being utilised to their fullest and the best of their abilities. If I ever go back to teaching, I will want to teach advanced level. That is where all the challenges are in terms of subject teaching, and with older and more sensible kids, whose parents have more or less let them go. Primary school kids (and the parents) can really be very sticky and a handful at times.

I have quite a few friends and relatives who ended up doing something totally different from their studies. I have a cousin who did Building and Estate Management, but is now doing Human Resource and Welfare at the Prison Department of the Ministry of Home Affairs. My best friend and two of my ex-boyfriends all did something totally unrelated to what they studied.

Even my mum, who graduated with a Chemistry and Mathematics degree (that is why she can never understand why I can never do these two subjects and I am just as bewildered as her) ended up in Human Resource and Personnel at one of the statutory boards after graduation.

Sometimes it is not a matter of not getting the job, but not getting the job you like to do. I have a friend who was eyeing an industrial engineer post, but when she joined the company, she was given a project coordinator post instead. Why do companies not utilise fully who they hire? Will that not be unfair to the employee if he / she is made to do something he / she is unfamiliar with and has to start from scratch? The company will also not gain the best contribution from this employee as he / she is doing something totally new.

No doubt when we go out to work, we are doing jobs we do not like to do 80% of the time, but still, will it not be best if we can actually do a job where we can fully apply what we have learnt, whether or not we like the scope of the job? There is no harm in starting from scratch and learning from the beginning, but not many companies are willing to train the employees from the beginning. As a result, in most cases, it is on-the-job training. Most employees have to either do the job or die a painful death.

One does learn more by doing everything yourself, but in the beginning stages, it is very very hard to adjust. I had such a hard time trying to adjust in the first few months of teaching. It was a big culture shock for me as I was too used to a disciplined mission school’s culture and background and had no idea how messed-up the neighbourhood schools really are. It was either do or die for me and I had to really learn everything from scratch. The biggest challenge was how to cultivate an interest in studying and learning to kids who were unwilling and disinterested in attending school in the first place.

But I guess for working adults like us, most of the time we have to take the initiative to learn on our own. Our colleagues and peers are probably just as busy. Of course it is still best if they can take the time to train or supervise us, but generally, we have to learn how to do things by ourselves and ask questions when in doubt. And despite everything, it may be a better idea to work somewhere different from what we studied after all, then we can learn and be exposed to much more.

Love = Carrot Cake?

My friend brought up a very good hypothesis. She said perhaps love is like carrot cake. The English carrot cake is sweet, nice and creamy, partaken normally during Christmas or wedding feasts. The more you eat it, the nicer it gets, until you want to eat it everyday.

The Asian carrot cake, on the other hand, is made almost entirely of flour, eggs and radish, with a choice of black or white, with or without chilli, and looks good to eat initially, but the more you eat, the more sick of it you get, so it cannot be eaten daily.

She said finding a partner is like eating carrot cake. You will want to find someone who is like the English carrot cake, someone you can face everyday, and the love just grows even if you see each other day in day out for the rest of your lives. If you find someone like the Asian carrot cake, who just looks good initially, then it is best not to be with this person, as sooner or later you will get sick of him / her.

Interesting theory if you ask me. But for me, I will want both, since I like both types, so I am willing to risk the good and the bad together. Although recent events have shown that I seem to have too much of the Asian carrot cake already, so perhaps it is time to bring my delectable taste buds to the English carrot cake.

The best English carrot cake is sold in The Coffee Club at Hotel Rendezvous. The best Asian carrot cake? Almost every hawker centre in your neighbourhood sells pretty good ones. A symbolism of where you can find the two different types of carrot cake people – those who are like the English carrot cakes are normally found in higher-class places, whereas those who are like the Asian carrot cake are normally those more uncouth people mostly found among mainstream heartlanders. (Note : keyword - "normally")

On the other hand, English carrot cake is expensive, and to partake it everyday simply costs too much. Asian carrot cake is more affordable and can be partaken everyday if you are not picky. Thus, the English carrot cake is best for those once-in-a-while fancies and surges when you want a one-off good thing, and it is often not available at certain times. The Asian carrot cake is always available (if you know where to find it), and it can be perfected after some fine-tuning.

The English carrot cake is good for showing off and have a good time with, but it may be too sweet and sticky for some people. But the Asian carrot cake, despite its simplicity, leaves a good taste in people’s mouths.

So which type is better? You decide.

Which Group Of Guys Holds The Most Interesting Conversation?

Me + my girlfriends = laughter, jibes, swooning over guys, guy-watching, guy-discussion, relationship discussions, movies, music, whining and complaining, bodily problems, health issues, women issues.

Singaporean Guys + Me = Huh? Don’t understand what you said. You sing and dance? That is so good! Must teach me someday. Have you seen my new car? Do you know how many credit cards I have? Where do you like to go? I can show you a good time! Can I stay over at your place? (For what?! You are not even a close friend!) How I wish I can hold your hand, hug you and touch you all over. (WHAT?!) You should try to lay down your guard and go all the way one day, love-making is a beautiful experience! (With you?! Oh please, don’t make me puke all over!) That is why guys do not want to come after you because guys do not like girls who do not indulge in sex. (Is that so? How come my friends do not think that way?) What do you like to do? Huh, you read and write? So boring! How can you stand it? Write poetry?! That’s for sissies! Can I call you tonight? You know in the army, …….

Disclaimer : Not all Singaporean guys are like that. My close friends are not like that, but most who are not like that are already attached, so most that are not attached, well, one can see why they are not attached.

Malaysian Guys + Me = movies, music, discussion of the difference in the Malay and Indonesian language, religion, books, writing, blogs, work, family life, relationships

Indonesian Guys + Me = movies, music, religion, politics, world news, geography, history, travelling, television series, books, discussion on the difficult words in the Indonesian language, sports, food, writing, blogs, work, family life

Australian Guys + Me = movies, work, music, current affairs, family life, books, sports, relationships

New Zealand Guys + Me = weather, movies, work, music, farming, sheep, dogs, Lord Of The Rings, travelling

Verdict : Indonesians are the funkiest, most knowledgeable, well-read and worldly and most fun to be with, followed by Malaysians.

Singaporean guys still lose out to all (again, I stress, not all locals). Some of these locals really need to upgrade themselves.

I think the main reason is that those foreigners (Indonesians and Malaysians especially) who are able to come here to study and work are already the crème de la crème of their countries, thus they are already smarter and more exposed to things than others.

Normal local guys? Some are too sheltered and spoilt, so most are unwilling to enrich themselves and they do not mind staying stagnant for the rest of their lives. The main problem with some of the local guys is that they have been brought up too pampered, thus always think they are the best and will never accept defeat or rejection, even to the extent of only thinking for their own interests and not caring about the feelings of others.

As a result, these guys become rather egotistical and chauvinistic, and think all women have to swoon over them and accept their advances. So when they meet someone who keep rejecting their advances and crushing their egos by saying they are not the types she is looking for as they are not well-read or knowledgeable or artistically-inclined enough, and they are too sheltered, so too shallow and not exposed enough to things around them, they do not understand what they were doing that was so wrong.

What they cannot understand is that it is not what they are doing, but how they are behaving. They can be in decent jobs and live simple lives, but when a girl says they are not the type she wants, they should jolly well back down graciously instead of trying to irritate the hell out of her. Comparatively, foreigners are more able to accept set-backs and lose out graciously.

Disclaimer : This is just from my own biased point of view, resulted from the different social circles I have. Perhaps I have not met the right crowd of local guys yet.

LASIK : Yes? No?

Ever since two years back, I have been contemplating whether to go under the knife. Not for plastic surgery (I still like all my body parts to be fully natural), but for corrective vision. I was born with perfect eyesight, but through the years, perhaps due to genetics or too much reading or too much studying or too much stress, my vision became worse and worse.

Although my eyesight had not decreased for the past twelve years or so, still I like my eyes to go back to their original state before this myopia started. But I am the type who faints at the sight of blood and needles (I can never even go for an injection without kicking up a big fuss, which explains why I am so reluctant to take a flu vaccination), thus I have not been brave enough to go through with the ordeal.

Every time when I am faced with major decisions, I have to set out a list of pros and cons to determine whether I should or should not go ahead. I think I shall start with the surgery first.

Cons :

1. It is very expensive, at least S$5,000.00 one time payment.

2. I will have many needles poking into me!

3. What if there are side effects? What will happen? I do not wish to end up getting blind!

Pros :

1. S$5,000.00 one time payment in exchange for perfect vision for the rest of my life. (Very big factor to sway my decision.)

2. Put it this way - giving birth is probably much more painful and difficult.

3. My cousin-in-law is an eye surgeon at Gleneagles Hospital, so he will take good care of me if I ever ask him to do the surgery.

So far, there seems to be more advantageous to go ahead with the surgery. But what if I decide to stick to lenses?

Cons :

1. Contact Lens (1 year's supply) ------------------ S$160.00
Contact Lens Solution (6 times a year) ---------- S$120.00
Contact Lens Storage Case ---------------------- S$ 24.00
(to be disposed after every month)
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Total expenses per year ------------------------ S$304.00

If I live on for another fifty years, it will be 50 x S$304.00 = S$15,200.00

2. My eyes will get dry and be deprived of oxygen from the long wearing of the lenses and the lining of my cornea will deteriorate.

3. Prescriptive swimming goggles and sunglasses cost twice as much as normal ones.

Pros :

1. I do not need to go through having so many needles being poked into me. (Another very big factor to sway my decision.)

Now I cannot think of anymore pros of wearing lenses except for the sheer vanity and convenience of not wearing glasses. But if I go for corrective surgery, I will not need to wear any glasses or lenses at all, nor spend time every night cleaning, disinfecting and soaking the lenses.

So shall I or shall I not do it? Thinking of all the needles being poked into me is a big turn-off indeed, despite all the pros I have stated out why I should go ahead with the surgery.

Arrrrgggghhhh! Another major decision which I cannot make up my mind on!

Music Of The Night

K and I went to the Esplanade to watch a concert by the Cincinnati Pops Orchestra, conducted by Erich Kenzel. It was a collection of the best movie theme songs. This is the first time I managed to attend a concert of only soundtrack and movie songs. Although the tickets were expensive, but we managed to get the stall seats, almost in front of the stage.

Tip of the day : Never choose the seats right at the corners of the stall. If you have to sit in the stall seats, choose the middle seats. I emerged with a sore neck after the first half. After the intermission, K and I decided to move a few places to the back where we could see more of the performers and not strain our necks.

The orchestra started with a grand Olympic Fanfare, followed by a medley of Disney Classics - "Zip-A-Dee-Do-Dah" from "Song Of The South", "Chim Chim Cheerie" and "Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious" from "Mary Poppins", "Mickey Mouse Club" and "It's A Small World". "My Heart Will Go On" from "Titanic" followed next, and the conductor put in the theme from "Lawrence of Arabia" as a bonus.

The first half ended with medley of songs from Disney films like "Beauty And The Beast" and "Aladdin". At this juncture, there was even a baritone who came out to croon all the songs. The first half was good as I could really imagine watching the shows while listening to the tunes. Especially for the "Titanic" tune, I could still remember crying over Jack Dawson dying and urging Rose to live on.

The second half consisted of more songs from various shows like "Star Trek", "Apollo 13", "Lord Of The Rings", "The Godfather", "Mission Impossible", "Goldfinger" and a medley of John Williams' hits like "Jaws", "Harry Potter", "E.T.", "Superman" and "Star Wars". The tunes were all abridged from the original soundtracks. I was not very impressed with "Lord Of The Rings" as I feel that the original tune from the movie is ten times better. "The Godfather" was not tragic enough as well. They played a tragic tune into something more light-hearted.

The program stated "Phantom Of The Opera", but in the end that was substituted with "Cats". Actually I was waiting to hear "Music Of The Night" but somehow "Memories" took over. And the two songs I really wanted to hear - "Forrest Gump Suite" and "Chariots Of Fire" were not played.

Tomorrow's program will consist of songs from more classic movies like "Ben Hur", "Gone With The Wind" and "Dr Zhivago". A pity we only bought tickets to one show and not both. But overall, it was a pretty good performance. Soundtrack music, especially good soundtrack music, is beautiful, soothing and inspirational in nature. Like the saying goes, a picture paints a thousand words, but in this case, music, as in real good music, consists of a thousand pictures.

My Long-Distance Lover....

My mum just insulted me big time. She bought some sort of abdominiser / stomach massager, and asked me to use it. What a straight in-your-face humiliation! By my own mother, no less! Am I really getting so obviously round? At least my clothes still fit. So she thinks I am overweight? Fine! I will revert back to my twenty-three inch waist and XS-sized clothes, then she will start to complain I am too petite.

I just received good news that my "hunny" is coming back this Christmas, with his beloved sweetie-pie. I am always so excited whenever my "hunny" is in town. I met up with both of them early this year when they came for a wedding. It was her first trip to Singapore, so I brought them shopping and even lent her my departmental store cards so she could shop for the appropriate clothes for the wedding.

There are three of us of the same age, me being the eldest born in October, my "hunny" the second born in November, and the one that got married the youngest born in December. As it is, the youngest one got married the earliest, as is always the case, but I guess that is due to the fact that his wife is almost three years older than him. My "hunny" will soon follow I guess, probably in a couple more years or so.

My "hunny" is special in that he is the first guy that ever got to hold my hand, put his arms around my shoulders when we went out, the first guy I picked up and sent off at the airport whenever he was shuttling back and forth, the first guy I went clubbing with, first guy I watched a movie with, the first guy that ever hugged and kissed me (on the cheeks), and the first guy I ever slept on the same bed with. Even my ex-boyfriends knew to leave me alone whenever my "long-distance lover" is back in town.

He taught me how to play tennis and how to swim, and I taught him whatever I could manage of the Chinese language and how to read Chinese characters. One thing he had tried to teach me which I have never been able to master is cycling. I am still trying to learn how to cycle, so I can surprise him next time he comes back, but never got down to it.

We are each other's confidantes and pen-pals, corresponding through mail and e-mail as and when we could find the time. We were each other's first crushes at the tender adolescent age when puppy love existed. But that was just a passing phase, and we are still close to each other.

My "hunny" is the most perfect human specimen one can ever lay eyes on. Having been born and bred in Sydney, he looks neither Chinese nor Caucasian, somewhere in between, has a swimmer's bod (due to all the swimming and rugby playing throughout school), a degree in Physiotherapy from the University of New South Wales, well-travelled with a sense of humour, and has backpacked round Europe, South America, Australia and Asia.

THE perfect guy for me. Good-looking, athletic, smart, knowledgeable, with a sense of humour, caring, a great personality, fun to be with, responsible and committed. Why is it that such a perfect guy can only be someone I grow up with but can never be mine? Why is it whenever there is someone perfect for me, yet we can never be together?

Of course, my "hunny" is not the only one coming back. His entire family, which includes his parents, his elder brother and sister-in-law, and his younger brother, will all be coming back to spend the Christmas with us. I am really looking forward to it. They always spice out our lifestyles whenever they come here, and I get to hang out with them as long as I like and stay out as long as I like, and even spend the night with them.

Normally they will come for about two weeks at the most, but I get to enjoy my "hunny's" company and thoroughly enjoy myself. This time his sweetie-pie is coming again, so I have to figure out where to bring them. Her last visit here was very short-lived as they came just for the wedding, but now that they are going to stay a little longer, I have to bring them places.

So, any of you figured out just who my "hunny" is yet? Or shall I say figured out his relationship to me yet? ;-p

Phone-itis?

I just came back from chorus practice for the Christmas concert. The chorus under Miss Jennifer Tham is really different! She is more jolly and patient, so under her, we can sing without much stress. And she allows us to be more leisurely too, so it is quite fun under her. Not to mention that the poor Sonic was the solo Bass today, although he did a pretty good job! See? Told you we needed your voice!

My dad can be sooooooo troublesome at times! Whenever he is overseas, he will not call back unless absolutely necessary as he claims that it is very expensive calling here from overseas. Has he heard of "collect call" then? Because of this, he will always send me a message first and leave his number for my mum to call him.

The reason he does this is because although all of us have mobile phones, I am the one that utilises it the most. My mum never uses her phone unless absolutely necessary, so even if people call or message her, she may never answer or check her messages. As for my brother, his phone will be perpetually off whenever he is at home or in school, so it is almost impossible to get hold of him. One wonders why he needs a mobile phone for?

Unfortunately, my dad almost always sends me messages at the wrong time. Most of the time when I get his messages, I will be either out, in the movie theatre, at chorus practice or some place noisy where I cannot hear the phone. As a result, he is always angry with me because of that. He said that if he messages me and asks for my mum to call him at a certain time, it means that he is only free at that moment, so I must get my mum to call him immediately.

What am I, a twenty-four hour messaging service? If he needs my mum so urgently, why does he not call back collect? We are the ones incurring the charges, and even if we call overseas, we will still be incurring the charges. Besides, sometimes even if I told my mum, she will be too busy or tired to call my dad. Then when I am out, if I call my mum and tell her to call my dad, I will also get a lecture from her about still being out and why I am not home yet. Either way I lose out.

So now I cannot be bothered anymore. Every time I receive a message from my dad nowadays, I will just forward it on to my brother and my mum, then reply to him that I have already told my mum, and consider my job as done. Whatever happens next it is not my concern anymore.

Love Lessons To An Ex

I met my first ex again today. Why is it that we have not spoken to each other for a decade and now all of a sudden our paths seem to cross so much? I rather do without all these chance meetings. If there is to be any chance meeting, let it be with people I really want to see.

He is still upset over his separation. The worse case is that he is still not officially divorced until he has been separated for three years, so meanwhile even if he wants to, he cannot remarry until all the proceedings have been completed, which will take up to five years.

He asked me what it is about him that all the girlfriends he ever had all left him? He had three more girlfriends after me, the latest being his ex-wife. I said the best person to ask would be his ex-wife and not me, since we knew each other so long ago, and in ten years, a lot of things can change and people’s perspectives will change. And technically, not all his girlfriends left him as he left me, and his ex-wife married him before leaving him.

So he asked about my experiences with him. Gosh, why did I not see that coming? For a few minutes, I was at a loss for words. I was debating to myself whether I should just blast out the whole hurtful truth or rephrase to make things sound better. In the end, I told him I have forgotten how it was like since we were both still young, and I do not wish to remember things not worth remembering (yeah, right, I can feel my nose getting longer already).

But I did give him some tips though. I told him that if he really loves someone, he should think about the other person all the time, instead of only thinking about himself. I said he should not expect his loved one to be like his mum, no matter how admirable or great his mum is to him. I told him some definitions off Sonic’s post on love, whatever I could remember, and said those are fundamental definitions of what love should be.

Of course, I added my own quotes. Since he is so pious, I quoted him the love phrase from the Bible, 1 Corinthians 13, on how love should be kind, patient and not demanding. I also said that love is a martyr and not a manipulator, love is compassion, not conceit, love is accommodating, not demanding. And I believe all girls will want to find a guy who can meet all the definitions of love. Come to think of it, perhaps I have been barking up the wrong tree all this time?

What Is With Engineering And Guys?

I bumped into a former law lecturer last night. What a surprise she still recognized me. She asked about my marital status so I told her I am still single. She was really surprised as she thought that I was attached, so I told her that the key word is “was”.

I remember her as a pretty cool lecturer who always told us girls that in Business, Law and Arts, the ratio of guys to girls was 3:7, so the guys had lots of eye candy for them, but we girls better go Engineering, Science, Medicine or Information Technology to get our eye candy as that was where the most variety of guys were. So some of my classmates really took the advice and went to scout and those lucky ones did manage to marry doctors or engineers.

But what is the big deal anyway? Does it matter what course the guy is from as long as both can get along? Although coincidentally, nine out of ten guys I know did Engineering. My first and third ex, my godbrother, my childhood friend, my RCIA sponsor, another fellow Catholic we both know, my ex-boyfriend’s best friend, plus three guys I know from tertiary all did Engineering. Even fellow bloggers Sonic, K, Addy, Ole Wolvie and Sentosa did Engineering. (Did I miss anyone out?) So did Sonic’s flatmate. In contrary, only two out of ten girls I know did Engineering, most did Law or Business or Mass Communications or Arts or Education.

In fact, my mum told me to find someone who is a doctor or lawyer or engineer or architect or accountant. I do not know any doctors or architects that are guys, I almost married a lawyer and the guys I know who are accountants are already attached. For me, it does not really matter which course he is from or what job he is doing. Even if I do end up with someone from one of these professions, it will be based solely on compatibility and not anything else.

Strangely there are hardly any engineers in my family. There are doctors, lawyers, accountants, architects, businessmen, lecturers, teachers, managers, IT specialists, but no engineers except my cousin-in-law. Have to see if my brother will do Engineering next time although I doubt it as he is more interested in Finance.

If I have to do a count, then about 98% of the guys I know did Engineering and about 70% are non-Singaporeans. So, technically, based on these statistics, perhaps my chances of ending up with a non-Singaporean Engineering major is pretty high indeed!

My First Bahasa Lesson

1. It is rather similar to English as it also consists of twenty-six letters of the alphabet and go according to the consonant-vowel structure.

Hmmmm….. in that case, do Indonesian phrases have iambic pantameter as well?

2. It is much, MUCH easier to learn than Chinese. (Why could I not take Malay in school?!)

3. The pronunciation of the letters are about the same as in English, except for a few words.

4. “Q” and “X” are almost never used in the Indonesian alphabet.

5. “C” and “J” have the same pronunciation, as does “F” and “V”. (Did I get this right?)

6. “R” is pronounced by rolling the tongue. What about people like me who is genetically unable to roll my tongue? How am I going to pronounce it then?

Overall it was quite an interesting and enriching lesson. I managed to pronounce all the vowel and consonant sounds without much difficulty, except when it came to the “C” and “J” and the “R” sound. For someone who claims he has lost touch with the language, he still did a pretty good job!

What Children Think Love Means

I went for a very full dim sum lunch with my extended family (on my mum's side) today. I love catching up with my cousins. In the past I used to dislike all these gatherings as my mum would always compare me to how good they were for being able to sustain being top students in top schools and how tall, pretty and elegant they were growing up to be. But now that we have all grown up, things are better.

Suddenly my social life seems to be everyone's concern. When I was attached no one bothered, but now that I am not attached, everyone asked about my social life, and kept telling me how a woman decreases marketability after the age of thirty. Yes I know, but I have my own target of 2010, so I still have time. Not that I place a deadline on love, but at least if one has a target, one will try to take a more proactive action to meet the target.

I just received a wedding photo from my best friend (alas not of her!) of another friend who is getting married today. I am surprised as she only got attached less than a year ago. He is her first official boyfriend. She has always been single until then as she has a very weird taste in men, but after seeing them together few months back when we went out, I have to agree they are made for each other. So apparently the one who got attached the latest got married the earliest.

Perhaps sometimes it is not a matter of finding one you like, but finding one that is the best for you. How many times have one experience that the person you really like is just not into you? One often feels miserable over being nuts for someone who does not appreciate you. And the person who is really into you may not necessary be the one you are really crazy over, but may be the one that will make you the happiest. From a girl's point of view, it is still most blessed to find a guy who loves her more than she loves him.

Often I have heard my girlfriends complaining about why guys have such a phobia over commitment. Of course there are girls who are like that, but so far, most of my guy friends are either still single or already married, so I have never come across any guy friend complaining that their girlfriends have commitment-phobia. But perhaps it is a matter of finding the right person. Once you find the right person, you will go all out to commit. Just like in FRIENDS, Chandler was afraid of commitment until he started out with Monica. She was the one who made him resolve to commit. (The proposal episode was so beautiful and touching that it really made me cry!)

Like in the case of my friend. She was single for so long as besides having weird tastes in men, she did not want to be tied down. But the guy made her able and willing to commit. Sometimes we blame ourselves on why we cannot make our partners commit to us despite all the efforts we put in, but thinking back, perhaps the timing was not right, or we are not the right person for our partners, or we are not meant to be together, or simply they still do not know what they want out of life. Thus we shall just move forward and find the right someone who can really be into us instead of wasting time with a relationship that is going nowhere.

I received a very sweet email today on what love means from the eyes of innocent kids. It is amazing that kids, being innocent and naive, can actually come up with a pretty shrewd observation and description which a lot of adults cannot. Somehow eduation and knowledge seem to have corrupted an adult's mind that it cannot retain its former innocence and childlikeness. Here are the quotes from kids aged four to eight.

1. When my grandmother got arthritis, she could not bend over and paint her toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even though his hands got arthritis too. That is love.

2. When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You just know your name is safe in their mouth.

3. Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a guy puts on cologne and they go out and smell each other. (Hahaha!)

4. Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your french fries without making them give you any of theirs.

5. Love is what makes you smile when you are tired. (From a four-year-old?!)

6. Love is when my mummy makes coffee for my daddy and takes a sip from it first to make sure that it is ok.

7. Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and talk more. My Mummy and Daddy is like that. They look gross when they kiss. (Hahahahhahah!)

8. Love is what is in the room at Christmas when you stop opening presents and listen. (Wow! A very insightful eight-year-old!)

9. If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate. (Very true! We need more kids like these!)

10. Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday.

11. Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well.

12. During my piano recital, I was on a stage and I was scared. I looked at all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling. He was the only one doing that. I was not scared anymore.

13. My mummy loves me more than anybody else. You do not see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night. (Errrr....)

14. Love is when Mummy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken.

15. Love is when Mummy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Robert Redford.

16. Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day.

17. I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and goes out to buy new ones. (I think there is a little misconception here.)

18. When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you. (What an image!)

19. Love is when Mummy sees Daddy on the toilet and does not think it is gross.

20. You really should not say "I love you" unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget. (Another very insightful eight-year-old!)

21. I just helped him cry. (From a four-year-old who went to sit on his elderly neighbour's lap after the guy lost his wife, and he cried.)

And the final one, not from a child, but from a friend of mine :

"Love is like a mountain, hard to climb, but once you get to the top, the view is beautiful."

Bookworm Deluxe : Joy Luck Club

This book was written by an American-Chinese, Amy Koh, who was born to parents who came over from China. The book itself is a very good observation of typical traditional Chinese families with westernised children, no matter which country they are in.

This book is special to me as it was the first time I read the book after watching the movie. The movie first came out about fifteen years ago, and my mum brought me to watch it so as to teach me a lesson and I remember relating to the characters after watching the show.

The book focuses on four Chinese families in San Francisco. The parents migrated from China, so still followed tradition and retained typical Chinese mentality. But the children that were born and bred in America behaved like the typical Westerners of freedom of speech, cohabitation, and often in conflict over their upbringing by Chinese parents and their upbringing by their culture and environment they grew up in. The book especially focuses on the relationships between the mothers and the daughters of the families mentioned.

The story started off with a mahjong game, where the three elderly ladies and the young lady were reminiscing about their parents, families and children. It all started with the young lady called June. She was thinking about her mother's story and how her mother tried to bring her up.

June's mother Suyuan escaped from China during the war with her twin girls. Unfortunately, along the way, she thought she was not able to make it any further, thus abandoned the two babies under a tree, with some jewellery and a note to get the girls back to their father in Nanjing. A twist of fate led her to be rescued after that, but it was too late to go back for her children. She managed to buy a boat journey to America and married one of the fellow passengers.

June was brought up very strictly. Her parents, like typical Chinese parents, wanted the best for her. So Suyuan scrimped and saved just to buy her a piano and drilled her to be a prodigy, and often comparing her with her friend Lindo's daughter, Waverly, who was Chinatown's Junior Chess Champion. Sounds so much like my parents who used to like (actually they still do) comparing me to my cousins and their friends' children.

June performed during a church bazaar once and messed up the song, causing utter embarrassment to her parents. She thought she would never get to play the piano anymore, but after that, her mother forced her to continue practicing the piano, and she argued that she had the right not to listen to her when being dictated upon.

Anyway June grew up, and she did not manage to complete college as she kept changing her mind on what she liked to major in. So she made a living by freelance work. She never married either.

One Chinese New Year, during a delicious crab dinner, when her friend Waverly, who was a top-notch attorney, criticised her on her work being not up to standard, Suyuan put her down in front of everyone, saying that June was not as talented as Waverly. My mum used to do that to me all the time, whenever after major examinations and I did not score well enough to enter this stream or this school or this course, and I really hated it, being humiliated like this in front of people.

June then confronted her mother in the kitchen and said she knew her mother found her a disappointment by not having a degree, not getting married, not completing her piano lessons, and not being as capable as others. Suyuan then told her that all these were actually not important, because she knew June had the "best-quality heart" since she took the worst-quality crab as she saved the best-quality crabs for the rest of the guests. A rather heart-warming moment for a daughter to realise that her mother really loved and cared for her.

The story then moved on to the next mother-daughter team. Waverly's mother was Lindo, who was a child-bride, but managed to cheat her in-laws so they sent her away and even sponsored her a ticket to Beijing. Her mother-in-law was unhappy with her for not bearing a child for her son, but the boy was only fourteen and still very childish, and he refused to sleep with her. This was a typical olden Chinese mentality of the son being the precious gem and the daughter-in-law being pushed around and trodden on.

She started life anew in San Francisco, and when her daughter won the first chess championship, she polished all her trophies and often showed her off to her friends and neighbours. Waverly herself did not like to be paraded around like a trophy so fell out with her mother as a result. When she apologised, her mother left her alone and just told her not to treat chess as a game by saying she would like to play one day and then refused to play another day. Strangely after that, Waverly never won another chess tournament and gave up chess altogether. She got very affected by what her mother said to her, just like me.

When she got married to a Chinese guy (because her parents asked her to), the marriage was short-lived and they had a daughter. But when she got divorced, her mother blamed it on her. Now she was staying with a Caucasian called Rich, and her mother kept commenting on him the first time they met. The embarrassment was Rich actually criticised her mother's cooking and even told her what to add to make the dish spicier.

That is a big no-no! Chinese mothers will always be humble and put down their own cooking, but the innuendo was to eat it and then comment on how nice the dish was, not to agree that it was not nice and comment on how to make it better. That would be considered a downright disrespect.

Waverly could not stand her mum for always being sarcastic and putting her down. It was like nothing she did could ever be good enough to her mother. I can totally relate to that! It seems like nothing I do can ever be good enough for my mum too! So when she and Rich was finally getting married, she asked her mother whether she liked Rich, otherwise why she was putting him down all the time. Her mother said of course she liked Rich, otherwise she would never even bother noticing him enough to comment on him, and if she did not like him, she would not have let him marry such a daughter. It was a pretty touching part of the book.

The story then went on to the third mother-daughter team, Ying Ying and Lena. Ying Ying was a very rich girl in China who married a cad. She started to hate him so much that she even killed their child. Her words were that, "his body became limp, with his spirit flown away. I moved to America and remarried, but I have lost my spirit, thus I had a daughter with no spirit as I had none to give her."

Her daughter Lena was a mousy cowardly girl who was trapped in an unhappy marriage mainly because her husband took her for granted and demanded half payment from her for everything. Ying Ying spent a night at Lena's place and saw signs of the cracks in her marriage. She heard the couple quarrelling and decided she had to be her own daughter's fighting spirit. As a result, she talked to Lena and urged her to speak up for herself on what she wanted out of the marriage and to decide what to do if he was not able to give her what she wanted.

The next part of the book was on the fourth mother-daughter team, Anmei and Rose. Anmei's mother was forced to be the fourth wife of a rich man after her father died. As a result, she was thrown out of the house and was not allowed to see her children. But when Anmei's grandmother was dying, her mother came back and Anmei saw her cutting a piece of her flesh and putting it into her grandmother's soup. Apparently, the greatest act of filial piety was for the child to cut off a bit of the flesh and put it into the soup of a dying parent.

This time, Anmei left with her mother to stay with the rich guy in his house. When Anmei realised that her mother was no more than just a low-ranking slave subject to the whims of her husband and his other wives, she began to feel really upset. When her mother killed herself three days before the new year, she realised that her mother died for her, as three days later (New Year's Day) the family must mourn and bless the house otherwise her spirit would come back to haunt them. Because of this, the rich guy tried atoning for his sins by treating Anmei as his most revered child.

Anmei's daughter Rose married a rich American guy. She became the submissive wife and did everything she could to please him. But eventually, the more she did the more her life revolved around him, until she no longer had a life of her own. She thought by focusing on his life and making him happy would be the best she could do for him, but he wanted her to be happy too. In the end, he asked for a divorce as he felt he could not comunicate with her anymore since she only agreed on whatever he said and never wanted to speak her mind.

When Anmei found out, she told Rose something very meaningful, "My mother was not able to speak up because of her status. But now, in this country, where I bring up my daughter to be the best she can be and teach her to fight for her own happiness, she still ends up like my mother - being so submissive to her husband and not wanting to speak up for herself on what she wants." Because of this, Rose finally told her ex-husband that she did not want him to take away her house or her daughter.

The last part of the story was on how June, to fulfil her late mother's wishes, went back to China to seek out her elder twin sisters and to trace her roots at the same time.

This story is not just very Chinese-based, but very American-based as well. Things like how big meals and gatherings of relatives and close friends are very important to Chinese families, especially on important occasions. And how Chinese mothers will always cook a lot for the family and expect all the dishes to be cleared. That is how Chinese parents show their love.

Unlike Westerners who are more expressive in showing their love, Chinese parents will not show their love by hugging or kissing their children (I cannot even remember if my parents have ever hugged or kissed me, I only remmeber the scolding and beating part); rather they show their love by feeding and clothing the children well, especially the feeding part. To refuse any dish is like a rejection of their love, thus showing disrespect and being unfilial.

In a way, the story relates to my own relationship with my mother. I actually began to understand my mother more after reading the book as I find her very similar to all the characters. The ever critical mother who never had a good thing to say, the constant comparison with others, the mother who wanted her daughter to have a fighting spirit, and the mother who told her daughter to pursue her own happiness.

I never really appreciated what she was trying to teach me, but now I have begun to appreciate much more. Chinese people like me can definitely relate to the book, as I believe some of you can identify with some of the characters inside, be it the children or the parents.

A (Belated) Birthday Celebration

I was just wondering about map changes in the world yesterday when I received a world map by the National Geographic Society. It is a very big map, and one side is the political world map, stating out every continent, country, island, state and major cities, and the other side is the physical world map stating just the continents and countries, with contours of highlands and lowlands. Luckily I have not lost my map-reading skills from 'O' Level Geography.

I had a fruitful day with an old friend, who brought me out for a belated birthday treat. We watched two movies - April Snow and The 40 Year-Old Virgin (wonder if anyone ever notice the slight grammatical error with the title), walked around Suntec City, Millenia Walk, the newly refurbished (and very confusing) Marina Square and the Esplanade, had dinner at Carl's Jr and ice-cream at Anderson's of Denmark.

"April Snow" is slow, as someone told me. But it is modelled after the Chinese show "In The Mood For Love", starring Tony Leung (the one in "Infernal Affairs") and Maggie Cheung. The storyline and concept is about the same. I admit it is not that fantastic a movie, but the saving grace is that I get to see BJY topless! And his charming smile, with a set of perfect white teeth. I wonder which dentist he goes to?

The 40 Year-Old Virgin is funnier, with lots of sexual innuendos. But the message of the show is pretty good. The main character was remarking that it is no big deal being a virgin, why is everyone just dwelling on sex and just that? He said that it is worth the wait especially after he met the lady whom he really fell for.

I totally agree. What is it about sex? And what is the big deal being a virgin, even for guys? Is there an unspoken or unwritten rule stating that people must lose their virginities at a certain age? I believe in abstinence and making the first time special, especially with someone I really love and have vowed to spend my life with. Anyway, for a more detailed review of the show, check out K's entry.

We went down to Millenia Walk after that to collect some dance brochures at Jitterbugs. The dance school has a very big studio. There were people having lessons, and I saw about fourty couples dancing inside, with space for more. The school itself looks professional and cosy. Just downstairs was the Kawai Music School together with the Robert Piano Company, the main agent for Steinway & Sons pianos. My dream - a Steinway & Sons grand piano, gracing the living room of my place. I never had a Steinway and Sons piano, my piano is at least twenty years old already and have never changed another one.

Then we went to Carl's Jr at Marina Square for dinner. The burgers are huge! I thought Burger King's burgers are huge enough (at least very huge for me considering I can never finish a Burger King burger), but Carl's Jr's burgers are even more filling. I ate as much as I could handle, but after three-quarters of the way, I gave up and my friend had to finish the rest of the burger for me. At least the drinks are large-sized, but the lemon tea tastes like lemon water with just a tinge of tea. Give me KFC's lemon tea any time!

Bookworm Deluxe : Glass Cathedral

I just had a revelation while clearing my bookshelf trying to find "Sophie's World". I realised that I have six shelves of books on the main bookcase at the second floor hallway, another three shelves of books in the study room, and yet another two shelves of books on the study table in my room. And these are all storybooks (which includes novels, comics, and compilations), not academic textbooks.

Which got me suddenly reflecting that since I have such a vast collection ranging from Shakespeare to classics to contemporary to comics to horror to fantasy to romance to adventure to crime, why have I not posted a single book review? And since I notice that not many people I know actually read, why do I not take the initiative and introduce a book? Sonic posts his music reviews at times, K will post his movie reviews, so why do I not start off with book reviews?

Besides, I was (still am) an English major. There are so many interesting and controversial books which I have studied, all the way from upper secondary English Literature, so why do I not review them and share my thoughts at the same time? Thus I have decided to try to post one or two book reviews every week. They will be categorised under "Bookworm Deluxe". And yes, some of the reviews will include Shakespeare works.

I came across this long-lost book written by local author Andrew Koh. The title is "Glass Cathedral". This was one of my Literature texts back in NIE when I was doing a module on Singapore writers. The joy of doing Literature - you get to actually read a storybook and claim you are studying, and half your textbooks are storybooks! Anyway, we studied Andrew Koh, Catherine Lim (still my favourite local author), and local poets Boey Kim Cheng and Dr Alfaan Sa'at.

Since there are so many good local writers, somehow why do these writers not able to break into the worldwide market and make a living just by writing? And I am talking about real writers who write real good English with not a trace of local colloqualism. Why can J K Rowling be so famous just because of her story of the boy wizard who tries his best to save the world from the dark lord?

But I guess local writers still base their stories on locals, with a bit of local slang peppered here and there, thus not many foreigners can relate to our slang. (Read Sonic's post on the difference between "chop" and "stamp" and you will understand what I mean.) So books by local authors will still be considered as "bad English" if it is sold overseas.

I chose to start with this book firstly because it is very Singaporean in its context; secondly it is on English Literature and religion which I can relate to; and thirdly, it talks on the question of homosexuality, which is a fast growing trend.

The gist of the story is that two university English undergraduates, Colin and James, are in a gay relationship. Colin is the typical heartlander, staying in a three-room flat in a typical HDB estate, while James is the rich man's youngest son, who stays in one of those big houses that have koi ponds, big gardens and a swimming pool, and with a room that is even bigger than Colin's entire flat. Both are Catholics but go to different churches. They study, club and hang out together, but Colin will spend every Friday night at James' place where they will indulge in some homosexual love-making.

Colin has a childhood friend called Norbert, who had just been ordained as a priest. He is the type of priest that will venture into brothels to visit prostitutes not to do the act, but to pray for them. But Norbert is gay. He as much as confessed he had been in love with Colin since young, but Colin took him to be only a brother.

Colin and James had a mutual friend, a girl called Rani, who sort of suspected their relationship but kept mum about it. James bought Colin a pen but lied to Rani and his mum that he bought it for a girl called "Rose". Anyway the story goes that Colin confessed everything to Rani and James was so angry that he wanted a break in their relationship.

Father Norbert was found visiting brothels and caused a scandal. Catholics in his church spread rumours about him having mistresses, sleeping with prostitutes, seducing young boys and sexually abusing them, and he was stripped of his priesthood as a result. The story ended with Colin and James ending their relationship, Norbert entering teaching, and he and Colin saw James actually holding hands with a pretty girl.

Andrew Koh is both very frank yet controversial in his writing. He brought up lots of points regarding religion and homosexuality and the ugliness of man. The book started off with the sentence, "English. That was where I met him", and ended up with the same sentence after James and his girlfriend passed by Colin and Norbert. How significant!

There was no indication of Colin's homosexuality until the third chapter, but in the first few pages, the author dropped hints here and there. Despite all the girls in the tutoral class, Colin chose to keep his eyes on James, observing his hair, the way he answered questions and his dressing, like how a guy will scout out a girl he likes. Then the next chapter brings us to how Colin imagining James in the buff, since he works out a lot.

And the book stereotyped Catholics as being "running after images of Mary, saying the rosary morning, noon and evening, believe that Jesus is really real in the bread and wine and that the Pope is infallible". I do not believe Catholics do that. In fact those I know do not!

And James' house is very typical Singaporean as that it has traces of staunch Christian beliefs like the statue of Bernadette and the Virgin Mary, yet there are bonsai plants and "good luck" carps around, like a fusion of Christianity and Chinese beliefs so dominant in most Chinese homes.

The one interesting point that was being made was when James and Colin were discussing about love and relationships, James brought up that heterosexual and homosexual relationships are no different, so you either have a girlfriend or a boyfriend, do not need to feel squeamish and just come off it and admit one is gay.

There is even an explanation on masturbation about how it is self-abuse, and that the injunction in monogamous marriages is defined as the union between a man and a woman, so masturbation violates this injunction in a fundamental manner. Thus, homosexuality, as according to the Bible, is a mortal sin, a terrible disorder, but as long as there is no carnal knowledge, being attracted to someone of the same sex is just platonic friendship.

But actually most guys I know do masturbate. As what my friend said, it is very normal and a sort of growing up for the guy to get rid of aching loins. And homosexuality is very subjective. What is gay? Happy and joyful. An ironic meaning for what it stands for. But people can be happy and joyful in a homosexual relationship; in that case, why do couples in heterosexual relationships not declare they are gay? Are they not happy and joyful then?

Colin and James' courtship is just like a normal heterosexual courtship of a guy and a girl. Dressing up extra nice to impress the date, calling up in the middle of the night and getting so excited when he agress to go out, blushing in the presence of your loved one, waking up at 7:00am to get ready for a 10:00am date, etc. As one reads on, one cannot help but feel that they are two normal people in a normal relationship, albeit both are of the same sex.

Norbert being heart-broken when he found out about James and Colin's relationship reminds me of the rejection of unrequited love by the object of affection. He is very human in this aspect. Most people may not realise this, but priests are also humans who do sin and make mistakes (ok I may get struck by thunder and lightning soon), but priests are still highly-respectable as they actually give up their entire lives dedicated to the service of God. They do try to lead as godly a life as possible.

The relationship has ups and downs as well, just like a normal relationship. Colin is depicted as the "female", the more submissive one, the one who cries more, the one who is more sensitive and emotional. James is the "guy" guy, the more domineering one. And the break-up is like a typical break-up of an insecure and noncommital guy to a girlfriend when he wants to end things.

At the end of the book, one can draw conclusions that James may have already been two-timing Colin, probably with the pretty girl whom my classmate guessed that she may be the real Rose. That is why the excuse that comes with the break-up is a weak excuse, the typical "I want to concentrate on my studies and you can find someone better" excuse so blatantly used by guys when they want to ditch a girl.

Besides all these, the book also delves on the narrow-mindedness of people. Just because Norbert was seen going into a brothel by one member of the Parish, tales spread like wildfire. It shows the typical Singaporean mentality that people do not look at bigger pictures when seeing things. After all, what may seem on the surface may not necessary be true, but human nature is such that gossip thrives on scandals, be they true or false.

I remember slamming this book when it first came out. I wrote an entire essay on how I slam homosexuality and controversy in the religion, and how priests should be perfect and not even think of love and relationships. But upon reflection, I began to see the bigger picture that every character in the book and every sequence of events truly reflect real situations and real people.

Perhaps this is why this book is such a good read, as locals can relate, and the characters, despite their confused sexuality status, are still very human and face normal problems humans face - problems like relationships, friendship, the struggle in doing the right thing over the wrong thing. And it is even more eye-catching as it talks about a gay relationship being able to function as a normal heterosexual relationship. I believe this book will not be half as interesting if the characters are of a guy and a girl, with a typical boy-girl relationship and third party situation.

Fashion Disasters

I found someone to teach me Bahasa Indonesia already. I am learning not for work, but for leisure. It is no harm learning another language anyway, and if my dad needs my help next time, I can try to help him out as well. And if anyone mistakes me for an Indonesian again, I can then speak the language too. I will be learning with one of my Indonesian friends (although he has been here for more than ten years, so did say he actually prefers speaking English now), but since I am giving him free piano lessons in return, he agreed to help me out.

Sentosa just got me hooked to this Sudoku game. I never have a brain for numbers in the first place, and the game is interesting, addictive, but very very confusing! Definitely not a good game for people Mathematically-challenged like myself. :-( I am still trying to figure out the proper technique of arranging all the numbers so that each individual number does not overlap, and there is no repetition. Any of you able to figure out the proper way to solve this, I will greatly appreciate if you can let me know. *very sweet smile*

There is this URBAN paper that comes as a supplement to the Straits Times every Thursday. This paper is exclusively on fashion, beauty and all the hip and upcoming things that is happening. A few months back there were tips from air-stewardesses on how to achieve the flawless look. This issue of URBAN is on the hottest look this Fall/Winter season, and the best places to indulge in to pamper your nails.

Apparently the "in" look for the season is long flowing tresses, in other words, slick straight hair that falls past the shoulders, like mine! Curls and perms are out of season already. And denim shorts and long flowy skirts are "in", just like the natural makeup look. It sounds as if the article is describing me! That is how I wear my hair and makeup, and I have several long flowy skirts as well. To think that I am never a fashion icon in the first place, now the new looks of the season is a look which I have always been wearing!

Although some people I have seen go a bit too far in trying to keep up with the times. Mini skirts are still in, but fashion is something so subjective. And a look that goes with someone may not necessarily go with another. Just like a young girl will definitely have a different fashion style than her mother. Do not expect a young girl to wear things like cheongsams or velvet gowns, and do not expect the girl's mother to wear frilly mini skirts and tube tops.

Of course, being "fashionable" also depends on one's body shape. If you are naturally bigger and have flabby arms, please do not wear a tube top, especially a white one! You will end up looking like a marshmallow, or worse, a snowman. And if you have elephant thighs, please do not wear shorts or a mini skirt! If you are flabby around the middle, then please do not wear anything midriff showing! People do not like to look at all the fats poking out everywhere.

This applies to guys too. If you are rounder, then please do not wear a tight singlet or tank top, or fishnet top. Sleeveless tops only work well with muscular guys who have evidently been working out, not for guys who are too skinny or too big. This also applies to tight-fitting shirts. Somehow tight-fitting shirts on bigger-sized guys just do not paint a pretty picture.

However, there are some women who are either too thick-skinned or just refuse to believe they are of a certain age. I saw a middle-aged lady today, big-sized with cellulite and broad shoulders, and can you believe what she was wearing?! Denim shorts that showed off her flabby thighs, and a bra with cartoon characters under a black, fishnet halter top, with her midriff showing. I was just too stunned for words. Talk about a fashion disaster. I do not even dare to wear mini-skirts or shorts nowadays, until I get my legs back in shape.

One is always entitled to follow fashion and dress however he or she likes to dress. But this really depends on your body shape. Just because this thing looks nice on the model (they are models, so definitely already have great figures, of course just about anything will look good on them!) does not mean it will automatically look nice on you. A real good dresser will be able to dress fashionably, stylishly, and yet drawing attention to their assets at the same time covering all their flaws. I am also still trying to reach that stage.

Trivial State Trivia

The entire world is constantly changing. It is hard to keep up with all the newly independant states spouting out one after another. Just a few years back, there was a very tumultuous period for East Timor when it fought for independance from Indonesia, and finally they got it. Apparently now Acheh is trying to do the same.

About a decade or so ago, Europe and Asia went through major changes by new states coming up. These include the former Soviet Union, the former Yugoslavia, and the splitting of the former Czechoslovakia.

All the new countries include Kazakhstan, Tajikistan, Uzbekistan, Azerbaijan and Kyrgyzstan, central western Asian countries that were once part of the Soviet Union. I wonder if Turkimenistan was also part of the Soviet Union before as well.

And then in Europe itself, there is the Czech Republic and Slovakia, two independant countries split from the former Czechoslovakia. Then there is also Bosnia and Herzegovina (why are there two names to one country anyway?), Croatia, Slovenia, some of which used to be from the former Yugoslavia. I am a little confused whether Ukraine has always been a country of its own or was formerly part of the Soviet Union as well.

Why do countries start splitting and causing major changes to the atlas of the world? I think the main reason is to be independant and the people can have their own government and run the country the way they like. It is just like living with your parents and living on your own. Which would you prefer? Most will of course prefer living on their own so they can have complete freedom to do whatever they like without any restrictions.

But often when states fight for independance, there is always bloodshed and war. Look at the American Revolution in 1776. Americans wanted to be free from British rule. And India's fight for independance last century, brought about by Gandhi. Not to mention Nehru and his Pakistan vision - a separate Indian Muslim state independant of India. Even Singapore, in her Nationalisation and split from Malaysia to become a truly independant nation, there were lots of political turmoils and racial riots. It was exactly like a "divorce" of a joint union.

A pity I chose to study World History and not Political History, otherwise I would have known the reasoning behind all the wars of independance. Perhaps it is the same case as a parent-child relationship - the child wants to be free, but the parent refuses to let go, bringing about all the wars and so many innocent and patriotic people being killed. Of course an idealistic situation would be to let the state go without all these bloodshed, but face it, which country's government in their right minds would let a colony or state go without a struggle? And which state or colony can actually become independant without a struggle?

There is one question that has always been bugging me : How did the States of America came about? The country started off with thirteen original states. If I am not mistaken, the eastern part of US is known as New England. How did the other states come about and where do their names derived from? How did the country becmme fifty (or is it fifty-one?) states. And is DC a state by itself?

Let me see if I can get all the states and their capitals right, according to alphabetical order.

Alabama - Montgomery
Alaska - Juneau
Arizona - Phoenix (the Grand Canyon State!)
Arkansas - Little Rock
California - Sacramento (I used to think the capital city was Los Angeles or San Francisco)
Colorado - Denver
Connecticut - Hartford
Delaware - Dover (If I am not mistaken, I think this was the very first state, although I really would like to find out its origins)
Florida - Tallahassee (I used to think the capital was Miami)
Georgia - Atlanta (not to be confused with the country in Africa, or is it Europe?)
Hawaii - Honolulu (the newest state - wonder why it became a state but not a colony like Guam)
Idaho - Boise
Illinois - Springfield
Indiana - Indianapolis (wonder if this was named after the Native Americans?)
Iowa - Des Moines
Kansas - Topeka
Kentucky - Frankfort (incidentally, I believe all of you should know the Colonel's chicken originated from here - the state, not sure of the city though)
Louisiana - Baton Rouge (used to think it was New Orleans)
Maine - Augusta
Maryland - Annapolis
Massachusetts - Boston (Harvard University...... my dream.....)
Michigan - Lansing (Lake Michigan is really beautiful, really hope to see it one day)
Minnesota - Saint Paul
Mississippi - Jackson
Missouri - Jefferson City (the infamous Gateway Arch is here in the state)
Montana - Helena
Nebraska - Lincoln
Nevada - Carson City (not Las Vegas unfortunately, although the casino hotels in Las Vegas are really cool!)
New Hampshire - Concord
New Jersey - Trenton
New Mexico - Santa Fe (wonder if this was due to all the Mexican migrants who settled here?)
New York - Albany (incidentally, New York City is the largest megapolis in this state, consisiting of cities like Brooklyn, Manhattan, Long Island, etc)
North Carolina - Raleigh (I used to think it was Charlotte)
North Dakota - Bismarck (is this state where all the Native Americans were resettled?)
Ohio - Columbus (I always thought was Cincinnati or Chicago)
Oklahoma - Oklahoma City
Oregon - Salem (same name as the Salem Witch Trials of the seventeenth century, although this Salem would be in the current state of Connecticut I think)
Pennsylvania - Harrisburg
Rhode Island - Providence (is this the smallest state?)
South Carolina - Columbia
South Dakota - Pierre
Tennessee - Nashville (Elvis Presley's hometown! Or is it at Memphis?)
Texas - Austin
Utah - Salt Lake City (home of the Mormons)
Vermont - Montpelier
Virginia - Richmond (still wonder why it is so named. Sounds so misleading. Although it was home to Pocahontas' tribe and one of her descendants founded Jamestown; in which case, why is Jamestown not the capital city then?)
Wasington - Olympia (Washington, DC, is the capital of the country, where the White House is)
West Virgina - Charleston (isn't that the name of the dance famous during the 1920s?)
Wisconsin - Madison
Wyoming - Cheyenne (somehow I seem to remember knowing someone with exactly the same name - Cheyenne somebody)

Looks like my Geography is still not that good after all. Must read and research more already.